Breathe
by forensics226
Summary: Formerly deleted, now back up. A Calzona story post season 9.
1. AN

Hello.

So this is actually a reposting of a story that I had up on this site earlier. I ended up deleting the original story a couple of weeks ago. At that point, I'd been receiving a lot of vicious anonymous guest reviews and PMs about the story, and that coupled with the fact that this story can be very draining to think about and the fact that I had some personal issues that were getting intense, I ultimately made the decision delete the story completely. And then I took a computer hiatus. Since deleting it, I've had a couple of private messages asking me about whether I would continue the story. After thinking about it a lot, I realized that it wasn't fair to the people who had followed and favorited this story to not continue it. So, I've decided to finish it. But before I do, I just want to take the time to say some things.

1. Though I thought hard about it, I didn't rewrite any of the chapters. Looking back over them, there are some that I would definitely change, but I ultimately decided against it. This is my first fanfiction and I think that this is very apparent tonally and in how some of the chapters were written. I like to play around with format and point of view and with audience expectations a lot when I right, and sometimes it really, _really _doesn't work (chapters 10 and 13-16, specifically, were written with a lot of dialogue and with very little description on purpose [a total misstep in hindsight]). But that's is a learning process, and I hope that you bear with me.

2. The first 28 chapters are essentially the same ones that they were before getting deleted, save for a few minor corrections. The last chapter that I posted before deleting has actually been split in half, so now it makes up two chapters..

3. If you have an opinion on how things are written or on how I could improve my writing, please let me know in a review. Review every chapter if you want to. I love hearing what people think and how I can make this better. Just stay courteous while you do so.

4. I really had a lot of fun writing this. Thank you so much for reading it in the first place.

Note: This story can also now be found at AO3.


	2. Breathe

Breathe

You walk down the corridor quickly, trying to find the first empty room that you can find. Your tears make it difficult to see and you run, hoping that everyone will think that you're running toward an emergency and leave you be. In a way, this is an emergency. Because you can't do this anymore. This is all too much, and all you want is a minute of peace, a minute of space.

The notoriously abandoned on-call room on 5 is straight ahead and you barrel right into it. The door explodes open just as you let go and your tears fall with a pained gasp. Almost belatedly, you hear the door slam open again and before you can say "occupied", the door slams shut, locks with a click and lips are on yours. Her body is pressing you against the wall and suddenly, hands are everywhere.

You are so stunned at first that you don't move. Your mind is screaming, is repeating all of the hateful words, is replaying all of those hard moments, those heartbreaking moments, and this is all too much. But then, instinct takes over and your mouth opens and you are pulling her closer and now your hands are everywhere too- on her back, in her hair, and too much suddenly becomes_ unbearable_.

You can feel her trembling against you, as if she can't control herself. As if she needs this too. And though there is still so much between you, although there are still so many things that need to be said and talked through and yelled and screamed, this is always the same as it always was. This was need. This was everything.

This was breathing.

She bites your bottom lip and soothes the sting with her tongue. You moan and move your hands lower toward her thighs. Hands slap yours away and then grab them, pinning them to the wall above your head. Her lips move toward your neck, trailing kisses on her way downward. She runs her tongue over your collarbone and you gasp, your arms flailing above you. Her hands grab the sleeves your lab coat and pull them down partway so that they are over your arms, making them immobile. You feel those fingers, those capable fingers that you once held over your heart in contentment the day before you got married, those fingers that you slipped a ring on promising forever to, move toward the neck of your top. A second later, the shirt rips in half.

Your hips arch against hers and her lips move toward your chest. She kisses and nibbles your breasts through the cotton of your bra and you can't help the noises that are coming out of your mouth. She moves her hands onto your ass and slips her thigh (the right one) between yours and grinds you onto her. Your head falls back into the wall with a thud as you ride her thigh frantically. A hand slips down into your pants and all of a sudden she's inside you and you strangle a scream. She's pounding you into the wall hard, backing her hand with her thigh and you're so _close_.

Her head is resting on your shoulder as she braces her other hand onto the wall for support. Her fingers curl as she's entering you and she's going harder, harder, harder and her thumb swipes against your clit and you come. Hard. You hear her breath catch. Her head is still resting on your shoulder as her hand keeps moving, eventually slows, and stops.

You're still connected, and her other hand is still on the wall and she's still pinning you. You realize that in order for that to be happening, she's been putting weight on that other leg this entire time to keep you upright. Your throat catches and everything rushes back. This is breathing, this is everything, this is love in its most visceral form. But it's not enough.

After a few minutes, you feel the tears on your shoulder stop and she looks up at you. Her blue eyes pin yours and you just stare at those beautiful eyes, remembering. As if she can hear your thoughts, her eyes close and she softly kisses your tear stained cheeks. She pulls her hand out of you. You twitch at the loss, but can do nothing as she limps out of the room.

After a moment, you button up your lab jacket, fix the pants that were halfway down your legs, and leave the room to get your stuff and go home to where your wife won't be.

It feels like you can't breathe.


	3. Pretend

Sometimes she's convinced that the person that everyone sees is not who is actually there. Like she's wearing a mask. And that must be it. Why she keeps putting herself out there and why each time, she gets destroyed. There must be _something_ external that's saying something about her to everyone else.

Was it that she was untrustworthy?

It must be. How else would you explain other people breaking her trust over and over and over again? First there was George, who broke vows that she'd thought that they had both taken seriously. In sickness and in health. Till death do us part.

Forsaking all others.

What a joke.

She must be insanely untrustworthy. That's why Erica left, right? Because she couldn't stand the fact that she'd slept with Mark? Or because she felt like she couldn't be around someone who would defend the actions of Izzie Stevens? The same Izzie Stevens that had slept with her husband and had stolen a heart?

Or maybe it was because Erica couldn't trust her to support her, to have her back. After all, Erica had essentially called her a pretender. "You can't kind of be a lesbian", she'd said before she had walked away and never looked back.

Was that it? Was it that that had made her so untrustworthy? Was she a pretender? Had she pretended?

After all, she'd acted like that everything was okay with George. She tried to accept his friends, accept Izzie Stevens, even though deep down she felt it, even though she knew that they didn't like her, even though deep down, she knew...

She had pretended that everything was okay afterward. That they'd survive the fact the she loved him more than he had ever loved her, that they had put themselves in a marriage as an attempt at a easy fix on a relationship that was as much about other people and other circumstances than it was about themselves. That having a baby would make it all okay.

That had turned out well.

And then there was Erica. No, she wasn't into women, she'd said to Addison. This was just two friends. This wasn't bisexuality...

The pretending had cut her off at the knees. Made her an embarrassment. Destroyed her.

But then...

There was her. That person who had literally picked her up from where she had fallen. With a kiss, no less. Who does that? There was that smile, that super-magic smile that seemed like it was just for her and made her feel like, just once, just this time, she was worth it. And so the trust was there. She'd trusted enough to lean on her when her family couldn't accept her. She had leaned hard when Izzie was diagnosed, when George had passed, when she'd left the hospital, when her father had come back. And she'd believed that she was special, that for once, someone thought of her, someone thought only of her- first and last. There were no questions about who loved who more or about whether it was okay or not, and love was love.

But…

Old habits die hard, right? And the pretending started again.

There was the not talking about babies. The almost going to Africa when she really didn't want to. These were all her fault, right? The acting like there was nothing wrong with their relationship pre-car crash, post-car crash, pre-wedding, post wedding...

And then there was that plane crash. A fucking plane crash of all things. That person that had once smiled that smile had gotten on a plane, and she never came back. There was this stranger here instead, this stranger who said these horrible things and did these horrible things and harbors so much anger. And what could she have done? The mask has slipped on so slowly she hadn't even felt it on her face.

She'd taken it. All of it. All of the words and the actions. And she'd buried it. That other person was still inside somewhere, she told herself. Things would get better, she told herself. One day, she'd let her in, she told herself. One day, they'd be them again.

When was the last time that had happened?

One day, they'd keep pretending and then, one day, they wouldn't have to pretend. It wouldn't be pretending anymore.

Right?

Everything was okay, was fine. And then a baby and a storm blew it all to hell. All of the pretenses were gone. Their marriage was falling apart. Arizo- that woman, had...

It isn't normal to have this kind of thing happen to the same person more than once, right? Something must be wrong here. It must be her.

Yup. It has to be because she is most definitely a pretender.

And untrustworthy.

She tells herself that it's better that everything is out in the open. That their lives will be better. That the woman who had done this to her hadn't been Arizona, the woman with the beautiful magical eyes, the amazing woman with the magic smile. That this woman isn't the someone that another person had once heard call her miraculous and breathtakingly stunning. She pretends that this woman isn't the Arizona Robbins that she'd taken vows with, changed dirty diapers with, confided to, laughed with, cried with, made love to. That this woman is not the woman that she loves.

And then she sees a flash of blond hair from around the corner and her heart skips a beat.

There's no pretending about that.

This woman had cheated on her, had broken the vows that they'd made to each other. Had destroyed their family.

There's no pretending about that either.


	4. Deal Breaker

Trust

It's so funny. What they say really is true. You don't know what you have until it's gone.

That phrase is so tired even Shepherd couldn't breathe new life into it, miracle-working hands and all.

Doesn't mean that it isn't true.

Arizona Robbins didn't trust easily. Anyone that works in or around the OR could tell you that. Nurses and residents all know that she gets to the OR early to oversee the prep. And that she can be a bit of a tyrant while operating. Callie had even once called her a monster. She'd admitted it and laughed it off because it was pretty much true. But in the end, the surgeries went well and that's what mattered, right?

But was that the only place that she was monstrous? In the operating room? As a surgeon?

She'd once heard Virginia Dixon tell Miranda Bailey that pediatric surgeons were always breaking protocol.

Maybe the military brat thing tied into how much she feels that she has to micromanage things. Into how much she resents obligation, how much she hated commitment. Maybe it tied into how little she trusted, and into how much she liked to fix things and fix people. She'd once told Calliope that she bailed when things got hard, and that was true when it came to her own personal problems- with Africa and with Nick. But it wasn't true when it came down to supporting others, helping others.

Ped surgeons walk the fine line between caring for patients and caring for parents. Between supporting parents and supporting children. They deal with the dark and sad side that sickness and circumstance can bring to innocence. They often absorb the anger, the helplessness, the guilt, and everything else that parents throw at them. They smile and tell dying children that they'll be okay and dream about their corpses later on at night. Peds was hardcore. She'd come there as a fellow- bright and shiny and happy and hardcore. Excited to cut, eager to work, to help these children. And she was actually _doing_ it. Things were great, and she was filling out grants and kicking ass and taking names and getting promoted and it was all go, go, go…

And then…

And then she'd seen her. In and around the hospital. And it was like taking a breath. She was beautiful, but she was also sad. She'd kissed her in that bathroom because she was _interested,_ and because Callie was breathtaking and heartbreaking and that smile was wonderful and those lips looked beautiful. But she'd also done it because she liked to fix things, fix people.

But initial hang ups aside, they'd slowly and surely started a relationship. And though she'd given Calliope grief over the whole newborn thing, this was new for her too. Liking so much. Caring so much. Trusting this much, despite her reservations about whether Callie was in this as much as she was, despite reservations about whether she was enough for Callie. Trusting so much that she'd said I love you first. And Callie had felt the same way. And things were wonderful and they were happy.

Then babies had come up. And it was a deal breaker. The breakup was amicable but heartbreaking because it had nothing to do with love. It had been all about compromise and trust.

The talk of babies had made all of the reservations that she'd had about their relationship bubble back to the surface. Did Callie love her for her? She has an impossibly large heart. Was this just a fad for her? She'd never really wanted babies. Babies weren't something that you could compromise on. You either had them or you didn't. How could she tell Callie that it was okay for them to have babies when she wasn't even sure that there would always be an Arizona and Callie? The time had come to jump off of the cliff. And she'd balked. She couldn't trust. And just like that, they were over.

And it was miserable.

The next thing that she knew, a distraught husband had come and shot up the hospital. And they were stuck together. It was good to see Callie again, but she had been was so _angry_ at her. And they'd argued and Ruby's appendix had burst and they were operating in a room with barely any supplies in the middle of a lockdown. And then brave, angry Calliope had stood between her and a gunman, had gotten the man out of the room, had brought her back to Earth when she'd been too shocked and too scared to do anything afterward. Brave, beautiful Calliope had stared into her eyes and told her that it was okay, had told her over talking about a super magic smile that this overwhelming feeling of love had not just been on her side, that she had been in this, was _in_ this. And so, she trusted. She jumped. She made the choice to change for Calliope and have babies. And, all of a sudden, the big deal breaker wasn't a deal breaker anymore.

What goes up must come down. That's another expression grounded in truth.

The application that she had filled out when she'd been a fellow and single had gone up and come back down. She'd won. She'd won the Carter Madison Grant. Unlimited funds to help children in Malawi who wouldn't otherwise have access to a pediatric surgeon. She was on cloud nine. Or at least, she would have been if Callie had been happy about it. But she wasn't. She was ruining her dream. So she'd left without her so that they could both be happy in different places. She'd left because this was getting to be too difficult and she couldn't trust that they'd make it through this trip. She wanted to go there and to fix things and be hardcore and happy. And that had meant without Callie. It was self- centered and it was bitchy.

It's easier to fix other people than it is to acknowledge your own faults.

It was also the worst decision that she'd made in her life.

She'd cried every day, missing her. So she'd come back for her. She'd consciously made the choice to give up her dream. She'd come back and had trusted, had assumed that they would make it. Yay.

Yeah, right.

Calliope hadn't forgiven her for leaving in the first place. And she was pregnant. With Mark Sloan's baby.

Well wasn't that a kick in the head?

Despite her insecurities and reservations about Mark Sloan's place in their relationship, she'd decided that she was all in. Because she loved Calliope and there was a heartbeat and nothing else_ mattered_.

Then there was a car crash. And Sofia. They'd gotten through it.

After that, she'd taken the biggest leap of all: she had asked Calliope to marry her. She'd wanted rings and commitment Marriage was the ultimate display of love, of affection, of comfort. Of trust. It was the ultimate deal. They'd had Sofia and they'd gotten married. She'd consciously made the choice to give up her dream, had made Callie's dream their dreams. And there'd been no regrets about it, because regrets would mean that there would be no Sofia, and no Sofia is not something that would ever be acceptable. Life was good. Things were good with Mark, and then...

What goes up must come down.

Nick had come. He was sick. He was dying. There wasn't anything that could be done. Alex was leaving for Hopkins.

She'd been a plane crash. _A freaking_ _plane crash_. Lexie was dead. Mark was dying. Zola was going to be an orphan, Owen a widower, and her leg...

She'd trusted Callie. More than anyone she'd ever trusted in her _life_.

Trusted her to understand that she needed the leg. She needed to be okay. She needed to know that she'd be whole again, that this could be controlled, could be fixed. So she'd made her promise. And when she did, she'd exhaled and sighed with relief because if Callie had promised, if her _wife _had promised, then it was a done deal. She'd trusted.

And then she had woken up without her leg.

You don't know what you have until it's gone.

It was only after being in the arms of another woman, only after she and Callie had been screaming at each other in the attending's lounge that she'd realized just how much that was true.

The trust was gone. Callie had broken hers, and consciously or not, deliberately or not, she'd broken Callie's when she'd had sex with another woman in an on-call room. And there was no excusing what she did.

Trust. Infidelity.

These were deal breakers. Huge deal breakers.

Someone had told her once that there is no way back from the road that we are traveling.

Maybe they would make it. But maybe they wouldn't. Because Callie was a deal breaker.

And so was she.


	5. Resent

There are a lot of things in life that are cyclic. Digestion, a typical sleep pattern, a work routine.

A lot of things.

A Callie and Arizona breakup was no different. At least, the Callie part wasn't. It was very cyclic.

First is the initial reaction. Usually, she moves around in a state of sadness and wistfulness. She cries. And then, she moves straight into anger and stays there.

Pretty simple cycle.

* * *

The first time that there was a Callie and Arizona breakup, they'd broken up over babies. She'd wanted them. Arizona had not. The breakup was mutual and heartbreaking and sad. She loved this woman. She just needed her to change her mind and they could be happy. They could just be happy if...

Why was she so selfish?

The first time, Arizona hadn't even considered babies. Point blank. And that was _infuriating_. She never even tried to see her point of view. She'd just dismissed her dream.

Why?

Why was she so selfish?

It took a gunman to make them prioritize their relationship. It took a gunman with a gun at her back for Arizona to decide to have children and make it their dream. She'd never loved her more than she did in that moment.

* * *

The second time there was a Callie and Arizona breakup, it involved an airport. And Africa. And a Carter Madison Grant. Her girlfriend had won a Carter Madison Grant. No one wins those. Like ever. And her girlfriend had done it. But it meant Africa. Away from Seattle, and Mark and everyone else.

She tried to be happy for her. She was happy for her. And she was willing to go to Africa for her. But Arizona had abandoned her at the airport. Had said that she was ruining Africa for her, and had left without her.

She'd cried at the airport. And on the way home from the airport. And all night long. Because she'd prepared herself to go to Africa, she'd prepared herself give up her home for three years to be with this woman and she'd just been abandoned in the airport.

Why was she so selfish?

She was angry. Angry that she'd had her heart broken again. Angry that she'd been about to uproot her life for this woman and had instead been abandoned at the airport the way babies get dumped at fire stations. Angry that Arizona had even considered Africa. That she hadn't passed up that opportunity of a lifetime. So she'd slept with Mark, because she needed comfort. She'd needed to feel something other abandoned.

And then Arizona had come back. And as achingly good as it was to see her, she was still pissed about her going in the first place.

Then she found out that she was pregnant.

Life never goes the way that you want it to. The reality of the situation was that she was pregnant with her best friend's baby and that they both loved other people. She'd told Arizona that she didn't want her in her life. She called her "self-centered" and told her to get out of her apartment.

But she really did want her in her life. She wanted to be with her, raise this baby with her. And eventually, a car crash, a micro preemie, and a wedding later, they'd gotten there.

* * *

The third time there was a Callie and Arizona breakup, it involved cheating. When she'd seen the ring pinned to Boswell's scrub top, it was like the world had stopped.

Nothing could ever explain the cheating away.

They'd spent so much time trying to be okay. She'd cried because this was too much, this was an added insult to injury, this was kicking a puppy when it was down and then running it over with your car. She'd cried for a long time. But now? Now?

Now she was pissed.

Arizona can't get over the decision. That she had no choice in the matter, the person she trusted to keep up her wishes didn't and left her stuck with this life.

"I lost everything". Those words resound in her head.

She lost everything?

Would she have rather died?

How could she be so selfish?

"I trusted you. More than anyone." Those were words that resounded in her head too.

At the end of the day, Arizona had never accepted that her leg was gone. She never accepted that there was never really a choice, that she shouldn't have made her promise something like that in the first place.

And she punished Callie, resented Callie for choosing her.

Selfish.

She's selfish.

That's the easy explanation. The one she's inclined to use a blanket statement to define their relationship.

But was she the selfish one? Had she ever tried to see things from Arizona's point of view about any of these things? Had she ever cared to?

Doesn't matter. There's nothing that could excuse the cheating. Why couldn't she had just _said_ something?

Arizona had once told her that her problem was that she couldn't forgive. And maybe she's right.

But it's not awesome.


	6. Butter Fingers

The first time that she realizes that she's grieving, she's in the grocery store on line to buy dish soap. There are three people in line in front of her and the one clerk at the cash register is a smiling middle-aged brunette with a streak of gray in her hair. There is a man behind her who's tapping his foot anxiously. He says that it is because he needs a cigarette and this is his only break before it's his turn to pick up the baby from daycare and he promised his wife that he was going to quit but things are just so _stressful_ and he just needs a_ hit_. His words are bouncing off of her like basketballs thrown at a concrete wall, and all of a sudden the walls seem to be closing in on her and she can't breathe. It hurts to move, to talk, to _think_ and she just wants to curl up in a ball in her bed and ignore the world. She tries to concentrate on her breathing, _in two-three-, out two-three_ and then the woman is smiling at her and asking her whether that will be all. _No,_ she wants to say, _that is not all._ But she nods absently, accepts the receipt and moves on.

The man behind her asks the cashier for Marlboros as she walks away.

This depression is like a fog that's seeped into every crevice of her life. Some days she thinks that she can see the light shining around her somewhere, and some days she thinks that she'd just imagined it, and that there is no way out. It feels like there's this gaping hole in her chest where something used to be, like she just misplaced it somewhere. So she cleans the apartment again and again, polishing sweeping, searching for the piece, for the stopper whose absence is bleeding her dry. She comes across some old photographs and is shocked by how removed she feels from this alternative version of herself.

She rubs a thumb over the smile that she must have had in some other life, because there is no way that the woman smiling in the picture is her.

One day she wakes up angry. She slams a month's worth of mail on the counter and paces angrily. She's pissed. How can she be depressed after she spent so much time trying to be okay? She'd said she was fine, that things were well, that life was great. Aren't you supposed to speak things into existence? Then why is she not fine, why is she here, unable to go outside? No one has called because she has stopped answering the phone and the answering machine is full. Avery had stopped by and had told her to take the time that she needed to sort things out. But he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand that she isn't having a latent reaction to the things that she's seen and done and heard and felt. This is the aftermath. It's like someone has removed a lung and has decided to sit on her chest. Like someone, a clever someone, a slick someone, had crept in during the middle of the night and stolen something vital from her body. And they must have done it with fingers that had to be as smooth as butter because she didn't even feel it _happen_. And how could she get it back? There were no missing reports to be filed, no thefts to report. She's mad because damn this person for taking her life away from her, _damn_ this person with the butter fingers for stealing something intangible. She's so mad she can't see straight, and she's literally seeing red and all of a sudden she's throwing things and the neighbors are knocking and she's apologizing and cleaning up and crying angry tears and there's no more dish soap _again_.

She watches the smiling middle aged woman from the cleaning and kitchen aisle and fantasizes about snatching that smile off of her face and shoving it into her own pocket. Maybe smiles are interchangeable like keys and that smile will fit on her face. Like a mask. Maybe if she kept that smile on her face long enough, she'd feel like smiling and smile for real.

On the line, she stares aimlessly around the store as the clerk slowly moves through each item for the man that is seven heads in front of her. The aisle for mirrors is right next to her, and there is a woman next to her whose face is especially drawn. Her eyes look sunken in to her head and her face looks like a sharpened oval, as if she hasn't eaten in a while. Her hair is listless and hangs limply from her face. Her frame is too thin and she thinks that this person must be sick, must be suffering from something, must be in an incredible amount of pain...

There is only one man left in front of her and home, between her and the rest of the world, and all of a sudden everything is too slow. Time seems to drip by as the cashier grasps each item, then messes about as she turns it into the proper position to be scanned. The man taps his foot anxiously. Just as the clerk finishes ringing up the items, he gestures toward the counter and she leaves momentarily. The man turns back toward her and smiles sheepishly before leaving the store.

He's tucking the pack of Marlboros into his pocket as he walks away.

She feels her face turn very hot then cold as she reaches a moment of clarity. She takes a deep breath, shakes her head and time speeds up. She buys the dish soap and leaves the store. It's then that she moves on from anger and settles into the acceptance that this is how her life will be from now on (was it ever another way?) and that this is how she will always feel.

Going back to work feels empty. She is still invested in her job, in figuring things out and putting the tiny humans back together, but things are not the same. She feels removed from it all, as if she were directing herself from somewhere high in the sky away from everyone else. Her movements feel mechanical, and it feels like there is a buffer between herself and everyone else. She's thriving on the insane hours and the coffees with lots of sugars to get her through each day, to get her through each step to the nights where she can go home and ignore the world.

She thinks that she's great at hiding the effects of her actions- the not sleeping, the excessive (even more than usual) coffee drinking, so she's shocked when they try to corner her into to something that looks like an intervention. _We're worried about you,_ they say. She's fine, just fine. And just like that, she slips into denial. She's fine. Fine. And if she's not fine, then maybe this drink will make her fine. It might work, won't it? And if it doesn't maybe the next will, or the maybe next case. Or tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that. Because if she's not fine, it means that she's never left the depression, and if she's never left the depression, then the hole is still there and still killing her, and God, this is too _much_.

At home she paces back and forth, back and forth near the window that faces the street. The numbness is going away and nothing is helping anymore. She runs her hands through her hair and muffles a sob and then it's back to anger and she's tossing the furniture again and pacing and pacing and pacing until it feels like her legs (leg, she corrects herself) are rubber and her feet (foot) will fall off. She trips and falls and can't get back up. She takes off the leg to check the stump for bruises and cuts. There's a pillow next to her. The sound that comes from it is broken and barely there and anguished and something that no person should be able to make. She screams and screams until she can't anymore and the numbness is gone and all that exists is an ache in her throat.

Things are out of her control.

She's an amputee.

Nothing is the same.

She cries for Nick, her closest friend who was now somewhere else that she could never be, along with Tim. She cries for Mark, who will never again see or touch or play with his daughter or make Callie smile. She cries for Lexie and for Jerry and for Meredith and Cristina and Derek and Owen, who never meant to put them on that kind of plane.

She cries for her marriage, for the woman she'd once told that she would tell her that she loved her every day if that was what she needed. For the woman she shattered.

But mostly, she cries for herself. For the Arizona Robbins that was. The perky, smiley, grade A control freak with the wheelie shoes and the amazing wife and beautiful daughter.

The person that she is now doesn't have any of those things.

The person that she is now is still trying to exist in this world, _live _in this world. This person is still trying to accept the things that she couldn't change, accept the things that she did, accept the fact that life is different.

She can feel her foot resting against something on the wooden floor, the small hairs on her arms that are rubbing against the pillow, and she feels like she's breathing again for the first time. A draft from the window gives her goose bumps, and she rubs her arms.

The man that she can see from her window seems vaguely familiar. He walks back and forth, back and forth before ultimately tossing something into the street and walking away. She cleans the apartment again and heads outside to the grocery store.

On her way home, she's gazing up at the sky above her window when she stumbles over something in the street. She picks up the box of crushed Marlboros and heads inside.

* * *

Like the first chapter, I think that this chapter could have happened at any point after the storm.


	7. Hide

She enters the room silently, muffled by the sounds of the music and the murmurs of conversation. She sits at the bar and orders a shot. The bartender nods at her in recognition and pours her the good stuff, the strong stuff. He knows it's been a bad day. The drink burns a path down her throat. She swallows and sighs and gestures for another. The people in the bar seem too loud now. There's a group at the other end of the bar downing shot after shot and screaming like hyenas. One of them is celebrating their 21st. She sighs again and downs another shot. And gestures for another. The past couple of weeks have been hard.

It's somewhere between the 5th and 6th shot that she sees her.

She's sitting across the bar, nursing a mostly empty glass of wine. White. Long fingers tap the glass as she chats animatedly with some friends.

She walks over and whispers in her ear. Then she heads to the bathroom.

* * *

Jenny Connor was having the best night of her life. First, her boss decides to promote her. Then she won the office pool on Jean's new baby. As a gesture of goodwill, she'd decided to buy the office a round of drinks on her. Lady Luck must be smiling at her tonight. 'Cause now?

Now?

She was getting the ride of her life from a beautiful woman.

In a bar bathroom, no less.

She's pinned between this woman and the door, and she's not even trying to help the sounds that are coming out of her mouth. Sexy is nailing her fast and deep and it's all she can do to keep herself upright. This was write-home-to-mom sex. Whatever mind blowing method she was using, it was _good_.

She grabs her hair and yanks it back to give this superstar to biggest kiss she'd ever give in her life. She makes contact with those molten brown eyes. Sexy. She moans, and closes her eyes. Her head hits the door with a thunk, but she doesn't care. She's close, she's so close, one more curl of those exquisite fingers and-

Jenny opens her eyes, panting. She shakes her blonde hair out of her face and looks around. The woman was gone. She puffed out a breath.

"Well, shit."

She'd been so _close_. She stalked toward the door. Maybe her luck was running out.

* * *

Dark eyes followed the blonde out of the door. She swallowed her drink.

"How'd it go with lady with the honey brown eyes?" The bartender asks.

"It didn't". She replied. "She didn't have what I was looking for."

Oh, well.

There was always Tuesday night.

* * *

It was midnight on a Tuesday, and instead of being in bed after a long day of surgery like she was supposed to, Miranda Bailey was up in her house pacing like a jittery bride. She walked from one end of her living room to the other. She occasionally peeked out of the window. Finally, she saw a pair of headlights approach her driveway and she sighed with relief. She opens the door before the first knock.

"Hey Shepherd."

"Hi, Bailey. Joe called to tell me that she was out of it at the bar. I figured that she'd probably want to wake up at your place and not mine."

Derek Shepherd entered her home, half carrying-half dragging the very drunk form of Callie Torres into her living room.

"Hey, Bailey! You missed the party!"

"I can see that" Bailey replied dryly. She turned to Derek.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine. A little too much tequila, but not too much worse for wear."

"Where's Sofia?" Bailey asked.

"Joe said that she said that Arizona had her for the night. She didn't want him to call her, so he called me."

"Joe!" Callie exclaimed. "He's so nice. And cute. And dependable. I like Joe. "

"Joe likes you too." Derek replied.

Bailey shook her head and sighed.

"Put her on the couch. I've got it from here." Derek dropped Callie onto the couch and turned to her.

"You know Joe told me that he's heard she's been out every other night in the last two weeks?"

Bailey pauses for a moment before moving toward the door. "I'm sure that's just nonsense gossip. Torres wasn't doing anything but letting off some steam tonight."

Bailey was walking Shepherd to the door when she heard the crash. She rushes back to the living room.

"Torres, what in the hell?"

"What?" Callie giggled. "Your floor is comfortable."

"Get your ass off my floor, Torres."

"Bailey!" Callie whined. "Why?"

"Don't make me pull you up- "

"Oh, come on!"

"-By your hair."

Callie sat up, and squinted at Bailey. She took in her face. "All right, all right, all right, I'll get up. Jeez. So touchy."

With effort, Callie pushed herself to her feet. She swayed.

"Where's the couch?"

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"Behind you."

"Oh." With a sigh, Callie dropped backward. She moaned. Bailey moved into the kitchen to find some aspirin.

"I wish Mark were here. He'd help me forget all of this crap. I want to forget. I want to be numb."

"What?" Bailey stopped. She turned around.

"What did you just say? You wish Mark Sloan were here so he could be your inappropriate sex friend?"

"Bailey."

"You want Mark back so he can be your little palate cleanse? Your recycled booty-call?"

"Stop it."

"You want him here so that he can be your crutch?"

"Bailey, please-"

"-You want him to see you acting a damn fool every night, picking up random people instead of being home with your daughter? That's what you want him to see?"

"Bailey! Stop it!"

Miranda paused and glared at the woman on her couch.

"You stop it. You stop it! You're insulting his memory. You're a mess. You think that this is what Mark wants to see you doing with your life? You think your daughter wants to see you like this?"

"She's already seen too much!" Callie exclaimed. She sighed. "Everything is a mess." She threw up her hands. "How did everything get to be such a mess?" She bent over and buried her face with her hands. " I thought that we were happy. We were past this. Weren't we happy?"

"I don't know." Bailey replied gently. "Only you know that. But, I'll tell you something: You looked happy once."

Callie sniffled. "What happened?"

Bailey got up and moved into the kitchen. She poured some water into a glass.

"I don't know. Some events change people. And sometimes we don't see that change until it's right in front of us. And then we find that the person that we knew was gone. And there's no way to get them back."

She placed the water on the table. Callie picked up the glass and stared at it. She sighed.

"Miranda. What am I going to do?"

"You keep going. We've been through a lot together, you and I. We've seen each other through a lot. And if there's anything that I know, it's that if there's anyone who can do this, Calliope Torres, it's you. You're a warrior. You're a _survivor_. You need to confront what happened, and deal with it. Stop trying to drown it out. Let it all out. Face it. And move on."

Callie sipped the water and placed the glass down. She laid down.

"Thanks, Bailey. For everything."

Bailey turned off the light and moved toward the stairs.

"Good night, Torres. And you're welcome."

Her voice drifted downward as Callie closed her eyes.

"And you better make damn sure you don't throw up on my couch."


	8. Say Hello

Callie Torres sighed as she roamed the supply closet. She'd been paged in early because of a multiple car accident and the day showed no signs of getting any easier. It was all she could do to grab a banana and get a cranky Sofia dressed and across the hall before she'd had run to work. Now, six hours later, she was no closer to grabbing something more substantial to eat and she still had six back to back surgeries to get through.

Where was the cast padding? She could have sworn she'd seen it yesterday near the-

"Oh, crap!"

Cast padding falls onto her head after she jostles a loose shelf. She's fixing them back when the door opens behind her. She turns around.

"Hey, did you see the- oh. Hey."

Arizona moves to enter and stops short, holding onto the handle.

"I sent Alex to grab some stuff but he hasn't been back yet. I didn't know you were in here. I can come back later-"

"No, it's fine. Grab what you need. I'm almost done anyway."

"Um, okay. Great." Callie walks over to another shelf to look for pins.

"Uh, so how was Sofia this morning? Sorry she was a little cranky when I dropped her off. It was pretty early and she didn't want to get dressed."

"She was fine. A little chatty this morning at breakfast, but good. We brought in strawberries for snack today, so she was excited."

"Oh. Good. That's good." The closet was filled with the sounds of plastic rustling as they searched for supplies.

"So, I have a kid in today that reminds me a lot of Sof, actually. His name is Rob and he's 4. He's here with-"

"Do you think that we could do this in silence?" Callie interrupts. Arizona stops for a second, before resuming her search.

"Right. Sorry."

An awkward silence descends into the closet._ Just one more thing, just one more thing_, Callie thinks as she scans the shelves. Just needed to grab some I.V. kits and she was home free. Ah. There they are. She grabs a couple, turns-

And bumps into Arizona.

"Sorry! Did I-?"

"No, you didn't, no worries. I'm the one who's sorry, that was my fault. It's just-I need to grab an I.V. kit, and it's right behind you."

Callie reaches behind her and hands Arizona the packet.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Callie looks away. Arizona opens her mouth to say something and-

_Beep. Beep._

_Ring. Ring._

They spring apart to check their pagers. Callie groans.

"Lock down? Are you kidding me right now?"

"No one in or out of the building. Everyone stays where they are."

"This has got to be some sort of sick joke. I'm not staying in here." As she moves to the door, Arizona grabs her arm.

"Look, I don't like this anymore than you do, but we need to stay here. Or have you forgotten what happened the last time there was a lock down in this hospital?"

"But Sofia-"

"Look, I'm scared too, but Sofia is fine. There are four security guards by the daycare, in addition to the staff. The best thing that we can do for her is to stay here."

Callie pulls her arm free and sighs.

"Fine. I'll stay in here. But no talking. I don't have anything to say to you. We do this in absolute silence, okay?"

"Okay."

"Fine."

Callie moved to a corner of the room and sat down. She sighed again. This day was going to be much longer day than she'd thought.

* * *

They've been sitting there for maybe half an hour when she notices that Arizona is shifting uncomfortably on the floor.

"Are you okay?"

Arizona smiles ruefully. "I thought that you said no talking."

"Yeah, well you look like you're uncomfortable. " Callie replies. "Are you in pain? I could-"

"Nope, I'm fine."

Callie sighs bitterly.

"Right. Of course you are. Of course you're fine. You know what? Forget I asked. Everything is always fine with you except for when it's not and then we're talking about moisturizer or pound-cake or cooking shows instead of what's really going on. Everything is fine until I look around and I find your wedding ring pinned to the top of-"

"Callie."

"No." Callie stands up, defiantly. "That's your problem. You never want to be a human, with flaws. You never want to be not fine. _Newsflash_, okay,_ no one_ is _fine_ all of _the time_!"

Arizona struggles to stand. "Oh, like you pretend to be? You think that I don't see you, that other people don't notice the facade that you've been putting on? That people haven't found you crying in on call rooms only for you to smile and say everything is okay? You wanna talk about pretending? How about you pretending?"

"Me pretending? If I was pretending about anything, it was that we had a relationship left to save! How about you pretending, huh? You pretending that you weren't mad at me anymore after the amputation. You pretending about babies-"

"About babies?"

"After the shooting." Arizona looks perplexed. "Yeah, the shooting."

"What about the shooting?" She asks indignantly. "I didn't pretend."

"You don't think that I knew after the shooting that it was still a thing for you? That babies were still a thing for you? That it still made you uncomfortable? You don't think I noticed how anxious you got when I said that I wanted to talk to you when all I wanted to say was 'let's move in together'?"

"Maybe babies had been a thing, but it stopped being one the second that I heard the heartbeat, and you _know that!" _Arizona shouted. "If I hated babies so much, why did I stay when you told me that you were pregnant? I could have left, started over with someone else. Why didn't I? Because I loved you and I loved Sofia, and I made a _choice_. So don't sit here and yell at me about babies. You don't get to stand here and stare at me and throw babies in my face!"

They glared at each other in silence. Finally, Callie speaks. "I'm sorry." She sighs. "I'm sorry, okay? It was unfair of me to throw that in your face. I know that you love Sofia."

Arizona sighs too.

"Maybe you're right. It might be best if we just try to keep quiet until we can get out of here."

* * *

One hour in the supply closet and the walls are starting to feel like a prison. Callie shifts uncomfortably and looks across the room.

"It's been a long time and that status hasn't changed. Maybe we should try to sneak out and get to the daycare." Arizona opens her eyes and shakes her head.

"We need to stay put. If we get killed, there's nothing that we can do for Sofia."

Callie scoffs."Oh, come on. It's probably nothing."

"You want to bet her life on that? Just stay put. They'll page us when it's safe." She moves to get comfortable and closes her eyes again. Callie looks over at her and shakes her head.

"There you go with the ordering. Everything has to be your way." Arizona's eyes shoot open. She sits up.

"My way?" She laughs wryly. "When have things ever gone my way, huh? When I wanted to paint the apartment? When I wanted to be with you when you were pregnant and you said you felt too fat to let me touch you? When I won the Carter Madison Grant and went to Africa? That was my dream coming true, and you couldn't even find it in yourself be happy for me when it happened!"

"I tried to be happy for you. I _was_ happy for you. I was prepared to leave with you, leave everything behind for three years for you. My life, Mark, my job. No, if the positions had been reversed I wouldn't have left and I don't understand how you could have, but I wanted to be with you. So I tried. I tried to suck it up, and you left! You left! Maybe Africa wasn't my dream, but you were, and we were going together. But you leaving me? Being abandoned again? That was never my dream. It was a nightmare, and I don't understand how you did it."

Callie blows out a breath and stretches her arms.

"I came back."

"You had to leave in order to come back, Arizona."

"Why didn't you just tell me that you weren't happy about going? Why were you pretending to be excited about it?"

"Because it was what you wanted. Why did you pretend that you didn't see me struggling with this until we got to the airport?"

Arizona pauses for a moment and glances at the wall. She drags her eyes back to Callie's.

"It was easier. It was easier, to pretend everything was fine than it was to confront you about it. I'm not proud of it" She sighed. "Pretty, pink bubble."

Callie blinked. "…What?"

"Shiny, pink bubble. It was something that Teddy and I used to talk about. She used to tell me to pop the shiny pink bubble."

They stared at each other from across the room. Arizona blew out a breath.

"We should have talked about it."

"We should have talked about it."


	9. Wave Goodbye

Another hour has passed, and things have not gotten any easier. Arizona removed her scrub pants and unstrapped her leg. She placed the prosthesis on the floor next to her and removed her sock.

Callie watched silently from across the room.

"It's a little swollen today."

"Yeah, it usually happens after it rains or after I've had a long day in the OR the day before. I had to put on less lining with the leg this morning. Sofia wanted to help. She was so sweet. She wanted to color my sock to make me feel better. "

Arizona started to massage her stump. "You know, sometimes I look at her doing something and I swear for a second that I'm looking at Mark. And then the moment passes…"

"I know what you mean. That smile that she has is all him." Callie smiled sadly.

Arizona watched her out of the corner of her eye as she continued massaging.

"I was wrong before. That night, when I said that you didn't lose anything. You lost a lot. I'm sorry for saying that to you."

Callie sighed. "I'm sorry too. I was so caught up in trying to make everything else okay about the crash that I didn't realize how I was acting. I'm sorry."

For a while, there was nothing but the sound of kneading flesh.

"He talked about her, you know. And you. In the woods. Mark, I mean. He was lying in my lap and I was telling them that he couldn't die because we were waiting for him- you and me and Sofia. He was so heartbroken after Lexie... Anyway, he told me to "take care of our girls" and then he kept trying to die. Cristina kept doing all that she could to save him, and I kept talking to him about Sofia and about all of the things that we were going to see her do. She was going to be a dancer and a singer and a rock star and she was going graduate from high school and med school and become a surgeon. Peds, I said, naturally, and he tried to laugh. "Quit it, Robbins." he said. "Callie would kill you if you gave her a pair of those death trap shoes. You know she's going into Plastics. Have you seen those adorable hands? They were made for _magic_." She sniffled. " And then he lost consciousness. He wanted so much to be a great dad."

"He was."

"He was." Arizona agreed. "Even when we were arguing about whether or not to do an amnio-" Callie let out a watery laugh. "He always cared."

They sat in silence for a while. After a moment, Callie wiped her tears. She looked at Arizona searchingly.

"You were jealous of him, weren't you?"

Arizona sighed.

"Could you blame me? He was your best friend, and that was great because it meant that he was there for you and that he was always around for to you talk to, and that was fine. But, there were no boundaries between your relationship with Mark and your relationship with me. He was everywhere- in our bed, in our apartment, in our room, and that was even before he got you pregnant. After that, it was like the three of us were in a relationship instead of the two."

"Well, he was the father-."

"- But what did that have to do with our relationship?It just felt like everywhere that I would turn, he was there. Even when we tried to go away. And you didn't see it. You never saw it. I told you once that you have an impossibly large heart and I've always loved that about you, but sometimes..."

She threw up her hands helplessly. "Sometimes, you don't see things until they're right in front of you. And even then, you ignore it. It wasn't until after the baby was born and Mark was infringing upon our sex life that you finally talked to him about it."

They sat in silence again, staring at the walls. Arizona bounced a catheter against the floor. Callie ripped cast padding. After a while, she stopped ripping and glanced at Arizona. "I don't really have a response to that." she said quietly. "It's all true. I'm sorry. I didn't see how much he was in the middle of our relationship until it became a problem for me. And it was a problem for you long before it was a problem for me. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to your concerns, and that I dismissed them. I'm sorry."

The catheter stopped bouncing for a second, and then continued to fall rhythmically onto the floor. Cast padding joined it soon afterward.

* * *

They'd been in the room for another hour before Callie broke the silence again.

"Is that why you asked me to marry you?" Arizona stopped poking a nearby cart with her foot and turned to Callie, who had moved to sit right next to her, against the door.

"What?"

"Because you were insecure about Mark. Is that why you asked me to marry you that day, before the car accident?"

Arizona stared at the wall across the room for a long time before answering.

"I asked you to marry me because I loved you. I trusted you. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted to feel like you cared about our relationship. So much of your pregnancy was me running after you, making up for Africa, me arguing with Mark about my place in your life. I wanted to feel validated, I wanted to feel like our love meant something. Was that being insecure?" She shook her head at the ceiling.

"I don't know. I wanted to stand up in front of our friends and family and tell them that I was choosing you, that I wanted you, that I needed you. I wanted everyone to know that this was for real, and that this was for life. I wanted them to know that I trusted you above all else with myself. " She poked the cart.

"And then the plane crashed and I lost it. And I couldn't forgive you for the amputation because I trusted you. And I know that it's irrational and that I know that would have died if you hadn't but... sometimes, a part of me thinks that maybe it would have been easier if I did. I mean, we wouldn't be here yelling in a supply closet bitter and angry if I had. I trusted you, and you broke that trust, and you cut off the leg, and I can't just forget that. It's everywhere- every time I wake up, every time I see the new logo at the hospital: the new business cards and coffee holders and lab coats and stationary. It's there every time I close my eyes. It's there every time that I take a step, and I don't know if I can forgive you for that. I really don't. I don't even know if I can forgive myself for what happened afterward."

The cart that she poked rolled silently across the floor.

* * *

"Did you want me in your plan because you didn't want to be alone?"

Callie stirred. "Excuse me?"

"Is that why you wanted me in your plan, with Sofia?" Arizona asked. "Because you didn't want to be alone?"

Callie looked up at the ceiling and blew air out of her cheeks.

"Did you know that Mark suggested that we get married after I told him that I was pregnant? Yeah, I quickly shot that down. I know firsthand: You don't marry someone when you're in love with someone else. Did I not want to be alone? I wasn't alone. I had Mark. But, romantically? I don't know. Maybe part of me didn't want to be alone and I was afraid that I'd end up that way if I let you go. It wasn't really until the car accident and I was in a coma that I realized how much you meant to me." Callie chuckled. "I mean, I had us singing and dancing to a Jesus Jackson song." Arizona laughed.

Callie shook her head and laughed louder.

"Wow. How are we talking about all of this stuff now? How did we ever stay together? The only reason that we're talking now is because we're broken up and because we're stuck with each other in this stupid closet!"

Arizona began to laugh harder too, and for a while, they laugh at the insanity of it all- the lock down, the disasters, the accidents, the separation, the breakups, babies, Mark. It's hysterical. Hilarious. Too funny. After a long moment, they stopped chuckling and turn toward each other. Their eyes meet.

Callie exhaled and shook her head. "What are we going to do?"

Arizona placed her hand on her cheek. "Hey. It's going to be-" Their lips meet.

This kiss was everything all at once. Anger. Desperation. Passion. Frustration. Love.

Regret.

Callie broke the kiss and turned away to look at the wall. After a moment, she spoke. "I don't know. That's my answer to your earlier question: I don't know. But I do know that the time before the crash with us married with Sofia was best time of my life."

Arizona looked at Callie. She stared at her back.

"It was the best time of my life too. No matter what's happened since. I don't regret it."

"Neither do I."

* * *

They'd been sitting there for over four hours when Callie starts pacing frantically.

"How long are we going to be stuck in this closet?! I can't take this anymore! I'm tired. I'm tired of ripping cast padding, tired of sitting here, tired of wanting you. I'm tired of talking about this relationship-"

Callie stopped and turned to Arizona. She threw up her hands.

"I mean, why were we even together? All it seems like is one mistake after the other. Saying things, not saying things, pretending, not pretending. I just-." She stopped and gestured frantically.

"No, Callie" Arizona said quietly. "Finish it. You need to finish it. It's time that we talked about all of it. We should have talked about all of it."

"How could I have talked about it before? After the crash? With you breathing fire every ten seconds and jumping down my throat?"

"I'm here now, okay? No fire in sight. Say it now. Get it all out."

Callie took a deep breath.

"I don't think I'll ever understand what happened to us. I keep thinking about how we started. It was good, light. The best I'd felt in a long time. Ever, really. And then all of these things just kept_ happening_. I don't think I'll ever completely understand why you did what you did. I needed you here. Everyone leaves. I promised you that I would stay and that I wasn't going anywhere, but I needed you to do the same thing and not leave me. And then you did anyway. And I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that. Sometimes, I look at you and I see the person that I married. And then other times, you're just this stranger with a ponytail and when I look at you, all I can see is this angry woman. All I see is this bitter woman. All I see is that night. You aren't the same person anymore. And neither am I."

Callie sighed.

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that night either. But I know that we can't be together anymore and that I need to begin to move on. When you went to Africa, Cristina said that I was hardly ever single, and it's true. I need to figure out who I am now. And so do you. I need to figure out who I am now-Post Mark. Post the crash. Post you. I owe it to myself."

Arizona nodded.

"We owe it to Sofia."

* * *

_Beep. Beep._

_Ring Ring._

Arizona looked down at her pager. "'All clear'. The lock down is over."

_"_Finally_,_ after six hours," Callie said. She stands and checks her own pager. "They want us for a board meeting in half an hour". She looked down at Arizona. "Do you need help putting the leg back on or help standing up…?"

Arizona smiled softly. "I've got it."

Callie smiled softly back. "Right." She lingers in the doorway.

"Um, well, I'll go upstairs and check on Sofia and text you with how she is. You can come up later when you get the chance."

"Sure. Pickup still set for six?"

"For six? Yeah." Callie opens the door and stops over the threshold. She turns back.

"I guess I'll see you around." She smiled sadly.

"Goodbye Arizona."'

"Goodbye Callie."


	10. Separate

Separation

That's what they call this kind of situation, right? It's not really being married, because being married means that you share things with your partner-thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears. Routines. Space. Family. A life. It means that you share a life together, so this is definitely not that anymore. But this is not divorce either, because neither of them have discussed that kind of permanent break or what it would mean legally or for their family. Right now, it's just hard to even be in the same room and have a conversation. They'd decided that they couldn't be together right now-as they are, as they were, as they had been.

So.

That leaves...

Separation.

Separated. They're separated.

As in, not together. As in, not living in the same space. As in, Arizona living across the hall in her dead best friend's apartment. As in, they work out a schedule handing off a confused little girl across the hall and back because even starting to tackle the mess that was their relationship seems like too much right now. As in, they are living separate lives that intersect a lot because they sort of share the same home (building), workplace, and child.

It's limbo. A neither here nor there, a neither yes or no, a neither stop or go. It's No-Man's land.

Siberia.

A desert with no end.

It's hell.

* * *

Some people say that moving on is hard to do.

Is it?

It feels like she's been doing okay at it. The apartment feels different, but she thinks that it's supposed to. There isn't the stress and laughter that was there when she and Cristina were roommates and things were new with Erica, nor the excitement and happiness that was there when she and Arizona used to dance around the couches. The good-natured laughter and the various fragrant cooking smells are as dead and gone as Mark is, and there are no more awkward silences and rambles to fill in the gaps. The noises are different.

These noises are a new kind of noise.

Now, the apartment is filled with Sofia's chatter in the morning. Her favorite cartoon shows, and her little feet on the floor as she toddles back and forth. It's filled with the noise of the TV at night when Sofia is in bed and all she has for company is a bottle of wine.

The first time that she goes out after the lockdown, Bailey had asked her out for drinks after work. She almost didn't go, saying that she had to get home to Sofia, but Bailey had dropped the kids off with Ben (who was here for the week), and off they had went. It felt weird being social for a change, almost like visiting your high school for the first time after going to college.

She'd had a better time that she had expected to.

As they were leaving, a man had come up to her and asked her for her number. She'd been about to let him down gently, when Bailey had given it to him and then had told her that she needed to move on and have some fun for a change.

Baby steps. She could do baby steps.

When Luke (short for Lucas) had called and asked her to dinner, she'd stuttered and blushed and mumbled yes. It had taken her over two hours to get ready and out the door. Sofia had laughed and played with her makeup.

At the the restaurant, she blurts out that the last time she'd dressed nicely, she'd been in a room trying to buy a hospital from settlement money awarded from a plane crash. And that she's married-well, separated- whatever that means. And then she spills the wine onto the waiter. Dinner is short and awkward and they split the check.

He doesn't call back.

The next time that she goes out, it was such a disaster, she'd almost been glad that a multiple car accident had pulled her back into work unexpectedly. She decides that this isn't what she wants or needs right now (forget Bailey, even though she does mean well), and tries to focus on keeping her life together.

The third time that she has an opportunity to go out, it comes from Dan from Psych. She'd known him from around for ages and he had a nephew in the daycare. When he begins to talk, she shoots him down, but it turns out that he hadn't really been asking her out in a date. He'd just wanted to know if they could exchange snack days next week. After she stammers out an apology, they go to the coffee cart while on break. He's saying and doing all the right things, and she's laughing and smiling and it feels a little different. She's making different noises and it feels _good_. She's in no way attracted to Dan (from Psych), but the noises that she's making feel good.

She's shocked when Dan walks her back to the Ortho wing because it feels normal.

_This was fun, _he says, _But, you seem a little off._

Was she?

Later that night, she's brushing her teeth when she puts the toothbrush down to examine her face.

Was she a little off?

Even after talking about most of it, there's still a lot things that have been left unsaid.

She hasn't been herself in over a year. Who was she?

It was time to find out.

When she goes to work the next day, she goes up to Psych and asks Dan out for a friendly drink after work. And it feels _nice_ to not talk about the difficult things. It feels nice to talk and laugh with someone who isn't Bailey or Cristina or Addison or almost three years old. It feels nice to separate herself for a while from the tragedy that has become her life. It feels nice just to have a new friend.

Some people say that moving on is hard to do. But sometimes, she finds, moving on is easy.

She fingers the heart necklace around her neck. It's the memories that linger behind that are the problem.


	11. Round Table

"Hey, Alex. Have you seen Kerry Breyer's chart? I did the consult you asked for, but I couldn't find the chart to update."

"Yeah, I'll get it for you after lunch." Alex crunched on a potato chip. "So what did you think, Mer?"

"Her intestines are definitely inflamed. Her C.T. wasn't clear, so we're definitely going to have to open her up for exploratory surgery. I'll show you the scans later. Does later today sound good to you?"

"Yeah, should be fine." Alex sneered at Cristina. "It's Yang's turn to cook dinner anyway. And I'm bringing Jo."

Cristina didn't look up from her medical journal. "You want to poison your girlfriend? Fine with me. That means I won't have to hear the two of you going at it like monkeys every night."

Alex shook his head. "Someone's been touchy since they broke up with the Chief of Surgery."

"Alex!" Meredith sighed.

"What? It's true." She shot him a look.

"Did I forget to mention that I paged Ortho for a consult on Kerry Breyer?" Meredith smiled sweetly. "She fell out of bed when the abdominal pain started and I think she may have broken her arm."

Alex moaned. "Oh, crap."

Cristina snickered. "Peds _and_ Ortho? No one is envying you right now."

Alex glared at her. "It's not a big deal. It's just a broken arm. Anyway, Robbins makes herself scarce when she hears that there's an Ortho consult on the floor."

"She makes herself scarce in general." Meredith put in. She unwrapped her sandwich. "You should see her at board meetings."

"It's true." Cristina added. "Most of the time she's too perky and it's all she can do to run out the door when they end. And she isn't even that fast anymore without the roller skates and the one leg."

"Cristina!"

Cristina looked at Meredith.

"What? I'm just saying. Her name is Arizona, she already had a blue A stitched on her lab coat. She didn't need a scarlet one."

"Yang!"

"What?"

"Watch it, okay? We don't know the whole story."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Oh, really? Hot craniofacial expert comes in during the storm and has Robbins' wedding ring pinned to her chest like a sign and we don't know the whole story?" She eats a spoonful of yogurt and shrugs. "She destroyed her marriage. Plain and simple."

"We don't have any right to judge, okay? Look at how our marriages have turned out."

"He's right." Meredith said. "You're divorced."

"So? So is he! Poor Callie. She's been cheated on what? Twice now? Jeez."

"At least she looks better," Meredith replied. I've seen her around the hospital and she looks good. Confident. Her cartilage lab is kicking ass."

"Yeah well, I'm not sure about Robbins." Alex said. "I think she's still dealing with PTSD from the crash."

Cristina scoffed. "Please, Roller Girl has PTSD? In any event, even if she does, PTSD is not a good excuse for cheating. "

"Says you." Alex snapped. " Like you've never done something out of character and crazy while having PTSD? Pot meet kettle. You quit your job!" He looked at Meredith, "You tried to drown for God's sake!"

"You kept a bullet in your chest like a prima donna." Meredith shot back.

Alex shrugged. "So? It was hot, and chicks dug it. Yang was the one with the husband who choked her out when he had PTSD."

Cristina turned to Alex. "Why did I tell you that?"

"We were laying down."

"Figures." She ate another spoonful of yogurt. "Anyway, cheating is different."

"She's right." Meredith said. "I helped Derek cheat, even when he was trying to fix things with Addison."

Cristina put down her yogurt.

"Owen cheated. And that wasn't PTSD. "

"What are we talking about here?" Jackson approached the trio and put down his tray. He started eating his lasagna.

"Oh, hey Pretty Boy. Did you get Russell's Lotus Valve work request? He needs-"

"-For the tenth time, Yang, I'm _eating_. No discussing of hospital business while I'm eating. " Cristina rolled her eyes. Jackson ignored her and turned to Meredith. "Anyway, what were we talking about?"

Meredith passed him a napkin. "The topic is cheating."

"Oh, wonderful."

Alex bit into his apple. "Someone doesn't sound happy. Trouble in paradise with the intern?"

"No, things with _Stephanie_ are fine. It's just-" Jackson sighed. "You think you know someone."

Alex nodded. "Yup. And then they turn out to be crazy. Or have cancer."

Meredith and Cristina turned away from Jackson.

"_Alex!_"

Alex sipped his soda.

"What?"

Jackson nodded at him and gestured with his fork.

"Right? I mean: 'unless you can give me a reason not to?' Who says something like that to another person? I have a girlfriend. I'm not a cheater."

Meredith turned to him "Oh, come on Jackson. I don't think that she meant it quite like that-"

"Hey, guys!" April joined the tabled and unwrapped a brownie. "Marge in Dermo made these for Dr. Webber's first day back and he's been handing them out." She bit down and sighed. "They are to_ die_ for. What are we talking about?"

"Cheating." Cristina replied. "And marriages."

"Oh, are we talking about Arizona and Callie?"

Alex scoffed. "Why are we even asking Kepner about this? She's another member of the failed marriage club."

"Hey, it was an engagement!" April said indignantly. She sighed.

"They were just so good together. It's just so sad to see them separated and hurting."

"Well," Jackson said. "Callie seems to be moving on okay. I hear she's been spending some time with that guy Dan from Psych."

"Really?" Cristina asked. "Which hot guy is he: the one with the face or the one with the ass?"

Jackson snorted. "I haven't spent my time looking at his ass, but it seems like a pretty decent one to me." He looked up.

"What? I'm a plastics guy."

They all resumed eating. April took another bite of her brownie.

"Callie's been hanging out with someone? Already?"

"Well, what is she supposed to do?" asked Jackson. "Sit around and mope and wait forever? " April glanced at him and looked away. Jackson continued. "Sometimes, you just have to move on."

"I think that it's kind of sad." Meredith offered. "You can see how much they still love each other."

Cristina's eyes followed Owen as he walked across the room. "Yeah, but sometimes, love isn't always enough."

They ate in silence.

After fifteen minutes, Alex stood up with his tray. "I have to get back to Peds." He looked over at Meredith. "You coming?"

Meredith stood up. "Yeah, I'll meet you in Kerry's room. Just want to check in on the kids." She grabs her tray. "And, for the record? Dan from Psych is gay."

* * *

After feeding Bailey and playing with Zola for a little bit, Meredith made her way to the elevator and pressed the button. Bailey was getting so big. And he was sleeping through the night. _And _she'd just been cleared for extracurricular activities. Smirking, she took out her phone to text her husband about the agenda for tonight after the Elmo DVD-

_Ding_

Looking up from her phone, Meredith stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Peds. She was so busy texting that she didn't notice the elevator doors open again. As they closed, she looked up and smiled at a familiar figure.

"Arizona. Hi."

"Hey, Meredith." Meredith gestured toward the elevator buttons.

"Did you want me to push...?"

"No, it's fine. I'm headed to Peds too."

"Okay."

Meredith turned back to her phone. Derek was going to be so excited. He'll probably run home-

The elevator jerked to a stop.

"Whoa."

"What the hell was that-?"

_Excuse me ladies and gentleman. Today is a maintenance day for the elevators. Our attendant is just inspecting your car. The elevator will resume movement shortly. Thank you for your patience._

Meredith turned toward Arizona.

"I forgot that this was today. I vaguely remember Jackson talking about it at the board meeting but I was thinking more about surgery than about elevators at the tim- are you okay?"

In the dim light of the elevator, Arizona looked pale. Her hand was gripping the support bar attached to the wall.

"Me? Yeah, no I'm fine." Arizona smiled. "I forgot about the maintenance thing too. Sometimes all of the administrative stuff goes right in one ear and right out the other. You're on the Breyer kid with Karev, right? How is that going?"

The elevator jerked back into motion.

"It's going well. It looks like we're going to have to open her up for exploratory surgery though. C.T.'s have been coming back pretty murky around her intestines. I'm meeting Alex there now."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Meredith stepped out and looked behind her.

"Arizona? Are you coming?"

Arizona smiled at Meredith apologetically.

"You know what? I actually forgot something downstairs. In the lobby. I'll see you back up here." The elevator doors began to close. "Good luck with the surgery!"

Shrugging her shoulders, Meredith turned around and walked onto the Peds floor. As she approached Alex outside of Kerry Breyer's room, she saw a familiar head of dark hair round the corner.

Alex didn't look up from the chart.

"Hey Mer, you were right about the intestines. C.T's inconclusive, we're going to have to go in. You just missed Torres. She says that she'll set the arm while we go in."

"Yeah, you were right too."

"About what?"

"About Robbins." Alex looked up and closed the chart. "What about her?"

"Something definitely isn't right with her."


	12. Carousel

It was 7am and she still hasn't been to sleep.

It was okay, though. It was Wednesday morning and she had the morning off. She was going to sleep in and not think about surgeries or sick children or board meetings and on-call rooms until later. Yesterday had been rough, and her stump was killing her, but it was fine. She'd take the time this morning to massage it and plan the afternoon's surgeries. Karev was handling the morning's sole procedure and she wasn't (too) worried. Maybe she'd call in to see how things were going later before she came in for the day. She shook her head amusedly. Alex will probably roll his eyes at her. He'll probably-

She shot up out of bed and brushed her hair out of her face.

Karev was at the dentist's all morning. And she'd told him that she would handle his morning surgery. Crap.

It was Wednesday morning and she was late.

It was okay, though. Everything was fine. She'd go in, operate, and maybe afterward, she'd go up to the daycare and take Sofia to the park on her break. There wasn't anything special planned at the daycare, was there?

She hurriedly hobbled (hopped) into the bathroom and stopped short.

She'd promised Sofia that she would come in to see her in daycare today. But Karev was at the dentist's and she told him that she would handle his surgery.

The surgery was eight hours.

She turned on the shower. No big deal. This was fixable. She could make this work. Let's see...if she got to the hospital in the next fifteen minutes, she'd have time to change and run up to the daycare and see Sofia before the surgery started. She'd been so excited about it yesterday. There were people coming in today- puppets? Or was it clowns? No, no. It was definitely puppets. Puppets were coming and Sofia was so excited.

She turned off the water and grabbed a towel. Okay, okay. She'd just pop in in the morning before the surgery and everything would be fine. Yay. Problem Solved. She'd just have to grab a banana or something on her way out the door and hope that she had time in between surgeries to grab something later for a snack-

Snack. Snack. Fruit.

_Crap_.

It was their turn for snack this week. Not next week, like she'd thought- but this week because Callie had decided to switch snack days with the guy from Psych and had forgotten to tell her. She hurriedly put on a shirt. It was okay. It was fine. She's just run to the market on her way in and grab some fruit and stick it in the attending's lounge until later. And if she left, like _now-_

Wait. The market wasn't open this early.

Okay. Okay, that's fine. She'd just run there around eleven or so and buy some fruit and make it back in time for the lunchtime snack. Except, except...

Karev isn't going to be there in the morning. He was at the dentist's.

And she had surgery.

She sat down on the toilet to fasten her prosthetic.

The snacks were a problem for later. Maybe she'd get an intern or someone to go to the market and grab the fruit for her while she was in surgery. It was fine. Just fine. Fixable. She pulled up her pants and tried to think about the surgery that she was going to be performing in an hour. It hadn't seemed like it was going to be that bad when she had looked it over last night. She hoped that Owen had assigned a good anesthesiologist-

She grabbed her hairbrush.

Owen was going to wonder why she stood up his shrink.

She started brushing her hair. What was her name? Dr.-Dr. Wyatt? Her name was Dr. Wyatt. Or something. She'd told Owen that she was fine and that she didn't need to talk to anyone, but he'd insisted and had told her that he'd already made the appointment. Well, she'd had surgery this morning. How could she miss surgery? She put brush down and started applying her makeup. Anyway, she was fine. Fine. Things were fine. She fastened her heart necklace around her neck and stared at herself in the mirror. She fixed a smile onto her face. Everything was fine.

Everything was going to be just fine.

* * *

April Kepner loved her job. Adored it. She loved everything about it-the sights, the smells, helping patients, filling out charts, the OR, the ER...

All of it.

In the mornings, she loved to get up early and walk to work. She loved to take in Seattle: the various sights and sounds and smells, before being caged up in the hospital all day. And at night, she loved the scent of the crisp night air as she walked home.

Once she reached to hospital for work, she greeted everyone- the regulars: the guys at the coffee cart, the security guards, the nurses, Michael the janitor, and the not so regulars: new patients, visitors, students.

When she had a chance to stop and breathe, there was one place in the hospital that she enjoyed going to decompress. It was the one place in the hospital that was always full of joy, full of noise and laughter.

There needed to be more laughter.

After the storm, everything had gotten so screwy. She and Matthew had broken their engagement. Chief Hunt was walking around shell-shocked and sad. Dr. Webber was still recovering from the electrocution. Bailey was still double gloving every time she had to operate. She and Jackson hadn't really spoken to each other since that night, but things were still awkward between them.

Everything was different.

She'd started out going there at times when she didn't really have much to celebrate about. Having to transfer to a new hospital because of the merger. Getting fired. Failing the boards. But she started coming there when times were good. Getting rehired. Making Chief Resident. And before she knew it, the place had just become her place to think.

When she had a second, she made a beeline there, dodging nurses and orderlies, squeezing past interns and residents. This room in particular was a ways past the NICU, away from on-call rooms, not too far from the attending's lounge. Coming to a full stop by the door, she glanced into the window and smiled.

Nothing beat watching the kids in the daycare.

They were so innocent and happy, playing with their toys and with each other. If she stayed up here, she'd be a couple of minutes late to her own surgery. She watched Tuck Bailey hand another child a LEGO and smiled.

This was so worth it.

She'd just been about to enter the daycare and say hi to the kids when she noticed that her shoes were untied. Stepping around the corner to tie them, she was hidden out of sight when a familiar voice reached her ears.

"Hey, Sof. Ready for today?"

Dr. Callie Torres approached the daycare center carrying her purse, a large diaper bag, and her 2 and 1/2 year old daughter.

Sofia tugged on her mother's arm. "Mami. Down."

Dr. Torres chuckled.

"Oh, you want to go down? Two seconds ago you wanted to come up." She sets her daughter down.

"Okay mija. Excited for daycare today? I heard that there's going to be puppets at snack time today. Are you excited for the puppet show?"

"Mami. Mama."

"Sofia sweetie, Mama will be around to take you back home later, remember? After the puppet show."

"Mama!"

"Hey, sweet girl." Around the corner, April could see the familiar form of Arizona Robbins approach the pair, already outfitted for work in her scrubs and lab coat.

She smiled hesitantly at Dr. Torres before turning her attention to the little girl in front of her.

"Are you ready for today? I heard Mami say something about puppets. Yay!"

"Yay!" As Sofia starts babbling about her day, Dr. Robbins smiles apologetically at Dr. Torres.

"I'm sorry. I know that I'm just supposed to pick her up from daycare and take her home, but she just seemed so excited about today, and I promised that I would stop in to see her today. I didn't think that I would run into you as you were just coming in-"

"-It's fine. It's fine. She's always happy to see you."

For a while there isn't any sound except for Sofia's excited chatter. Dr. Torres tries to ignore Dr. Robbins and Dr. Robbins tries to pretend that she isn't staring at Dr. Torres as she listens to her daughter babble. The painful, awkward silence is broken by a brunette in the daycare doorway. "Is that Sofia I see?"

"Hi Mira." Dr. Torres smiled. "She's all ready for you. Say goodbye to Mama and Mami sweetie."

Sofia took Mira's hand and waved at her mothers.

"Bye Mama! Bye Mami!"

"Bye sweetie!"

"See you later, sweet girl."

After the door to daycare closes, she sees Dr. Torres sigh and take a large step away from Dr. Robbins.

"Well...I'll see you around." As Dr. Torres walks away, she can see Dr. Robbins argue with herself before calling out.

"Callie?" April can see Dr. Torres stop and sigh before turning around.

"Um-well. Ho- how have you been?. How are things going?"

Dr. Torres stares for a second before replying. "Um, things are fine. The cartilage lab has been going well. I think we're on the verge of something pretty amazing." She looks away. "How have you been? We haven't really had a chance to talk since that day in the closet."

Dr. Robbins smiles. "Me? Oh, I'm doing fine. Great, actually. The Africa Program's been doing very well, so I'm happy."

Dr. Torres nods. "Right. So, I guess I'll see you later when you drop Sofia off."

"Yeah. Later."

April watches as Dr. Torres walks away. After a while, Dr. Robbins glances at the window of the daycare before following suit.

When the coast is clear, she steps out from behind the corner. It wasn't just the people at the hospital that were different these days. Their routines were too. Lately every morning and evening at the daycare was the same. She'd see Dr. Torres come in to drop Sofia off in the morning, only to see Dr. Robbins pick her up to take her home at night. She could still remember the days when pickup and drop off were something that the Robbins-Torres' would do together, as a family. She would often smile at the picture that the three (sometimes four) would make in the lobby at the end of shift and fantasize about her own family. About her own pickup, her own routine. A merry-go-round of happiness.

April walks down the hall and glances through the glass window of the daycare. Sofia was sitting down at a table, coloring with Zola Shepherd.

Every time she that sees Sofia, she's reminded of the harrowing day of her birth: Arizona coming in beat up, Callie almost unrecognizable after going through that windshield. The way that everyone had come together to save their lives. She'd never forget how Dr. Robbins had rushed into the OR and had gotten Sofia to breathe, how she and the other residents had snuck Callie in to see baby Sofia when they were both still recovering in the hospital, or how Dr. Stark had helped with Sofia's operation, letting Dr. Robbins observe. How Sofia had opened her eyes for the first time, and how she'd passed her carrier test to go home. It was such a good story. Everything had ended so happily, with a beautiful baby and a beautiful wedding. The story had never failed to give her hope. Hope for love and for happiness, even when times got messy or hard.

Since her time at the hospital, she'd seen those two go through a lot, and each time, they had always managed to stay together, stronger than ever. It was inspirational to see. It was beautiful. At the wedding, she'd heard Dr. Altman call them the couple that she aspired to during her wedding toast, and she had to say that she agreed.

And to see them go from dancing at their wedding to barely being able to share the same space?

It was heartbreaking.

Heading back downstairs, April headed towards the locker room bathroom. It's only when she's finished up and moving to flush the toilet that she hears the crying. As she flushes and moves to the sink to wash her hands, she sees a familiar figure turn away and wipe her face.

"Dr.-Dr. Robbins? Are you okay?" she asks. Dr. Robbins smiled at her.

"Oh, hey April. Yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. I'll see you in the OR."

When she goes to grab her scrub cap from her locker, her fingers brush across the edge of something rectangular. April sighs as she lifts the picture frame out of the shelf. Maybe good stories and happy endings were just things that happened in the movies. She places it back into her locker face down and makes a mental note to bring it home after shift.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Dr. Robbins rub her fingers against the necklace around her neck before heading into the OR wing. After a moment, she smiles and places the wedding photo that she'd taken two years ago upright in her locker before closing the door.

If they were all going to get off of this depressing carousel, then they were going to need all of the help that they could get.


	13. Left Behind

Cristina Yang had been having a good morning. Two back to back cardio procedures and one successful Lotus Valve implantation and she felt so good, she could have smiled.

And it wasn't even lunchtime yet.

With the kind of good day- no, with the kind of great day that she was having, nothing could get her down. Not even-

"Grumpy, why are you following me?"

"Dr. Yang! How are you? I brought you coffee. Did I mention that I was in the gallery during your Lotus Valve implantation? Your technique was flawless-"

"-Of course it was. Why are you stalking me?"

"-And I just wanted to say that I really admired the way that you saved that aortic rupture patient. The way that you are so cool under fire is just amazing."

Cristina stopped walking. "Okay. You're buttering me up-very well I might add- even more so than usual." She started walking again. "What is it?"

"Did I mention that your stethoscope-"

"Grumpy."

Stephanie sighed. "It's just- I'm on a Peds rotation today and-"

"So? Karev is doing an 8 hour procedure today. It's going to be cool."

"Dr. Karev is at the dentist's office for half of the day. Dr. Robbins is going to be doing the procedure, and...I was just wondering if you had any space for me on your service today-"

"-Sorry, Grumpy. Wilson's on my service today, and she's already checking my pre and posts. I'll be in Russell's lab for most of the day, so I don't really need two interns."

"Please, Dr. Yang. I'll do scut, I'll get you test tubes, I'll-"

"Grumpy." Cristina stopped walking and turned to the young intern.

"Look, you want to avoid be on Robbins' service because you think she's going to bite your head off. Am I right?"

"Well, yes. but-"

"So what?"

"I'm sorry?"

"So what? So what if Robbins makes you miserable for the day? Are you going to let that stop you from learning? Are you going to let that stop you from being the best surgeon that you can possibly be? She's one of the best at what she does. When I was a resident, there was a cardio chief that hated me, but she was brilliant. It's one surgery. Take what you can from it. Forget the rest."

Cristina continued to walk down the hallway toward the Cardio wing. She sighed.

"_Interns_. Oh, hey Mer."

"Hey." Meredith turned away from the computer that she was glancing at. "Interns bothering you again?"

"Eh." Cristina shrugged. "Who's that guy you were just talking to? He looks vaguely familiar."

"Oh, that's Dan. He works up in Psych." Meredith grabbed some charts and started to walk down the hallway. Cristina looked back toward the elevators to where a dark-haired man was standing.

"That's Dan?" she asked. "He doesn't look nearly as cute up close."

Meredith shook her head. "I'll tell his husband that you think so."

Cristina rolled her eyes and continued walking. "You know, he really does look familiar. Maybe I had a patient that resembled him or something."

Meredith looked back toward the elevators. "Maybe. I've got to get to surgery. Text you for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'll be in Russell's lab."

* * *

The work in the lab had taken less time than she'd thought, and now she had a free hour. Cristina checked her watch, and continued writing in her chart. Meredith was still in surgery, and afterward, she'd want to check on the kids for a little bit before grabbing lunch. Karev wasn't back yet. Jackson and Kepner were both in surgery. Everyone else has an actual life outside of the hospital. It was times like these where a part of her felt like she was getting left behind...

"It was awesome. You were right."

"Grumpy" Cristina remarked from her seat at the nurses' station. "Still alive, I see."

"The surgery was incredible. Dr. Robbins was incredible. She was so nice and willing to teach during the surgery. And her technique..."

Stephanie sighed lustfully. "Her technique was flawless."

"Careful. I might have to start calling you Bashful."

"She let me close. She. Let. Me. Close. It was epic. I'm never going to call her a Stepford Bitch ever again. I'm not even going to think it."

"Oh, who? Dr. Robbins?" Shane approached the nurses' station. "She's mean."

Stephanie stared at him with shock. "What? What do you mean? You don't know what you're talking about. I was just in surgery with her and it was _awesome_.

Shane dumped a pile of charts onto the desk. "Well, I saw her and it was not _awesome_. I asked her how the surgery went and she sent me to buy strawberries. Like I was her personal assistant or something. I wanted to stab her in her other foot. Uh, respectfully Dr. Yang. Stab her respectfully. It's not like I spend my time thinking bad thoughts about attendings and board members, even though some of them leave a little to be desired in the humanity department-"

"Stop, now" Stephanie put in. "Before it gets any worse."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Don't you guys have somewhere else to be that is not right in front of me?"

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Jo walked up. She peered over the desk.

"Oh. Hi, Dr Yang. I didn't see you there. I checked all of your pre and post ops and everything looks good, except for Mr. Williams in 3210. His pressure is a little up, but I'm keeping an eye on it. "

Cristina nodded. "Good. Leave the charts here."

Jo stretched her neck. "Did you need me for anything else?"

"No. You're free."

"Nice!" Jo turned to Stephanie and Shane. "Dinner?"

"Yes! See you later Dr. Yang!"

"Bye, Dr. Yang!"

Cristina didn't look up from her chart.

"Yeah, whatever. Bye."

Cristina finished writing in her chart and closed it. She was was just checking the time on the clock on the wall when a familiar face rounds the corner. Robbins was walking down the hallway, her limp more noticeable than usual as she made her way down the hall. She stopped at the on-call room and entered. Cristina took out her phone. She's looking for Meredith in her contacts when the on-call room bursts open and Robbins stumbles out and bumps into Miranda Bailey.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Uh, sorry Bailey. I was just, um, trying to sleep, but I couldn'-"

"Well, watch where you're going." Bailey snapped. "I was actually looking for you anyway, Dr. Robbins. The nurses in Peds said that you were on break and I wanted to catch you before you uh, decided to ease some stress. An old friend of mine came in with his daughter and I was wondering if you could consult. "

Arizona blinked. "Oh. Um, sure. I'm actually headed to the cafeteria to grab something, but I can meet you up there afterward."

"That's perfect. I'll page you the room number. This will mean a lot to my friend. He's a single parent. His partner left him. Adultery. I told him that you could understand a little something about that."

Robbins smiled weakly. "Right. I'll see you up there. "

She watches as Robbins begins to walk towards the cafeteria, only to stop short. Her hands go to touch a small box in her lab coat pocket. She continues to walk until-

"Hey, Arizona." She turned around and smiled.

"Owen. Did you need me for something?" From here, the smile looked a little too bright.

"Um, no. Actually…" Owen moved closer to Arizona. "I wanted to talk to you about something." He lowered his voice. "I know that we've talked about this already, but I really do think that you should reconsider the possibility of talking to someone about-"

Arizona cut him off. "Owen. I appreciate where you are coming from, but I am perfectly fine, okay? Just fine. I don't need to talk to anyone about anything."

"I know, I know that's what you said, but I really think that you should give Dr. Wyatt a chance, she really helped me when I got back from the war. I know that you missed the appointment that I made for you with her because you were in surgery, but I think that she can really help you. When I first got here, I said the same thing, that I was fine, and then I ended up almost hurting someone that I really cared about."

Arizona glanced over his shoulder at Bailey. "Well, you know what Owen? I don't think that that's going to be an issue. I think that I've already done that, don't you?" She sighed. "Look, I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, really, I do. But, there's nothing going on here, okay? I am perfectly fine, and-"

"Dr. Yang!" Wilson ran up to her, breathless. "A man just came in and you need to see this. It looks like his vena cava might have ruptured."

"Did you page Russell?"

"He said to page you. The patient's in the pit"

"Book an O.R. stat. I'm on my way."

Cristina grinned. Left behind, her ass. This was where she belonged.

* * *

It's fifteen hours after the vena cava patient when she ends up back into the O.R. A teenage girl was in a school bus when it went over the guardrail and into a lake.

She's in O.R. 3 operating with Karev (finally back from the dentist's) first assisting and Robbins observing.

The kid's chest was caved in upon arrival and she's doing everything that she can to save the heart when Karev calls out.

"Guys. Check out his leg."

Cristina's heart sank. "She's got a massive infection. The vasculature there is shredded. No blood is flowing to the foot. The leg is dead."

"We're going to have to amputate." He looked at Cristina. "Do you still need me here in his chest?"

"Yeah, I'm in her left ventricle. You can't move."

"I've got it." said Robbins.

Karev turns to look at her.

"Are you sure? I can-"

"Alex, I said, I got it. Ten blade."

For a while, there's nothing but the sounds of metal instruments in flesh.

"Bone saw." Out of the corner of her eye, Cristina sees Bokey hand Robbins the bone saw. She stares down at the leg and pauses.

"Dr. Robbins?"

Machines begin to beep.

"She's arresting. We're losing her." Karev exclaims. He starts to massage the heart.

"Push one of epi. Charge the paddles to 20." Cristina applies the paddles directly to the heart.

"Clear!"

"Nothing. Charge to 25."

"Clear!"

"Charging to 30."

"Nothing. He's gone."

"Charge it again. 35."

"Dr. Robbins-"

"Do it."

"...Charging to 35. Clear!"

"Do it again. 40."

"Robbins-"

"Again."

"Arizona." Karev looks at her. "She's dead." There's a clatter as the bone saw hits the table.

Arizona stares at the body on the table. After a moment, she picks up a suture kit and starts to sew.

"Arizona? What are you doing?"

"I'm suturing her leg. The least we can do for her parents is make her look whole."

Cristina puts down the paddles, and picks up her suture kit. Karev helps her close the chest. The only sound in the OR is that of the machines, signaling another loss of life.

* * *

Later on she's scrubbing out when she hears footsteps behind her. The sink next to her turns on and she sees Robbins, rinsing her hands. They stand in silence.

Without warning, the power goes out. For a second, she doesn't hear the water from the sink. Instead, she hears the water of a nearby stream. She hears the sound of the water in their last bottle running dry. The darkness that she sees is not quiet, but is filled with the sounds of nature and sobbing. It's filled with the scent of human flesh and jet fuel and fire, filled with rumbling stomachs and screaming people and no way to call for help. With no matches and no food and no bathroom and dead bodies...

The lights flick back on. With an effort, Cristina shakes off the flashback and tries to find her bearings. Next to her, she can feel Robbins shaking next to her.

"Arizona?"

"He's not dead. He's not. He's just asleep."

Arizona backed away from her, toward the wall. Her eyes are fixed on something that she can't see.

"I said that we were waiting for him. He said that were all going to go home together. He's just asleep. He'll wake up because he said that we were going together."

Cristina approached Arizona slowly. She held her hand out. "You are home. You're home. You're here. You're back."

Arizona shook her head. "He told me take care of them. I didn't take care of them. He told me to, and I couldn't- I didn't-"

Cristina stood in front of her.

"They're safe. They're fine. Everyone is fine. We are _fine_."

Arizona's back hit the wall. She moaned and held her head in hands. "The animals. I hear them. They're growling. They're coming. They're going after Lexie. Mark is screaming, he's screaming, and I can't move" She moaned again.

"I can't-I can't move. My leg. They're in my leg. They won't get out of my leg. They're eating me alive. It hurts. It hurts so much. I can't move. I'm stuck. They're going to get us. They're going to get us."

Cristina grabbed Arizona's face with her hands. "Listen to me. Listen to me. They're not here. They can't hurt us. Wanna know why? You wanna know why? Because we're not there. We're here. We're in the hospital. We're safe. We're away. We're fine. We're fine. We're fine. We got out. We got out, okay? We got out. We got out."

She felt Arizona nodding beneath her hands. She kept repeating herself:

"We got out, okay? We got out. We got out. We got out. We got out..."

As the woman in front of her trembled, she did the only thing that she could think of. Something she remembers doing once upon another time with another person. She wrapped her arms around her.

As they stand there in the dim light, she thought back to what she said to Owen after the crash. It seems that she wasn't the only one who never got out of the woods that day. There was one other person there that day that got left behind.


	14. Prelude

"I think that we should tell them."

Meredith sighed. "Derek."

"Meredith, I'm serious. I think we should tell them."

"Tell them what? This is something that I told you as my husband, not as a fellow board member, all right? This was something that Alex told me in confidence."

Derek and Meredith moved around their room with practiced ease, getting ready for bed. Rain was pouring outside, signaling another gloomy Seattle night. After putting on his pajama pants, Derek went to the bureau and grabbed a T-shirt. He headed for the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush

"If she's stopping in surgery like that, then she has no business being in an O.R."

Meredith turned back the covers. Lightning struck. "Oh, please. Like you haven't frozen up during a surgery. It happens to all of us."

The water started running. "And when it happens, someone is there to call us out on it. What if it happens again-?"

"-It's not." Meredith frowned. "What did you say?"

Derek spit toothpaste into the sink. "-But what if it does?"

Meredith sighed. She took off her watch and placed it on the night table. "It won't, okay? That kid dying on that table was not her fault. Alex said that he was going to talk to her. And it happened weeks ago-"

Derek emerged from the bathroom and put in his T-shirt. He stopped to stare at his wife. "Weeks, Meredith? Weeks?"

"-And he says that nothing has happened since then, okay? She's fine. I think what happened in the scrub room-"

"Scrub room? What happened in the scrub room?"

Meredith sighed. "I'm not really sure. I saw Arizona and Cristina come out of the scrub room that day and it looked like they both had been crying or something. Cristina didn't want to talk about it." Meredith brushed her hair. "Whatever happened, it must have been cathartic or something. Arizona's completely fine. I mean, you've seen her-"

Derek slipped into bed "-I have."

"-And she's been _normal_. The interns aren't even scared of her anymore. They think that she's awesome. They all want in on her surgeries. I think that Ross is one surgery away from declaring Peds." Meredith put down the brush. "I mean, I actually have to order one of them to work on my service."

Derek smiled. "Of course you do. You're Medusa."

Meredith smirked. "I am." She sighed. "Everything's fine, okay? So let it go."

"Meredith-"

"Did you see Bailey today? I think that he's starting to sit on his own." Derek shook his head and sat up.

"You're trying to change the subject."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. And it's working." He leaned over to kiss her.

"Of course he's starting to sit on his own." Derek murmured. "He's perfect."

Meredith smiled. "And Zola tied her shoes today all by herself."

"She's perfect too."

They kissed again.

"Our kids are perfect." Derek murmured.

"Yes they are. They're much better than everyone else's kids."

"They are."

They kissed again.

Meredith pulled away and cupped Derek's cheek. "Just let it go, okay? Arizona is fine, the kids are fine. Everybody is fine. Okay?"

Derek sighed resignedly. "Okay."

"'Night"

"'Night."

They kissed again. Derek turned away to turn off his lamp. Meredith grabbed her book from the nightstand and opened it. The bedroom was silent for a moment. Then:

"Do you really think that she's fine?"

She turned the page.

"Let it go, Derek. Go to sleep."

After a while, Meredith closed her book and turned off the light. She lies down.

It's a long while before the rain is able to close her eyes and lull her to sleep.

* * *

Across town, a boom of thunder accompanied a knock to a door. After a moment, Arizona opened it and stopped short.

"Callie. Hey."

"Hey. Sofia forgot Mr. Snuggles across the hall. I just wanted to make sure that she had it for bed."

"Right. Thanks. She's putting on her PJ's right now, so your timing is perfect…Um, do you want to come in for a bit, while she gets ready for bed?"

Uh, sure." Callie stepped inside and sat down on the couch. Arizona moved to sit down in a chair across from her. The silence is deafening for a few minutes. Outside, rain begins to fall, landing gently against the window panes. Lightning flashed from a distance.

Arizona tapped her fingers on her lap. "So, how are things? I hear that things with the cartilage lab are going very well."

Callie nodded. "They are. The clinical trials on our patients have gone really well. It seems like the cartilage is holding." She leaned forward. "What about you? How are things? How have you been?"

Arizona looked away. "Oh, you know. Things are good. Well, you know. I'm fin-"

"Fine." Callie finished. She sat back and looked away. "Right. I know."

"Yeah. Fine." Arizona smiled. "So, congratulations on your breakthrough. It's got to be the biggest breakthrough in medicine in what? The past 5 years? It's amazing. I'm so happy for you." She smiled again. "You're amazing."

Callie smiled back. "Thank you. You know, I remember the day that I started working on it. Bailey kept asking for advice on having sex-"

Arizona laughed. "What? Bailey? Really?"

"Yeah." Callie chuckled. "It was her third date with Ben."

"Ah." Arizona nodded knowingly. "Aww. Well, look how that turned out."

"Yeah." Callie smiled fondly. "I also remember me talking about us fifty years from now. We were going to have a house…"

"…and I wanted chickens…"

"-Lots of chickens, and…"

"…And no kids." Arizona finished. She paused. Thunder boomed. "Glad I changed my mind about that one."

"Mama! Story!" Sofia came running in her Dora the Explorer pajamas. "Mami!"

Callie picked up her daughter. "Hey, mija. I brought someone for you. He was missing you from across the hall." She handed her daughter the teddy bear. "Now, you are all ready for bed."

Sofia grinned. "Thank you Mami. Story, Mama?"

"Yes, I'll be right in to tuck you in and tell you a story. Say goodnight to Mami, sweet girl."

"'Night Mami."

Callie hugged Sofia. "Good night mija. I love you."

* * *

Arizona smiled self-consciously as she re-entered the living room. "Sorry that took so long. She wanted two stories."

Callie shook her head. "It's no problem. I've missed hearing your Sofia bedtime stories." She laughed sheepishly. "I've missed those a lot. I've been asking Sofia to tell me what happens in the stories on the mornings after she sleeps over here. She doesn't tell them quite as well as you do."

Arizona laughed. "I bet. It's a fun thing to do with her, even if she stretches the limits of my imagination every day."

Callie laughed too. "I know. Yesterday, it took us half an hour to get out the apartment because she wanted to know why Mr. Snuggles couldn't have bananas for breakfast too." They chuckled and shook their heads. After a moment, Arizona stood up and walked into the kitchen. She came back with two glasses and a bottle of wine. After she poured the wine into the glasses, she handed Callie one and clinked her glass against it.

"For your achievement. And to our very imaginative daughter."

Callie raised her glass. "To our daughter."

They sipped their wine in silence. Callie shook her head.

"You know, today, all I kept thinking about was that day in the lab. How exciting it was when the cartilage finally stayed solid-"

"-You were so happy-"

"I was floored. I remember looking at you, and-"

"-and I called you amazing." Arizona finished. She smiled softly.

Callie stopped for a moment and looked at Arizona. She spoke quietly. "I called us amazing." She sat for a long moment. "We were."

Arizona smiled sadly. "We were."

They finished the bottle. Outside, the wind blew against the windows, whispering against the glass. The rain tapped out a beat- _pitter pat, pitter pat-_ around them. Thunder boomed again, louder.

Arizona stood up. "Do you want another?"

"Uh, yes. No. I don't know." Callie stood up. "I mean, what are we doing? Is this even healthy? Going over things like this?"

"We're not going over things. We're celebrating you and our daughter and your achievement. You are a brilliant surgeon and I'm glad the world gets to see that. "Arizona stood up. "I'm glad they get to see that you are outstanding."

They look at each other for a moment. Callie looked away.

"Well, I'm going have to turn you down for the offer of more wine." She moved backward toward the door. "I've got to go. It's my day off tomorrow, and I'm going to see the estate lawyer about Mark's will and some other stuff." She opened the door and stopped over the threshold. The downpour was torrential now. "And I guess I could talk to him about finding a lawyer for..."

Arizona tilted her head. "For…"

Callie shrugged her shoulder. "Um, you know. The- the- thing."

Arizona blinked and stopped short. "Oh. _Oh_. Um, well. Right. Um, yeah if that's- if that's what you want."

Callie tilted her head. "Oh. Um, did you want to stay married?"

Arizona shook her head slightly. "I mean, um, do you?"

Callie stammered. "I mean, we're-we're basically living separate lives, right? And- and we've worked out a schedule with Sofia that's working well, so..."

"Right. Right. Um-"

"I'm just going to talk to the estate lawyer, he's not a divorce attorney or anything so… so, nothing big is happening tomorrow, but, you know-"

Arizona nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. Let me know how it goes."

Callie nodded as well. "Right. I will. Um, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Arizona walked to the door as Callie walked across the hall to her apartment. She opened the door and turned around.

"Good night, Arizona."

"Good night, Callie."

In unison, the doors closed. Callie leaned against the door and buried her face in her hands. The rain pattered against the window. After a long moment, she moved into the apartment and prepared for bed, alone. Across the hall, Arizona closed the door and stared at it. After a long moment, she shook herself and moved into the room. She exhaled shakily and turned off the lamp.

At the window, lightning flashed, and a moment later, thunder boomed loudly, before the room was plunged into darkness once more.

The rain continued to fall, _pitter pat, pitter pat._


	15. Chaos

Alex Karev had been having a good day. Three surgeries, three _awesome_ surgeries, and no fatalities. Robbins had first assisted him on the last two and he had rocked them. Today was a great day, he thought as he scribbled post op notes in a chart on the Peds ward. As he heard his name, he looked up and smiled. And it was about to get better.

"Hey", he called out as Jo approached. "I just rocked this kid's meningioma resection, we closed up early, and I've got a free twenty minutes. How about we take off and-"

"Karev!"

Robbins was walking toward them. "I need a favor. Today's my day with Sofia and we're about to head to the park. I just realized that I forgot some stuff back at the apartment. Do you mind watching Little Miss here while I go grab it?"

Oh, come on. They'd been this close to having monkey s-

"Well, actually-"

"We'd love to!" Jo smiled at his boss. Robbins sighed with relief and passed the sleeping girl over to her. "Thanks. I didn't want to have to walk all the way across the street and back with her while she's sleeping." She started backing down the hallway. "She should be awake soon. I'll be back in twenty minutes!"

Alex glanced down at the girl sleeping in his girlfriend's arms and sighed. So much for break time.

* * *

Arizona sighed as she stepped into the elevator of her apartment building and pressed 5. The walk across the street hadn't been bad, but she could feel her stump already starting to get sore. After scrubbing in on two 5 hour surgeries with Karev, what had seemed like a great idea to do with Sofia today was rapidly looking to be a very painful one. She thought about her little girl's face falling when Mama told her that they couldn't to the park to see the ducks and quickly quashed the idea of not going. After what Sofia had been going through recently, it just didn't seem fair to give her another disappointment. They'd go to see the ducks. She'd just need to find a bench or a chair- something near the water so that she could sit awhile-

What the hell?

As the elevator doors open to the 5th floor, the car fills with smoke.

Fire.

She froze for a second as her heart stopped. She's not thinking as she rushes quickly down the hall and approaches not the apartment that she'd been staying in since she and Callie had separated, but the one across the hall. She bangs on the door of 502.

"Callie! Callie, are you in there?!" There's no answer as she pounds her fist on the door. Arizona placed the back of her hand on the door, and finding it cool, reached for the doorknob. The door opens easily, and she lurched inside.

"Callie? Callie! Are you in here?" She walked from room to room, calling her name. The apartment is empty. Where was Callie? She grabbed the phone and calls 911. "Hello? Yes, I'd like to report a fire. No, a fire. A fire! My apartment building is on fire!". The phone cuts off, and she dropped it onto the floor, coughing. Moving to the sink, she grabbed a washcloth and dampened it a little, tying it around her face.

Where was Callie? Maybe she hadn't been home when the fire started. But if that were true, why was the door unlocked? Where was the fire coming from? What was going on? Where was Callie? She moved out of the apartment and starts for the stairs. At a a crash from Mark's apartment, she stopped and turned back. She pushed open the door of 501.

"Callie?"

* * *

"Oh come on, you know you love her." Jo laughed as they watch Sofia in the playroom.

"Who? Sofia? She is a pretty cute kid. Figures that the love child between Torres and Mark Sloan wouldn't be ugly."

"Who?"

"Before your time. Pretty boy plastics genius and ENT specialist. He was on the plane." They sit in silence as Sofia plays with the blocks on the floor. "He was a good guy." Tuck Bailey toddles over and plops himself down next to her. She hands him a brick.

Jo smiled. "I didn't mean Sofia, you know."

"What?"

"I meant, when I said "you know you love her". I wasn't talking about Sofia."

"Who were you talking about?" Jo gave him a look. "Robbins?"

"You know that you had no problem watching Sofia for her, regardless of whatever plans-"

"-They were great plans!"

"-you had before she asked. You have a soft spot for her."

"I do not have a soft spot for-"

"Alex."

Alex sighed. " I knew what you meant earlier. And, it's complicated."

"I know that there a lot of people at the hospital who have been giving her a hard time lately-"

"She made a mistake, okay? It happens to all of us. People here seem to forget about all of the bad crap that they've done over the years."

He sighed again.

"Sorry for jumping down your throat. It's just-it was Robbins who got me here to today. There have been a lot of other people who've been here, who've had my back- Mer, and Yang, and some attendings who showed an interest in helping me- Bailey, Montgomery. But it was Robbins, who came up to me and got me into Peds. She gave me a chance. Said that she'd seen something in me. Said that I reminded her of herself. She had my back when I narced on Grey and was the pariah of the residents. She pushed me to apply for the Peds fellowship."

Jo touched his hand. "Hey. I get it. I do, okay? But you should know that even though Robbins pushed you, you also got yourself here, Alex. Don't short change yourself."

"I'm not. I don't. It's just...a part of me knows that the reason that I finished first was because of her. She made me the doctor that I am today. And I cut off her leg.-"

"Alex, you know that wasn't your fault-"

" I know, I know. Just- let me finish, okay? ... She made me the doctor that I am today, and I cut off her leg. And she changed. She was so angry, and bitter. She said some things to me that I don't know that I could ever let go of. But she's been trying so hard. And she made me, didn't judge me, didn't write me off. So, yeah. I have her back, even if no one else does. She's human just like the rest of us."

* * *

"Callie, what the hell?"

Over the threshold, she can barely make out her wife through the smoke. She's rushing around from room to room in the smoke, running around like a woman possessed, a woman on a desperate mission, coughing as she grabs things and stuffs them into a large black garbage bag. At the sound of her name, Callie stopped her mad dash and stared.

"Arizona? What are you doing here? Sofia-"

"-Is at the hospital. I just came here to grab something when I saw the smoke. What the hell are you doing? We need to get out of here. There's a fire somewhere in the building!"

"You don't think I see that?" She headed for the bedroom.

"Callie, we need to get out of here."

Callie rushed from the bedroom to the kitchen. "In a second."

"Calliope-" Arizona moved toward her.

"Don't" They both freeze at the intensity in her voice. "Don't Calliope me right now, okay? I just need to get all of this stuff and we can get out of here and everything will be fine-"

"Get what?!"

"MARK"S STUFF!" Callie shouted. She stops, her breath heaving and turned to Arizona. "I need to get Mark's stuff- pictures, things that he liked. This is all Sofia has left of him, and I can't let them take it. This-this is all that I have left."

They stare at each other. A beam crashes in the distance. Arizona swallowed.

"What do you need?"

They are moving in sync, collecting things as the smoke starts to get worse. Arizona grabbed a towel, wet it, and handed it to Callie before re-wetting her own. When the bag is full, Callie stopped and turned to Arizona. "Let's go."

They make it the first couple of steps before there is a large crack and the roof starts to collapse. Beams start to tumble to the floor, and they have to dive out of the way.

Rubble follows suit.


	16. Reckoning

After the crashing stopped, Arizona sat up and looked around.

"Callie? " she coughed. "Callie?!" Debris is falling from the ceiling. Arizona struggled to her feet.

"Callie?! Callie!" She hears a muffled noise.

"Arizona?"

"Callie?" She stumbled toward the source of the noise. The rear of the room is almost completely destroyed. Beams and pieces of the ceiling lay everywhere, forming a twisted landscape. Arizona coughed and flipped over a wrecked table.

"Cal? Where are you?" She pushed a couple of shelves out of the way. A wave of dark hair is visible underneath a couple of beams.

"Arizona." The voice is muffled by wood.

"Callie? Are you okay?"

"I think I'm trapped."

"Wha- "

Callie coughed violently. "I can't find a way out."

* * *

"So, got any plans for tonight?" Alex whispered into Jo's ear. She chuckled.

"You dork. You know that I have dinner plans with you. Are you cooking? Because last time I checked, you still don't have any dishes, cookware, or cups-"

"Hey-"

"And my couch is still ruined."

Alex snorted.

"Your couch? Well, I'll have you know that-"

"Jo!" Stephanie ran down the hallway. Jo smiled at her friend.

"Hey Steph, what's up?"

" Avery paged. 911 in the pit. Apparently there's a fire-"

"Fire?" A group of kids nearby exclaim. Karev glared at Stephanie. "Thanks a lot Edwards. Way to get the sick kids excited."

"Sorry."

"You said fire?" Jo asked.

"Yeah, Hunt said that he needs all available hands on deck, so-"

"Well, I'm on Karev's service and-"

"Sorry, Wilson. We need you here for pre and posts since Robbins isn't back"

"Crap!" Jo exclaimed as Stephanie runs for the stairs. "Tell me if there's anything good later!"

* * *

"Callie, hold on. I'm coming."

Callie tried to shift. "I'm pinned down."

Arizona bent down toward her wife. "This beam is blocking you. Let me see if I can move it." As she moved to push, she loses her grip and falls onto the ground. Hard. She looked up around her. Debris was everywhere. There's small fire nearby. Wood was falling from the sky. Something was burning. Smoke lingered in the air.

"Arizona?" Callie coughed violently. "Arizona?"

"Where's the rescue team?" Arizona muttered.

"Arizona?" Callie coughed again. " Arizona, please. We've got to get out of here."

"Four hours." She murmured. "He said that it would only take four hours." She looked around blindly. "Where's the rescue team, Jerry? You said four hours- four hours, tops! We need to get out of here."

* * *

"We need someone at bed 2, looks like we've got a couple of broken bones. And someone page Avery!" April Kepner barked orders at Shane Ross like a drill sergeant as a new patient is wheeled in from outside.

"Dr. Avery is here," Jackson announced as he ran in. "Where do you need me?"

"Bed 4. Murphy, we need O neg for the guy in bed 4, stat!"

"On it".

Jackson approached the man in the bed. "Sir, can you tell me what happened?"

"Fire at the apartment complex across the street. I'm the super. Got some calls about loud kids up on 6, so I went up. Some kids siphoned off some gas from a nearby station to put in their model spaceship. 5 cans, just sitting there near some electrical wiring. The sixth floor is toast, and things aren't looking better for 5 or 4. Got the kids out, but I kept hearing small explosions, Guess it's the gas cans that are going off. Firefighters say they're expecting the roof to collapse. They're still evacuating- Ah"

"Sorry, sir. The burn on your hands are pretty severe. I'm going to need you not to move."

"Avery, I need you for bed 5-"

"-I'm a little busy Hunt. Send Kepner. Hasn't anyone paged Grey and Yang? We need all hands on deck."

* * *

Callie pushed against the beam. It doesn't budge.

"Arizona" she coughed brokenly.

"I need you to snap out of this. I need you here. We have to get out of here. Soon we won't be able to breathe, and we're going to pass out from smoke inhalation."

Arizona rocked against the floor.

"They said four hours, but they're not here. They haven't come. We've got to get home. We need to get home to them, Mark. Callie and Sofia-they're waiting for us. We've got to make it back."

Callie tried to push the beam again. She yelled helplessly.

"Arizona. I'm here. Right here."

"I've got you, Mark. Stay with me. We just need to wait a little longer-"

" You're with me, Arizona. With me. It's Callie. We're here. We're here."

"If you hold on, then help will come. They have to know that we're missing by now. Just hold on for me, okay? Hold on."

"Arizona. Honey. I'm here. I'm here. I need you to snap out if this so we can get out of here. So we can get to our daughter, okay? So we can get to Sofia."

"Sofia?"

Callie nodded. "Sofia. We need to get home to her. Arizona, I need you. We're running out of time." A beam crashes in the distance.

Arizona jumped.

"What? What?" She looked around. "Callie? Oh, God."

Arizona struggled to stand.

"Oh, God Callie. Are you okay?"

"I've been better. How about you?"

Arizona shook herself. She wiped her hair out of her face. "I'm fine. Just fine. We're going to be fine. We're going to get you out of there, okay?"She coughed. "Can you move anything?"

Callie groaned. "This beam has my leg pinned. I think it's broken. We need to move it, if I'm going to get out of here.."

"Okay. Okay." Arizona nodded. "We're going to try this together okay? We'll push together."

"Okay."

"One, two-"

"-Three!"

* * *

"Dr. Hunt, we need you for bed 6-"

"Give me a second, Murphy." Owen sighed in frustration. "Damn it! Where is everyone?"

Avery turned his head. "Last I heard, Karev and Robbins were still supposed to be in surgery. Shepherd's still with his brain tumor case with Brooks. Where are Bailey and Webber?"

"On their way."

"We're here. Where do you need us?" Bailey rushed into the E.R. with Webber hot on her tail.

"How about bed-"

"Incoming!" April yelled. Paramedics rushed in with more patients. Doctors and nurses were running everywhere, trying to help who they could.

Owen's patient started to code. "I need a crash cart! Damn it! We need more hands!"

* * *

As the air crackles with smoke, they try move the beam. It doesn't budge.

"Arizona." Callie gasped for air. "There's no point. You need to get out of here before we both die."

Arizona shook her head.

"'Before we both die-' No one is dying in here. Just give me a second to-"

"Arizona!" Through a crack in the beam, their eyes meet.

"We both can't die in here and leave Sofia an orphan. Promise me that you won't leave her without any of her parents."

"Callie-"

"Arizona. Promise me."

They've been here before. In her mind, she hears herself asking Callie for a different kind of promise and hears Callie promising her that the worst would not happen.

She swallowed.

"I promise."

* * *

"Hunt, I'm up to my eyeballs here with burns and we still need someone on bed 6. Can you send Kepner?"

"She's with someone else. I got it."

Owen moved towards bed 6. He's almost there when he notices the old woman. "Ma'am? Are you okay?"

"It just feels like I can't...like I can't". The woman collapsed. As he moved toward her, Cristina and Meredith ran past him.

"We got her, don't worry. Grumpy!"

"I'm here!" Stephanie shouted.

Cristina and Meredith turn the woman over. Cristina opened her shirt. "It looks like she's tamponading-"

"And there are wood slivers all over her abdomen. She needs to get into an OR now!"

Cristina turned to Stephanie as they loaded the woman onto a stretcher. "Grumpy, try to find out some information on our Jane Doe here so we can contact family."

"On it."

As Yang and Grey rush off, Stephanie grabbed the black bag that the woman had dropped onto the ground. She opened it, and pulled out a picture frame. The frame contains a picture of a man, and he looks strangely familiar... She started to turn the photo over...

"Edwards!" She jumped and dropped the picture frame back into the bag. "Yes, Dr. Bailey?"

"I need you over here in bed 1. Stop playing Santa Claus with that bag and help."

"Yes ma'am." Stephanie dropped the bag on the floor and hurried over.

"Ross!" Kepner yelled. "I need- ugh" April falls over the bag on the floor. "Who put this here? Ross, go put this somewhere!." She handed him the bag and ran to the OR wing. Shane picked up the bag and placed it on the floor by the nurses' station. He ran past Bailey and Webber with Edwards on his way after Kepner into the OR.

Bailey turned to Webber. "Where did Avery say that the fire was?"

"At the apartment complex across the street." He paused and turned to look at Bailey.

"Isn't that where Torres and Robbins?-"

"Yes, but Torres told me that she wouldn't be home today. Going out to see a lawyer or something. Sofia is daycare, and Robbins is on shift."

"Well, aren't they going to be mad when they find out... Murphy!"

"Yes sir!"

"Page Dr. Torres. Ortho is understaffed. We've got a lot of patients coming in with broken bones and we're going to need all of the help that we can get."

"Yes, Dr. Webber."


	17. Realization

"Murphy, where's Torres? It's been forty-five minutes."

"I don't know, Dr. Bailey." Bailey looked up from the patient whose arm she was suturing to stare at her intern.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

"I mean that Dr. Torres hasn't answered her page".

"Well, do you have the right number? You mistakenly paged Shepherd the last time that I asked you for Torres."

Murphy rolled her eyes behind Bailey. "Yes, Dr. Bailey. I have the right number."

"Well, try calling her. And don't roll your eyes at me. Just because I can't see you doing it doesn't mean I won't come over there and smack you on the mouth."

"Kids these days," the patient remarked.

"Don't tell me Mr. Montana. So rude. Almost done, okay?"

"Sure, no problem. These kids, I tell you, they have no respect. Why, just yesterday, I-"

"Dr, Bailey," Leah interrupted. "Dr. Torres' phone is going straight to voice-mail."

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Bailey turned to Mr. Montana. "Mr. Montana, Dr. Murphy is going to finish your sutures for me, okay?"

Mr. Montana chuckled. "Can she sew better than she can use a phone?"

Bailey smiled at her patient. "Don't worry. You're in good hands."

Montana nodded.

"No problem. Thanks Dr. Bailey." Bailey handed the needle to Murphy and walked toward the nurses' station. She falls over.

"Who the hell left this black plastic bag here where people could fall over it?! Ross?!"

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey! Dr. Kepner had tripped over it, and she told me to move it somewhere safe."

Bailey picked up the bag and shook her head in disgust. "Well did that look safe to yo-". Bailey's face paled as she looked up at Ross.

'Ross", she said quietly. "Where did this bag come from?"

"I'm not sure. I saw Dr. Edwards with it before she dropped it on the floor. Wait, isn't that Mark Sloan? The namesake for the hospital? His face is in the lobby-"

"Edwards!"

"Dr. Bailey, Edwards is in surgery with Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey. Dr. Yang's cardiac tamponade patient was holding the bag when she collapsed."

"Where is that patient now?"

"Still in surgery with Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey. In OR 3."

"Dr. Bailey, I've finished Mr. Montana's sutures- Dr. Bailey?" Leah stared in shock as Bailey went running into the OR. She turned to Shane.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. But that bag has pictures of Mark Sloan in it."

* * *

"So, how's Bailey?" Cristina asked. "The baby, not the doctor."

"Well, the baby will one day be the doctor," Meredith replied.

"Yes, but the baby must first learn to hold his own head before operating on anyone else's."

"True. The baby is fine. Adorable, and cranky at naptime, but fine."

"Better you than me." Cristina said. "I've almost forgotten what you actually look like, what with the spit up on various parts of your clothing and the colossal bags under your eyes."

"I do not have colossal bags under my eyes!" Meredith said indignantly.

"Yeah whatever. A Hummer could park in those bags." Meredith gasped.

"Cristina!"

"Hey, guys." Derek entered the room, a scrub mask held over his face. Cristina looked up.

"Hey, Shepherd. Couldn't Hummers park in the colossal bags that are under Mer's eyes?"

"Meredith, my beautiful wife and the mother of my children, has bags under her eyes?" Derek smiled. "I hadn't noticed."

Meredith smiled. "Smart answer, my wonderful kissass. Sex for you."

"My life is complete. What's going on in the pit?" Derek asked. "Brooks said something about a fire."

"Yeah, there was a fire at an apartment complex." Cristina replied. "Pit was crowded when we were back there. Heading down there?"

"Yeah, just as soon as I- oh hey Bailey."

"Yang, who's your patient?"

"Um, a Jane Doe. She tamponaded and Mer's taking slivers of wood out of her intestine. Why, what's up?"

"Where was she?"

"Fire", Yang, Derek and Meredith replied.

"I know that!" Bailey snapped. "Any specifics?"

"No", Meredith answered. "Why?"

"Dr. Edwards?" Stephanie looked up from the suction in shock. "Yes, Dr. Bailey?"

"Where did the black bag that the woman had with her come from?"

"I'm not sure, but Dr. Kepner told me that the woman lives in the apartment complex across the street from the hospital." She looked up at the resulting silence. "Is everything okay?"

Cristina looked at Bailey. "It's no big deal. I thought that Callie wasn't home."

"So did I. But she hasn't been answering her pages or the phone."

"What's in the bag?" Derek asked.

"Pictures and some other stuff."

"Well, that's not cause for concern, is it?" Meredith asked. "People try to save things that mean the most to them in the event of a fire."

"The pictures were of Mark." Bailey shook her head. "I- I- I think that they came from his apartment."

The only sound going on in the OR is the beeping of the machines hooked up to Jane Doe, and a suction tube that is only sucking air.

Derek turned to Bailey."Page Robbins." He ran out of the OR.

* * *

"Hey." Jo approached the Peds nurses station and smiled at Alex.

"Hey. How are the post ops?"

"Fine, though Mr. Williams is asking for more ice."

"Fine." Alex sighed and slammed a chart shut. "Whatever. Tell a nurse."

Jo looked quizzically at Alex. "What's up with you?"

"Robbins isn't back yet and it's been past an hour. Sofia's getting cranky and kids keep asking me about this stupid fire."

Jo rolled her eyes.

"Maybe she got held up. Sofia isn't cranky. Your cranky mood is making her cranky."

"Karev!" Bailey rushed up to the couple.

"What?!" Alex exclaimed.

"Where's Arizona?"

"I haven't seen her," Jo said.

"What? Now is not the time for her to be making out in some random on-call room."

Karev turned to stare at Bailey fully.

"Watch it, Bailey." Jo grabbed his arm as he moved into Bailey's space.

"Alex..." Alex ignored her.

"If you must know, she went back home to grab something for Sofia. It's her day with her. She should have been back more than an hour ago."

Bailey's face fell.

"What Bailey?" Karev asked her. "What the hell is going on?!" Sofia startles and cries. Jo touched Alex's shoulder.

"Hey. Calm down. I'll be with Sofia right over here, okay?". He nodded, and Jo takes Sofia by the hand, comforting her on their way back to the playroom.

Alex sighed. "Bailey, I'm sorry. It's just been a long day. Can you please just tell me what's going on?"

"The fire that everyone's been talking about? It was at Torres and Robbins' building. We thought Robbins was here and that Torres wasn't home, but- no one's been able to reach Torres, and you just said that Robbins went back there..."

Alex stared at Bailey for a moment, as if unable to comprehend what he was hearing. The next thing that she knew, he was gone.

* * *

"-Listen, I just need you to tell me what's going on!"

"-I'm just looking for two people."

"-Did everyone make it out of the building?"

"-One's name is Callie Torres, she's a tall brunette, brown eyes, black hair, of Cuban descent, she's a doctor, could she be helping with triage-?"

"-Can you just tell me if everyone made it out of there?"

"-The other is Arizona Robbins, she's blonde, with blue eyes, curly hair. She's a doctor too-"

"-Can you just tell me if there's anyone left in there?!"

"Webber! Shepherd! What's going on?" Karev ran up to the other two men.

"We haven't heard anything yet." Richard replied as Derek looked around frantically. "They're saying that people are still inside of the complex. Half of it has already collapsed, and they're saying that the other side could go at any minute. They've stopped sending people in there to evacuate."

"What do you mean, 'they've stopped sending people in there?' That's our people in there. We can't just-"

"Karev-"

"No." Alex shrugged off his lab coat. "I'll go in there myself-"

"Karev!" Webber's voice broke through Alex's rant. "There's nothing we can do but wait. They might be out already. Things are just a bit hectic in here."

Alex stopped and stared out at the violent red streaks in the sky.

"I hope so."

* * *

Owen Hunt had had a long, hard day. That was usually par for the course for the Chief of Surgery, but usually, a hard day meant that most of it was spent going through paperwork. Today was a different kind of hard day. The good kind, where he'd gotten to operate and save lives. And he felt good, he'd felt great about his day. Until Edwards had come in and told him, Avery, Kepner, Webber and the other interns about Torres, and until Bailey had come back to say that Robbins was also missing. Webber had gone off to find out what he could. Avery and Kepner had gone back to the pit to look for Jane Doe patients. And just like that, a long, hard good day had become a long hard bad one, and instead of closing his eyes in an on-call room, he was roaming the hospital, looking for- "Cristina!"

"Owen!" He hurried over. "Has she woken up yet?"

"Not yet. She came through the surgery with flying colors. Meredith's checking her post op vitals now."

He sighed, rubbing his face. "This is crazy."

"I know. Sofia?"

"Wilson's still with her. Bailey's in charge of Peds right now until another attending can come in. All of the vehicles have been making it hard for cars to get here. Emergencies have be rerouted to Seattle Pres. I'm told Bailey has some experience in Peds anyway, for all that's worth."

"She'll be fine. It's Bailey."

He sighed again. "You're right. I just hope that-". A knocking on glass interrupts. Meredith gestures for them to come inside.

"What's up Mer?"

"She's waking up." In the bed, the woman is stirring. Her hands clench a couple of times before her eyes open and she stares unfocusedly at the ceiling.

"Ma'am? Ma'am. can you hear me?" The woman nods. Meredith held a straw to her face. She sipped.

"I'm Dr. Hunt, and this is Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey. They operated on you. You've had quite an experience," Owen said.

"Am...am I okay?" The woman mumbled.

Meredith leaned closer to her. "Yes. You gave us quite a scare, but you're going to be just fine." The woman sighed in relief. Cristina stepped closer to the woman.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Yang. I'm just going to start testing you limbs for functionality, okay?" She nodded. Cristina began to examine the woman. As she's working, Meredith leaned over again.

"Ma'am, can you tell us who you are and what happened to you?"

"My name is Eleanor Wiltern. I live in the apartment complex across the street. Apartment 508. I'd been asleep when the fire alarm was going off, and my hearing isn't what it used to be. There was already smoke everywhere when I was trying to leave the building. I got out and they walked me over here."

"Is there anyone that we can call for you?" Owen asked, shooting Cristina a look.

"Nobody. My husband and children have all passed. It's just me now. When I need something, I can always count on my neighbors for their help. They-"

"Speaking of your neighbors-" Cristina cut in as she finished the exam. "Did you see any of your neighbors as you were exiting the building?"

"Oh, I saw plenty of them. Most of them had had a chance to evacuate by the time that I had gotten downstairs."

"Mrs. Wiltern?" Meredith asked. "When you were brought in, you were carrying a black bag. It contained pictures of a man-Mark Sloan?"

"Oh yes," Mrs. Wiltern replied. "I knew Mark. He was a great neighbor. I was so sorry to hear about his passing. He tried to help me with my hearing, but it turns out that there was nothing that he could do. He made the most delicious coq au vin that you had ever tasted. I thought it was so sweet when they said that they were renaming the hospital after him -"

"Where did you get the bag from?" Cristina asked.

"The bag?"

"The black bag that you were carrying when you came into the hospital ", Meredith reminded her. "It had pictures of Mark in it."

"Oh, right. Wait, did he say that your name was Dr. Grey? Dr. Grey as in Grey-Sloan Memorial?"

"Well, yes I am Dr. Grey, but not that Dr. Grey. That Dr. Grey was my sister."

"Oh, dear. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. If you could just tell me about the bag?"

"Right. I had been walking down the landing on my floor to get to the stairs, when she handed it to me. She asked me to make sure that it made it out of the building, and then headed back into the apartment. I asked her why she was going back in, and she said it was because her wife was still in there."

"Her wife?" Owen asked, his heart sinking.

"Yes, I'd thought that that was odd because I'd heard that they were separated. Such a shame. They are such lovely people. But that's what she said to me before she went limping back into the building. She has such a weird name, Arizona does. She told me that she'd been named after a battleship. My husband died on a battleship in the Second World War. Terrible stuff. Oh, I hope that they made it out okay, Arizona and Callie. Do you think that you could find that out for me?"

* * *

"Webber, do you see anything?"

"No, Karev, I don't. How about you, Shepherd?"

"Nothing yet- wait hold on. Meredith is calling- Hello?"

"Dammit, what's taking so long?"

"Have patience Karev."

Derek shushed them.

"The tamponade patient woke up? How is she? She is? She did? No, we haven't seen them. I hope not. I'll keep you posted." Derek hung up and looked at Webber.

"Tamponade patient says that she got the bag from Arizona, and that Arizona went back in for Callie."

They stand in silence, studying the flames that are licking the air.

"Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd?" A firefighter approached them.

"Yes, that's me."

"We've compiled a list of people who have been evacuated from the building. All of the John and Jane Does have been sent to Grey Sloan, but as far as I can tell, no one has seen either of your doctors."

* * *

Ma'am, I'm just going to give you a little something for the pain, okay?" April told her patient. "You'll feel much better soon."

"April." Jackson approached the other doctor. "Any luck?"

April pulled the curtain on her patient and sighed. She shook her head. "No, and I've covered all of these beds. You?"

Jackson shook his head. "Nothing. They're not here." They walked to the nurses' station.

"What are we going to do? What will happen to Sofia? She can't lose the rest of her parents. Not after-"

"I know." Jackson looked toward the doors. Lets just hope that they made it out."

* * *

"That doesn't mean anything!" Karev jumped in. "You really trust some stupid list that some half baked firefighter came up with?"

"Karev-" Webber cut in

"Wait! I think that I see them!" He pointed to the right, toward a blonde and a brunette that are huddled by an ambulance.

"Oh, thank God!", Shepherd exclaimed. Karev runs over, and Webber and Shepherd run after him.

"Robbins!" The woman turned. It's not her. Or Callie.

"It's not them! It's not the-"

All three of them are jump back when a large boom fills the air. The remaining side of the building collapses in on itself and crashes to the ground.


	18. Break

Life could be a real bitch sometimes. You read about it all the time in the news. About the soldier who made it through his tour in the war so that he could meet the baby that he's never seen-only to die on his way home. About the woman who had the abortion young in life only to find out that she couldn't have children later on. There's no explanation for these kinds of things.

Except that for sometimes, life is a bitch.

How else would you be able to explain why, Callie Torres, M.D., why Calliope Iphigenia Torres, Ortho, rock star with a scalpel, all around hardcore, _badass_ surgeon was afraid of speaking?

As in, public speaking. Like in a room. Full of people.

There is no explanation.

Except that sometimes, life is a bitch.

Ever since she could remember, she's had this reoccurring bad dream involving public speaking. The subject of the talk would always change, but the dream always ended the same. Her name would be announced, and she would walk out onto the stage to applause. She'd place her notes onto the podium, take a sip of water, start to speak, and...

Nothing.

No words would come out. She'd stop and try to compose herself, but the words wouldn't come. And then the shaking would start. She'd try to control it, the shaking, but then the crowd would laugh and pelt her with things. And as try as she might to dodge them, something would invariably hit her, and she would black out.

Then she would wake up in a cold sweat.

* * *

She isn't sure where she is, but wherever this is, someone must hate her, because this looks just like her dream. She's in an auditorium, a large auditorium that she's never been in before. Fancy plastic chairs line the floor, and the room is decorated lavishly, as if for a celebration or a speech. She's at the podium looking down at her note cards. The crowd is silent. They're expecting her to speak. She sips the water that is front of her and takes a deep breath. She opens her mouth to talk, and then:

Nothing. Nothing is coming out. The crowd is starting to get restless. She takes another sip of water and clears her throat. She tries again. Her throat closes up. She's shaking and gasping for air and the crowd has lost control. They are heaving anything that they can find at her, and she's trying to dodge their attacks. Feint left, duck right, spin. She's running back toward the wings when something really hard pelts her in the back. She falls, hard, her face facing the audience, and she can't get back up. As she starts to pass out, through the barrage of trash being thrown at her, she thinks that she sees a pair of blue eyes in the faceless crowd, staring back at her...

* * *

The second time she's finds herself in this auditorium, she tries to prepare herself for the barrage that she knows is coming. She brings the folder that holds her notes with her to protect her head and takes her position at the podium. Her hands shake as she pours herself a glass of water, and she has to put the pitcher down with two hands so that it doesn't shatter onto the floor.

She takes a deep breath, and tries to read from her notes: "Car-car-cartilage regen-"

She can't get the rest out. She starts to shake uncontrollably. In an effort to get back the wings, she tries to shuffle to the right, and trips over her own shoes. She catches herself before she falls, drops her notes, and ducks behind the podium. Apples and oranges and programs and rocks are flying past her and destroying the podium. She holds the folder near her head and tries to crawl to the wings. She's almost there, when she feels something come into contact with her wrist. The folder falls out of her hand and a rock beans her in the temple.

As she collapses to the ground, she sees those blue eyes again.. The eyes look concerned and the person is mouthing something, but her eyes are closing and she's passing out.

Before the blackness reaches out to greet her, she could swear that they were mouthing "Just be..."

* * *

The third time that she finds herself in that auditorium, she's too terrified to go on stage. She tries to run, tries to find the door that will take her outside, away from this nightmare, but every door leads back onto the stage.

Resigned, she makes her way to the podium. Instead of reaching for the pitcher of water, she looks out at the crowd. It's hard to see anyone and everyone seems faceless except-

There they are. A couple of rows back from the stage, she sees Blue Eyes.

They're smiling encouragingly at her and saying "just be who you are".

Just be who you are. Just be who you are.

Who she is is _badass_. Awesome. Hardcore.

She looks out into the crowd and opens her mouth to speak:

"I've spent a lot of time thinking about what holds us together, when things fall apart..."

The crowd erupts into applause. She hasn't finished her speech, but they are clapping and clapping and clapping, and she's smiling and finally relaxed. She closes her eyes and takes a deep calming breath and then...

Silence.

She opens her eyes. The auditorium is empty. No one is there except for the lifesaver.

She laughs.

"That's it? That's all I had to say to get this over with? If I had known that, I would have gotten over this nightmare a long time ago." She smiles at the person in front of her. She gets a smile back and the smile is beautiful.

"You're welcome."

Callie moves out from behind the podium and moves into the seats. She drops in the seat next to her best friend.

"Thanks a lot, Mark."

* * *

Her head is pounding. Arizona blearily opens her eyes and raises a hand to her temple. It feels like someone had dropped a ton of bricks on it. What the hell had happened?

The last thing that she remembered were ducks. She and Sofia were going to see the ducks after work. There was surgery with Karev. They finished early, and they were going to see the ducks, but she'd had to run across the street to grab a-

There was a fire. Across the street. Callie.

"Callie?"

She shot up and muffled a scream. Pain was radiating up and down her back.

An orderly rushed into the room.

"Dr. Robbins, calm down."

Arizona struggles to move out of bed. "What happened? Where's Callie?"

The orderly pushed her back onto the bed, onto her side.

"Dr. Robbins, you were in a fire. You have multiple lacerations and a very serious burn on your back. Try not to move."

"No. I-I need to move. Where's my leg? I-I need my leg."

"Your prosthetic was lost in the fire."

"Get me a wheelchair then. Where's Callie, what happened to Callie? And Sofia? Where's my daughter?"

"Dr. Robbins, your daughter is safe in daycare." The orderly pulls up the sheet. "Dr. Wilson is with her. I'm not sure about Dr. Torres. Um-"

He paused.

"She was in really bad shape when they brought her in."

Arizona paled.

"What do you mean 'she was in bad shape'? What the hell does that mean? I need to know the extent of her injuries. Where is she? Take me to her."

"Dr. Robbins-"

"No. Take me to her. And if you can't help me, find someone who can and send them in here. Or I will drag myself around this hospital, without you."

* * *

Mark grinned. "Hey, Torres."

"Mark. What are you doing here?"

"You're asking me? Here I was, living it up, and all of a sudden I find myself here. Listening to you speak. Horribly, by the way."

Callie winced. "Yeah. Sorry about that. Thanks for the save, by the way."

"Don't mention it."

Now that there was no crowd booing, she can hear everything that was going on. It was raining outside. The raindrops were making harsh noises as they pitter pattered against the building. The wind was blowing fiercely, so fiercely that it felt like it was going to take the roof off of the place. She could feel the boom of the thunder in the distance.

"Listen to that thunder. It's so loud-" as she speaks, she notices a ring on her left hand. It's a wedding ring, but it's a different one than the one that she had that she had when she was with George. She turned to Mark.

"Hey, Sloan I think maybe my memory is going." She chuckles. "I don't remember ever having this ring. Did I get married again?"

Mark smiled at her. "I don't know. You tell me, Torres. Did you?"

Callie gave him a look. "Mark!"

"What?"

The thunder boomed again, closer.

"Did I? I'm trying to remember. I can't-"

The last thing she remembered thinking before the lightning struck was that it was impossible for her to have forgotten something that big.

* * *

"Hello, Dr. Robbins. My name is Dr. Perry." A dark haired woman entered the room. Her hair was stylishly cut with a bob. Black frames highlighted intelligent brown eyes.

"Hi. What's going on with Callie? Is she okay? An orderly said that she was in bad shape. What does that mean? Where is she? Can you take me to her?"

"I understand that you have a lot of questions, Dr. Robbins. It might be best if we slow down. Let's start with the fire." Dr. Perry moved to sit down in the chair near the bed. She crossed her legs.

"Okay. Um- I had gone back across the street to grab a couple of things before heading back here to pick up Sofia- my daughter. We were going out. I was in the elevator when I saw the smoke. Callie and I were in an apartment when the roof started to go. Callie was trapped under a beam. Her leg was broken. I barely managed to get her leg free. She was unconscious. I dragged her out, and a firefighter was there. We made it as far down as the second floor before the building collapsed. How is she?"

"I understand that you have a couple of serious lacerations and a sizeable burn on your back."

Arizona blinked. "What?"

Dr. Perry removed a clipboard from a briefcase and balanced it onto her lap.

Arizona stared at her. "What the hell is this? Why aren't you telling me what's going on? What happened to Callie?"

"Dr. Robbins," Dr. Perry started. "I think you've misunderstood what's going on here."

"What do you mean 'I've misunderstood what's going on here? You're one of Callie's doctors, right? This isn't some psych evaluation-".

Dr. Perry paused for a moment. She took off the glasses and sighed. "Dr. Robbins, I am not a surgeon. I am not and was not in charge of Dr. Torres' care. This is not some perfunctory talk. This is an evaluation-"

"-You've got to be kidding me-'

"-Of your mental well-being. When they found you in that building, you were completely out of it- muttering about waiting and bugs and fixing and planes.-"

-"This is a joke. This must be a joke.-"

"-And Chief Hunt felt he had no choice but to submit you for psychiatric evaluation-

"-I don't have time to for this!" Arizona exclaimed. "Callie's hurt and Sofia needs me. Page Chief Hunt. This is bull-"

"-And even though Dr. Torres has you listed as her medical proxy, you cannot make decisions regarding her life until I seem that you are psychologically fit."

Arizona stopped. "Excuse me?"

Dr. Perry lowered her clipboard.

"Dr. Torres has listed you as her medical proxy. You are the one who is legally allowed to make decisions about her care. However, since you mental well-being has been placed in question, you will not be able to make any decisions regarding her care until I clear you. Dr. Torres' family has been reached to inform them if the situation, but they are currently not in the country and it will take them a few hours to be in a position to make medical decisions. If you want to help Dr. Torres, then all that you need to do is talk to me. Because frankly Dr. Robbins?"

Dr. Perry pushed her glasses back onto her face.

"At present, Dr. Torres is in very, very bad shape. She's dying."

* * *

The fourth time that she found herself in that auditorium there was no crowd and Mark was still there, in that seat, a couple of rows from the stage. Callie moved to the edge of the stage and sat down.

"What the hell? Is this going to keep happening?" She asked. "Because it's annoying."

"I don't know," Mark replied. "You tell me, Torres. This is your show. What's going on?"

"What's going on here? Why can't I seem to remember what going on?"

"I don't know. But you need to remember."

God what had happened?

Mark stood up. He walked to her. "You need to remember, Callie. And make a choice."

Make a choice? About what?

* * *

The next time she found herself in the auditorium, she was angry.

"Why do I keep coming back here?"

"I can't tell you." His eyes were burning bright with- regret? sadness? She couldn't really tell.

"You can't? Or you won't?" He didn't answer. The rain continued to pour, _pitter pat, pitter pat,_ on the ceiling_._

Callie sighed and closed her eyes..

" I think that I get it. I'm- I'm dying, aren't I? And every time I start back here..."

Her eyes open, and she's staring into those blue eyes. His expression is apologetic.

"They keep resuscitating you. You're in surgery."

She shook her head. "Why can't I remember?"

"I don't know."

"I want to remember. I was married? Do I have a family? Was I happy? Could you at least tell me that?"

Mark smiled. "I think that you were. Before."

"Before what?". Those blue eyes looked into hers, never wavering. Callie whispered.

"Why are you here?"

Mark smiled sadly. "I'm here because I'm lost. I'm already gone. And it's too late. But you...you can find your way back."

"Wha-what? What do you mean that you're-"

Thunder boomed again.

Callie shook her head frantically. "No. No." She started to hyperventilate.

"Mark. You're-you're dead?"

* * *

"How many times are we going to talk about what happened in this stupid fire? I don't have time for this!"

"Dr. Robbins, relax. I've paged a colleague, Dan, and he's going to consult with me on your case. I just want to make sure that you are okay-"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine? I'm fine! Great. Peachy. Awesome even, though the burn is a little uncomfortable and very painful. So, can you just sign the freakin' paper? Please?"

There is a rustle of movement in the corner of the room. The door opens. A familiar figure walks in. His hair is dark, and he's smiling at her. Nick shakes his head ruefully.

"Come on, Flagstaff."

Arizona blinked. "Nick?"

Dr. Perry lowered her pen.

"Excuse me?"

Nick grins at her. "She's a little bitchy, isn't she?"

"Stop it. You're not here. You're dead."

Dr. Perry stands up. "Dan, are you seeing this? Arizona-"

Arizona sighs exasperatedly." Look, what do I have to cop to to get out of here? The fact that I'm in a little pain? Yes, my body feels like it was hit by a Mack truck. I'll survive. Yes, it was hard to be in the building given what happened with the crash. I survived. Yes, it was hard having to drag Callie down a hallway that was on fire. But I survived. Yes, it hurt when I threw myself on top of her when the roof collapsed. But I'm fine. I'm alive. I'm not dead. You know who's not fine? Callie. And you know who won't be fine unless you clear me? Callie. So just sign the damn paper and let me out of this room!"

* * *

Mark didn't reply. Callie dropped to the floor and bent over.

"It's not true-it's not true- it's-it's-it's-it's-I can't-"

Mark moved toward her.

"Callie. Take a breath." He rubbed her back. "It's okay. It's okay."

...

This time, when she finds herself back there, Callie went straight for Mark and pulled him into a hug.

"Mark."

She inhaled his shirt.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of this, of always ending up on my ass."

She sobbed into his arms.

"What happened? How are you gone? Why does this keep happening? Why do these things keep happening to me? I can't do this anymore. I can't."

"Callie." Mark held her face in his hands. "You need to remember-you need to. If you crash a few more times-"

Callie shook her head and backed away. "-No. I don't care. I don't want to remember. I'm tired. I'm tired, Mark."

In the back of her mind, she knows that she needs to go back, knows that there's someone out there counting on her, feels that there's someone _waiting_ for her, but...

"I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired. I want to stay here. I'll stay here with you."

He's shaking his head at her even before she's finished her last sentence. "You can't stay here. This is a place that no one should ever be. You need to remember."

* * *

"Careful, Phoenix." Nick says. "You wouldn't want her to think that you're crazy. "

Arizona shakes her head. "Shut up, Nick."

"-Nick? Dr. Robbins, there is no Nick in this room. There is just myself, and Dr. Dan Or-"

Nick smirked. "Watch it. You wouldn't want her to see that you're not in control."

"Shut up."

"Dr. Robbins, are you okay? Who is Nick?"

Nick smiled at her. "Are you in control? Are you? You're sitting here, in a bed that you can't move off of, in a room that you can't get out of, with a woman who thinks that you're bonkers. You can't even see Callie or your own daughter. " He clucked his tongue. "I don't know, that seems like a complete loss of control to me."

She shook her head. "Shut up, shut up. You're not here. You're not really there. I can fix this."

"Arizona?" Dr. Perry is looking at her with concern. She moves toward the door and opens it. She motions for an orderly. "I think that we're going to need to take her to Psych."

* * *

Mark stepped back.

"You can't keep doing this. You're running out of time. If you bottom out again-"

"If I bottom out again, so what Mark?"

"Callie."

"No, really. So what?"

"Callie," Mark said quietly. "This isn't you speaking. You need to remember."

Callie threw up her hands.

"Remember what?! Remember what? George? Izzie Stevens? Erica? Huh? What am I trying to remember?"

_Yeah, but that's just because they're husband and work-wife._

_Excuse me?_

_The Chief's your work-husband and you're his work-wife. You look out for each other, you take care of each other, there's nothing wrong with it, it's like me and Sloan._

_Excuse me?_

_Nobody's talking to you. He's my work-husband but he has a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend, but nothing going on between us._

_I mean, there was at one point..._

"Mark", she whispered. "Please-"

_Holy crap._

_Yep._

_A baby?_

_Yep, growing like a weed in my uterus._

_Not like a weed, like a mighty oak. We're gonna make great parents._

_Mark, you don't have to do..._

_Are you kidding? That's my kid in there, I'm a dad. We're parents. Of a baby!_

Sofia?

"Sofia." Callie breathes. She opened her eyes and looked at Mark. "We have a baby?" He smiled and cupped her cheek.

"Stop hiding. Make a choice. Walk tall, Torres. Remember."

Mark tilts his head to the side and looks at her imploringly, and all of a sudden, she's reminded of another moment. Of another time, another place. She closed her eyes again. She can see another face, head tilted to the side as she hears her say those fateful words:

_I love you._

She feels her heart swell, first with shock, and then with love.

_You do?_

Callie shook her head.

_I love you. Everything about you._

_I take you, Calliope Torres, to be my wife._

_I choose you to be the one with whom I spend my life._

"Please. I can't-"

_I'm so sorry. I love you._

_Me too. Me too._

_We're married!_

_I know!_

_We have a _child_!_

_I know!_

_How could you do this?_

_I don't- I don't kno-_

Sofia.

Mark.

On call.

Plane.

Car.

Africa.

Shooter.

Wedding.

Dance.

Smile.

Kiss.

Bathroom.

Callie opened her eyes.

"Arizona?"

* * *

"Nick shook his head. "Really, Tucson? You're going to fix this? The way that you fixed me?"

"You pretended to be fine for six years!" Arizona shouted. "Six years! I could have helped you! I could have fixed it! Why didn't you just let me fix it?"

Dr. Perry returned with an orderly in tow.

"Okay, Arizona. Jack here is just going to take you up to Psych for a couple of tests, okay?"

Over her shoulder, she can see another man. His hair is blonde and his eyes are startlingly blue. Like hers. He's shaking his head at her.

"No. Don't shake your head at me. Don't you shake your head at me Tim, when you were the one who went ahead and died over there. Don't even do it. Stop shaking your head, okay? I couldn't help you."

"Dr. Robbins, this man's name is Jack, and he's just going to take you-"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I couldn't help you, Tim. Stop shaking your head at me."

"Dan, are you seeing this? Jack-"

"Stop it." Arizona grabbed her hair.

"STOP IT!

What do you want to hear from me? What do you want me to tell you? That I'm not fine? You want me to tell you that I'm not all right? Because I'm not going to do that. I can't do that. Because if I'm not fine, what do I have? If I'm not fine, what do I have left? "

She buried her face in her hands.

"I need to get out of here. Callie needs me. I have to help her. She can't die. I can't let her die. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

Dr. Perry walked to the bed, and sat down on a corner.

"You know what you need to do," she said gently. "You need to make a choice, Arizona."

The room went silent.

"I'm not fine." She whispered.

I'm not fine."


	19. Uneven

The first thought that you have when your lips touch is that this was not enough. The second was that this was too much. You're kissing her frantically, desperately, over and over again as if you haven't had a chance to do this for a long time. As if you won't have a chance to do this again.

As if this is the last time.

By mutual consent, the pace slows down and the kissing is an expression of something else. The kiss becomes something that isn't dictated by desperation or raw need. Tongues finally meet as the kiss deepens and you groan.

This was like a door unlocking.

Like coming home.

This was everything.

Everything seems to stop for a moment- the rain, the wind. Even the thunder that was booming seemed to pause. Hands are everywhere- you can feel them on your cheeks, in your hair, on your back, as you try to move impossibly closer. Your own hands are in her hair, at her waist, moving slowly and surely under the cotton of her shirt.

You can feel hands tighten painfully, deliciously, around you before they freeze. With a visible effort, she pushes you away. She steps back and shakes her head.

"You know-"

"I know." you answer. "We can't." You shake your head. "We're not together," you say softly.

She smiles back, sadly. "We're not together."

You search her eyes. Lightning flashes."What happened to us?"

She stares back. "We found each other," she said quietly. "And then we lost each other." She cups your cheek. You close your eyes and sigh reverently. Your hand grips hers, anchoring it to your face.

"This isn't about that. This is you. This is me. This is us. "

The rain seems like it's pouring even harder now. The lights in the room play across her face. They illuminate her eyes, her beautiful eyes, which are starting to glisten.

"We hurt each other." She sighs brokenly "We keep hurting each other." She shook her head. "I'm no longer the person that I used to be. Neither are you."

"This is still the same." You whisper. "I feel it. Don't you feel it? Can you feel it?"

"Is it?" She asks. She drops her hand and looks away. Thunder booms outside, closer, closer still. "There's so much to go through, to forgive."

You cup her cheek. She closes her eyes. Lightning crashes outside again, illuminating the room in perfect light. For a second you can see everything, you can see her and nothing else before the room plunges into darkness once more.

You whisper again:

"I don't care."

When your lips come together again, it mirrors the storm that is raging outside- angry, desperate. Clothes are being thrown everywhere as hands travel, moving lower and lower. You aren't exactly sure how you've ended up against the wall, or even of which way is up. Your only direction, your only anchor is the woman in your arms.

You can feel her lips on your collarbone and you moan when you can feel her tongue trace patterns on your chest. You flip around and she's slammed against the wall. Your hands are reaching towards the bottom of the cotton t-shirt and they quickly slide underneath, hungry to make contact with skin. Your hands ghost up her sides, making her shiver. You smile into your next kiss and trail your fingers higher.

Her hands are in your hair, pulling you closer together. You can feel her arch up against you and you moan when you feel her left thigh come into contact with your core. You bite down on her bottom lip as you grind down on her leg and the friction is almost too much.

Panting now, your hands move back down towards the bottom of the shirt, and you whip it off, discarding it somewhere behind you. Her bra quickly follows suit, and now, finally, your mouth explores the breasts in front of you. You take one nipple in your mouth and roll it gently with your tongue while your hand teases the other with tugs and flicks. Without warning, you suck hard and feel the leg against your core press against you harder and you're close. You move your hand down her torso and slip a finger inside, pull out and then add another. Her hips arch even higher. You're kissing and moving and everything is good, is so good. You feel hands wrap around you she grinds you down on her, and you come apart. Legs suddenly jelly, you fall forward, your fingers still inside her curling now, pinning her even tighter against the wall, and a second later you feel her come.

You slide to the floor in a tangled heap.

...

Time has become irrelevant as you lay in bed together. The room that you are in is beautiful, spacious with large windows and beautiful white curtains. Candles are scattered around the room, and the scent of them linger in the air. You can hear the music of the gentle rain outside as the curtains billow softly into the room.

You are just about to suggest getting up for food when you feel a hand make its way to your breast.

With your eyes closed, you chuckle. "I thought that we couldn't do this?"

She chuckles in reply. "We couldn't do what?" Her hand grazes a nipple. You shiver. "Do that?"

After circling the nipple once more, she moves her hand downward. She caresses your stomach and keeps traveling, and one second later, her finger make contact with your core. You hips arch. One finger just keeps trailing there, moving up and down, up and down. Without warning, the finger slips upward to circle your clit and then travels back downward. You moan. The finger is still teasing you, slowly, ever so slowly, moving between your core and clit. It starts to pick up pace, back and forth, back and forth. When you begin to feel your body climbing to peak, the hand is gone, slowly moving upward toward your torso.

She laughs at your frustrated exhale.

"That's not funny. " You say, your eyes still closed. "You're such a tease."

She smiles again, and you feel lips ghost kisses over your stomach and a tongue outline your ribs. The trail of kisses move upward, to your breasts and your neck. Hands caress your calves. Your knees. Her face is buried in your neck, her hands are kneading everywhere that they can reach, touching, teasing. You can feel her lips near your ear.

She whispers:

"I love you."

Your breath catches. Your hands come around to caress her back. You open your eyes. Her eyes are staring into yours.

She cups your cheek and whispers again.

"I love you. So much." She kisses you forehead softly. "Always." She leans her head down and speaks against your lips. "Let me show you."

You pull her head closer to close the distance between you. She kisses you slowly, exquisitely, reverently. She slowly breaks the kiss and kisses your forehead again. She kisses your cheeks. Your chin. One hand is gripped in yours. Her mouth travels downward.

"I love you." She kisses one nipple and runs her tongue around it before moving to the other. "Everything about you. Everything."

Suddenly, she bites down on a nipple and you come quickly. Breath gasping, you grasp hair with your hands and feel fingers inside you, building you back up again. Your hips arch off the bed and you murmur her name.

Her lips are moving even lower now, her tongue swirling over you in time with her fingers. Soon, her tongue replaces her fingers, moving erratically inside you: slow steady strokes, then quick frantic ones. A thumb strokes your clit and you come again, the release washing over like a wave. Fingers replace tongue and you're getting built up again. Unable to help yourself, your hands move downward and you grip your own breasts, squeezing them. Her tongue swipes your clit again and then she begins to suck gently, and the sounds that you are making don't stop. Your right hand disappears into your own hair and the other lands on her head and you pull her impossibly closer.

She grabs your hand and you're grasping each other- left hand to left hand. You feel a finger rub the spot where your ring used to rest, and you moan. "I need you," you say. "I want to feel you. I want to feel us."

She moans. She moves upward, bracing herself over you. Your faces are a breadth apart, and you close the gap. You moans as your tongues intertwine and you can taste yourself. Slowly, she lowers herself onto you and your hot wet cores finally mix. Your dual moans fill the air. She begins to move, back and forth, back and forth and the friction is exquisite. You can feel yourself rapidly approaching orgasm and you put your hands around her, bringing you even closer. Your clits brush against each other, and you fall apart, coming with a long moan. She moves on top of you a couple more times and then grinds down, following you to orgasm. She collapses on top of you, gasping for air. You lay in a heap for a couple of minutes, trying to regain their breath. After a while, she shifts to the side, with half of her body resting on the bed and wraps her arm around you.

The windows curtains billow gently, back and forth, back and forth.

...

Night has begun to fall and you two still haven't left the bed. You sit up in bed and look around. The candles have sunken lower into their settings and the rain has started to pour down harder again. You glance down and smile. She's asleep on her stomach next to you, her arm hanging over her head. She's beautiful. Beautiful covers it but also doesn't even come close. Extraordinary. Amazing. Exquisite. Gorgeous. Outstanding.

Beautiful.

You can't help yourself as you lean over. You kiss her back softly, soft lingering kisses everywhere that you can reach, over and over again. Her skin is illuminated by the candlelight and feels so soft under your lips.

She shifts onto her side at your touch, still asleep. Your kisses don't stop as she moves-instead, they just change location- her ribs, her arm, the side of her breast. You hear a faint moan start in the back of her throat, and your hands join in on the assault. You move your lips upward to her face, and she kisses you sloppily, sleepily. You laugh.

"You rest," you murmur against her lips. "I'll do all of the work."

You hear her chuckle and kiss her lingeringly before moving downward. You waste no time in assaulting her breasts, nudging them with your lips and circling the nipples with your tongue, sharpening them to pointy tips. You gently kiss her chest as you settle yourself downward, at the place that she most desperately wants you to be. Where she's already warm, already wet, already waiting. The anticipation of it- of showing your love this way, of being with her this way, of driving her crazy goes straight to your head and unable to draw this out any longer, you dive right in.

You lick her core firmly, and she arches up in response to your mouth. You're licking and teasing and sucking and it's so good. It's always good, and you think that you could die right here, right in this bed, tasting her and it would be okay. Her hands are in your hair, and she's guiding you closer, closer, harder, faster and you can feel her starting to tense. You enter her with your tongue, curling as you exit, your hand fondling her bundle of nerves, and you feel her arch off the bed. She moans loudly and comes in a rush, and you stay as you are, guiding her through all of it, prolonging her pleasure for as long as you can. After a while, you move upward again and place a kiss on her stomach before resting in her arms. One hand is in your hair, the other on your back. As your eyes close, you listen to the steady beat of her heart. The strength of it, the security that it represents lulls you to sleep.

* * *

When she wakes up, the candles are gutted and they're wrapped around each other. The wind is blowing violently through the windows and thunder is in the air.

A finger runs down her arm.

"Hey."

"Hmm?" She cracks open one eye.

"Let's even the score."

Her eyes shoot open. She sits up and moves to the side of the bed.

"What?-" She stops cold.

The woman that she is looking at is unrecognizable. A stranger. Her face is hard and angry, and her eyes are bitter and cold. She can feel the hate and resentment coming off of her in waves. She's smiling at her. In her hand is a bone saw. She fires it up, the whir and buzz of the saw clashing against the sound of the rain outside. "Let's even the score."

She's half crawling over the bed, saw in hand, laughing. The curtains billow violently as lightning crashes outside.

Her blood runs cold.

"Stick out your leg," she snarls. "Give it to me." The bone saw whirs angrily as it inches toward her.

"Stick out your leg!"

...

Callie woke up with a jolt.


	20. Illusions

I just want to take some time to clear any confusion about the last chapter. The whole chapter was a dream-Callie's dream turned nightmare. I think that it reveals a lot about how she feels about Arizona. How would you feel if your partner, the person who's supposed to be the closest to you, the person that you share a family with, share a life with, share a home with, angrily suggested that she cut off your leg? How do you even begin to process or deal with something like that? It's definitely something that's going to come back up.

* * *

Recovering from a traumatic experience is a lot like being born and coming out of the womb.. It's a big adjustment. You're helpless, and everything is all about your exploration of the world around you. Both consist of people trying to figure out how to live in the life that has been handed to them, willingly or not. And like a newborn child, you often have to learn how to do the basics again.

It can be painful. And frustrating.

A person recovering from a trauma has something else in common with a newborn baby. They both experience a lot of firsts.

The first real visitor that comes to visit her in the hospital after her outburst with Dr. Perry and her entourage is Alex Karev. He doesn't patronize her the way that the nurses or the way that other doctors in Psych had. "I've been around crazy chicks," he says before sitting with her for a couple of hours. Alex is considered the first real visitor and not the first_official _visitor because the first person to officially visit her after her admission to Psych is Owen Hunt. He comes in and tells her that it had been for her own good and that she needs help, and though by now she knows that it was true, she's still angry that he did this to her, that he did this to her now, when _she _was-

She doesn't say a word to him. Eventually, he leaves and doesn't come back.

The first time that she is able to see Sofia after the fire, Bailey had brought her down from the daycare. Her heart had clenched when she had asked about Mami, and Bailey'd had to tell her that Mami is still sleeping and that she'd be able to see her when she woke up. When Sofia had hugged her and called her a hero, she'd smiled at her daughter and thought about the way she'd been curled on the floor while her wife had been next to her calling for her to save her life.

She'd thrown up after they left.

The first time that she's able to sit up after the fire without help, it's 2 o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday. The room had been silent in its own unique non-quiet way- with the hums and beeps of the machines, and it seemed like the floor was empty. Quiet. There she was in bed, thinking,(always thinking) about everything- Sofia, the fire, the ruined apartment building, her. The crash, Mark, Sofia, her Peds floor, the hospital. Her. The NICU, Sofia, board meetings.

Her.

At 2 am, she'd shifted in bed. She couldn't sleep. Since the fire, it has been hard to close her eyes and not see the flames. It was hard not to feel the smoke, hard not to gasp for air that isn't getting to her lungs fast enough. It was hard not to think that she had just seen her daughter for the last time (again), that this was how her life was going to end. That she'd survived a plane crash only to die in a fire in the apartment of the dead father of her baby. It was hard to look down and see _her _struggling to breathe, to see her terrified and scared. To see her in pain. It was like dying all over again to see Ca-

The thinking had been driving her crazy and she didn't want to think anymore_. _So she decides that she's going to get up and roam the hospital and find something to do and not think. And so she sits up. It's not until she's reaching for the wheelchair in the corner that she realizes that she's done it entirely on her own. She wasn't helpless anymore.

She sighs with relief.

* * *

"So, Arizona." Dr. Perry slipped on her glasses. "How have you been?"

Arizona shifted in her seat. "Uh, fine- actually, good. Good. You know, better." She tapped her fingers on her thighs. "Um, lacs have healed nicely and the burns are healing well. No infection. My breathing is normal. I might be able to be discharged in two weeks." She nodded her head. "Avery did a great job on it."

"And your daughter?"

"She's good. " She smiled. "She had been staying with Bailey for a while but after Callie's dad got here, she's been staying with him at the Archfield. I see her when she comes in for daycare."

Dr. Perry put her pen to her lips. "Have you talked to him?"

She looked away. "No."

"Why not?"

Silence filled the room. Dr. Perry scribbled something on her clipboard. She flipped to a new page. "Do you still see Tim and Nick?" she asked nonchalantly.

Arizona laughed self-consciously and shook her head. "No. It was just the one time. Jack and your colleague- Dan is his name, right?" Dr. Perry nodded. "Jack and Dan looked so much like them, and I guess I just- " she threw up her hands. "Projected."

"Projected?" Dr. Perry asked. She leaned forward. "And why is it that you think that you projected them?"

Arizona shrugged. "If I knew that, then I wouldn't be here."

As Dr. Perry continued to scribble, she turned toward the window. The day was clear, and the sun was out. Birds were chirping and flowers were booming. The weather had seemed to forget the events of the past month, even if she hadn't.

The fire had completely destroyed their building, along with both neighboring buildings, and with it had taken everything that she'd ever shared with her family. Sofia's height chart. The couches that they had danced around once upon a time, broken up on, discussed pregnancy on, discussed their futures on. The room where she'd first told her wife that she had loved her. The bedroom that they had once slept in, the bedroom they had first made love in, the only bedrooms that Sofia had known her entire life. The kitchen that she had first learned to walk again around. The landing that she once sat outside on, hoping for a second chance.

The day after she'd been admitted, Cristina had given her the bag with Mark's belongings, and had kept her updated on _her _condition. Carlos had been able to come and she'd made it through the surgery by the skin of her teeth. Bailey had come by to thank her and tell her that her friend's daughter that she had consulted on her with once upon a time was now fine after the surgeon that she'd recommended had operated on her. Mrs. Wiltern had stopped by and cried for a little bit. She'd talked about battleships and her husband and Mark and...her. Everything keeps coming back to her. Every time that she closes her eyes, she sees herself freezing, sees herself helpless, out of control, unable to help. She hears herself make a promise that she couldn't keep-

Dr. Perry cut in again, interrupting her thoughts.

"The day that we first spoke. You kept saying "I can fix this. Do you always feel like you have to fix something?"

Arizona felt a flash of surprise. She looked around the room and shook her head before answering. "I mean, I'm a doctor, a surgeon. Our job is- I mean, that's what we do, we fix thin-"

"Do you always feel like you need to be in control?"

The surprise turned to annoyance. "I don't think that 'always' is the right-"

"Why do you have a problem being flawed? With needing help?"

Arizona didn't answer. Dr. Perry tapped her pen to her mouth.

"Have you been to see her since she's woken up?"

She shifted in her seat and crossed her arms.

"No."

Dr. Perry lowered the clipboard. "Why not?"

"She needs time to heal, to rest." She sat up straight. "You know, before you know it, she'll be back on her feet and back to work, and you know what? So will I. So, she'll be back and I'll be back and I'll... see her at work, and she'll be good and I'll be good and everything will be-."

"Fine?" Dr. Perry finished. There was a pause as she scribbled a note. Dr. Perry flipped to another page. "Why haven't you said her name?"

Arizona blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Ever since you've been admitted here, you haven't been able to say Dr. Torres' name. Why is that?"

"I don't know."She shrugged her shoulders.

Dr. Perry raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

The room descended into silence again.

Dr. Perry put down the clipboard. "Look, Arizona. You made a great first step. You accepted that things were not okay, that you weren't fine. You're not a Psych patient anymore because you've made good progress. I would like to see that continue." She lowered her glasses. "So, to that end, I'm assigning you homework." She smiled. "Ban 'fine'. Be honest about what you're feeling to other people. When they ask "how are you doing?" don't say 'fine'. And write these responses down. We'll pick this up in a few weeks."

* * *

Nancy Rodheaver, or NR as she was affectionately called, had been a nurse at Seattle Grace/ Seattle Grace-Mercy West/ Sloan Grey Memorial hospital for over thirty years. Her perseverance there had not been due to blind luck, but was rather the product of hard work. She'd first taken the job as a way to pay the bills and feed her kids after her husband had passed away in the big truck accident. Sheer will and grit had allowed her to out all three of her children through college and not in jail. She was a work horse. An institution. There'd been many an occasion when she'd ended up saving a doctor's career. The stories were legendary. The other nurses minded her and the interns feared her. Doctors respected her. When Nurse Rodheaver was working on the floor, there was no nonsense. Charts were filled correctly and supplies could always be found. Patients were seen to quickly and efficiently. And, maybe-just maybe (if the doctors were nice, or at the very least, not too annoying)- baked goods were present. Her chocolate mint chip cookies were just as famous as she was. Maybe more.

Nancy had seen doctors and patients come and go, along with orderlies and administrators and other nurses. She'd been there way back when gas and cigarettes were cheap, hospital records were all on paper, female doctors were called nurses as much as they were called doctors, and when diversity in the work place had consisted of having one African-American man and one woman in the surgical program.

She's seen thousands of people come and go, live and die, visit and leave, and in thirty years, she's come to appreciate the small victories that came with her job. Relieved parents and family. Competent coworkers. Doctors that weren't completely rude. Patients that said thank you and lived long enough to go home.

Most of all, she's come to appreciate the silence. Silence means that there are no doctors screaming for a crash cart or a code. It means there are no patients yelling for ice or to be placed on an incline, or for their parents or for drugs or for any other things that they could think of. It meant that no one was dying.

It meant peace.

Tonight, it was nice and quiet on the burn floor. She walked the hallways, nodding to the nurses and orderlies. At 2 am, most of the patients were asleep-with or without the use of pain medication. She stopped by the nurses' station and examined the desks. Everything looked in order. Good. That meant that she could take a break. Her daughter Coretta had called earlier, talking about the new fool man in her life, and Lord knew that that girl was still up at this time of night doing goodness knows what-

"NR! NR!" A male nurse rushed up to her, disrupting her peace and quiet. She sighed and continued walking to the break room.

"Yes, Jim? Did you forget to change the dressing in 4260 again? I already told you that you were on notice with me-"

Jim panted. "No ma'am. I changed the dressing. It's just-"

Nancy glared at the young man.

"It's just what?" Jim stared at her, terrified. "Now is not the time for suspense, Jim!"

"The patient in 4256 is missing!" Jim exclaimed. Nancy stopped walking.

"Excuse me?"

Jim visibly paled. He wrung his hands. "I mean, I was just walking past on my way to the elevator and I just happened to look in and she wasn't there. I went inside and everything she's gone. I've heard the rumors about how she'd been admitted to Psych a couple weeks ago because she'd gone crazy or something and I figured that I'd come tell you that she was gone before I called security and reported it."

Nancy shook her head. "Jim."

"Please don't get me fired, NR. It wasn't my fault-"

"Jim-"

"If I call security and we initiate a lockdown, they'll be able to find her-"

"Now, listen here-"

"She can't really go that far, can she? I mean, she doesn't even have two le-"

"Jim!" Nancy snapped. "Get a grip!"

Jim exhaled slowly. Nancy placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Now, look. Here's what I want you to do. You're shaking. Get yourself to the locker room and take a shower. Change your clothes. Then, I want you to go to the break room and lay down. Have a cookie. Take a nap. I'll come wake you in a little bit."

Jim shook his head, puzzled. "But, aren't we supposed to-?"

"Jim." Nancy glared at him again. "Who's in charge here, you or me?"

"Yo-you." Jim stammered.

"Who knows what she's doing here, you or me?"

"Yo-you."

"Who is on probation here, you or me?"

"M-me."

Nancy tilted her head. "Then don't you think that you should do what I tell you to do?"

"Well,-"

"Move. Now. And don't leave the break room until I come find you."

As Jim raced off toward the locker room, Nancy rolled her eyes. She put her phone back in her pocket and sighed. Damn fool doctors.

* * *

"Dr. Robbins, we go over this every night. I'm tired of having someone tell me that you've gone missing. I'm tired of you interrupting my quiet. Nancy rolled a wheelchair back to hospital room 4256. "And I'm tired of finding you rolling around this hospital in the middle of the night."

"Nancy, you know that I just want to check in on my kids." Dr. Robbins said defensively. " My sweet little sick children. They need me."

Nancy snorted. "They have you, in the form of a very _very_ capable fellow that you yourself have trained. You're just taking up space."

"Oh, come on" Dr. Robbins whined. " This bed rest is driving me crazy. I need a chart. I need to _do _something."

Nancy shook her head and rolled her down the hallway. She nodded at another nurse as they walked by. "You want to do something? Go to sleep. I need some peace and quiet around here."

"It was just a little trip."

"A little trip? A little trip to Peds takes you all the way to the ICU?"

The nurse, wearing the colors that represented Psych, stopped and stared as the pair made their way into 4256.

Dr. Robbins paused. Nancy helped her get into bed. "I got off on the wrong floor."

Nancy laughed and shook her head. She tucked in the sheets. "Right. A member of the hospital board doesn't know where to find her own department." She walked toward the door, leaned against the door jamb, and spoke loudly. "This time, stay in bed. Don't make me come back in here." She smiled. "Don't worry. You'll be back there annoying Karev and telling kids silly stories in no time." She looked around the hallway. The Psych nurse was gone.

She lowered her voice.

"Tomorrow, head down around one. The staff is having a late night going away party for one of the nurses on shift. You'll have plenty of time to see-" she stopped and looked around again."To do what you need to do."

Nancy walked down the hallway to the break room and shook her head. Doctors. Always leaving messes for the nurses to clean up. Typical. She patted her pockets for her cell phone. Even with all the time she just wasted, chances were her crazy daughter would still be up to talk about her fool boyfriend.

She sighed and smiled into the silence of the night.


	21. Hypocrite

Doctors are always thinking about trauma. Blunt trauma, sharp trauma, severe trauma, subdural trauma, spinal trauma. All kinds of trauma. The more challenging, the nastier, the better. Bring them on. These were kinds of cases that you made your name on, the kinds of cases that made you legendary. The kinds of cases that made careers.

Before she'd been a car crash, traumas were always things she'd thought about in terms of being a surgeon, in terms of being a medical professional. Before then, it had seemed like the things that had happened in her life were traumatic, but maybe not necessarily _extraordinarily_ traumatic. Her ex-husband had gotten dragged by a bus. But that was the kind of person he was, saving another person like that. Izzie Stevens getting cancer? Not completely out of the ordinary. A mass shooting at the hospital? A one in a million event.

But this kind of continuous bad luck? It was the kind of thing that happened to Meredith Grey, not her. Meredith Grey survived a traumatic childhood only to have a mother with Alzheimer's, an alcoholic father, and a dead sister. She's survived a bomb in a chest cavity, almost drowning, a gunman, a shot husband, losing a child, and being in a plane crash. Her last baby had been born in a storm-induced hospital blackout, and that was a cakewalk compared to the other things that she'd been through.

Maybe there was something in the water here.

How else would you explain a dead ex-husband, a mass shooting, an estrangement from your family, a car crash, a micro preemie, a plane crash, a dead best friend, an amputation, a separation, a fire, and a building collapse?

Maybe it was the rain.

* * *

"Stop fidgeting."

Callie shifted onto her side and glared at Bailey.

"I can't. This is just too uncomfortable."

Bailey continued to fill out her charts. She did not look up. "If you rip your stitches again, I'm going to send in a first day intern to come stitch them up."

"Oh, come on. You don't mean that."

Bailey flipped a page. "Try me."

Callie sighed and stopped moving. She laid back against her pillows. "That's mean. Really mean, Bailey."

Bailey closed her chart and placed it onto the floor. "You know what's really mean, Torres? Really, really mean?" She stood up and moved closer to the bed. "Having doctors in the hospital, having _friends_ in this hospital get sick or get hurt and then die. Do you know what happened to you? Or should I refresh your memory?" She began to tick things off.

"Excessive smoke inhalation resulting in the need for hyperbaric oxygen therapy." She held out her pointer finger. "Multiple Rib Fractures." The middle finger came out. "Punctured lung." The ring finger joined in. "Severe concussion." Pinkie. "Fractured tibia." She held out her thumb, completely opening her hand. "And that was just the really big stuff." Bailey grabbed her chart. "Do I need to go on? Because I can. Do I need to talk about how many times you arrested in surgery because you oxygen levels were so low? Shepherd thought that you were going to be brain dead. And Hunt? Hunt thought that- "

"Bailey" Callie interrupted. "I get it. I get it." She sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just...I'm tired of sitting in this bed. I'm tired of only seeing my daughter twice a day. I miss my research. I - " she threw up her hands. "I miss my house. I just want to get _out_ of here, you know?"

Bailey's expression softened. She put the chart down. "I know. But these things take time. Your body went through a lot. You need to let it heal. And stop ripping your stitches." Bailey moved back toward her chair and sat down. She opened up her charts again. "How are you feeling?"

Everything hurt, everywhere. The first couple of days after she'd first woken up, it was all she could do to not writhe in pain. Not to scream and cry in her room. They had to keep putting her under because the pain was too intense. It had taken three weeks before they could remove the breathing tube, and another two before the pain was manageable enough to lower the dosage of the morphine drip. Callie sighed.

"The pain is a little better than it was yesterday, so there's that. Besides that, it's just the usual annoyance at the daily theater audience."

"What?" Bailey lowered her pen again. "What are you talking about?" Callie nodded toward the door. Over Bailey's shoulder, there were a gaggle of nurses and orderlies outside the door, staring and whispering amongst themselves.

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Bailey glared at them. "What is this, a beauty pageant? Don't you all have patients to go see?" The crowd dispersed. Bailey turned back around and shook her head. "Don't worry about them."

Callie shrugged. "It's nothing new. There's always something or someone to talk about after every traumatic event in this hospital. This is no different. I ignore them."

Bailey initialed a chart and reached for another. "And how have you been sleeping?"

"On and off." Callie replied. "It's worse at night." Callie paused. "Bailey," she asked hesitantly.

Bailey lowered her chart. She scooted her chair closer to her friend. "What? What's wrong, Callie?"

Callie looked around for a moment before glancing at Bailey. "At night, when I'm asleep, there's this noise that I can't identify, and it's driving me crazy." She shook her head slightly. "I mean, I know that there are a lot of sounds in a hospital: The sounds in the hallway-people walking, talking. The PA system. Elevator dings. My curtains when it's windy, a noisy cart. The squeaking sound of a noisy wheel. But at night, when I'm about to close my eyes, I hear something else, you know? Like a-"

"A ghost?" Bailey asked incredulously, her lip twitching.

Callie gave her a look. "Ha ha. It's not a ghost, but it's a faint noise, like a distant whirr or something. Sometimes, it sounds as if it's far away- like down the hall or by the elevators. And other times, it's like it's right outside my door."

Bailey tilted her head. She wrinkled her nose. "A whirring?" she asked. "Maybe it's something residual from the fire? A memory from the collapse."

Callie smiled back. "That's probably it."

Bailey chuckled. "Are you sure it's not all in your head?" She smiled. "You miss cutting. I think that you've been stuck in this bed for too long. You miss the O.R."

Bailey placed her hand on Callie's leg. "Don't worry. you'll be back in there in no time. She gathered her charts and stood up. "Well, I've got to head to surgery, but when I'm done, I'll bring Sofia down to see you, okay?" She walked toward the door.

"Did you know that she hasn't even come by?"

Bailey turned back from the door.

"What?"

"Or visited?" Callie blurted. "In two weeks, she hasn't said a thing."

Bailey raised her eyebrow. "Who are you talking about?"

"Arizona." Callie replied. "I'm talking about Arizona. It's been almost seven weeks since the fire, three weeks since they removed the breathing tube, and almost two weeks since I've been able to have visitors." Callie shrugged her shoulders. "I mean I know that she got out of the building that day, I told her to go. She promised that she would. I watched her leave before I passed out!"

The machines began to beep eratically. Bailey waved off a nurse and closed the door. She grabbed Callie's hand. "Just breathe, okay? Breathe. Relax." They breathed together, slowly, deeply. In and out. In and out. Gradually, the beeping slowed, as her heart rate returned to normal. Bailey glanced at the monitor and smiled. "That's it. Nice and easy."

Callie shook her head. She took a deep breath.

"She hasn't been by. Not once. I don't even know how she's been. When she talks about her, Sofia says that she's fine, but I don't know what that means. And no one will say anything to me about it."

They sat in silence. After a moment, Bailey squeezed Callie's hand. "I thought that your father would had told you by now, or Shepherd or Hunt or someone."

Callie looked at her friend.

"What's going on, Miranda?"

* * *

_She can't breathe. Smoke is everywhere. She can't find the door. Coughing, she stumbles around, looking for a way out. There was no way out. There is no way out. She feels herself start to hyperventilate. Her panic rises. She can't breathe. She's going to choke and die in this room and Sofia is going to lose another parent and this is crazy and-_

_"Breathe," a familiar voice whispers in her ear. "Just breathe."_

_Hands grasp her shoulders from behind. Her panting starts to slow. The smoke isn't smoke anymore. Steam is billowing around them, and she can hear the familiar sound of their shower running. The water feels warm, _is_ warm, but she feels a chill- all the way down to her bones._

_"Hey." She can feel Arizona behind her, kneading her shoulders. "Relax. Just relax, okay?" She's bracing her hands against the wall. Arizona's hands travel from her shoulder down her back, massaging gently. Her hands feel like little nuggets of warmth against the chill. Protecting her. Comforting her. "I've got you." Arizona murmured. "I've got you. It was just a bad dream."_

_As the water continues to fall, she feels herself slowly relax under her hands. "I was dying," she says. "There was smoke everywhere, and I couldn't breathe-"_

_"Shhh" Arizona says softly against her ear."I've got you now. You're here, with me. You're safe." She feels a kiss fall between her shoulder blades. "I've got you." The warmth of the kiss spreads like wildfire across her back._

_"It felt so real," she murmurs from against the wall. "It felt so real, but I feel so cold." Arizona shifts behind her and she can feel her move closer. She wraps her arms around her, shielding her from the spray. "Just breathe," she murmurs, her head leaning against her shoulder. "I've got you."_ _As her breathing continues to slow, Arizona's hands are still traveling, at her hips now, warming everywhere that they could reach. She closes her eyes. Her hands are on her stomach now, rubbing slowly in small circles, spreading warmth in every direction._ _The steam blankets them from the world in the shower stall. "Let it go," Arizona murmurs. She feels a trail of opened mouth kisses winding across her back. Arizona's lips move slowly, in time with the slow gentle motion of her hands. "Let it go, Calliope." she whispers in her ear._

_She sighs as she feels Arizona's body come into full contact with her own. They sway together in the stall, bodies pressing together in the steam. The hand braced against the wall is covered by Arizona's. She can feel her left hand on her leg, the circle of her ring imprinting itself on her thigh. She moves her left hand to cover hers, and they stand there for a while, against the shower wall, away from the world. The steam starts to dissipate, as the hot water begins to run out._

_Distantly, over the spray of the water, she hears it. The whirring noise. The hand on her thigh slowly begins to squeeze, getting tighter and tighter..._

Callie jolted awake and sat up. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark. The room is silent except for the beeps of the machines. She catches a movement in the corner of her eye and turns. The curtains on her window were billowing softly. She exhaled. It was just the wind. Good going, Torres. Getting freaked out by the wind. She chuckled dryly and fluffed her pillow. The room was illuminated by the moonlight outside. There was still plenty of time to sleep until the morning. As she turned around to lay back down, her eyes fell on the door. She froze. A familiar face let go of the knob that she had been just about to twist open.

Arizona placed her hands in her lap. "Hey." She smiled crookedly.

Callie stared for a moment before laying back against her pillows.

"Hey."

Arizona gestured toward the bed. "Sorry that I woke you up. It seemed like you were having a nightmare, but then you started sleeping peacefully. I was just leaving when you shot up out of bed."

Callie shifted in her bed. "Yeah. It was the wind from the window that woke me up." She laughed self-consciously. "Sorry if I startled you."

The room fell silent. Using the light from the window, Callie examined Arizona. Her hair was down in limp waves around her face. She was sitting in a wheelchair, in her hospital gown and a slipper. Her forehead was bandaged, and she was sitting delicately, as if leaning back too hard on the chair might be painful. There was a blanket covering her lap.

Arizona cleared her throat. Callie looked away.

"So," Arizona asked hesitantly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by bricks." Callie replied wryly. Arizona chuckled quietly.

Callie chuckled back, and then coughed. She held a hand to her ribs. "Sorry. I'm not supposed to be laughing too much." There was another beat of silence. Callie moved gingerly and shifted again. Arizona watched her silently.

"How long have you been there?" Callie asked.

"Only a few minutes.' Arizona's eyes traced the bandage that trailed into her scalp. 'When I came in, you were starting to settle down." She played with her fingers in her lap.

Silence fell upon the room again. Callie looked toward the window and then shot up with alarm.

"Is something wrong? I mean, Sofia-"

Arizona cut her off. "-Is fine. She's fast asleep by now with your dad. You rest, okay? Everyone is fine."

"Okay. Okay." Callie settled back into bed again. The curtains bellowed. Arizona turned toward them. From this angle, she could see the corner of a bandage peeking out from the back of her hospital gown. For a moment, she can see Arizona sitting in a hospital bed, at a different time, with a bandage around her leg. She was about to wake up, and she was going to have to tell her...

Arizona turned her head away from the window, back toward her, and the memory faded.

Callie blinked. She rubbed her leg. "And how are you doing?" She smiled wryly and fluffed her pillow. "Fine, right?"

Arizona shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "Not fine. Scared." She rolled closer to the bed. "Terrified. Relieved. Happy. " She sighed. "I'm just so happy. To see you. Happy to see you alive. In that building you were..." she looked away. "I'm glad that you're okay."

As Arizona stared at her, she felt a flash of something familiar. Callie tilted her head and looked at her.

"It's you, isn't it?" Arizona looked puzzled. Callie continued. "At night, when I'm asleep, sometimes I feel like there's someone there, watching me. That's you isn't it?"

Arizona chuckled self-consciously. "Yeah, it's me. I've been stopping by to see you at night. To watch you sleep." She sighed. "I'm sorry about that. It's just- I can't stop looking at you."

Callie started to chuckle and then stopped again. She coughed. "I look like crap."

Arizona shook her head."No, you don't." She smiled. "You look miraculous."

Silence fell upon the room again, punctuated by the beeping of the machines and the sound of the wind.

Callie groaned softly. She shifted again. "They told me- they told me that you were there. That you got me out of the apartment building." The curtains moved again. "You came back for me," she said quietly.

The room fell silent. Arizona twisted her fingers together.

The machines started to beep a little faster.

Arizona whispered hoarsely. "Ca-Callie-"

"No. Don't. I'm so _mad_ at you." She whispered softly. "You told me that you would leave-"

"-I know," Arizona replied. She clasped her hands together. "I thought that I had time. I thought that I could fix it-"

"-You said that you would-"

"-I know-"

"-You _promised_-"

"-I know-"

"-I told you to go-"

"-I-I couldn't-"

"- We both could have _died_-"

"-But we didn't-"

" But if we did, then you would have left _Sofia_-"

"-It was to save your life!"

Her words echoed around the room. They stared at each other. Callie breathed heavily. The tension in the room was palpable. In her mind's eye, she can see another hospital room, another argument:

_I trusted you. More than anybody in my life. And you just cut it off-_

_TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!_

She closed her eyes. For a moment, the room was silent as she focused on controlling her breathing. After a while, machines started to beep more slowly. She opened her eyes.

Arizona shook her head. She spoke quietly.

"I thought that you were dead. When I went back for you, when I was dragging you out, and you were in my lap and I was trying to figure out how to get us off that floor..." she trailed off and shook her head. She looked back at Callie, her eyes unwavering on her face. "I thought that you were dead in my arms. But you weren't. You were still hanging on, still breathing. I couldn't leave you in there. I couldn't let you die. I couldn't."

Callie stared at Arizona. "We both lived, and that makes what you did okay? But when I tried to do the same thing, I was the bad guy? I was the evil person, the evil bi-"

"_Yes." _Arizona burst out. "Yes, it makes it okay, because _you_ didn't lose-"

The room fell silent again. The curtains billowed again, waving gently into the room, before softly falling back into place around the window.

"Do you know what this sounds like?" Callie finally whispered. "Do you know what this sounds like to me right now? It's hypo-" She shook her head. "I can't believe this. I-I can't do this right now." She shook her head again.

"I know." Arizona turned toward the door. "I'm sorry."

For a moment, there is nothing but sounds of the machines and the sound of wheels rolling across the floor. Arizona reached for the doorknob and twisted it. The lights from the hallway bathed the room in light, and for a moment Callie can see her face clearly. There are bags on her face and her eyes look tired. Arizona maneuvered through the door. Once she was over the threshold, she reached out to close behind her.

"Arizona?"

The door paused.

They stared at each other. After a moment, Arizona softly closed the door.

In the dark, Callie leaned back against her pillows. It was a long time before she fell asleep.

When she woke up in the morning, her hands reached downward first, to feel for her legs.


	22. Discharge

Today was a good day. Today was a great day. Awesome, even. It was _the _day. The day that things started again for the better. The turning of the tide. D-day, if you will.

Yay.

Today meant no more crappy dinners and uncomfortable beds. It meant getting back to work and getting to see her floor and her nurses and her kids and Karev... She tugged on the pants that Alex had dropped off for her this morning and grinned. Today meant that she could wear _real _clothes. She straightened up and grabbed her hairbrush, She moved into the bathroom. Her eyes fell onto a stuffed bear that Sofia had left there during her last visit. Being discharged meant she got to go and spend some time with her baby girl. Carlos was leaving soon, and she'd be with Sofia until Callie was discharged and-

She stopped brushing. And what? She put down the brush and examined her reflection. Bright blue eyes stared back at her. Her face was smaller, a result of the lack of appetite that she'd developed while in the hospital. Her eyes trail downwards through the mirror, over a smaller waist and pant-clad thighs , down to-

Her eyes jerk back up to her face. She picked up the hairbrush again and continued brushing. And then what? There was no place to live. The apartment building was completely destroyed. She'd lost everything in the fire. She sighed. She was going to have to start over. She put down the brush. She could start over. This was the new her. Over it, and ready to get back to life. Everything was going to be different. Good different. A good day. Today was a good day.

Today was Discharge Day.

* * *

"So, how have you been these past few weeks?" Dr. Perry smiled gently as she shifted in her seat. She smiled back.

"Good! Better, I mean." She placed her hands onto her lap. "Not great, but...good. Almost no pain." Dr. Perry didn't reply. Arizona swiveled her chair a little bit with her right foot. "Um, I got the new leg, so no more wheelchair, and I'm going home today, so that's good."

"And where's home?"

Arizona shrugged.

"I'm not sure. Karev said that I could stay at his place, but he's my fellow and I'm his boss and he's...Karev." She laughed a little. "That might not end well. Sofia has been staying at the Archfield with her grandfather. She's used to it after all of this time, so maybe I'll just get a room there until we can figure out something better."She smiled. "We'll figure it out. It'll be good."

The room went quiet again as Dr. Perry scribbled something into her clipboard, After a moment she looked up and smiled.

"Sorry about that, I forgot to add some things to my grocery list. Tonight's my night to cook." She crossed her legs. "How was our homework assignment?

"Good. It was good. I wrote all of the times that I didn't say "fine" down, though I'm not sure how that supposed to help anything." Arizona opened up her bag and took out a small notebook. She stood up and moved to hand it to the doctor. Dr. Perry waved her off.

"No. Keep it. It's for you. I want you to keep writing in it." Arizona paused mid-step. She shrugged and dropped the book into her bag. She sat down again. "Okay. I guess I'll just hang onto it then. I'll keep writing in it and it will be-"

"Good." They say it together. Dr. Perry nodded. She chuckled and flipped a page in her clipboard. She checked something off.

Arizona tapped a finger onto the arm of her chair. was going to be so great to be back. She missed her kids-hanging out with them, telling them silly stories. She'd looked at some charts in Peds before coming down to Psych and there were some cool things planned for next week. Maybe she'd jump in on that case with the kid (Brandon, age 9, hates teddy bears) who had the kidney stones that wouldn't pass. It's been a while since she's done shock therapy treatment, (it's been a while since she's gotten to do anything, really) and that sounded like fun-Oh! There was also an appy on the schedule. She wanted an appy. She missed appys. She _needed_ to do an appy... That would be perfect for her first day back. Shock some kidney stones and then cap it off with something nice and easy to end the day. Cool. Bet the surgical scar will be the tiniest one that she's done yet-

Arizona pulled herself out of her thoughts and looked around the room. She glanced at the clock on the wall. They've been sitting in silence for fifteen minutes. She glanced at Dr. Perry in confusion.

"Aren't you going to ask me something? Anything?"

Dr. Perry tilted her head slightly as she continued to write in her notebook. She didn't look up. "I don't know. Do you want to talk to me about something?"

The room descended into silence again. The clock ticked.

Arizona shifted in her seat. Um, okay. Something to talk about. Something to talk about. Something to talk about...

"So.." she looked around the room. Something to talk about-

"Watercolors." she said. She smiled at Dr. Perry's confused look. "You have nice watercolors in here- not that I know a lot about art." She began to ramble. "I mean I know some- I saw some growing up when we had time to stop in museums-but these are really nice. What are they- Marin? O'Keefe?" Arizona smiled again, fondly. "You know, I had a kid here once who loved to paint. He did it all the time in his room between surgeries. He really loved watercolors. And crabs. He really loved crabs. His dad fished for crabs, and he had crabs, he had crabs..." She trailed off and looked down toward the floor. "All of the time..." she finished lamely.

Dr. Perry continued to write in her notebook earnestly. After five minutes, she looked up and smiled. She stretched her neck, first to the left, and then to the right. She pushed her glasses back up her nose. After checking tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she turned her attention back to the book in her lap and continued to scribble.

Arizona shook her head incredulously. Was she really not going to reply? Okay, okay, it was all good. Just pick another safe topic. Another safe topic-work was always a good one

She cleared her throat.

"Speaking of kids, I'm really excited to get back to work. I mean, while I was a patient here, I stopped by all of the time, so I'm sure it kind of felt like I never left to them. But, it'll be good to get back into the swing of things and be with the kids and get into surgery and-

"-Have you gone to see Dr. Torres yet?"

Arizona blinked.

"Excuse me?

Dr. Perry blinked back. She clicked her pen. "The last time that we spoke, we talked about how you haven't been in to see her."

Arizona looked around the room. "Well, that isn't a problem anymore. I went to see her, we talked and it was good." She fell silent.

Dr. Perry raised an eyebrow.

Arizona jiggled her foot.

Dr. Perry clicked her pen.

Arizona tapped her fingers on her armrest.

The clock continued to tick.

"What?" Arizona asked angrily. "What would you like me to tell you?"

Dr. Perry lowered her clipboard. "What do you think I want to hear? About your new work schedule? About watercolors? You could always talk about crabs some more if you feel that you must."

"I don't know what you want from me," Arizona snapped. "I already told you that we talked earlier one night, about how she was doing and about Sofia, and-"

"-And that's all that happened between the two of you? You talked about Sofia and everything is fine? Everything is good?"

"I almost killed her!" Arizona shouted. Dr. Perry leaned back in her seat.

Arizona sighed and gestured weakly. "When I was sitting there, and I flashed back there, to the plane-" she broke off. "I almost killed her. I spent time just looking at her because I was glad to see her alive. That's it." Arizona settled back into her seat. She stared at the watercolor over the doctor's head.

Dr. Perry placed her clipboard onto the floor. She crossed her legs and placed her hands onto in her lap.

They sat in silence again.

Dr. Perry rolled her ankle around in a circle.

"Did something else happen that night, between the two of you?"

"Yes, I was able say her name, and it was _fi-_good. " Arizona stopped. She threw up her hands. "You know what? Why does it matter. It's over. It's done with. I'm over it. I'm moving on."

Dr. Perry sighed. "Look, just because you are being discharged, just because you were able to have a conversation with Dr. Torres and say her name doesn't mean that you've addressed what's really going on here." She leaned forward.

"Don't do this to yourself. We're going in circles. Why are you doing this to yourself again? Every time you let something out a little bit, every time you let out a little bit of emotion you stop and bundle everything up even tighter. You bury it down deeper. It's a destructive cycle."

Dr. Perry looked at Arizona appraisingly.

"I can see you in front of me right now, and you look good. Wonderful, even. You are in front of me, put together, smiling, talking about making a fresh start and Sofia and going back to work, but," Dr. Perry gestured to the air. "How can you do any of these things if you haven't let anything go? If you haven't been honest with yourself?"

She waited for a reply. Arizona continued to stare at the watercolor above her head. Undeterred, she pressed on.

"What are you trying to protect yourself from? Hmm? What aren't you admitting to yourself? Why do you need to hold on to this control? Let it out. You're harboring a lot of resentment, Arizona."

In her head, she can her Callie's voice, whispering at her, accusing her:

_It always comes back to the leg?_

_We both lived, and that makes what you did okay? But when I tried to do the same thing, I was the bad guy? I was the evil person, the evil bi-"_

"-Yes_. Yes, it makes it okay, because _you_ didn't lose-"_

_You weren't on the _freaking PLANE_!_

_You didn't lose anything! I did. I did._

_You just cut it off!_

Arizona shook her head. "No, I'm not. How could I? I mean-with the plane crash, she saved my life, and-"

"You are." Dr. Perry took off her glasses. "You do have resentment, and a lot of other feelings about what has happened to you. And you still haven't talked about a lot of them." She opened her hands toward her. "Let them out. Let me hear them. Admit them to yourself. There is no wrong or right way to feelings. You have a right to feel how you feel. You're holding all of your feelings on a tight leash and if you don't let them out, then it's going to come out sooner or later in ways you won't expect. Or like."

Arizona closed her eyes...

_You want it? The street cred? The badge of honor? The warrior wounds? Then great! Stick out your leg and I will go grab a bone saw and then let's even the score!_

She opened them and shook her head. Dr. Perry examined Arizona's face, waiting for an answer. Hearing none, she sighed and moved to stand. "I guess that we'll pick this up later, at another time. "

"No."

Dr. Perry paused. "Excuse me?"

Arizona slowly shook her head. "Why should we pick this up later? What is left to talk about? What's done is done, and us sitting here in chatting about it isn't going to help. It isn't going to change anything." She let out a breath. "So, no, I'm sorry, but I won't be back."

Dr. Perry stared at her for a long time. She nodded. "Okay."

Arizona slung her bag over her shoulder and stood up. She walked toward the door.

"Arizona?" She turned back.

Dr. Perry smiled.

"Congratulations on your discharge. See you around."


	23. Exodus

"Rise and shine!" Derek walked into the hospital room and smiled at his patient. "Ready for today?"

Callie looked up from her magazine. "Hey, Derek." She chuckled. "It's 2 pm. Finally coming by to check on your patient?"

Derek shook his head amusedly. "Finally? I was in surgery, Torres."

"Exactly. I've already been on my morning and afternoon walks around this hospital waiting for you " Callie replied. She put down the magazine. "Let's get this thing over with. The sooner we do this, the closer I am to the day that I can get discharged and _out_ of this room."

Derek grinned. "Going stir-crazy, huh? These board meeting reports aren't keeping you excited?"

Callie groaned. "I'm _sick_ of board minutes. I want to cut. I want my lab. I want to wear actual clothes!"

"Is that Callie Torres that I hear whining?" Bailey stepped into the room. She looked toward Derek. "This one giving you trouble again?"

"Always."

"Ha-ha." Callie said. "You'd go crazy here too if you were stuck in this bed for 20 hours of the day for _weeks_-"

"Are you kidding? " Bailey smirked. "I'd probably hurt someone."

A pager beeped. Derek looked down. He smiled apologetically. "That's me. It's Meredith."

Callie shook her finger. "Oh, no you don't, Shepherd-"

Derek shrugged and headed for the door. "I'm sorry Torres. She might need a consult. You don't mind, do you? It'll just take a sec."

"Are you serious right now? _I_ need a consult!"

Derek called from the hallway. "I'll be back when I can."

Callie groaned and pulled a pillow over her head. "I'm never going to get out of here."

Bailey patted her head. "He'll be back...eventually."

Callie groaned again. Bailey sat down in a chair. "Speaking of going somewhere," she asked. "Isn't your father leaving soon?"

Callie nodded her head. "Yeah, his plane is leaving in a couple of hours. Arizona's being discharged today, so she's going to have Sofia."

Bailey wrinkled her brow. "After just getting discharged? Is she going to be okay running after a two year old?"

Callie shrugged. "She said that she was, but you know how she is. Alex told me that he'd watch out for her in case she gets overwhelmed."

Bailey nodded. "Is your father going to be with them until he leaves?" she asked.

Callie shifted. "I don't know." She lifted the pillow off if her face.

"You don't know?" Bailey asked. "Well, have you spoken to her?"

Callie looked away. Bailey slapped her foot.

"Torres!"

"Wha-" Callie took in Bailey's look. "What? We haven't really spoken at all since-"

"Since when?" Callie looked toward the ceiling. Bailey slapped her foot again. She glared. "She's getting discharged _today_. You're telling me that you haven't seen her once before now?"

"No. I'm not saying that-" Callie sighed. "We talked, once, one night, a couple of weeks ago, about the fire. And since then, all we've done is send emails about Sofia. We don't really talk about anything else. And my father hasn't talked about her to me at all. I don't think that he's seen her. I think that we would have all heard about it if he did."

"Okay Torres, I'm back." Derek came into the room. "We just needed to talk about one of the kids in daycare. Ready for me?"

Callie grinned. "_Yes._ Bring it on!"

Derek moved toward the bed. He started to unplug machines, Bailey rose to help him. "You know, I saw your dad your dad earlier.. He was asking me for directions to the burn floor." He stepped over a cord. "I think that he was looking for Arizona."

Callie grabbed his arm. "What? What did you tell him?"

"Torres-"

"Someone asking about me?" Carlos Torres smiled from the doorway. He glanced at Callie's hand, still gripping Derek's arm and raised an eyebrow.

"Still causing trouble, I see."

Callie let go of Derek's arm. She smiled sheepishly. "Hey, Dad."

Bailey glanced at Derek. "Why don't we come back in a bit? I have a chart that I want you to see anyway, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek nodded at Bailey. "That sounds like a great idea." They shuffled out of the room. Carlos moved closer to the bed and smiled at his daughter.

"How are you feeling _mija_?" She leaned over to hug him. She held on tight.

"Good. I think I'm going crazy. I want to get off this bed." She felt him chuckle in her ear and squeezed harder. She inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar smell of his shirt.

"As a little girl, You never wanted to sit still." He chuckled again. "Some things never change."

After a moment, Callie let go of her father and leaned back into her bed. He sat down, sitting the chair that Bailey had filled in earlier.

"Was I interrupting anything with Dr. Shepherd?" Carlos asked.

Callie shook her head. "Just a routine MRI. It's okay, he's going to come back later." Carlos nodded. He glanced toward the window, lost in thought. Callie glanced at her father from the corner of her eye.

"Have you heard from Mom?" He looked away from the window, and smiled gently at his daughter.

"Yes. I talked to her this morning."

"And?"

Carlos began to shake his head. "Calliope-"

"No, I get it." Callie sighed bitterly.

Carlos shrugged helplessly. "It's just- she thinks that this is your punishment. That God is punishing you-"

"-For living my life?"

"_Mija_, you know how she thinks. And also you know that your mother loves you no matter what."

Callie dashed away a tear. She shook her head."Yeah. it's just my life that she can't accept." She sniffled. "Regardless of whether she accepted the way that I live my life...I still thought that she would be here." She sniffled again, hard. Carlos leaned forward and held her hand. He used his other hand to rub soothing circles on her leg.

Callie gave her father a watery smile. "Did I ever thank you for being here? For dropping everything and coming here? For being here for us?"

Carlos shook his head. "There is no need to thank me. You're my daughter. There isn't anywhere else in the world that I would rather be. And Sofia is wonderful."

Callie laughed. "Uh huh. After all this time?" She looked at her father knowingly. "She's got you whipped."

Carlos smiled diplomatically. "I'll be sad to leave her." They chuckled. Callie squeezed his hand. "Thank you for taking care of her the way that you did. I know that she would have but I couldn't ask Bailey to take her in like that-especially since Ben isn't around a lot and she's got Tuck-"

"Sure, sure."

"And I know that Arizona is grateful to you as well." Under her palm, Callie felt her father stiffen. She looked at him.

"What? What's wrong?" Carlos removed his hand from Callie's and sat back in his chair.

"Calliope-"

Callie searched Carlos' face. "Derek told me that he talked to you. He told me before you came in that you asked him for directions." Carlos did not reply. Callie continued. "You know where my room is and where the daycare is. You don't need directions around the hospital. "

"It's a large hospital." Carlos shrugged. "Sometimes I get lost on my way to the-"

"Burn floor?" Callie finished. Carlos looked away. She reached for his hand. "Dad." She squeezed his hand. "Dad." He looked toward her. "Please don't go see Arizona."

"Arizona?"

"Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about." He looked away again. "Yes Arizona, Dad. My wife?" She kept squeezing his hand until he turned to look at her again. "Look, I know how you felt when I told you what happened with us and- just don't talk to her or get violent or do anything crazy."

"Violent? Crazy? Calliope."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Dad, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean." Carlos met his daughter's gaze. "And it's too late if you're telling me not to see Arizona. I already did."

* * *

_"Jackson, finally." Arizona didn't look up as she placed some things into her bag. She talked over her shoulder. "Don't get me wrong, the burn floor is great, but it's time for me to go. " She chuckled. "It's definitely time for me to get back to my tiny-"_

_"Hello, Arizona." Carlos Torres stopped in the doorway. "May I come  
in?"_

_"Carlos." Arizona stopped short. She stared for a moment before nodding. "Oh. Um. Sure."_

_He stepped into the room slowly. He placed his hands into his pockets and looked around. "I realize that we haven't really spoken to each other since you and Calliope have been here. I wanted to wait, until you were better or she was better and... " He stepped further in to the room._

_"I hear that you are going home today."_

_Arizona nodded. "Yes, I am. I'm just waiting for my discharge papers to be signed."_

_Carlos nodded. "Good. Good." He looked down at his shoe before looking back up. "I'm glad to see you doing better."_

_They stood in awkward silence._

_"Carlos-" Arizona started._

_Carlos lifted his hand. "You know Calliope and I. You know how we are. Every Sunday, we talk. Every Sunday." He shook his head._

_"Before now, there had only been two times when we didn't talk every week. The first time was when she told me that she was..." He paused and cleared his throat. "And she introduced me to you. The second time was when the rescue workers had called to say that they had found you. I remember because I had been sitting by the phone, waiting for news. And when she didn't call..." he sighed. "I thought that they had found you, and that you were dead. I was preparing to come over here when she called me early Monday to tell me that they had found you. Her voice-" he broke off._

_"After she had hung up, I remembesd thinking to myself, "Thank God". Thank God, because you being alive meant that I would never again have to hear the voice that I'd heard when she first called to tell me that they couldn't find your plane."_

_Carlos looked around the room. He closed his eyes. His hands were clenched tightly, and he shook slightly, as if he were struggling with himself. After a few moments, he breathed deeply. His breath eventually evened out, and he opened his eyes. His fists unclenched and twitched at his sides. Carlos looked at her silently._

_He spoke quietly._

_"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."_

* * *

Yasmin Perry waved out her last patient for the day and closed her door. She sagged against it and sighed. Today was a day that she was glad was over. She moved around the room, straightening up the chairs and cushions that had been used and knocked out of place over the course of the day. Reaching underneath a pillow, she picked up a piece of paper and blew at the hair that had fallen over her face. The bob that Diana had convinced her to go for a couple of weeks ago had grown out. She straightened up and glanced in the mirror that hung on the wall. She'd gotten a lot of compliments on the bob. And a lot of date requests. Maybe she'd get it cut again. She gave herself a small smile in the mirror and shook her head.

"Stop staring, Yas." She muttered to herself. "Your vanity is showing."

She threw the paper into the garbage and walked over to her desk. She tossed her reading glasses onto the table top. Sitting into her favorite plush chair, she sighed and kicked off her shoes. She put her feet on her desk and closed her eyes.

Thank God that the day was over. It hadn't really been all that bad, (most of it had actually been okay), but it had been way more emotional than she had expected it to, and she'd had to try hard not to let it show. She smiled wryly. That had never been a problem growing up.

Her father had been a very loving man, and had worked hard to provide for their family, but her mother was never satisfied with what they had. She'd loved to criticize everything- where they lived, her school, how little money they had. Her. She'd been her mother's favorite target. "Are you sure you want to wear those clothes Yasmin? Don't apply to that school, it's too far away. You're not smart enough. Everyone in my family is so beautiful, I don't know what happened to you. You must have taken your looks from your father's side."

It had hurt, it had hurt a lot. But she's taken it. All of it, and then she'd smile at her mother like everything was okay. "Okay, Mama, I'll change my clothes. I won't apply to that school. I don't know what happened either." She opened her eyes. She'd taken all of it and had buried the resentment, until she couldn't bury it anymore.

Her eyes found the watercolor painting hanging on the wall. O'Keefe's _Sunrise_. She'd bought that at an antique store after she'd first moved out of the house and started living her own life. After she'd finally said all that she had felt and all that she'd thought to her mother. She wasn't who her mother thought that she was, or what her mother wanted her to be. And that was fine. Finally letting it all out had been liberating. Joyful. Sort of like the painting.

She picked up a file on her desk and flipped through it. Arizona Robbins had decided not to come in anymore. She closed it and sighed. She was a time bomb looking to explode. She could see it. She looked at Arizona and saw herself, years ago, hurting and trying to brush it under the rug. Some things couldn't be brushed aside. She knew from personal experience. One wrong word or question and...

The door burst open. Yasmin threw out a hand to support herself as her chair tipped over. She looked over at her door and froze. Her mouth dropped open.

"Arizona?"

Arizona Robbins stood in her office, completely disheveled. The put-together woman that had been in her office earlier was gone. Instead, her clothes were out of place and wrinkled. Her shirt was wet, and her hair was a mess. Eyes, clear blue eyes that had looked into hers earlier during their session were clouded and wild. There were faint imprints of fingers on both of her cheeks.

Yasmin stood up quickly and closed the door.

"Arizona? Are you okay? What happened to you? Do we need to get down to the E.R.?" She scrambled around her desk to look for her jacket. Where the hell did she kick her shoes off to?

"I'm. So. _Mad. "_

Yasmin froze from underneath her desk. She rose slowly, and stared at the woman in front of her. Her hands were gripping her face tightly. She stood there for a minute silently, before burying her face in her hands. Yasmin moved around the desk and leaned on it. She waited.

"I'm just-" The words were muffled behind her hands.

She waited.

Her hands moved up to grip her hair, and she could see the faint imprints on her face become a bit clearer as she moved to grip her face again.

She waited.

Arizona removed her hands from her face, and shook her head. She gestured aimlessly.

"I'm just- I'm so _mad._ How could this happen to me? _Wh_y did this happen to me?" She pushed her hair out her face and started to pace. "I mean- I'm a good person. I was _a good person_. I paid my taxes. I love my country. I reattach babies' arms. I save _kids_. How could this have happened to me? How could she do this to me? " She began to limp heavily. "I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be-"

She stopped in front of Yasmin.

"I liked my life. I _loved_ my life. My career. my family. They were everything to me . Work was going well and everyone was doing okay- Sofia was a baby and healthy and cute. Things with Mark were great, and Callie and I-

Everything was _good _and _fine_. I had things under control and things were great. And then Nick was sick. He was sick and I couldn't help him. And then Alex said that he was leaving and..."

She threw her hands up helplessly. "I couldn't help that. I'd tried so hard to get him to stay here, but I couldn't do anything about it. He was my mentee and yes, sometimes he's an ass but he's a good doctor and my best resident and he wanted to _leave_. He was going to leave-just like Tim left and just how Nick was leaving . I didn't want him to but he was leaving and I couldn't help that. I couldn't _fix that_. But I could help those babies. I could help those twins in Boise. I could have done something about that. So I got on a plane. And it _crashed_. Crashed, like we were toys or dolls or something. And it _hurt." _She dropped into a nearby chair. She sniffled.

_"_Engines were burning and Derek was gone. I was screaming, Jerry was paralyzed, Lexie was _dead_. Meredith was crying_, _Mark was moaning and my leg_..."_

She shook her head bitterly. "And then she did it. And I was _so angry_, but it was done, I couldn't do anything about that. It was out of my hands. She wanted us to move on, and I thought that I could. That it could be fine. I couldn't do anything about Mark or my leg or being able to skate around in my shoes or Nick, but I could move on. I could keep going, go back to being me with my life and my career and work and my family. And it would be fine. I thought that I could be the same person that I was- minus a leg."

Yasmin spoke. "And were you?"

She opened her mouth to speak...

_Arizona slowly raised her hands. "Carlos," she started weakly._

_He walked slowly toward her._

_"Now, I can't pretend to know anything what happened to you, or pretend to know what's happened between the two of you, but..." He stepped forward. "You were the last person that I ever expected to protect Calliope against."_

She closed her eyes. "I-I-"

_Carlos smiled softly. He stopped in front of her._

_"You and I-we're both parents. We know what it is to love unconditionally, to want what's best for our children, to see them happy. To protect them. But there are some things that we can't help. Some things that we can't control. We can't bubble wrap the world. Things are out of our control, and sometimes, all that we can do is accept that."_

_He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I liked you. I like you. Life has unloaded some terrible things on you. But you have also made some decisions that have destroyed a lot of things. And those decisions, those choices that you made were completely in your control."_

_Carlos walked toward the door. He turned back at the threshold._

_"You told me a story once, about your family. About you grandfather and how you were named. You told me about your father." He met her eyes._

_"Are you still the person that he raised you to be?"_

"I wasn't." Arizona answered quietly. "I'm not the same person. The person that I used to be- the person that my father raised wouldn't have cheated on her wife. She wouldn't have offered to cut off someone's leg. She wouldn't have destroyed her own family." She closed her eyes.

"I'm not that person anymore, and that makes me mad. And sad. And ashamed."

* * *

Callie stared at her father.

"Dad."

Carlos smiled reassuringly. "It's fine. We just talked. Nothing violent. " Callie gave him a look. "I promise."

She stared at him for another second, before sighing in relief. "Good." She fidgeted with her sheet. "Um-" She looked at her father.

Carlos nodded at Callie. He answered her silent question. " She looked good. Much better than she did a few weeks ago."

Callie sighed again. "That's good. That's good" She fidgeted with the sheet again. "I know that there's no excuse for what she did, but sometimes..." She stared off into space.

"When we were there, in the fire, I was pinned to the ground."

Carlos shifted uneasily. "Calliope, I don't think that I can hear this."

"Dad,: Callie said softly. "Let me finish this, okay? I-I feel like I need to say it." Carlos nodded uneasily. She squeezed his hand.

"There, in Mark's apartment, I was pinned down. I was trapped. Arizona was trying to help me. She was coming to help me, and then...she just froze. And then she started talking to Jerry-"

She broke off at her father's look.

"Jerry was the pilot. From the plane." Carlos nodded silently, waiting for her to continue. "Um, she had a flashback, and her voice-"

Callie exhaled shakily. "She sounded like she was so lost, and in so much _pain_. I could see that there were these shadows in her eyes that weren't there before. She was talking to Mark, telling him to hold on, telling him that we were waiting for them, and I was screaming at her, telling her that Sofia was waiting for _us_. I was yelling at her to snap out of it, you know? Because we couldn't die in there and leave Sofia an orphan. But a part of me...a part of me was captivated by what was happening because I was seeing- I was actually seeing what she went through. And it broke my heart."

She sniffled.

"I listen to that voice, the voice that I heard in that room that day, and I listen to the voice that told me promise not to take her leg and I feel so _guilty_. Should I have done nothing? Should I have just let her die? And I'm thinking, is this it? Is this part of why she's so angry? She's so angry, Dad. She tries to hide it, but I can see it sometimes, in her eyes. Is that why she can't forgive me? Is this why she cheated?

I wasn't there and there I was, acting like I had been, like I'd heard all of those things, like I'd been in all that pain. And part of me feels ashamed. How could I have done that? Had I been belittling her pain and what had happened? Was I part of the problem? Did I deserve what happened?"

Callie shook her head.

"And then I think about it, and I feel bitter.

I feel bitter that I think that way. I think about her and what she chose. Did she want to die? And just give up on us, on our family? That flashback? That's the closest we've ever come to talking about the crash. And it wasn't even a real conversation. Why couldn't she just talk to me? Why couldn't she just let me in? All I wanted to do was help her. Why did she have to cheat?

I think about the night of the storm and I just get so _mad_.

And then I think that there's no excuse for it

But then I look at her and I see those shadows and they're still there and I don't know."

She sniffled. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Carlos opened his jacket pocket. He removed a handkerchief. He placed the soft cotton on his daughter's cheek and tenderly wiped the tears away off of her face. He spoke gently.

"What happened to the two of you is unspeakable. It's unimaginable. Arizona has been dealt heavy blows by this world and so have you. You both have made choices that you can't take back. You both have to accept them."

Callie gave a watery moan. He smiled at her.

"_Mija_ you have to let what happened in the past go. The choices, the decisions, the consequences. You have your life. Your daughter. You are a strong woman. You are survivor. And so is Arizona. Figure out what you are going to do. And where you go from here."

* * *

It was late when she stepped off of the elevator and walked down the hallway. She scanned the doors on each side of the hall, looking for a number. She stopped at room 608, and fished in her pocket for the key. The door clicked open and she stepped inside.

The room was very nicely decorated in warm colors. There was a living area, with two couches and an entertainment center, and a kitchen off to the side, complete with a breakfast bar. She smiled at the collection of toys that were strewn everywhere-on the couches and on the floor. On top of the T.V. There was a short hallway that led to three rooms at the end of the hall. She ignored the first two doors and opened the door at the end of the hall. She stopped in the doorway. Sofia was asleep, on her back, mouth open, tiny hands clutching Mr. Snuggles. Her purple blanket was falling off of the bed. She laughed quietly, and moved into the room. She fixed the covers over her sleeping daughter and kissed her forehead before closing the door.

_Carlos turned away. "My plane leaves in a couple of hours. The room that I've been staying at in the Archfield with Sofia is paid for through the next couple of months. You are free to stay there with her until Calliope is discharged and you two figure out what you are going to do."_

The bathroom was very large. The tub was large enough to swim in, and the floors were heated. She moved toward the marble sink and looked at her reflection. Bright blue eyes stared back at her. Her face was smaller, her cheeks a bit thinner. Her eyes trail downwards through the mirror, down her neck, over breasts, a smaller waist and pant-clad thighs, down to-

Her eyes jerked back up to her face. She trailed her eyes downward again.

_Dr. Perry smiled at her. "So, you're not the same person. So what? Now that you've confronted all of it, let it go. Let go, and start again. I think the new Arizona will be much like the old one- great smile, wonderful doctor, incredible surgeon. extremely caring, invested in her patients, wonderful mother. Maybe a little less perky, but only a little bit." She smiled. "A survivor. I think that she'd be a woman that her father would be proud to say that he raised. How about you?"_

She looked directly at her left leg, where her prosthetic was beneath her pants.

And she nodded her head.


	24. New Leaf

"Time is running out. 3 minutes left."

Shane winced and grabbed a pipette.

"Crap."

Jo glanced over at him from two tables down and then turned to concentrate on her own test tube.

"Feeling the heat, Shane?" She winked at him. " Well you know what they say-"

Stephanie jumped in from the next table over. "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." They snickered and high-fived.

Shane frowned. "Oh, I have heat. I'm packing plenty of heat. Just wait-"

"Two minutes!"

He dropped his test tube. The glass shattered onto the table."Damn it!"

Leah looked up. "Tough break, Ross."

Jo and Stephanie giggled.

Shane cleaned up his mess. He frantically grabbed a clean tube from the supply cabinet and raced back to his seat in the Skills Lab. He started over and shook his head. "Dr. Torres scared me, yelling like that." He added chemicals to his tube. "Why is she pacing back and forth like that anyway?"

"She's excited to be getting out of here." Stephanie shrugged. "I would be too if I were stuck in a hospital for months."

"And it's good for us, anyway." Leah focused on the cartilage in front of her. "Now that she's going to be back at work full-time, Dr. Torres is going to need someone to help her out with the cartilage lab." She shook her test tube gently. "Her cartilage research is the biggest medical breakthrough in years. This is the biggest opportunity that could come by for any of us."

Stephanie scoffed. "And out all the interns here making a cartilage sample for her to review, you think that she's going to pick you to assist her with her world class research?" She pushed her glasses on to her forehead to examine her sample under a microscope.

"Yeah, didn't you almost kill someone last week?" Jo asked, eyes trained on the tube in front of her.

"I did not! That was-"

"Shhhh, she's coming!" Shane whispered. They hastily turned back toward their samples.

"What's going on over here?" Callie glanced from intern to intern. She began to pace behind them. "Time is running out. The clock's ticking down. Who's going to be part of the coolest, trickiest, most badass project this hospital has ever seen?"

"Me!" Shane exclaimed. "I'm ready!"The other interns looked at him in surprise. Leah stifled a giggle. He looked over at his friends and hastily turned back toward his work.

Callie clapped his shoulder. "That's what I'm talking about!" She looked down at her watch. "90 seconds left!" She moved down the aisle.

"Come on, guys. Who wants it? Who wants to be a part of history? Winner gets to work with me in the cartilage lab _and_..." she paused dramatically. "A dozen of the cookies that Nurse Rodheaver baked this morning."

"NR made cookies?" Stephanie asked, slack jawed. "For _real_?"

"No!" Jo gasped. "Are they-"

Callie smirked. "Mint chociolate chip? Yes, they are." The roomful of interns froze. They turned to stare at her. Callie regarded them all silently. She clapped her hands.

"Get back to work! Chop, chop!" She tapped her foot. "One minute left! Final stretch! Show me what you're made of."

Jo glared at her cartilage. She shook it vigorously. "Please stay solid. Stay solid, stay solid..."

"45 seconds!"

In the back of the lab, a disgruntled intern dropped his pipette in disgust and stalked toward the back of the room. Callie shook her head.

"Really Gupta? That's the best that you can do? Pitiful." She crossed her arms. "No cookies for you." She checked the stopwatch on her phone. "20 seconds left!"

As the clock ticked down, interns furiously mixed and shook the contents of their test tubes in hopes of creating cartilage that was not liquid. Others tried furiously to start over from scratch in the seconds that remained. Sam Martin dropped his test tube onto the floor and shattered it. He walked solemnly walked to join Gupta and tried not to sniffle.

The other interns labored on.

Callie counted the final seconds out loud.

"5-4-3-2-1- put your test tubes down. Hands up!" The interns shot their hands into the surveyed the room. "Okay. Keep your hands in the air. I will come around and personally examine each of your samples. After that, I will decide who will get to join me on the project."

As she moved between the aisles, commenting on the cartilage, Jo whispered to Stephanie.

"Have you ever had an NR cookie?"

Stephanie shook her head. "Never. I mean, I've heard the stories, but she hasn't made any since we've been here. I almost thought they were a myth, like a thing that they say to all of the interns just to rile us up."

"Me too" Leah agreed. "I never thought that they were real. NR doesn't even really like doctors."

"No." Stephanie replied dryly. "She just doesn't like you. Remember that one time that you spilled those bedpans on her shoes?"

Leah moaned. "Don't remind me. She's just stopped giving me the stink eye." She glanced to the back of the room. Callie was coming closer to their row. "I wonder how she and Dr. Torres got so close."

"I think that she's really good friends with Dr. Robbins." Jo offered. "She was always coming around to wheel her back up to the burn unit every time that she tried to sneak down to Peds."

Stephanie snorted. "And just what were you doing in Peds? You haven't been on a Peds rotation in weeks." Leah muffled a laugh.

"What?" Jo asked indignantly. "I go there on break, sometimes." Stephanie and Leah rolled their eyes. Jo ignored them. She crossed her legs. "Anyway, do you think that's how they know each other? Through Dr. Robbins?"

"I don't know." Leah replied. "But as someone who actually _is _on a Peds rotation right now, I can definitely say that Dr. Robbins hasn't mentioned any cookies."

"What-what is this?" The trio turned to see Callie holding up a test tube. It's contents were green. The owner of the test tube, Kaya Foster, began to tremble. Kaya Foster was notorious in the intern class for having the ability to mess up the most basic assignments. Jo had once seen her examine a patient and forget to take a patient history. Brooks had seen her leave the tourniquet on a patient after drawing blood. As forgetful as she was, she was absolutely brilliant whenever she happened to be assisting an attending in surgery. Dr. Bailey had called her the intern to watch after she had assisted her in saving a car accident victim during their second week of intern year. The residents had nicknamed her for "Flawless Foster". The other interns had another nickname for her, but the f word in front of "Foster" had nothing to do with being flawless.

Dr. Foster stuttered as she tried to answer her superior."Um-I'm-I'm not sure, Dr. Torres. I must-must have missed a-a-a step when I was-"

Callie removed the cork from the test tube. "You missed a - Oh, my God." She dropped the tube onto the table. The air began to smell. Everyone in the room moaned. Many tried to cover their faces in their shirts. Gupta fainted. Callie quickly put the cork back on. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Foster, I will never get those brain cells back." She coughed violently. "Someone go help Gupta."

Dr. Foster trembled. "I'm sorry Dr. Torres. Should I-"

"Go." Callie closed her eyes and handed her the test tube. "Just go. And leave the door open." Foster cradled the test tube like she was handling a bomb and fled the room. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief at the influx of fresh air. Martin moved to revive Gupta. The inspections resumed.

"Anyway," Stephanie turned to Leah. "How is Dr. Robbins doing anyway? I've been on Medusa's service lately, so I haven't really seen her around lately."

Leah shrugged. "She's been good since she's been back. Really great, actually. And helpful. The kids are always really excited to see her. She's been telling them stories in the playroom after evening rounds when she's on the night shift. She seems to be doing really well." She smiled. "She let me scrub in on her shock wave therapy treatment _and_ on her appy on her first day back a couple of weeks ago."

"So jealous." Jo said. "I've mostly been pushing paper this week for my attending. This is the most fun that I've had all week." She looked over to her friend's table. "How about you Shane, how are things with Avery? Shane?"

Shane mixed the contents of his tube. He murmured to himself. "Settle down, come on, settle down. She's almost here." He shook furiously. "I've never tasted NR's cookies."

"And it looks like you still won't." Shane jumped and shot his hands into the air. Callie raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. He started to stutter.

"Dr. Torres, I-" She plucked his test tube from the table and held it up to the light.

"Passable," Callie said. She tilted it sideways. "Really decent, actually." She lowered the test tube to look at Shane. "But late. Sorry, Ross. No cookies for you."

Shane shook his head dejectedly, and joined the other interns at the back of the room.

Callie moved down the table to study the final three cartilage samples. She looked over the three women. "Down to the final three." She rubbed her hands together. "What do you have for me, ladies?"

* * *

Callie sighed as the last intern left the Skills Lab. She walked the aisles, making sure that everything was back in its proper place and that everything was in order before closing the door. One careless mistake on a surgery with Jackson Avery had taught her that it was always good to double check, just in case. She headed into the elevator and pressed the button that would take her to Ortho. She was just going to pick up a few things in her office, and grab the cookies before she headed back down to her room for the night. She'd officially be discharged the next day, but it was easier to get a jump start on organizing her surgical schedule and getting the lab in order now before she started coming back in full time. The elevator dinged and she trudged down the hall. She stopped at her office door and fished into her pocket for her keys. When she officially got out, they were going to have to figure out a better living arrangement...

"Hey, Torres." Alex Karev walked down the hall toward her. She smiled. "Hey, Karev. What're you doing up here in Ortho?"

"I had a kid down here with a fibula fracture. Carlson's on it with me." He shoved his hands into his lab coat pockets. "So, how have you been? I heard that the discharge is official tomorrow. Congrats."

"Thanks. I'm good. Excited to get back to work."

"I bet. Man, Robbins, when she came back, she was all over the place, doing everything. No one could get her to slow down-" Alex trailed hug awkwardly.

Callie smiled. "It's all right, Alex. I know how she feels." She opened the door and stood back to let him in first. "I just had a little competition downstairs with the interns to see who would be helping me out with the cartilage lab."

Alex sat down in a plush chair. "I know. Jo told me. I told her that she had it in the bag."

Callie chuckled and moved around to her desk. She sat down "Actually, her sample was pretty good, but it's between Murphy and Edwards." She opened a drawer and started to sift through her papers. "I told them to come up here later so that I could tell them which one of them won. Both of their samples were really great. "She stopped and frowned. "Though now, I think they're more excited about the promise of cookies than the actual research."

"Cookies?" Alex asked.

"Yeah." She resumed looking though her files. "NR baked a box of her mint chocolate chip."

"You don't say."

Callie stopped searching. "Wait a minute." She looked up. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

Alex shrugged. Callie tossed a wad of paper at him.

"Karev!"

"What? They're good cookies!"

Callie tilted her head thoughtfully. "Yeah. They are." She grinned at him. "Want one?"

"I want one!" Cristina breezed into her office and made a beeline for the cookie box. She grabbed three, and handed them out. Cristina crashed into a chair and bit into her cookie. She sighed lustfully.

"These cookies are _perfection._" She looked at hers thoughtfully. "You know, I don't know how she does it. They're just so addictive. These are like crack cookies. They should be illegal." She took another bite. "Mrs. Fields can take lessons from that woman."

"It's great to see you too, Cristina." Callie rolled her eyes. She bit into her own cookie and closed her eyes in satisfaction. "These should definitely be illegal."

"Oh, man." Alex mumbled in agreement. They ate in reverent silence. Alex got up for another. Crumbs fell onto his top. He brushed them off, and swallowed. "So really, how did the competition go? Anyone blow up the Skills Lab?"

"No" Callie said. "But someone came close. I kid you not, their sample smelled like a rat had crawled up a sewer and then died in that test tube."

"No." Cristina stared.

Alex snickered. "_Interns. _Which one of those losers was it?"

"Foster."

"Foster?" Cristina asked. "Which one is Foster?

"The one who rocked that thoracotomy yesterday." Alex replied.

"Oh. Oh- Dreamy?" She furrowed her brow. "Dreamy did _that_?"

Alex choked on his cookie. "Dreamy?"

"Yeah." Cristina stared at him, unrepentant. She shrugged. "She's brilliant, but loopy. Dreamy." Cristina grabbed another cookie and bit in. She sighed again. "Oh my God, these are so good. " She looked at Callie consideringly.

"Are you going to eat them all?"

* * *

It had been an hour before she'd been able to kick Alex and Cristina out her office. They'd left, with two cookies each, arguing about who's turn it was to wash the dishes. She rolled her eyes. Thank God she didn't live with a bunch of roommates anymore. Living with Cristina had been fun, but it had also been enough for one lifetime. Two lifetimes. She flipped the page in her file and scanned the latest clinical trial results. So far, so good. She heard footfalls approach her door and rolled her eyes. She didn't look up.

"No. you can't have another cookie, Cristina. Go away."

"Cookies? " A familiar voice asked. "You have cookies?" Callie looked up to see Arizona smiling tentatively in her doorway. She put down the results.

"Hey. Come in. Sorry about that, I thought you were one of the vultures, coming in to try and steal one of these chocolate mint cookies."

Arizona chuckled as she stepped inside. "Well, you can rest assured, that I am not one of those vultures here to steal your-" she froze. "I'm sorry, did you just say chocolate mint? As in mint chocolate chip? As in NR's cookies?"

Callie nodded. "She made a box."

"What?"

"Yup. Out of the blue. Dropped them off this morning. Said that they were for Sofia, but there's no way we can give her that whole box."

Arizona blinked. "Wow. That was awfully nice of her. She has a soft spot for Sofia." She snorted. "The only thing that she ever dropped off for me were my discharge papers. With a smile too." Arizona smiled fondly. "She was so happy to see me go, she kept having to drag me back to my room after I kept sneaking out to see-" she stopped, and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Callie smiled gently. "It's okay." They stared at each other awkwardly. Callie gestured to a chair. "Do you want to sit? You've probably been standing all day."

Arizona nodded. "Yeah, sure." She sat in the plush chair that Alex had vacated earlier. "Thanks."

Callie nodded. Arizona looked around the room, before glancing at Callie from the corner of her eye.

She drummed her fingers onto her lap. "So, speaking of today, I know that you'll be officially discharged tomorrow. Congrats."

Callie smiled back. "Thanks."

They sat in silence for a minute. Arizona continued to tap out a beat with her fingers. Callie picked up her pen again. She examined Arizona's face. Her face had filled out a bit since she'd left the hospital, and she looked good. Healthier. She faintly resembled that Arizona before the crash. Back in those days, they'd used to come here to her office or to Arizona's office when they had time just to spend time together. They'd talk about their schedules, the hospital, Sofia, anything really. They'd just...be with each other. Sometimes they'd just sit there, in the office, in comfortable silence. There wan't anything that needed to be said. They were together, they were in love, they had a family.

They were happy.

Things were so awkward now. Sometimes, it was hard to believe that those days had actually happened.

"How have you been?" She broke the silence, in an attempt to get away from her thoughts. "Things have been so busy since you've gotten back to work that we haven't really had a chance to talk, and when you do get to come by, Sofia is there or we're talking about her, so..." Callie trailed off. She cleared her throat. "How are you?"

Arizona stopped tapping her leg.

"Honesty? Better. I've been talking to someone, and it's been good. Really helpful." She stretched her shoulders. "I feel like I'm getting somewhere. I'm starting to feel like myself again- or like a better version of the me that I was a while ago." She leaned forward in her seat.

"You know, I wanted apologize for what happened that night a few weeks ago. When I came to see you in your room. And I said-"

"It's fine." Callie replied quickly. "I get it." She sighed, and fiddled with her pen. "I'm the one who should be saying sorry." She put the pen down. "I almost called you a hypocrite that night. I was going to call you one, but I couldn't because I'm a hypocrite too. I had been so upset with you for being mad at me for breaking a promise that you couldn't keep, but I acted the same way and berated you when the roles were reversed."

She sighed.

"The truth is, we were there in that building in the first place because I didn't want to leave. You didn't have to come back for me." She put the pen down. "But, I'm glad that you did. Thank you for not leaving me behind. And for saving my life."

"You're welcome." Arizona smiled gently. "You know, I actually think that being back with Sofia has been helping me. She's a handful, though. She'll be really glad to see more of you when you get out."

Callie chuckled. "I bet. Though she'll probably run to you when it's time to get dressed in the morning."

Arizona laughed. "That's good. That's a good one." Callie laughed back.

They smiled at each other.

After a moment, Callie cleared her throat and looked away.

"So, we should probably talk about what we're going to do about living arrangements when I leave here."

Arizona blinked. "Right." She leaned back into her seat. "Well, I don't know what your plans are, but I was thinking that maybe we'll both stay in the room with Sofia until I find a place, or you find a place and-

Callie shifted uneasily. "I don't think that's a good idea-"

Arizona went on. "Well, I know that you're better, but going back to running after an almost three year old and heading back to work like that by yourself is going to be hard. I thought that I could do it, and it was really, _really _bad for the first couple of weeks-especially on those mornings when Sofia gets cranky and starts running around everywhere with no clothes on and you have to be in surgery in twenty minutes-"

Callie leaned forward. "-I know what I can and can't do-"

"-I know" Arizona said earnestly. "But just consider it-"

"I don't trust you!"

Arizona froze.

Callie closed her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." She buried her face in her hands. She rubbed her face tiredly before looking back up at Arizona. " Look, I know that you're doing better and everything but," She shrugged helplessly. "I don't trust you. How can I?"

Arizona ran a hand through her hair. She sighed. "Callie-"

"I know that it makes me sound like a bitch, but-" She shrugged again. "I'm not saying that I don't trust you with Sofia. You're her mother. I trust you with her life. I just-

I just can't help but close my eyes and see you coming at me with a bone saw." She shook her head frantically. "Now, I'm not saying that you would-"

"No." Arizona said quickly. "I know-"

"But, I can't help but think it, you know?" Callie sighed. "I know that we're both trying to be civil about this, but living together- even temporarily- is not something that I think that I could do right now." Callie clenched the pen in her hand.

"I understand." Arizona nodded. "And I'm sorry that I've made you feel that way." She shifted in her chair. "You know, I'm-I'm trying."

"I know." Callie nodded. "I know. You are. I see that. But-" she trailed off.

"Yeah, " Arizona said quietly. "You don't feel comfortable."

They sat silently for a second, staring at anything but each other. Callie tapped her pen onto the table. "I just think that it's a better idea if I find somewhere else to stay in the building."

Arizona shook her head. "No. You should stay in the room that we have now. I'll find another one."

"No. Arizona-"

"It's what makes sense. And there's no point in getting Sofia situated in another room-"

"You've been staying there. You live there. You have a routine."

"-So I'll make a new one." Arizona looked at Callie. "Your dad paid for that room. I'd feel bad if you were the one that had to stay somewhere else." She smiled softly. "It's okay. I'll find a room down the hall. We can take turns taking Sofia in and bringing her home and everything else. And it'll be good because I can be there if you need help for the first couple of weeks. " She shrugged. "I'll just sleep somewhere else at night."

"Arizona-"

"No." She said firmly. "I insist."

Callie stared at her silently for a moent. "Okay." She said softly. "Thank you."

Arizona nodded. "You're welcome." She looked around the room. "So...can I have a cookie?"

Callie laughed. She gestured to the box. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." She munched on a cookie.

"So, I hear that someone's cartilage research is on a couple of shortlists for some really prestigious prizes."

Callie scoffed. "Oh, please."

"What?" Arizona swallowed. She gestured with her cookie. "I mean it. I mean, your clinical trial had been making huge waves before the fire, and it sounds like it's still doing really well, so I wouldn't be surprised if everyone came calling."

"Thanks for saying that."

"It's true!"

"Yeah, okay."

"Mark my words, you'll be-"

"Dr. Torres!"

Leah Murphy and Stephanie Edwards came rushing through the door panting. When they realized that she wasn't alone, they stopped short and leaned against the doorway.

Arizona raised an eyebrow at Callie.

"Oh, hey Dr. Robbins!" Leah panted. She winced. "I'm done with all of your charts. I was just coming up here to-"

"It's okay, Murphy. Relax. I heard about the little competition today. The prizes sound pretty awesome." She bit into her cookie. "God, these cookies are so good. Aren't they so good, Dr. Torres? I mean, absolutely delicious?"

"Delicious. " Callie agreed. "So warm and chewy, mmm!" She reclined in her chair. "I'm almost regretting that I offered to give some away."

"Well, you could always reconsider." Arizona sighed lustily. "That means more for me-I mean, for Sofia. They were made for her anyway." She stretched her neck. "I'm sure that _she_won't mind the extras. These cookies are her favorite."

Stephanie's lip trembled. "You mean-"

"Relax, Edwards." Callie said. "Dr. Robbins is kidding-mostly. Sofia on an extreme sugar high is not something either us wants to see. I'm still going to give some to the winner." She stood up and regarded the two young women in front of her. "Both of you had really great samples. But, I'm going to have to offer the lab spot to Dr. Murphy."

"Yes!" Leah jumped into the air. Arizona coughed into her lab coat. Leah tried to arrange her face into a look of quiet happiness. "I mean-thank you Dr. Torres. I won't let you down."

"I bet. We start at six tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Okay." Callie stood up and grabbed a bin. She took some cookies and handed it to Leah. "Congratulations." Leah floated out of the room.

Callie turned to Stephanie. "Your cartilage was really great too. You should be proud of yourself."

Stephanie looked at the ground dejectedly. "Thanks, Dr. Torres." She turned to leave.

"Hey, Edwards." Arizona stood up. "Why don't you come onto my service next week? It looks like I've just lost my intern, and we're going to need some extra hands in Peds. I've got a meningioma removal and a pyloric stenosis patient that I'm going to need help with."

Stephanie glanced at Arizona. "Really?"

Arizona handed her a cookie. "Really. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow. Stephanie quickly left the room. A faint "Yes!" and the sound of running footsteps echoed down the hallway .

They chuckled quietly.

Arizona moved toward the door. "I have to get going too. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow, at the hotel." She lingered in the doorway.

Callie nodded. "Right."

Arizona nodded back.

Callie smiled gently. "Goodnight Arizona."

"Goodnight Callie."


	25. Redirect

"All right, Little Miss. Ready for daycare?" Arizona smiled at her daughter as they made their way through the hospital.

Since it had been her morning off, she'd come over to Callie's hotel room early to see her off and spend the day with Sofia. Now that they were both back at the hospital full time, she'd been spending a lot of time over there with Sofia- having dinner, playing games, putting her to bed, before ultimately heading down the hall to spend nights in her own room. They took turns picking Sofia up and dropping her off at daycare, but things were more or less how they'd been before the fire-except for the whole home thing.

Well, one other thing was different. She shifted the bag on her shoulder and pressed the button for the elevator.

Her and Callie's relationship had changed yet again. After the talk that they'd had in her office, Callie was trying really hard to be friendly. And she really was being friendly. Like she was trying to make up for something, make up for the fact that she didn't trust-

The elevator dinged. She stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the floor that would take her up to the daycare.

They'd both agreed that it was important to try be honest about how they were feeling about things-about everything-how they were living, their work schedules-Sofia-especially Sofia-but it didn't take a genius to know that things were still difficult between them. There still was a lot that they haven't worked through. Or talked about.

Bone saws withstanding.

Arizona sighed. They were both trying. That was what mattered, right? The elevator dinged for their floor. She shook away her thoughts and smiled at her daughter.

"Excited to see Mama later?" Sofia nodded. "Yeah? Are you going to show her your pictures?"

One day after work, she'd come home from surgery to find Mark sitting on the floor in their living room, beaming from head to toe. He'd bought some markers and paper for Sofia and had been explaining liposuction to her, when she'd grabbed the markers and started drawing all over his diagrams. They'd put a couple of the pictures on their refrigerators and Mark had raved to anyone who would listen that his daughter had inherited his magic hands.

After dropping Sofia off at daycare and promising to stop by later, Arizona walked back out into the hallway and sighed. It was still hard to think about Mark, and the fact that he wasn't here. About all the things that he would miss. He would have loved to see Sofia's drawings, and how well Callie's lab was doing. She thought about the last time that she'd actually seen him after everything had happened. After they had been rescued. She'd been hopped up on pain medication, and they had been rushing him past her into surgery. The last thing that she'd gotten to see of him at all was a flash of his face as they'd raced him down that hallway in Idaho-

Idaho.

She felt the anger and sadness well up from a place deep inside her chest and took a breath. She shook her head, and tried to push the sudden bitterness and listlessness away. Her fists clenched at her sides. No. This wasn't healthy. It wasn't productive. She needed to think about Mark in a good way. A happy way. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on his face, on the day that she'd come home and he'd shown her that picture. On that smile. On Sofia's smile.

She nodded her head and breathed deeply. Dr. Perry had told her to try and redirect her thoughts somewhere else when she started to linger too long on the bad. Redirect them to something more positive. More productive. She nodded her head again. Redirect them, redirect them...

Idaho.

Idaho. Idaho-Idaho- oh. There was a case about a teenage girl in Idaho that a colleague had called her about. Someone that she could help. She slowly unclenched her fists and tried to recall the details. Massive truck accident. He'd wanted her opinion about his course of treatment. She took another deep breath and glanced at her watch. Maybe she'd have time to look at the chart and all of the scans and call Dr. Bertrand back since her afternoon was open. If there were no emergencies that needed to be handled-

"Dr. Robbins! Dr. Robbins!"

April Kepner rushed toward her, pager in hand. "I just got a page from Dr. Hunt. There's a trauma incoming on the medevac." She gestured toward ceiling. "7 year old in a ferry accident. We're going to need you."

"Okay," Arizona replied. " I'll be right there." April raced off.

She stared after her, and sighed. Looks like that chart was going to have to wait. Arizona started to hurry down the hallway and then stopped. She looked downward. Her pager was on. She removed it from her scrubs and examined it. It was working. She slid it home and rushed down the hall after Kepner.

* * *

"Okay, Dr. Edwards. A little suction right here." Stephanie moved the suction a little to her right. "Here, Dr. Robbins?"

Arizona looked up to smile briefly at her intern. "Perfect. Thanks."

"He's just a kid." April said as she worked in their patient's chest. She handed Owen a clamp.

Jack Kersey had been riding the ferry with his parents when the driver had had a heart attack at the wheel and had crashed into a small fishing boat. The boy had flown off of the ferry and had landed chest first into a grappling hook.

"Sometimes accidents happen," Owen said, concentrating on the work in front of him. "Another clamp please, Kepner."

"Is that what someone is going to say to Jack's family?" April asked. "That it was an accident? That fishing boat had no business being where it as at the time of the crash."

"He's bleeding a lot," Owen interjected. "Towel, please."

The machines began to beep. Owen cursed. "Damn it. Where is all of this bleeding coming from?" He groped into the boy's chest.

"Pressure's dropping," Arizona said. "Owen-"

"Got it!" Owen exclaimed. He turned to Kepner. "Clamp."

They deftly worked on repairing the bleeder. After they finished, the pair went back to working on the hook. Owen sighed.

"Maybe it wasn't the fishing boat's fault." Stephanie said to April. "The driver's wife said that he had been feeling pain in his chest when he woke up that morning" She adjusted the suction. "Maybe he should have called in sick instead of going to work."

"What about his parents?" April asked. "Why weren't they keeping an eye on him? Why couldn't they see that he was too close-"

"Okay," Arizona interjected. "I know that this is putting us all on edge, but assigning blame to anyone is not going to help hi-"

"Sometimes it's no one's fault!" Owen snapped. "Maybe he was feeling a little pain in his chest, but he thought it was nothing or indigestion or something. Maybe the boat drifted off too far from where it was supposed to be because something was wrong and they were trying to fix it."

Owen shook his head. "You make a judgment call in the moment. Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. But you have to make a choice." He stepped away from the table. "I'm all finished up here."

Arizona looked up at Owen. "Don't you think that you should stick around to see if-"

"He's stable for now." Owen interjected. "I'll come back by to see if anything else needs to be done."

Arizona stared at Owen. "Why did you send Kepner to get me instead of paging me yourself, Owen? It's kind of unusual-"

"I'm the Chief of Surgery. I had other things to attend to, and Kepner was able to do it " Owen walked toward the doors. "April, let me know how he's doing when he's out of surgery."

The doors closed. Arizona stared after Owen. The machines continued to beep steadily.

She turned back to her patient.

"More suction here, please."

* * *

Callie flipped a chart closed and glanced at her phone. Three hours until the end of shift. And then she could go home and grab the nap that she'd been dreaming about since lunch. Since before lunch. Since before whatever was before lunch. She stretched her arms and snuck another look at her phone. Still three hours left. She sighed. Figures that she'd take a shift running the E.R. on the night that it happened to be slow.

Callie snorted and reached for another chart. That just figured. The resident that she'd taken E.R. duty from was all too glad to go home, if only a bit suspicious. It was a little weird, an attending with a surgical schedule deciding to run the E.R. It hadn't been like she'd had any surgeries planned this evening, and there wasn't much to be done in the lab right now, but... the ER was mostly run by residents. They had all had to do it. _She'd_ even done it, once when she'd had no money because her father had cut her off. She barley had money back then for food, much less enough to pay for the apartment that she and Cristina had been sharing. It was back when George was still around, and her father had threatened to take her home. After Erica had left. When she and Arizona were still trying to figure each other out. They'd just started to date, after finally getting their act together.

The day that she'd taken that ER shift at the hospital was the day that Arizona had told her that she liked the girl who could only afford the sandwiches. It was the day that they both revealed that they liked pizza. It was their first official spat. Their first make up. Their first make up. It had been the first time that they had ever made love.

Callie shook her head. There was no point in thinking about these things. They were in the past, just like she and Arizona were in the past. She can hear Mark whispering in her ear.

_Walk tall Torres._

Things were different now. They weren't together and Arizona was trying and she was trying and they were all moving on. She needed to move on. She deserved to move on and she was doing it, with getting back to work and the great things that the lab was producing, and she just...needed to stop wallowing and thinking about how crappy things were.

Callie slammed her chart closed. How were there no emergent cases right now? Was everyone at home, tucked safely in bed? She needed something to _do_. She checked her phone again. Two and a half hours left. Seriously? She rested face on her hands and looked toward the doors.

It was going to be a long two hours...

"Hey."

Callie turned her head at the voice and brought her hands down. She nodded.

"Hey, Arizona."

Arizona walked over to the desk, hands at her sides. Her hair was down, and glinted under the harsh lights of the emergency room. She crossed her arms as she spoke. "I didn't know that you were down here today."

Callie grabbed a pen and reached for another chart. "Yeah, I took ER duty from someone else. "

Arizona blinked. "Wow." She leaned on the desk and faced the door. "Really itching to get back to work, huh?"

"Yeah. " Callie tensed as Arizona leaned back against the desk, and tried not to flinch. _Come, on Torres. Buck up_. She kept her voice steady as she opened the chart. "So, what are you doing down here?" she asked nonchalantly.

"I was just finishing up a consult for Karev. " Arizona eyed a couple of residents playing cards in the corner. It was hard to see what they were playing from here. It looked like War. Or maybe Spit... She turned to face Callie. "He had to run home. The cable guy or the electric guy or someone was coming. I said that I'd cover his last patient."

Callie nodded. "Oh." She initialed the chart and reached for another. Arizona nodded back. She tapped her fingers on the desk. After a moment, she turned back toward the doors.

Callie looked up at her back. She turned back toward her chart and began to read. She turned the page. She glanced upward again. Try. She need to try. With a sigh, she closed the chart and put down her pen. She leaned forward.

"So-"

There was a loud bang as the male resident jumped up. "I've got no cards left, I win." He pumped his fist and karate chopped the air. "You've got all of my scut for the week!" His female opponent glared at him and shoved the cards back into the box.

"Ha! Spit! I totally knew it." Arizona grinned. She turned back toward Callie. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Callie sat back. " I was just going to ask you- how was Sofia this morning?"

"Good. We drew pictures all morning." She stood up straight. "We left them for you on the fridge. She's so excited to show them to you."

Callie smiled. "Yeah? "

Arizona smiled back. "Yeah! It was all she could talk about on the way in this afternoon." Arizona paused. 'Well, that and cookies." She moved around the desk, and grabbed a chair. She sat down. "That feels good, I've been standing all day. Are you okay?" Arizona looked at Callie with concern.

Callie shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

Arizona rolled closer. "Are you sure? Because you look-"

"I'm just a little tired. " Callie shrugged her shoulders. "I'd kill for a nap right now."

Arizona sat back. "When do you get off?"

"Two hours and-" Callie looked at her phone "Fifteen minutes from now. Time is going by so slowly today-" She looked up. Arizona was looking at her. "What?"

Arizona shook her head. "It's nothing, you just- you just have something in your hair." She leaned forward. "I got it."

Callie tried not to breathe as she leaned forward. She could smell the shampoo that she had used earlier before coming in. The smell had once soothed her, comforted her. Now, it reminded her of a yelling match in a shower-

She scrambled backward.

"What? No!"

"Callie?"

"Don't touch me!"

_"Callie!"_

Callie jolted awake, She looked around the room. She was in the ER, at the desk. Arizona was gone. She looked up at the person who had been calling her name.

"Alex." She put her hands down.

Alex looked at her suspiciously. " You dozed off for a minute. You okay?"

Callie shook head and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. Sorry. Just a weird daydream." She started to look through the papers in front of her. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I was just handing in these charts before heading back to Peds."

Callie grabbed the charts that he held out and flipped through them. "All done? No consults?"

"Yup. These were pretty simple. Why?"

"Uh, nothing. I thought I heard you call for a page." She examined his face. "You don't have anything going at your house today?"

Alex shook his head. "No. Why?"

Callie shrugged her shoulders. "Ah, you know what? Forget it."

Alex nodded his head, and walked away. He turned back. "Look, Torres, are you okay?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah, just not sleeping as well as I used to. It's fine."

"Right." Alex nodded slowly. "Well, I just-" A pager went off. He glanced down and sighed. "Damn. I gotta go. Later."

Callie watched him go and looked through the rest of the charts. She closed them and glanced at her phone. She sighed. Still 90 minutes left.

And now she needed the mother of all naps.

* * *

"So, how are things?" Dr. Perry crossed her legs. Seated across from her, Arizona nodded her head.

"Things are going." She twiddled her thumbs. "I was in surgery most of the day. We operated on this kid- April Kepner and Owen Hunt and I. It went well. Or, pretty well. Things got a little awkward at one point. " She shook her head.

"And how are you?"

"Fine. Things are good. Better." Arizona leaned back in her chair. "Everything is going great, on schedule."

Dr. Perry raised an eyebrow. She waited.

Arizona rambled on. "There's this consult that I'm working on in Idaho. On a fourteen year old. She was in a really bad accident with her parents not too long ago and Dr. Bertrand wanted a second opinion on her course of treatment-" she tapered off.

Dr. Perry waited. The clock ticked on the wall.

"I had a feeling." Arizona blurted out. She shook her head grudgingly.

Dr. Perry laughed. "I knew that you had it in you. Now we're getting somewhere."

"It wasn't even a feeling, it was a moment." Arizona sighed. "I was walking to my office, when I started thinking about the crash. And about Mark, and Boise and my leg, and I just felt this well of...anger. This irrational anger." She threw her hands up. "I was doing so well."

Dr. Perry leaned forward. "And you still are," she said reassuringly. "This isn't something that you can just overcome 1-2-3.. It take times time. You're not going to be perfect. You're still dealing with things that you've tried to stuff down. You're just now starting to confront them. This is going to happen."

She patted her leg.

"When you feel yourself feeling that way, just do what we talked about. Feel the anger, accept it, and then try to redirect it somewhere positive." She pushed her glasses up. "I assume that's how you started thinking about that consult with Dr. Bertrand."

Arizona nodded.

"Good." She patted her leg.

Arizona hesitated for a moment before speaking. "It's just...hard. I feel like I should be getting better by now."

Dr. Perry smiled gently. "I know. Admitting your anger the way that you did to me weeks ago is just a start. It's going to take time to let it all go, to get into that better headspace. Just keep taking baby steps. When you feel that way, take a breath and find a space where you can make it work for you. There's no way your recovery is going to be perfect. There is no perfect way to recovery. "

They sat in comfortable silence. Dr. Perry scribbled notes into her clipboard.

"And, how is Dr. Torres?"

"Okay. "Arizona shrugged. " Fine."

Yasmin looked up.

"Things are still awkward." Arizona admitted. She tapped a finger onto her armrest. "She doesn't trust me," she said quietly.

"Can you blame her?"

"No." Arizona sighed.

Dr. Perry set her clipboard down. "Things are hard for her too. There is a lot that Callie also needs to recover from. She's had to deal with the thought of losing you, of losing her friend, and potentially becoming a single parent. With caring for a sick and angry wife." Arizona shifted uncomfortably. " With holding it together for the both of you. She's had to deal with the changes in the hospital, with becoming a board member. With you cheating."

Arizona looked away.

"And then you both just experienced the loss of your home. And from what it sounds like, she's been through a lot at the place. She's never really had a chance to breathe, to recover. And she's just getting back to work. " She tilted her head. "Be as supportive as you can. You guys need to take things nice and easy. One day at a time. "

Arizona nodded.

"Trust is a big thing to regain. Just try to make her feel as comfortable as possible." Dr. Perry glanced at the clock on her wall. "I guess that's time."

Arizona stood up. "I guess that I'll see you next week." She turned toward the door.

"Arizona?" Dr Perry called out. She turned.

"You can't control when you get these angry feelings or how Dr. Torres is feeling. You can only choose to do what you can do to get better. In the end, all we have are our choices. And in my professional opinion? Right now, you're doing just fine. Just take it one day at a time."

Arizona smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now get out of here. "

* * *

"Who stacked this cast padding? Come on guys, this looks like it was done by a three year old!" Callie rolled her eyes as she grabbed the cast padding sticking haphazardly on a shelf. "I have a three year old, and she can stack better than this!" A pile of padding fell to the ground. "Crap."

"Sofia's three?" Alex Karev bent over to grab the pile. Callie smiled gratefully at him as she turned back toward the shelf.

"Well, almost three. My point is, she can stack better than you guys!" she yelled in the direction of the door.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Residents."

"Residents." Callie agreed. They continued to stack, side by side. Alex finished a column and moved over to start a new one. He glanced over at Callie.

"So-"

Callie finished her column and moved over a step in the opposite direction. She started stacking again.

"So...what?" She placed padding on the shelf. "Spit it out, Karev."

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. Callie stopped stacking and turned toward him.

"Sorry for what?"

Alex put down the padding in his hand and sighed. He scratched his head and took a step toward her. "Look, I know that things are rough for you right now. And I can't help but see you and see Robbins and blame myself. If I hadn't cut off her leg-"

Callie shook her head. "Listen, I already told you. I was the bad guy. Not you. I told you to make the cut."

Alex took another step forward. "Yeah, but-"

"Alex. Stop it." Callie tossed the cast padding onto a nearby table. "We all make our own choices. I chose to have the leg cut off. You chose to do that surgery. Arizona chose to cheat. That's it. We have to live with our choices. And we are. So stop giving me your guilt. " Callie broke off.

She rubbed her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, Alex. That was out of line. I asked you to cut it off and you did. I know that it was hard for you, and I'm grateful that you did it. I'm sorry for snapping at you. " She sighed. "It's been a long day and I just need some sleep. I'll see you later, okay?"

Alex nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Callie nodded back. She walked out of the closet and rounded the corner. She leaned against the wall and bent over. She covered her face with her hands and tried to breathe deeply. She counted to ten. At ten, she slowly straightened up, and moved back to the ER desk. She sat down, and glanced at her phone. Thirty minutes. That was doable. She could do thirty minutes. She reached for the pile of charts. Thirty minutes and this day would be over-

"Hey."

Callie turned her head at the voice. She smiled weakly.

"Hey, Arizona."

Arizona walked over to the desk, hands at her sides. Her hair was up, the way that it was on days when she had been in surgery for a while. It glinted under the harsh lights of the emergency room. She crossed her arms as she spoke. "I didn't know that you were down here today."

Callie grabbed a pen and reached for another chart. "Yeah, I took ER duty from someone else. "

Arizona blinked. "Wow." She stepped toward the desk, and grinned. "Really itching to get back to work, huh?"

"Yeah. "

Callie turned back to her charts. Arizona examined her face. She look tired. Very tired. She started to lean toward the desk, and took in the way that she started to tense. Her heart panged. Arizona leaned backward and rolled her shoulders.

"Sorry. Just trying to stretch a little. My back was killing me in surgery today."

Callie looked up and nodded. She closed a chart and reached for another.

"So, what are you doing down here?" she asked hesitantly.

Arizona turned to look around the ER. eyed a couple of residents playing cards in the corner. It was hard to see what they were playing from here. It looked like War. Or maybe Spit... She turned to face Callie. "I was looking for Jackson. I saw Stephanie and she said he might be down here. I have a kid who was in a boating accident, and I need a Plastics consult now that he's out of the woods."

Callie nodded. "Oh." She initialed the chart and reached for another. " I haven't seen him. Sorry." Arizona nodded back. She tapped her fingers on the desk. After a moment, she turned back toward the doors.

Callie looked up at her back. She turned back toward her chart and began to read. She turned the page.

There was a loud bang as the female resident jumped up. "You have no cards left, I win." She grinned at her male opponent. "You've got all my scut for the week." He angrily stuffed the cards back into their box.

"Ha! War! I totally knew it." Arizona grinned. She turned back toward Callie.

"Oh, I wanted to tell you about Sofia this morning. She had a great morning. We drew pictures all morning." She stood up straight. "We left them for you on the fridge. She's so excited to show them to you."

Callie smiled. "Yeah? "

Arizona smiled back. "Yeah! It was all she could talk about on the way in this afternoon." Arizona paused. 'Well, that and cookies." She moved around the desk, and grabbed a chair. She sat down. Callie shifted away, discreetly. "That feels good, I've been standing all day. Are you okay?" Arizona looked at Callie with concern.

Callie shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

Arizona rolled closer. "Are you sure? Because you look-"

"I'm just a little tired. " Callie shrugged her shoulders. "I'd kill for a nap right now."

Arizona sat back. "When do you get off?"

Callie looked at her phone "Fifteen minutes from now. Time is going by so slowly today-" She looked up. Arizona was looking at her. "What?"

Arizona shook her head. "It's nothing, you just- "

"I have something in my hair, right?" Callie reached toward her hair and started to fuss with it frantically. "Did I get it out?"

Arizona smiled at her. "There's nothing in your hair. It looked-looks fine."

Callie brought her hands down. She smiled sheepishly. "Oh."

Arizona bit her lip. Make things comfortable. Make them easy for her. "I was actually just wondering if you wanted to do a move night with Sofia later? My shift ends in a couple of hours, but I can switch with Alex if you want."

Ever since Teddy had come over with _Dirty Dancing _and _Beaches_ one night, hoping to have a girl's night with them and Bailey, movie night was something that used to be a staple in the Robbins-Torres household. They'd finished both movies as Teddy slept away on their sofa. Afterward at work, when Bailey and Teddy had been arguing over a plot point in _West Side Story, _they'd all agreed to go home and watch the movie to avoid any bloodshed to the attending's lounge. They'd watched the beginning with Sofia, dancing with her around the couches, and after she had fallen asleep, they'd danced with each other slowly around the living room floor before coming up with a dance all their own. They still had no idea who was right on that question, but movie night had become a thing ever since.

Callie frowned. "Well, actually, I might have to come back in. For-for a surgery. So, maybe it's not a good idea."

Arizona nodded slowly. "Right. Right." She stood up, and tried to ignore the small sigh of relief that she heard from the desk. "Maybe some other time."

Callie nodded. "Right. Some other time."

Arizona walked around the desk. She hesitated. "Are we okay?"

Callie smiled gently."Yeah, we're okay."

Arizona gestured toward the hall."Well, I guess I better go find Jackson. " She started to back down the hall. "I'll see you later."

"Later." Callie echoed as Arizona walked away. She sighed, and glanced at her phone. Maybe she could grab some sleep in her office before she went upstairs to grab Sofia from daycare. It was hard to try to nap in an on-call room these days.


	26. Conversations

I got a really great question about the last chapter, so I figured that I'd put the answer here. The question was whether both conversations that Callie had with Arizona were daydreams, and if they were not, why are they so similar? Here's my answer: the second encounter that Callie has with Arizona in the last chapter actually happened. Why are they so similar? I think that that's just the product of knowing someone so well. You can imagine things that they would do or say even if they weren't actually around. I think that it's really interesting to take that scene and compare it to her daydream. What's different? I think it reveals a lot about both of their headspaces.

* * *

Miranda peered around the corner. Just some orderlies and candy stripers. Nothing to worry about. Coast is clear. She started to walk quickly down the hallway. She was on lunch right now, and she needed to get this done before-

"Dr. Bailey!"

Miranda rolled her eyes. "I'm on lunch, Wilson."

Jo hurried behind her attending.

"I just had a quick question about this afternoon's gall bladder removal-"

"-And I am happy to ask any questions that you have. But not on my break.'

"But-"

"Go away. Now."

Miranda continued down the hallway, and turned a corner. She entered the stairs and headed down two levels before opening a door. She walked down the hallway and opened the door at the end of the hall. She walked up three flights of stairs and cracked open the door. She glanced behind her. No one was there.

Good.

She walked down the hallway, hands in her pockets and looked at room numbers. She found the door that she was looking for and eased it open.

The laboratory was very impressive. Equipment and machines were everywhere. Desks and chairs were centered in the middle of the room, and there were microscopes at every bench. Counters were filled with test tubes and test tubes, all filled to varying degrees with white substances. In the middle of the lab, she spotted her friend bent over a microscope, and stopped. She tamped down the nervousness and put on a smile.

"Well, well well. Look at the lab you bought yourself." She leaned against the doorway. "Pretty fancy."

"Don't hear you complaining about your fancy genome lab. " Callie bent over a table, looking through a microscope. She looked up. "Hey." Callie squinted at her friend. " Were you always that short? Feels like I haven't seen you in forever."

"Ha-ha. I know. " Miranda stepped into the room. She leaned against a chair. "Where's Murphy?"

Callie ripped off her gloves. "Sent her off to lunch."

"I just sent Wilson off too. " Miranda began to walk around the lab, examining the various pieces of equipment and papers. Callie got up to throw away the gloves and moved to a small sink to wash her hands. Bailey lifted a test tube and examined it. The water by the sink turned on. As Callie bent forward to wash her hands, Miranda cheated her eyes away from the test tube to look toward the sink. Since getting discharged, she'd thrown herself back to work with single-mindedness that interns hoped to achieve. She was always here, working on submitting her paper or fine tuning a sample and checking up on the trial. And when she wasn't here, she was with Sofia. She'd tried to talk to her about wearing herself about, but her words had fallen onto deaf ears. As Callie reached over to turn off the water, she looked at her face. There was tension there that hadn't been there before. It was on her face and in her eyes.

Miranda glanced away and chuckled quietly. "Three months back in here and you look paler than Kepner."

Callie scoffed and dried her hands. "Yeah, right." She rubbed her eyes.

Miranda smiled sympathetically. "Still not sleeping well?"

"No." Callie sighed. "I just wake up feeling panicky."

"Do you remember what you're dreaming about?"

Callie shook her head. "No. It'll go away. Still getting over the fire, you know?"

Bailey nodded. "Yeah. There are times that I still think about the shooting. About Charles and Mary." She shook her head. "Sometimes all that can help is time."

Callie looked down at her feet. "Yeah." Bailey rubbed her arm. After a moment, she moved away briskly.

"Anyway. how are things going in here? I keep hearing about some major awards buzz." Something flashed in Calle's eyes. Insecurity. Excitement. Doubt. She turned away from Bailey to face the wall. Miranda spoke to her back. " Every day, all everyone can talk about is cartilage cartilage cartilage. You'd think that everyone here was in Ortho."

Callie snorted. She moved back toward her chair. "Yeah, with all of those Harper Avery rumors? Please."

Bailey stared pointedly. "I didn't say anything about Harper Avery. You said it, not me."

"Well. don't. It's not going to happen." She sat down. "I mean, I'm a board member of a hospital headed by his grandson. This hospital is partly owned by the foundation! I think that puts me effectively out of the running." She grabbed a pile of papers and began to read them.

Miranda sat down. "Please. You think that no one from Mass Gen has ever won a Harper Avery? Do you think the foundation or Harper Avery himself gives a damn about any of that?" She glanced over at her friend. The papers that she was reading were upside down. She placed her hand over them. "Callie. Listen to me. You've earned this."

Callie looked up, doubt etched on her face. "You think so?"

Bailey leaned forward. "I know so. You deserve it. There isn't anyone else right now who's accomplished as much as you have with your research. No one else comes close right now."

Callie sighed. She put the papers down. "Thanks."

Bailey sat back. She picked up a discarded piece of paper and glanced at her friend."Next year though, watch out. That award has my name all over it."

Callie laughed. Some of the tension on her face disappeared. Miranda smiled into her piece of paper, satisfied. She could always talk about...that other thing some other time.

* * *

"So how is Kelsey in 3220?"

Alex handed Arizona a cup of coffee and grabbed his own as they left the attending's lounge.

"Good. Post op vitals were good last night and early this morning. She should be fine."

They turned the corner.

"Good. Her parents needs a bit of good news today." Arizona took a sip of her coffee as they approached the elevator doors. "I'll stop in on her first when we get up to Peds, make sure that she slept okay. You should check up on Jamie, he was asking about you last night."

Alex stabbed the button for the elevator. "Fine."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. "And if you're free after rounds, we should talk about the course of treatment for the Lugo kid that was admitted last night. I have some ideas on a course of treatment that may not require surgery, but we'll have to look at his new scans and see how it goes from there."

'Okay." Alex sipped his coffee. "Fine."

"And we should probably start talking about the Africa program-you know, about which kids you want to bring over in the spring, so we can get everything in order, Visa-wise."

"All right. Whatever." Alex punched the button. "Where the hell is this elevator?"

"Hey." Arizona placed an arm on his shoulder. "What's with you?"

Alex shrugged her hand off. "Nothing, I'm great."

She stared at him incredulously. " Really? You don't look great. You don't sound great. Actually, you sound more pissy than you usually do."

"Well, give me a break," Alex snapped. "It's noon, I've barely had any coffee and you've already started going through half of the ward."

"Excuse me?"

Alex sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. Jo was in my face earlier bitching about Bailey acting weird or whatever, I skipped lunch, I forgot to pay the water bill, and now you're in my face going on about all of this stuff ." He pressed the button. "Excuse me for having a bad day."

"Alex-"

The elevator doors dinged, and the doors opened. Arizona stepped inside and pressed the button for Peds.

Alex stared at his mentor. "You know what? I think that I'll take the stairs." The doors shut.

Arizona stared at the closed doors. She leaned against the wall and rubbed her face with her hands. _Take a breath. Take a breath. _She exhaled slowly and tried to think about what needed to happen today. She had some scans to look over after rounds. And there was an appendix removal scheduled for later that evening. She needed to look at the most recent C.T. and talk to Darby's parents before they went in for surgery. The elevator doors opened and she stepped off. There was also the follow-up surgery on Jack Kersey. She and April were going to scrub in with Jackson to see what could be done for Jack now that he was out of the woods-

"Oh, sorry!"

Arizona stumbled. A pair of hands reached out to catch her, and she straightened. She looked up at Owen.

"Sorry. That was my fault. I wasn't looking at where I was going."

"Neither did I." Owen answered sheepishly. He gestured toward her. "Um, are you...did I?"

Arizona shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

They looked at each other awkwardly. Owen shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I should go." He rushed off down the hallway.

"Owen, wait!" Arizona sighed.

What was going on with everyone?

* * *

"What's wrong Bailey?"

Callie looked up from her microscope to look at the woman sitting across the table from her.

Bailey shook her head defensively. She clenched her fingers together. Maybe she'd been more transparent then she'd thought. "Why does anything have to be wrong?"

"You're twitchy. I noticed it when you came in." She turned back to her slide. "Why are you here, spending you lunch break with me instead of out doing...whatever it is that you do this time of day?"

"What? A friend can't just come and see another friend without an ulterior motive?"

"Bailey."

Miranda shook her head indignantly. "I am not some depraved child like Yang or Karev, following you around, asking you for cookies-'

"Bailey-"

"Or like these crazed interns, sucking up so they can work in your lab. I've got my own world class research lab, thank you very much." Callie rolled her eyes.

"Miranda!" Bailey stopped rambling. She looked at Callie.

"What's up?"

She sighed. "Okay, Okay. Maybe I came in here to see how you were, but maybe I also came because I need to ask for some advice." Miranda shifted in her chair. Why didn't this ever get any easier? "About... you know."

Callie concentrated on the slide in front of her."What? I know what?"

Was she really not paying attention? First, she wanted to know why she was there, and now, when she needed her to listen, she was-

"Torres!" Callie jumped.

"What? What?" She examined Bailey's face. She groaned. "Really? Really? From me?"

Miranda glared over the table. "Is there anyone else in here?" she snapped. "Yes, from you."

Callie sighed heavily. "What do you need, condoms again? Do you know how long it's been since I've had sex?"

Bailey rolled her eyes. "I seem to recall you doing some inappropriate things in a bar bathroom a couple of months back-"

Callie held up a hand. "Okay. don't remind me. " She turned off the microscope. "So, what's up?"

Bailey played with her fingers. "Ben is coming up for the long weekend and I want to do something- special for us. Something spontaneous."

Callie looked at her knowingly. "Ohhh. A date night." She rubbed her fingers together. " I love surprise date nights."

"It's not exactly a date night. More like-" She threw her hands up helplessly. " I don't know. Something..."

Callie stared at her friend . She tilted her head confusingly. "Something what?"

"Torres!"

"What? I won't know unless you tell me."

Bailey squirmed in her seat. "Something more...intimate."

"Intimate?" Understanding crossed Callie's face. "Ohhh." She smirked. "You want to seduce him."

"Shhh!" Bailey looked around the room urgently. "Keep your voice down."

"What?" Callie shrugged. "It's not like the hospital doesn't know that you're married to him. We were all at your wedding. And don't the interns call you-"

Bailey glowered over the table. "Say it and you die."

Callie rolled her eyes again. "Okay, okay. That was below the belt. I'm sorry. It's been a long day. Forgive me, please?"

Bailey continued to glare at Callie. After a moment she softened and nodded her head.

Callie continued. "Anyway. I think it's sweet. You want to do something nice for your partner. There is nothing wrong with that." descriptive thing here. " What are you going to do with Tuck?"

"I was hoping that you could-

"Of course," Callie jumped in. "Sofia will be glad to see him. I'll pick up him and Sofia after the board meeting." Callie moved her elbows to the table and rested her face on her palms. "So ..." She winked suggestively. "What do you have planned?

Bailey looked at the wall. She fidgeted with her fingers. "Well-"

Callie let her face fall off of her hands. "Oh come on Bailey! You don't have a plan?"

"What?" Bailey asked defensively. " I've never done it before! I just wanted- some-some suggestions."

Callie nodded understandingly. "Well, what were you thinking about doing? Making dinner?"

"Well, yeah." Bailey nodded.

"With candles, and music." Bailey grabbed a piece of paper from the desk and started to write. "Some flowers-not too many, just enough to set the stage. _And- _you have to wear something killer."

Bailey lowered her pen.

"I was going to wear my nice black dress-"

"Uh Uh." Callie shook her finger. "Too boring. Too safe. This is your husband. You want to give him a night to remember. Drive him crazy." She leaned forward. "Buy a new dress. Dressy like dinner dressy but sexy like 'you know you want this' sexy. He won't be able to keep his eyes off of you. Are you going to serve dessert?

"Well-"

"Don't. You already have the dessert."

Bailey tilted her head. What do you mean I already have the desse- Oh, Torres!"

Callie shrugged. "What? How is that dirty?" At Bailey's hesitation, she reached over to grab the pen and paper.

"Miranda. You're seducing your own husband. The man that you love. In this kind of situation, you are the dessert. All that he really wants is you. Everything else is just extra. You guys can have strawberries and whip cream or whatever afterward. I mean it." Bailey looked away. She rolled closer. "Look, after dinner, just say that you need to freshen up, or check in something and then change into some sexy lingerie. Just lay on the bed and when he comes in, he'll see you and-"

She trailed off. Her smile faded. Bailey looked up.

"Torres? Callie? Callie?" Callie looked back at her. Bailey grabbed her knee. "Are you okay?"

Callie shook her head. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that, I just got distracted." She rolled back to her microscope. "I'm sure that everything with Ben will be fine."

Callie's pager rang. She glanced downward and smiled gently.

"I'm fine. I have to go, Webber is paging me into surgery. Let me know how it goes, okay?"

As she got up to leave, Miranda turned back at the door. Callie was writing something down on a piece of paper. She sighed. The tension was creeping back onto her face.

* * *

Arizona walked down the hallway, dreaming of a snack. The follow-up surgery on young Jack Kersey had taken much longer then they'd thought, but he pulled through. Jackson had gone to tell his parents, and Stephanie was checking on his post-op vitals. She smiled. Kid was a little trooper. He was going to be fine. And now, it was time for a celebration cookie. She'd grabbed some from the box before they'd left for the hospital, and one of them was calling her name-

She saw a flash of red as she walked past a conference room. She backtracked and looked inside. Owen was seated at the end of the long table, working on a pile of papers. He reached up to rub his face. He looked exhausted.

She knocked on the door.

"Hey."

Owen squinted at the door. He put his hands down.

"Hey."

She stepped inside and closed the door. "I don't know if April or Avery had a chance to come find you, but Jack is out of surgery. He's going to be fine."

Owen nodded. "I'm glad to hear that. Good." He looked down toward his papers and started shuffling through them. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Right." Arizona turned to leave. She walked toward the door and reached for the doorknob. She turned back.

"Tell me the truth Owen. Why did you have April page me the other day?"

Owen looked up. "I already told you that I was busy."

Arizona took a step forward toward the table. She shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Too busy to page a doctor about an incoming trauma? Are you kidding me? What if Kepner had taken too long to find me?"

Owen stood up.

"She didn't."

"But what if she did?" Arizona asked. " That was unprofessional of you, and very dangerous. You should have just _paged me_."

"Oh, so now you want me contacting you?" Owen snapped. "A while ago, you didn't even want to see my face!" He shook his head and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. You are right- it was unprofessional and it won't ever happen again." He turned to the papers on the table..

Arizona watched silently as he began to stuff the papers into his folder. She saw the exhaustion and the pain in his face. She saw the anger and the sadness. She took another step forward.

"Owen-" she started quietly.

"I'm sorry," he blurted. He stopped stuffing the papers into the folder and dropped it onto the table. His hands hung at his sides. "About how I admitted you. I'm sorry. But you were so out of it, and I saw you, I was looking at you and it was like I was looking at me. When I first got here. Insisting that I wasn't fine and that I didn't need help. I saw what you were doing to yourself, and I - I just wanted to help you. I didn't know that doing that to you would have put Callie in such a dangerous position during her surgery.

She could have died."

Arizona's heart tightened. "She didn't."

"But she _could have_." Owen sighed again and leaned against the table.

"You come from a military family. You know what it's like to follow orders. You're a doctor. You know to give them. How to lead. That day, I made a _judgment call_-"

Arizona stopped in front of Owen. "I know. And I get it. I do. Really. You had to make a choice." She leaned next to him on the table. They sat together in silence. Arizona stirred. "You know," she started. "You're part of the reason here, why I got to operate today."

Owen shook his head. "I'm also part of the reason why you don't have a leg."

Arizona flinched. She felt the anger and the bitterness again, swelling up, threatening to swallow her whole. She shook her head. "But so am I. And so is the charter company. And whoever inspected the plane. And a whole bunch of other people. It's was everyone's fault. And it was no one's fault. It was an accident."

She turned to face him. "You did what you thought you had to do. What you thought was right. Both times. You saved my life when you admitted me to Psych. And I was too bitter and too angry to understand that afterward." She touched his shoulder.

"Stop beating yourself up. "

Owen expelled a breath. "Yeah."

Arizona nodded back. She began to walk away.

"Arizona?" She turned back and raised her eyebrow.

"Thanks." He nodded his head.

Arizona smiled. "You know the other reason why I'm here today?"

Owen slanted his head. "Why?"

"A really annoying shrink."

Owen laughed.

"And I have you to thank for that " she finished. "So, thank you." She tilted her head. "Okay?" He nodded.

She twisted the doorknob and stepped outside, "I've got a cookie calling my name. I'll see you later."

As she closed the door, the pager in her pocket began to vibrate. She glanced at it and sighed. Looked like the cookie was going to have to wait.


	27. Trying

"This is so stupid. Why would you get on the highway on a tricycle?" Jackson shook his head as he concentrated on the body in front of him. "More suction, please."

Meredith shrugged as she worked across from him. "Maybe he thought that he could get where he was going?"

Jackson snorted. "On a tricycle?"

"I didn't say that it was the smartest thing that you could do. More light over here please. We're going to have to take out his spleen." Meredith looked down the table. "How's it going down there?"

Arizona shook her head slightly. "It's going. We might need Neuro. Clamp, please."

Meredith turned back to the table. "If we do, Derek is just doing consults today, so he should be free."

They worked silently, occasionally making requests for instruments or for suction.

Jackson looked up at the interns taking notes. "Come on, guys. Is no one asking questions because we have the mayor's son on the table? He's a person, just like everyone else."

"They're afraid of you, Jackson." Meredith smirked. "The grandson of Harper Avery."

"Says you, the daughter of Ellis Grey."

"Guys, enough." Arizona said.

Jackson smirked. "Whatever you say, Carter Madison winner."

Shane whispered to him. "They're afraid of all of you guys."

"What?"

"Because you're board members." Shane replied. "You're three of the Grey-Sloan Seven. You're famous. You own the hospital."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "For God's sake." She turned to the interns. "Any intern who doesn't ask Dr. Ross questions about this surgery is getting fired." The O.R. filled with sound.

"Problem solved." Meredith smiled at Shane. "Have fun."

Jackson snorted.

"Speaking of Derek, "Arizona said. "There is a case in Idaho that I've been meaning to talk to him about."

"Oh?" Meredith asked. She concentrated on the spleen in front of her. "Boise?"

Jackson looked up.

"No. In Moscow. Near the border. Kid with a spinal injury."

"Oh." Meredith lifted the spleen out of the body and placed into a waiting bowl. "Maybe you can ask him about it at the board meeting later."

"Speaking of the board," Jackson cut in. "You know that we all have to go to that Harper Avery benefit coming up, right?"

"Don't remind me." Meredith replied. She looked at Jackson."Your mother suggested that we all come in pairs. You and Edwards aren't together anymore. Who are you bringing?"

Jackson coughed. "That's not what she said."

"That's what I heard." Arizona put in. "And I'm pretty sure that by "we" she really just meant you."

Jackson groaned. 'Great."

"What's great?" Callie entered the OR and moved to get gowned.

Meredith looked over. "Hey. We were just talking about that Harper Avery benefit that we all have to go to."

"Oh, you mean the one where Jackson has to bring a date?"

"I hate you."

"Oh, come on Jackson" Meredith said. " You can't let your mother have all of the fun."

"Whatever."

Callie stepped toward the table. "Where do you want me?"

"Left femur" Arizona answered. They looked at each other. Callie looked away. She moved to the kid's leg and clucked her teeth. "This doesn't look too bad. What happened?"

"He got trampled by a car " Jackson answered. "After riding a tricycle onto the highway."

"What?" Callie shook her head. "You think that you've heard it all." She held out her hand. "Hammer please." She started to work on the femur.

Meredith turned back to Jackson. "So... are you bring a date?

"Meredith."

"What?" She unclamped an artery. "What about April? She's not engaged anymore."

Callie didn't look up. "She's dating someone."

"Really?" Arizona asked.

"Yup." Callie put down the hammer. "A lawyer or something. " She looked up. "Screw please."

"How do you feel about that?" Meredith asked.

Jackson sighed. "She's my best friend. I want her to be happy."

"You know..." Arizona said. "I really thought that there was something going on between the two of you."

Jackson shook her head. "I mean, we had something, once, but..." he stopped operating. "I don't know."

He shook his head and went back to work. "Anyway, there's someone else that I'm thinking about asking out. "

"Really?" Callie asked. "Who?"

"Just...someone. Though, I don't know if even she knows that I exist."

"Awww." Arizona said.

"I think that you should go for it." Meredith put in. "You deserve to be happy. Anyway, why should Webber and your Mom have all the fun? Are they still emailing you about their sexcapades?"

"Shove it, Grey."

Arizona laughed. "I think that they're kind of cute together." She smiled.

"Yeah, at least, Webber didn't throw the fact that they slept together in your face on purpose or something." Callie added. Arizona looked up. Callie continued on. "I'm almost done here. The leg is going to be fine. Can I have another screw, please?"

"Dr. Robbins?" Stephanie entered the OR with a mask over her face. "We need you up in Peds. Dr. Karev wanted me to get you."

"Uh." Arizona looked down at her patient. She looked at Stephanie. "I'm almost done. I'll be right up, okay?"

Stephanie nodded and left the room.

Arizona turned to Shane. "Can you close for me?"

Shane nodded. "Sure."

"Okay, then I think that I'm done here." Arizona backed away from the table and headed for the scrub room. "Let me know when he's out of surgery."

Callie looked up and glanced at Arizona. She backed away from the table as well. "I'm good too. Page if you need anything else." She followed her into the scrub room.

...

Arizona turned on the water at the sink and began to wash her hands. She sighed.

"Are we okay?" Callie removed the mask from her face and the garbage. She stood next to her in front of the next sink.

Arizona looked over and gave her a smile that didn't reach her eyes." Yeah. We're fine." She looked at her another moment and then turned back to the sink. Callie turned on her water and followed suit. She turned on the water. _Try. You have to try, Callie_.

Arizona dried her hands, and walked toward the door.

"Wait."

She turned back.

Callie shifted he feet. "Uh, well." She put her hand on her hip. "If your consult doesn't take long, why don't we grab lunch?"

Arizona let the door swing shut. "What? Ow!" The door swung back into the room and hit her in the back.

Callie moved forward. "Are you okay?"

Arizona rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm fine." She cleared her throat. "What did you say?"

Callie shifted uncomfortably. "I said, if your consult doesn't take too long, maybe we could grab lunch somewhere around here."

"Lunch?"

"Yeah. We could grab Sofia from the daycare and just...eat." Callie messed with her scrub. "I mean, if your consult doesn't take long-"

"Right." Arizona nodded. "Right. Um, how about I page you when I get up there and we'll take it from there?"

Callie nodded back. "Great."

"Great." Arizona's pager rang. She glanced down at it and smiled sheepishly. She gestured toward the door.. "I have to go."

"Right. Tiny humans and all."

Arizona chuckled. "Yeah." She opened the door and started to rush down the hall. "I'll let you know how it goes!"

The door swung shut.

"Excuse me! Coming through. Hold the elevator!"

Callie returned to the sink and shook her head.. Some things never changed.

* * *

"Ettuce."

Callie chuckled. "Lettuce, mija. With an "L". Like llama. Remember the furry llamas that we saw at the zoo?"

Sofia beamed. "Llamas!"

Callie laughed. "Yeah, the cute llamas. Remember, you wanted to take one home with us? And got us kicked out of the exhibit?"

"Ettuce!"

Callie snorted. "Of course you don't remember that part."

"Remember what?" Arizona breezed in with her tray. She sat down at the table next to her daughter.

"Hey, Sof!" She glanced over at Callie apologetically. "Sorry I'm late. Consult ran longer than I thought it would. There was a little problem."

"No problem," Callie replied. She crunched on a carrot. "Did you figure it out?"

"You know it." Arizona grinned. She turned to Sofia. "And how are we doing here with our lunch?" She glanced at her daughter's tray. "I see that we have a yummy turkey sandwich with lettuce with some strawberries on the side. Yum!"

"Ettuce, Mama."

"Lettuce, sweetie, with an L." Callie replied. She turned to Arizona. "I was reminding her of the time when someone got us kicked out of the zoo because she wanted a pet llama."

Arizona laughed. "I remember that. Sofia cried the whole way home." She smiled fondly. "She didn't stop until you made up that song about the llamas and pajamas."

Callie laughed. "Oh, my God. Don't remind me."

"How did it go again?" Arizona asked. "Wasn't it set to a children's song?"

"It was not."

"Yes it was. " Arizona sipped her soda. "It was... What was it? It was "Oh, My Darling!"

Arizona put down her cup. "How did it go?" She began to sing. " Oh my llama, oh my llama, you were lost inside the twine. But I found you in my pajamas-"

"So everything will be fine" Callie finished.

Sofia cheered. "Llamas!" Strawberry juice dribbled from her chin.

Arizona handed her a napkin. "Wipe your face, sweetie. " She shook her head. "I always meant to ask you: where did you get twine from?"

Caine shrugged. "I couldn't say "zoo regulated fence". And wire didn't rhyme. And the only way that she could get to sleep that night was if the llamas were right next to her. So I said-"

"That they were in her pajamas, and that was why they felt so soft." Arizona nodded. She bit into her sandwich. "It was definitely her favorite bedtime song for awhile."

Callie chuckled. "Until you started telling her stories."

"Which started because she wanted to hear more about the llamas." They laughed. Arizona shook her head. "At least that was better than singing a song from "Moulin Rouge".

"Hey!" Callie bristled. "That worked for Ruby."

Arizona smiled. "It did." She picked up her fork. "We definitely made a good team."

"Team!" Sofia said.

Callie chuckled. "We did. We were an awesome team."

They glanced at each other, remembering, and then looked away..

Callie cleared her throat. "So, are you going to the benefit next week?"

Arizona grabbed a carrot and snorted. "It's not they have us a choice. Catherine Avery made it pretty clear that she wanted all of us to attend."

"So?" Callie shrugged. "We could always play hooky. Plead sick child or the flu or something."

"Callie!"

"What?" She blew out a breath. "I know, I know, I'm a horrible person and a horrible mother."

"You're not a horrible person."

"I just don't want to go." Callie picked at her food. "I don't know."

Arizona glanced at her. "They've already made their decision on the Harper Avery. All anyone can do now is wait. Going or not going isn't going to make a difference on who's name is in that envelope. They're not even going to announce it at this thing."

"I know." Callie sat back. "It's just...I want to believe, you know? I mean I know that there's a good chance that it won't be me because of Harper Avery's ties to Jackson and to this hospital, but..." she glanced down at her hands. " I want to think that there's a chance that I made it. And going there just makes it too close. Too real."

Arizona reached over and placed a hand on top of Callie's. She twitched slightly at the contact, but didn't remove her hand. Arizona leaned over.

"Listen to me. You are a wonderful doctor. An incredible surgeon. And an awesome researcher. There's nothing wrong with hoping that your work gets recognized. It deserves to be recognized. You deserve to be recognized. Don't let this psych you out. You've worked hard for this. Go to this banquet. And show everyone how badass you are."

Callie looked at Arizona silently. She looked back. Sofia's excited cheer broke the sound of the quiet.

"Badass! Badass!"

Arizona jumped back and groaned. "Oh, crap."

"Crap!"

Arizona rolled her eyes."I'm doing so well today."

Callie chuckled. "At least crap is better than bad-" she cut her eyes toward their daughter. "You know." She turned to Sofia. "Mija, that's a bad word. Please don't say it."

A pager beeped. They both checked their scrubs. Arizona looked up. "It's mine. Derek. I've been meaning to talk to him about something." She picked up her tray and stood up. "Thanks for lunch. It was nice."

"It was."

Arizona bent toward Sofia. "Bye Sof. See you tonight."

"Bye Mama!"

Arizona turned toward the door. Callie watched her go.

"Arizona?" She turned around.

"Do you want to go together? To the banquet, I mean."

Arizona opened her mouth, and closed it. She blinked. "Um-"

Callie backtracked. "I mean, you don't have to, we can just see each other there, but I figured that we could just go together and avoid the whole 'look for a date thing'-"

"Sure. Sure." Arizona nodded. "Uh, yes, I'll go with you to the banquet. Um, we can talk more about it back at the hotel."

"Sure." Callie echoed. "At the hotel. See you later."

As the door closed, Callie sighed and turned toward her daughter. She rested her hand on her chin. "Sofia, what did I just do?"

Sofia blew a raspberry at her.


	28. Banquet

Callie smoothed her dress down and glanced at her reflection. She frowned. Why did it seem like something was missing? Her eyes traveled the length of the mirror.

Everything looked fine, except-ah.

She'd forgotten her earrings.

Callie turned away from the mirror and crossed to her jewelry box. She started digging through the mess there.

"Mami, you're pretty."

"Thank you sweetie," Callie answered absently. Where were those earrings? The last time she remembered wearing them, it was Bailey's wedding. She hasn't really gone out after that, so where could they have gone? She lifted a tray. She didn't lose them in the fire did she? She stood up straight. She'd forgotten to check. She shook her head. They were in here somewhere. Maybe under these-

"Am I pretty too?"

"Of course you are." Wait, what? Callie froze. She turned around. "Sofia-"

She stopped cold.

Across the room was her daughter, standing, (wobbling), dressed (drowning) in a large hotel bathrobe. She could see her favorite llama shirt and sparkly purple tights poking out from underneath the drooping white cotton . There were traces of lipstick on her little lips and blush in her face. A pair of jer heels were her feet. And in her tiny little hands, were her earrings. Behind Sofia she could see the mess that the young girl had created in order to dress up and she groaned silently. Claudia was going to hate her.

She looked back at her daughter's beaming face. Screw it. Callie smiled at her daughter. "You look very pretty, mija. Why don't you stay in here with and then we can show Mama how pretty you look when she gets here?" She glanced at the clock near the bed. If Arizona didn't get here soon, they were going to be late.

Sofia pouted. "I want to go too!" The earrings fell to the floor as she brought her hands up.

Callie slipped out of her shoes and approached her daughter. She knelt down in front of her.

"Sofia, we talked about this. Tonight is a party for grown-ups. Zola and Tuck aren't going to be there. Do you really want to be stuck with a bunch of grown ups all night?" She picked up her earrings.

Sofia's lip trembled. "I wanna be with you."

Callie smiled. "We are together. All the time. Listen, tomorrow-"

"And Mama. You and Mama."

Callie paused. She looked up at her daughter and her heart broke. Sure, she and Arizona were around Sofia all of the time, picking her up and dropping her off and playing with her, but spending time together as a unit was something that they hadn't really done in a while. Even before the fire. Eating lunch together a week ago was the best that they had done in a long time.

Since the storm.

Callie set the earrings aside, and picked up Sofia. She moved to the bed, and placed the little girl in her lap. "Hey. I'm sorry that Mama and I haven't spent time with you together lately. Things have just been-" wax there really an excuse? "busy. But, I promise you, we all start doing more together soon, okay?"

Sofia nodded.

Callie smiled. "Okay." She flipped the heels off of her little feet. " Why don't you go grab you bear and I'll put my earrings on so we can be all set for Mama?"

Sofia rushed to her feet.

"Be careful!" Callie called out as she raced from the room. She grabbed the earrings from the room and slipped them on. She moved back toward the mirror and nodded. Perfect. She sighed. Every time she felt like she was doing things right-

A knock broke her thoughts. She winced at the mess of the floor that Sofia had caused, And glanced through the peephole. Callie opened the door and smiled.

"Claudia. Hi." She stepped aside to let the babysitter in. "Sorry about the mess. Sofia was playing dress-up."

Claudia smiled. "Aww, thats so cute. Don't worry about the mess. It's no problem." She glanced at Callie. "You look beautiful. Ready for tonight?"

"Thanks." She nodded. " Um, pretty much. I just need to grab my bag. I'm just waiting for Arizona to come by and then we'll be off." She glanced at her phone. They were already ten minutes late. Where was she?

Callie moved down the hallway, annoyed. They were half an hour late. She stopped at room 622 and moved to knock on the door. There was no answer. "Arizona?" She knocked again. Worried, she dug into her purse for the key card that Arizona had insisted she keep for emergencies. She slid the key into the lock and opened the door. She stepped inside.

The room was dark, the furniture illuminated by the moonlight through the veranda window. Callie moved quietly through the room, to the back of the suite. The bedroom was empty, but there a was a light on in the adjoining room. She walked past the clothes strewn on the bed to the light. The door was open.. In the bathroom, seated on top of the toilet was Arizona. Callie let out a quiet breath. She was beautiful. Her dress was a deep royal blue that set off her eyes. Her hair, longer than usual since getting discharged months ago, was curly and off of her shoulders in an intricately twisted knot. She was staring at herself in the mirror, lost in thought.

Her heart panged and she remembered the last time they were dressed like this, in their apartment. Arizona seated, insecure, and her impatient, ready to go. She knocked on the door jamb.

"Hey. Almost ready?"

Arizona turned her head. "Yeah. Sorry. I fell in the shower, and it set me back a couple of minutes."

Callie nodded hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Arizona nodded back. "I was just rushing a little bit. I got back pretty late from the hospital. All good." She reached down next to her and grabbed a dark blue flat.

Callie watched her slip the shoe onto her prosthetic foot. "No high heeled leg tonight?"

Arizona smiled wanly. "Nope. My stump was sore when I woke up this morning, and it's been a pretty long day already. It's not worth it."

"It's sore?" Callie began to move forward, and then stopped. "Uh." She raised her hands uselessly. "Can I see? Maybe help?"

"I appreciate the offer, but there's nothing to see." Arizona smiled gently. "It's just a little swollen. Happens a lot when it rains." She stood up. "Shall we?"

Callie nodded. "We shall."

Arizona turned off the light in the bathroom and grabbed her coat and purse. She let Callie out if the room and then closed the door behind them. They started down the hallway.

"You look great."

Callie smiled. "Thanks. You too." They began to walk to the elevators. "You should have seen Sofia when I was leaving. She was all dressed up too. She was waiting for you to come by to show you."

"Is she still wearing it? I could check it out as I go in to say good night."

"Claudia took her out for ice cream before I came to get you. I took some pictures for you though."

They stepped into the elevator.

Arizona turned to Callie. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She pressed the button for the lobby. "A cab should be waiting for us out front."

"Great." Arizona put on her coat. "Ready for the circus?"

Callie shook her head and moaned. Arizona laughed, and the elevator doors closed, whisking them away to the Avery party.

* * *

"Oh, God." Callie muttered under her breath as they entered the hall. "We should have said that Sofia was sick."

"Relax," Arizona murmured. She smiled at the young man who greeted them at the door to take their coats. She looked around the room. "How about we to do a lap, say hello and then you can hide from the room?"

"Ha ha." Callie whispered. She grabbed a glass from a waiter walked by and downed it. She coughed.

Arizona patted her back and tried ignore the twitch of reaction that she felt from the woman ext to her. "Let's not over do it before we see everyone."

Callie turned to Arizona. "Just some liquid courage." She turned to face the room. "Let's get this over with."

...

Alex tugged on his tie. "I don't know why I agreed to this."

"Because you don't say no to free booze." Jackson nodded at a at a group on their way to the buffet. "Plus, it's not like you were busy."

"You know what? I could have been busy sipping on a beer right now." Alex shook his head. "On my really comfortable couch."

"Yeah yeah, me too." Jackson muttered. "Just be a pal and watch out for my mother. If she's coming, just-scream or something. I can't let her see me without a date-"

"Jackson!"

"Too late." Alex coughed.

Jackson glared at his friend and turned toward his mother. Catherine Avery was a very confident woman and she was not afraid to show it. Describe her as resplendent. Her bangles jingled musically as she reached for her son. "My baby. You look so handsome. She rested her hands on his cheeks."Though you look to' skinny." She frowned." I almost cut my hands on your cheek bones."

"Thank you, mother." Jackson replied drily. "You look wonderful."

"Oh, don't get upset, I'm just looking out for you." She patted his cheek and peered around his shoulder. "So who did you bring to keep you company on this cold, rainy night?"

Jackson shifted awkwardly. "Um, well, actually, Mom, I've been so busy, with patients and running the hospital that I wasn't able to bring anyone."

Catherine raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Then why are there three women here that look like they want to eat you alive?"

Alex snickered. "Shut up," Jackson muttered.

"Jackson Avery! That is not how you talk to your friends." Catherine shook her head to Alex. "I raised him better than that."

Alex nodded. "I'm sure that you did." Catherine let go of her son to turn to his friend.

"Karev, right?" Alex nodded. " Jackson has told me a lot about you. Plus, I can't stop hearing about your exchange program." Catherine smiled. "You're doing a lot of great work."

"Thank you." Alex replied.

"You're welcome." She cocked an eyebrow."Now, why doesn't my son have a date tonight?"

"Um, well-"

"Catherine, there you are." Webber approached the trio with a pair of drinks. "For you." He handed her the champagne and held onto his sparkling cider.

Catherine beamed. "You're always thinking of me, Richard."

Jackson rolled his eyes.

Richard turned to the men. "Gentleman."

"Dr. Webber," they chorused. The band struck up a jazzy rendition of "Blue Skies".

Richard handed his glass to Alex and turned to Catherine. He held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

Catherine smiled. "Of course." She handed her flute to her son. "Don't think our discussion is over, young man." Catherine called out as Richard whisked her off the dance floor.

"What isn't over?" Cristina approached the two men.

"You clean up nice, Yang" Jackson said. He nodded to Owen, who was at her side, picking at his tie. Cristina smoothed down her red dress and smirked at Jackson.

"Nice try changing the subject."

"What subject?" Callie asked. She and Arizona joined the group. Arizona smiled at Alex, who nodded back briefly before glancing away. He turned to Callie. "He's trying to avoid the fact that I'm his date tonight."

Owen blinked. "I'm sorry. You?"

Alex shrugged. "Jo's working, I wasn't busy. Free booze. What's not to like?"

"Uh huh." Cristina replied. She nudged Jackson. "So, what's your excuse?"

"Yeah." Callie put in. "Weren't you going to ask someone to come up with you? What happened with that?"

"I asked her, and she turned me down, okay?" Jackson snapped. "So can we drop this, please?"

Arizona patted his back.

Cristina blinked. "Wow. She must be the smartest person in the world." She tilted her head. "Or the dumbest."

Jackson rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Yang."

"No problem." Cristina grabbed a glass from a roving waiter and tossed it back. Callie followed..

Owen cleared his throat. "So, where's Derek and Meredith?"

"Mer said that that they weren't coming." Alex replied. "Said Zola was sick or something."

Callie coughed. She looked around. "I think I need another drink."

Arizona shook her head. "Callie-"

"You know what? I need one too." Cristina grabbed Callie's arm and dragged her toward the bar.

Owen glanced at the departing women. He turned back the group. "Well, there's McDougall from Seattle Pres. I better say hi." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Excuse me."

Arizona turned to Alex. "So how did the Lugo procedure go this afternoon."

Alex avoided her eyes. "It was fine," he replied shortly. "I got to take a leak. Later."

She looked after him. "Don't worry." Jackson said. "He's been that way with everyone lately."

Arizona smiled weakly. "Right." She cleared her throat. "So, has your mother corned you yet?"

Jackson laughed. "And she's already given me the third degree. I wish I could have just skipped out on the whole night, but-" he sighed. "Here I am." He shrugged his shoulders. "It would have been better with some company, but what can you do?" He sighed again. "She said that it wasn't really her scene."

Arizona furrowed her brow. "Who?"

"The woman that I asked out. She said that it wasn't really her scene." He looked around the room. "Who could blame her?"

"Jackson!" Catherine appeared, and grabbed her son's hand. "Come dance with your Mama."

Jackson tried to move back. 'Mom- I don't think-"

"Oh, nonsense. Let's go." They headed for the dance floor. Arizona waved at the younger Avery and smiled.

...

"So what's up with you and Owen?" Callie gestured toward the bartender for another shot.

Cristina put down her glass. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's your date tonight." She smiled at the bartender as he placed another drink in front of her and handed another to her friend. " I didn't know that that was back on."

Cristina stared down at her glass. "It isn't." She sipped her drink. "What about you and Robbins?"

Callie looked down at her dink. "We aren't." She tipped the glass back. "It was just easier."

Cristina knocked back her drink. "Yeah." They placed their empty glasses back on the counter.

Callie gestured for the bartender again.

...

"I hope to hear from you soon. Have a wonderful evening.." Arizona smiled at the couple as they walked away. She sighed. Her leg was killing her. She glanced at her watch. Another thirty minutes should be good enough for the Harper Avery Foundation. She shook her head at the waiter holding a tray and looked around for Callie. She'd see how she was holding up and then they could make the rounds again before saying their goodbyes.

She spotted her across the room, talking to a group of doctors. She was smiling and nodding along, but her posture was very stiff. She was jingling her left foot, and her arms were crossed. She was nervous. Arizona made her way across the room and smiled at the group.

"Hi. I hope that I'm not interrupting."

A man with a handlebar mustache smiled. "Not at all. I was just telling Dr. Torres that her cartilage regeneration work is incredible. The first of its kind."

"Award worthy for sure," a tweedy man added. He turned to his companion. "We should make our goodbyes to Catherine, Jacob."

Handlebar smiled. "If you would excuse us? We only have the babysitter until one." He smiled at Callie. "Again, your work is superb. I'm looking forward to seeing more of you in the future."

Callie smiled graciously. "Of course. Good night." She let out a breath as the couple left. "I totally bungled that."

"I'm sure it was fine." Arizona replied. "You looked like you were doing okay from where I was standing."

Callie grabbed a glass from a riving waiter. 'That's because you were standing very far away."

Arizona laughed. "Look, you'll be fine. Just picture them naked."

Callie downed her drink and set it on a nearby table. "I think that I'm actually done with picturing doctors naked." She stepped back. "Excuse me."

Arizona watched her walk across the room. She shook slightly as she approached a small, gray haired man that she recognized as Harper Avery

"She's just nervous. And tired. She hasn't been sleeping much lately." Bailey stopped next to Arizona. "She'll be fine." They watched as she said something and Harper Avery laughed.

Arizona turned to the shorter woman. "Can I ask you something? How else has she been doing?"

Bailey shook her head gently. "I can't tell you that." She turned back toward the pair laughing in the corner. " But I can tell you that she's still hurting. A lot. She's hiding it very well."

...

"Are you serious?" Callie laughed.

"As serious as I can be." Harper Avery replied. "He leaned forward. "And when they opened him up, you wouldn't believe what they found!"

"What? Dr. Avery-"

"Harper. Please, call me Harper. Only suckups and my interns call me Dr. Avery."

Callie smiled. "Harper. That's got to be one of the craziest stories I've ever heard."

"Well, stick with me, and there's more where that came from, I promise you." He looked over at her again. "I've heard a lot about your work. Rumor has it that it's on the shortlist for my prize."

Callie swayed slightly. "Really?"

Harper nodded. "Really. In fact, I was just telling Jackson-"

"Did someone call my name?" Jackson approached the group, and smiled at his grandfather. He placed a hand for support on the small of Callie's back. "Are you okay?" he whispered in her ear.

Callie laughed loudly. "Never better." She moved away from Jackson's arm and smiled at Harper. "You know, I heard that

"Harper. It's wonderful to see you again." Owen came up to the group and offered Avery his hand. He pumped it. "You look better than the last time that I saw you."

Harper blinked. "Well-"

Owen continued over him. "Shall I tell you how the hospital has been doing. I know that you've heard of the name change."

"Well, yes, I-"

"Grey-Sloan." Callie put in. "After my dead baby daddy and his dead on-again-off-again lover."

Jackson coughed. Harper turned to look at him before turning back to Callie. "Excuse me?"

Owen slung an arm over his shoulder. "She's a riot, isn't she? In addition to a name change, we also have a state of the art ER. Have you heard of our LODOX machine? It really does only take 13 seconds to examine a patient. We've tested it out."

"That's wonderful-"

Owen steamrolled over him. "We've also set up several laboratories in addition to Dr. Torres' that have really been breaking some new ground in medicinal research."

"I'm awesome at medicinal research." Callie swayed slightly. "Hardcore awesome. Badass hardcore awesomeness."

"You know what, Grandpa?" Jackson cut in. "Why don't we get you another drink, and tell you all about how the hospital has been doing." He grabbed his grandfather's free arm. "We have a lot to tell you." They began to usher the man through the crowd.

"Wait! I have more to say." Callie started to stumble forward. Bailey grabbed her arm. "I think that you've had enough to say for one night. Let's find you a seat."

"And some water. "Arizona grasped her other hand. "Come on, Callie. There's a seat right over there. Let's just take a breather."

"Like the one that you took from me?". Arizona froze. She looked at Bailey, and grasped Callie's arm again. "Come on, we're almost there, let's just get you to a seat and I'll get you some water."

Callie walked in between the two women.. She leaned on Bailey. "I mean, what's up with that? Was I not enough for you or something? Did I do something wrong? hmmm?" She looked around blearily. "Where did Harper go? I was telling him all about my work."

Bailey buckled a little under Callie. Arizona straightened Callie up. She shot her a grateful smile. "I think that he knows all about your work. Everyone does." Callie sat down in a chair near the balcony. Bailey sat down next to her.

Arizona stood next to them. "I think that I'm just going to get some air. I'll be back" She exited the room. Bailey sighed.

* * *

Arizona stepped outside and took a deep breath of the night air. She sat down at a group of chairs near the valet service. A familiar figure moved to sit down next to her.

"Bailey says that she'll make sure that Callie get home." Owen said quietly. "I told her that I would take you back."

Arizona sighed. 'Thank you Owen." She looked out at the cars passing in the night. Owen looked up at the cloudy sky.

"You and I are a lot alike. We know how to be who we need to be. How to prioritize. How to try and be the good guy, and lead. How to make the difficult decisions." Owen looked down at his hands. "Sometimes we make decisions we can't take back. Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most because we can't admit that we're hurt, that we want something. We can't admit that we need something. and then we end up alone."

Owen glanced over at her profile.

"Your past and what happened? You can't let it define you." He looked back over the passing cars.

"Or let others define you for it."

* * *

"Here. Drink all of this." Bailey handed a bottle of water to the brunette. "I don't want you throwing up in my car. I just had it cleaned." She made a right turn.

Callie lowered her head from the headrest and shook her head. "I'm fine Miranda. Just take me home." She leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes.

Bailey looked over at her friend and shook her head. She pulled into the hotel driveway and slammed on brakes. Callie jolted violently in her seat. "Bailey! What the hell?"

Miranda put the car in park. "You're saying 'what the hell' to me? I should be saying what they hell to you. Do you know how much you almost embarrassed yourself in front of all of those people. In front of Harper Avery? In front of the selection committee?"

Callie sighed. "It wasn't that bad-"

"Only because you have friends looking out for you." Miranda shook her head. "Now, I don't know what's wrong with you, but you need to stop acting like a child."

Callie bristled indignantly. "You're calling me a child? Me? I wasn't the one who just slammed on the brakes! That was mean. Really mean." Callie rubbed her hands over her face. "Oh, God. What did I do? I just embarrassed myself in front of Harper Avery. My daughter is sad and heartbroken. I can't even enjoy a party without getting out of control." She sighed helplessly. "What am I doing?"

Bailey leaned over her seat to grab one of Callie's hands. She grasped it in hers and squeezed. "You're doing the best you can. You're trying so hard, and I'm proud of you for that. But you're not okay. She squeezed her hand again. "You've got some stuff that you're not saying and unless you say them, you're never going to feel better.

You need to let it out."


	29. Sound

It was days like this that made her really love her job. Callie grinned as she scrubbed out of surgery. Not that she didn't love her job usually- and she really, _really _loved her job- but there were some days that were really difficult to get through. Like when a patient dies unexpectedly from complications after a routine surgery. When you find out that your patient almost died because you let a resident become negligent in the OR. When you amputated a perfectly good leg at the behest of the patient.

Those days were not good days. Those were bad days. The worst days. The good days came from just doing your job and saving a life. The great ones came from completing difficult surgeries. The best days came when you were able to do something for someone, when you were able to use all of your creativity and all of your skill and all of your _patience_ to be able to tell someone that they were going to see another day when they thought that wouldn't because of what you were able to do in the OR. The whole world and its problems went away. All of your problems went away, and it was just you and your patient. Fighting against the odds, fighting to preserve life, with your hands, your brain, your eyes. It was pretty damn awesome. She felt damn pretty awesome. Because of the surgery that she'd just innovated, Aya Gonzalez was going to walk again. She couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she realized that she wasn't going to be stuck in that wheelchair for the rest of her life. She turned off the sink and dried her hands. It was going to be-

"Torres!"

Richard Webber stormed into the scrub room. He was still dressed in his lab coat, and his glasses were hanging precariously off of his scrub shirt. He glared at her. "Why did Murphy just tell me that you completed a surgery on Aya Gonzalez?"

"Um, because I just completed surgery on Aya Gonzalez?"

Webber moved closer to her. "I thought we agreed that we were not going to go through with your plan to operate."

Callie stepped forward. 'You agreed. I said nothing of the sort."

"It was a risky procedure-"

"It was always going to be risky no matter who did it-"

"-and you shouldn't have done it!"

"And it worked!"

Richard shook his head furiously. The glasses slipped forward. "She was my patient, and you shouldn't have done the operation."

"She wasn't your patient, she was your friend, and you were too close to it." Callie crossed her arms angrily. "Aya knew all of the risks; I explained the procedure to her and she wanted to do it. It was her choice."

Richard put his hands on his hips. "Doing this surgery wasn't about her for you. It was about you. She may have wanted to do it, but you also goaded her into it. And for what?" He pointed a finger at her. "To feel good about yourself? So that you could get some high off of completing the surgery? So that you could forget your life for a while?" The glasses fell to the ground and shattered.

"Is that that you think this about? The high?" Callie asked. She shook her head angrily. "This woman asked me for help and I tried to help her! I was able to help her. I was able to help her walk again. She doesn't get to live a different life because of something I could have done." She stalked past him to the door. "And if you can't see that, if you can't understand that, then maybe it's been too long since you've saved a life."

* * *

Arizona looked at the skyline. She inhaled deeply and exhaled in the midst of the trees. The surgery this morning with Alex had gone as well as could be expected and it looked like their afternoon surgery didn't need to happen anymore. Which meant a nice long lunch here in the park with the beautiful skylines and the wonderful green trees. She ate another forkful of salad. Those people that hated on Seattle weather could really suck it. Today was absolutely beautiful. Unlike the rainy week last week that had ended in having to go to a rainy sucky banquet. She sighed. Thinking about Callie or what she said that night was going to help anyone. She was still hurting, and that was okay. She got it. And she could be the better person about it. No matter what Owen said. She just needed to give Callie some space and make things comfortable for her again. Let her process in her own way. And if that meant hearing some things that were rather uncomfortable, then so be it. It would all work out.

"Hey." She turned to see Callie approaching the bench with a paper bag in hand. Callie smiled sheepishly. "I guess you had the same idea that I did, huh?"

Arizona smiled. "Great minds."

"Yeah. " Callie hesitated near the bench. She gestured to a seat. "Do you mind-?"

"Of course not, sit down."Arizona grabbed her trash and moved over to give her some room. Callie sat down and opened her bag. She took out a salad, and hunted around the bag for a fork.

Arizona looked back out toward the skyline. "How were things this morning?"

Callie gave a strangled laugh.

Arizona looked over sympathetically. "That bad?"

Callie shook her head and opened the top of her salad. "No, it was fine. They lived but...everything else was a mess."

"Mmm" Arizona sipped her soda. "I hate days like those."

"Me too." Callie took a bite of her food. " And it was all I could do to get Sofia awake this morning." She opened her water. " I think that she's mad at me."

"Aww. "

Callie turned to the blonde, the water tipped over.. "She called me a meanie. I'm not a meanie, am I?"

"No, you aren't." Arizona handed her a napkin. "She's just being a toddler. Relax."

Callie took the napkin and mopped up her mess. She put the water down and picked up her food again. "Easy for you to say. You're not the meanie."

"Callie."

"I know, I know . I'm harping on it too much." She took another bite of her salad, "I think part of it has to do with the weather. It's been raining so much in the last week. I think that she's just a little stir crazy."

Arizona sipped her soda. "Well, the weather is supposed to clear up this soon. And today isn't too bad."

"True." Callie wiped her face. To be honest, I'm sick of all of these storms. They never seem to end up well for me anyway." Arizona coughed violently as soda streamed out of her nose. Callie looked over, concerned. "You okay?"

Arizona grabbed a napkin. "I'm fine." She coughed again. Be cool. Make her comfortable. Change the subject. "We should do a day with her when it's nice out. With Sofia."

"You're right." Callie nodded. "When I was leaving for the banquet, she dressed up too."

"Right, you told me."

"I forgot to tell you that she wanted to come too. She feels like she hasn't gotten to spend time with the both of us, together."

Arizona looked out at the skyline. "Poor Sof. This has been so hard on her."

"I know." Callie closed the top of her salad and dropped it back into the bag. "I almost wanted to take her with us." She shook her head. "I just can't stop thinking about the case from this morning. Webber was so angry that I operated, even though it was what the patient wanted. It's so crazy."

Arizona balled up her napkin and tossed it into her bag. "I'm sure that it'll be fine."

"Yeah."

"I'm sure you did great. And from what Jackson heard from his mother, you did great at the banquet too. "

Callie moaned. "Thanks. I don't even remember most of it. I was so nervous, I just kept drinking."

"Harper Avery loved you."

"He did, did he?" Callie laughed. "He was actually pretty cool. I didn't say anything stupid after I talked to him, right?"

Arizona paused for a moment before answering. "No, not really. I didn't stick around after that. Owen took me home."

"Oh." Callie grabbed her water bottle. "I'm so glad that I don't have to head back to the hospital soon. I can head back to the hotel and take a nap. My office floor has been killing me, and I haven't really been able to get any sleep in an on-call rooms in a while-are you okay?"

Arizona slung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed her trash. "I'm good." She stood up. "I just realized that I need to make a phone call. I've got this case in Idaho that I'm consulting on. I've got to head back." Arizona threw her stuff into a trashcan nearby. "I'll see you later."

* * *

Adrian Jepson finished stacking the charts at the nurses' station and glanced at his watch. He sighed. An hour left until shift was over. Then he could go home and forget about this stupid temp job, alphabetizing stupid charts and answering phones and whatever. If he was lucky, he'd still have time to hang out with the guys at the basketball court. What the hell did his mother think that she was accomplishing here anyway, by sending him to this temp agency? Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He looked carefully around the corridor and reclined in his chair. There was usually no one coming by this time of day, so no one could catch him as he caught a couple of zzs. He looked around again carefully before putting his feet on the desk. Last time he got caught doing this, so bitch nurse had torn him a new one in front of the whole floor. What was her name again? It was something simple. Nora? Naka?

Nancy. He snorted. It should be Nag. He looked around again and put down his feet. It was better to be safe than sorry, just in case. He glanced at his watch. One minute had passed.

Adrian spun his chair on a circle and tried to keep a pencil balanced on this lap. Maybe this temp job thing wouldn't be so boring if they actually gave him interesting jobs. He could save a life. He knew CPR. He aced it when he gamed online. He slashed his pencil in the air. He could do surgery too. Shoot. He'd snuck into one of the operating theaters one day to watch the hot Asian lady do surgery and it looked easy. He's always been good at Operation anyway. He dropped the pencil onto the desk. Anything would be better than alphabetizing charts and listening to the nurses gossip. Who cares about who was sleeping with who? How could any of that crap be interesting? He tipped back into his chair and closed his eyes. Boring-ass old hospital. Even if there was gossip, nothing good ever happened on this floor anyway.

A bang sounded. Adrian shot up. What the hell? He straightened himself on his chair and grabbed the first chart he saw. He flipped it open. The banging was actually stomping and it was getting closer. He looked up and died.

There was a beautiful woman coming down the hall. With flowing dark hair and sexy brown eyes. Curvy body too. And she was pissed. Adrian turned back to his chart and flipped a page. Anger was sexy as hell.

The woman stormed by the hall without glancing his way. When she turned the corner, he put down the chart and rubbed his chest. Damn. He leaned back in his chair. Hot Asians and sexy Latinas? He put his feet up. Maybe there was something to this temp job after all.

"Jepson!"

He shot up again. Nag was coming down the hall. And the angry that she was was not sexy at all.

Adrian shook his head dejectedly.

"Shit."

* * *

Callie stormed onto the Peds ward and made her way into a familiar office. She slammed the door.

"So what was that earlier?"

Arizona looked up from the book that she was looking in confusion. "What was what?"

Callie threw up her hands. "At the park bench. You blowing me off. Your fake phone call to Idaho. What was that?"

Arizona stood up wearily and replaced the book on her bookshelf. "I actually do have a case in Idaho. The attending there got pulled into surgery. It was nothing, Callie. Just forget about it. We're good."

Callie fisted her hands onto her hips. "Seriously? Are we good? Forget about it? What happened to being friends and having discussions about how we really feel?"

"You're angry. You've had a hard day already and this is not helping." Arizona took off her lab coat and hung it on a hook. "Callie, I'm serious. I'm fine."

"You know what? That's bullshit! What can't you just be honest with me? What happened to turning a new leaf and trying to tell each other how you really feel?"

"You know what?" Arizona grabbed her scrub cap and turned around. "I think that we're done with it. Excuse me." She started for the door.

Callie grabbed her arm as she tried to move past her. "Done? Why? Arizona-"

Arizona turned around. "Because I'm not going to stand here anymore and get attacked by you!. I thought that I could, and that I could take it, but I can't do it. I _can't_."

Callie took a step back. "What?" Arizona took a step forward.

"Do you think it's fun for me to be constantly berated by you? Do you think that it's so fun for me that I just keeping back to listen to and take it?"

Callie shook her head, confused. "Are you talking about the storm comment from lunch?" She crossed her arms. "What? Do you think that I dont have a reason for thinking that way? That I don't have a right to feel that way?"

"I do. I do think that you have a right to feel that way, believe me, I do, but do you think that I want to constantly hear the fact that you don't trust me and that you think that I'm going to hurt you get thrown in my face every day.? Do you think that I want to hear about that night every day? Because I can tell you right now, I don't!"

"What do you want me to say to you? I don't understand it! Any of it! Why couldn't you have just talked to me about it? I could have helped you, I wanted to help you- "

"But that was part of the problem," Arizona shouted. "It wasn't about you! I think that you though that it was, and maybe you think that it still is, but it wasn't! I wasn't ready to talk about or deal with it, and you just wanted us to get back on track, to throw everything under the rug like everything was fine, and I-" she broke off and looked away. She shook her head, and turned back to Callie.

"And I tried to do it, because I was losing you," she continued quietly. "So I tried to be someone I wasn't. And I made a _mistake_."

Callie shrugged. "So it's my fault? It's my fault that you cheated. I'm the bad guy again? I forced you to cheat?"

Arizona sighed. "No. It isn't. I made my own choice that day, and I've regretted ever since. But I just want you to understand. I want to let you in and tell you what I was feeling."

Callie looked at her. After a moment, she nodded her head.

"You wanted to move on. So we did. And it felt like I was losing more and more of myself each day. Like I was getting better, not worse. Like I had no control over what was happening. I was pretending. I was pretending, because I didn't want to lose you. And then I lost you anyway.

You wanted us to be fine. but I wasn't. You were over it."

Arizona sighed.

"I wasn't. Why couldn't you see that?" She shrugged her shoulder helplessly. She glanced at her watch."Look, I have to go. I need to be in surgery."

Callie didn't reply. Arizona looked at her for a long moment before walking out. The door closed quietly in her wake.


	30. Fury

"Get some rest, okay?" Richard smiled at his patient as he stood up. "You're going to need it for P.T. soon."

The patient laughed. "You got it." Richard nodded and headed for the door. "Good night." He closed the door gently and made his way to the nurses' station. He smiled at a familiar face. "Well, well, well. It isn't often that I see you in these neck of the woods, Nancy."

Nancy Rodheaver grunted. "Tell me about it. I just had to fire this fool boy for slacking off on the job. Now everything is all out of whack."

Richard patted her shoulder. "I'm sure that if anyone can get things out of whack, it's you."

Nancy laughed. "You haven't lost an ounce of charm, have you?"

"If I answer no, do I get some cookies?"

Nancy hit his arm. "You keep that up, and I just might bake you a box."

"Oooohh" Richard replied. He leaned on the counter. "Speaking of cookies, didn't I hear that you baked a box for Sofia Torres? That was awfully nice of you. "

Nancy turned back to the chart in front of her. "What can I say? I'm a charitable person. Why?"

Richard shrugged. "No reason. Say, have you seen Dr. Torres today? There was actually something that I wanted to ask her about."

Nancy looked up. She closed the chart. "I heard about the argument this morning."

Richard winced. "That got out already?"

"What do you expect? This _is _a hospital." Nancy closed the chart. "Last I heard, she got pulled into surgery for a truck accident. OR 2."

Richard kissed her cheek. "Thank you, Nancy. You just get better and better with age."

Nancy laughed. "All right, all right. Cookies for you. Pick them up next week."

* * *

"So." Arizona removed her scrub cap and cracked her neck. "That went well."

Alex grunted.

"I mean it. That was great use of the double-layer technique." He didn't reply as they exited OR 1. "Alex, I'm trying here. Can you give me something? Anything?"

Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what you want me to say." He handed her the chart.

Arizona stopped at the nurses' station, exasperated. "What's wrong with you? You haven't been okay for a couple of weeks."

"Look, do we have to do this?" Alex snapped. "Because I'd rather not."

Arizona nodded slowly. "Okay."She slammed the chart onto the desk. ""Okay. I am done being understanding . I am done with giving you space. You want to walk around here with a stick up your ass? Fine." She put down her pen.

"Do you have a problem with me?"

Alex shook his head, confused. "What?"

"You heard me." Arizona examined him coldly. "Do you have a problem with me as your attending or with how I do my job?"

Alex straightened up. "No."

"Do you habe a problem that affects your position at this hospital? Or a problem that affects your ability to do your job?"

"Look, Robbins-"

Arizona held up a hand. "Answer the question, Karev."

Alex shook his head. "No."

"Fine." Arizona snapped. "Then I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it or see it or smell it. If it's personal, leave it at home." She shoved the chart into his chest. "You're on post-ops. Page me if it's urgent."

* * *

Callie stood at the sink and shook her head. There'd been nothing that they could do. An awesome day turned bay day had just gotten worse. She turned on the water. And she still needed to tell the parents.

Some days really, really sucked.

The door swing open. "Not a good time right now," Callie said. She scrubbed her forearm.

"One of the nurses told me that I could find you here." Bailey said quietly. She watched her scrub. "Sorry about your patient."

Callie shrugged. 'There was nothing that we could do." She turned off the water and turned to dry her hands. Some days really, really sucked. She shrugged helplessly. "I can't do this anymore." She ripped of her scrub cap and tossed it across the room. She started for the door.

"Callie, wait-" Bailey looked at her concerned. She reached out for her friend as she walked past. "Just-"

"No." Callie wrenched her hand free. "I can't do this anymore." She stalked out if the room.

* * *

Hotels were a curious place. Their walls were vaults, keepers of moments and secrets that have never been told. They stood, over the years, in the same places, as the times changed. Roaring Twenties, Depressing Thirties, Booming Fifties, Grungy Nineties-they've heard it all. Births, deaths, marriages, affairs, conversations, celebrations, mourning, arguments, If the walls could talk, they would be the ultimate gossipers. They'd talk of the happiness they'd seen within those walls and whisper about the scandalous things that they've seen take place within their walls. They'd shake their heads and pass judgment amongst themselves at the murders and crimes, tear up at the arguments and births and death.

They'd talk of the serious events and the violent ones, of disabilities and boring normalcy. Loneliness and excitement. The voices of the past echo in their structures just waiting to be shared.

And tonight?

Tonight was no different. The room door of 622 slammed open and a woman burst through the doors. Her blonde hair swung around her face as she dropped her bag on the small table by the door. It clattered loudly and a collection of pens rolled quietly to the floor. She moved into the living area and flopped onto the couch. She covered her face with her hands and breathed deeply. Desperately. She let out a groan of frustration and jumped up. She began to pace. Back and forth back in forth, in front of the couches. She muttered to herself. "redirect" and "shouldn't have lost it" and "crap." There were a lot of craps. She paced back and forth back and forth, desperately trying to gain some semblance of peace. Eventually the pacing slowed, and she began to breathe easier. The muttering slowed to the odd occasional word, and she looked calmer. She stopped pacing and stood in the center of the room. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Then she exhaled.

The door burst open again and she jumped. The tension that had left her body returned with a vengeance. The door slammed shut and an angry brunette strode into the room. The walls trembled with the force of her emotions. The blonde woman stood where she was, frozen as she watched the woman before her. Her eyes followed her movements as she paced back and forth, back and forth

Eventually she stopped pacing, and she stood still. She walked slowly to the center of the room, in front of the blonde.

"I'm sorry about before," she said softly. "For all of those things that I've been saying. Not for saying them, but for continuing to throw them into your face." They stood, blonde and brunette in the waning light of the room, casting shadows on the listening walls. Tears unshed glistened in her eyes.

"You were so _mad_," she whispered hoarsely. Her words were amplified in the quiet room. "So mad. You were bitter, and saying all of these things. Nasty things. Hurtful things. And I didn't know what to do.

I just wanted us to be okay. _I _just wanted..."

She smiled wanly.

"I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see that we weren't okay. I didn't want to see that you weren't okay. I couldn't do it anymore." She sniffled. " I was the only one that was trying to hold up this marriage together. You didn't fight for us."

The blonde shook her head softly. "Callie. I couldn't-"

The brunette nodded. "I know, Arizona. But then you chose to throw it away. You chose to throw it all away."

A faint murmur filled the room. The brunette looked down at her pocket, where a monitor was attached. "Tuck is sleeping here with Sofia tonight. Bailey is out with Ben."

Arizona nodded silently.

Callie turned and began to walk around the room. She approached the large windows.

"She had this whole thing planned out for him a little while ago, but he'd gotten stuck at work. She's going to do it tonight. " The moonlight illuminated her face.

"She's going to seduce him. At their place, with dinner and candles and music, With lingerie. Everything. " She stared out of the window. "When she was telling me about it, I started thinking about us. About us and lingerie and sex."

Arizona's eyes snapped to her back. Unseeing, Callie continued on. She watched a lonely car roll down the street. It stopped at a traffic light. "Did you know that the I had on lingerie the night that I waited for you to come home? I had a surprise for you. It was going to be you and me in our room all night long. Work had been fine, just a-" she laughed bitterly. "Just a femur fracture, nothing too serious." The traffic light turned green. "It was brand new too. The lingerie, not the femur. I threw it away after you came home." Arizona stood there silently, arms at her sides, her eyes trained on the back of Callie's head. The brunette's eyes shifted away from the departing car to focus on the traffic light. "The last time that I saw lingerie, it was red and it was on you. That time, you were the one waiting in bed with the lingerie on, and I remembered seeing you and seeing it on you and what that meant and-" she broke off. She watched a woman shuffle silently across the street. The light across the street ascended slowly, first yellow then red. She turned around slowly, framed by the light outside. She looked back into the dark room.

"Why did you do it?

Her face was cast in shadow. A smattering of light moved back and forth, back and forth as she shook her head, her hair swinging like a bright lasso in the dark. She looked down at the ground.

" I-I don't know." The room fell silent. The air seemed to thicken, to electrify. The room seemed too small, like the walls were coming in on her, closing in. From where she is standing, the walls seem to be watching her. Judging her. Whispering. _Liar_, they say, around her. _Liar_ She looked up quickly, at the window, to where she was standing. She was shaking her head, steadily, in denial.

"That's what you said that night. And that's not good enough for me, not anymore. I need to know." She took a step forward into the room, away from the light.

"Why did you do it?"

The blonde stood in silence. The wind blew gently from the windows, agitating the curtains. She shook her head. Don't rock the boat anymore. Make things fine. Make them easier.

_Coward_, the walls seem to reply. She closes her eyes._ Be honest_, a soothing voice says in her head. _If you don't let them out, then it's going to come out sooner or later in ways you won't expect. Or like._

It was time for it. For all of it. Everything out in the open. She shuddered out a breath.

"I was-I was so _angry_. I don't know." She gestured wildly. Callie looked at her, unflinching.

"Were you going to hide it?"

She put her hands down. And sighed. "Yes."

She didn't react. "And the anger too?"

Silence crept into the room as readily as the night did, silently, stealthily. The walls could not breathe, but if they could, the air would be tense. They would be drowning for air. Gasping, shuddering, they wait for the reply.

"I-I don't-" Arizona shuddered out a breath. "Yes."

Callie nodded slowly.

"It was your life. Your _life_. I was standing there, in that OR, Derek's Shepherd's hand in front of me, and I couldn't even think. I couldn't see. I was throwing anything out there. I was throwing _everything _out there. And it wasn't helping. You were dying, and I could think-all I could think was that there was life with you without it and there was life without you with it. And I couldn't, I couldn't _imagine-_

The wind blew again, swirling the curtains.

"Once that was all there was, there was no other choice for me, and I did it. And I won't apologize for it. Ever."

Cool air washed over the room.

"But, now I can't get the look on your face out of my mind. You _hated_ me. You hate me, and all that I tried to do was my best. You said not to leave you, but you were trying to leave me. You did leave me. " She shook her head. "I chose you but you didn't choose me. And I can't. I can't-" she broke off helplessly.

"I didn't hate you. I wanted to. I tried to. " Arizona stepped forward. "I tried to hate you a lot. Part of me wanted to get back at you, and there she was, smiling and saying all of these things. She said that it was okay for me to lose control. I wanted to bail. I wanted relief. Relief from trying to be okay." She sat down heavily. "I hated myself. Because I lived. Because things weren't supposed to happen the way they did. Because I wasn't holding up well, I wasn't in control. And because I didn't want to live without that leg.'

There was the sound of strangled breath, as the brunette let out a pained moan. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand against her chest. Arizona smiled bitterly at the floor in acknowledgment.

"That's the first time I've ever said that out loud. I hated myself for that. For even thinking it, but it was true. I hated myself for being weak, and for being put in that position in the first place, and I was stuck on it. It was my fault. It was no one's fault.. It was everyone's fault. It was anybody's fault. I couldn't let go of it. I knew what I was doing." She looked up at the woman near the window with light behind her. The red from the traffic light shone on her back.

"That day, in that moment, I didn't feel weak. I felt like i was in charge again. I was doing _something_. Part of me knew that I was hurting you, and I didn't care." She looked into her eyes. "I didn't choose you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The silence crept again, unbidden into the room. The shadows grew longer against the silent walls as the night lengthened and deepened across the expanses of the room. There was a clink as the wind blew one pen into another. They shifted a few feet, out of sight under the table. Callie looked back at her.

"Thank you," she said finally. "For telling me." The tension eased from her face. She looked down at the ground. "For being honest."

"Yeah." Arizona exhaled quietly.

Callie walked slowly across the room and reached into her pocket. She pulled out the monitor. "Do you mind? I need some air."

Arizona nodded. "Not a problem." Callie set the monitor onto the table. A hand closed over hers. She looked up, unflinching and slipped her hand from under hers. And walked out of the room.

Arizona looked down at her hand. Across the street somewhere, the traffic light turned green.

...

Richard signed a chart and flipped it shut. He handed to the nurse in front of him. "Thank you, Jenny."

"Webber?"

"Yes?" He turned. "Torres, are you okay?" The woman in front of him looked haggard, dressed in a dark hoodie as she glanced around uneasily. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Callie answered. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I just needed some air." She laughed wryly. "I just needed some air, and this was the first place that I came." She snorted. "Pathetic."

Richard put his hands down at his sides. "I was rude to you this morning, and for that I apologize. As surgeons, we have to be able to strive for the impossible. To do the best that we can. We have to be able to see everything. Plan contingences. But even then, sometimes it's hard to get out of our own point of view. " He put his hands in his pockets. "We see the big picture, but we can also be incredibly narrow minded, and only see what we want to see. Or what we wish to see.

He took a step forward.

"A couple of years ago, I called you arrogant and privileged. But you were also gifted. You still are. Your ability and your mind has allowed you to pull off some of the most complex surgeries that this hospital has ever seen, and you're still only getting started. In your arrogance, you once told me that I would rue the day that I let you go from this hospital. And I would have. I called you arrogant and privileged, and it is still true." He stopped in front of her and rested his hands on shoulders. "But is also a privilege to be able to work with you."

Callie exhaled shakily and dropped her face down her neck. Richard squeezed her shoulders. She looked up. "It is a privilege to work with you, Torres. But, you don't think that I recognize a surgeon living on the edge? You're right there, and I'm afraid that you are going to fall. And as brilliant, as incredible as you are, you are a dangerous surgeon right now." He looked into her eyes. "I'm not speaking as a patient's friend, or as a fellow doctor. I'm speaking as a friend."

Callie nodded. Richard removed his hands from her shoulders, and she moved past him toward the door.

"Torres?" She turned back. "Aya Gonzales asked me to tell you thank you. For saving her life."

Callie nodded, and turned to leave again.

"Callie."

She turned back.

"You're a strong woman, Torres. A stronger person than I've ever been. Remember that. "

She nodded silently and pulled her hood up. She disappeared alone into the darkness of the night.


	31. Story Time

Massive update coming soon.

* * *

"You rock Dr. Torres!"

"Have a good one, Dr. Torres!"

"See you later, Dr. Torres!"

Callie nodded at the nurses in her ward as she walked down the hallway. The day had been a long one, and it showed no signs of getting shorter. Even without a surgical schedule to keep her busy, there were still patients to consult on, a lab to work in, and a hospital to run. If anything, her lack of a surgical schedule made her the one that everyone dumped on when things got crazy.

And (as past experience has shown), she wasn't exactly the greatest when it came to policy.

Callie smiled at a passing doctor and made her way to a familiar door. Even though they had been there for a while, the hotel didn't really feel like home yet. The cartilage laboratory here was a space that was uniquely _hers_- she'd designed it, furnished it, worked in it. And in its own way, it had become her sanctuary. Where she could hide away from the world and forget about things for a while. There were no papers begging to be signed, no patients that she had left to see, no concerned friends or whispering co-workers around the corner. It was just her and an intern that she could send away if she needed time to herself. It was just her and her things. Her cartilage. The lab was where she could let go, do anything, say anything. It was a place where she could just sit down and just…

Breathe.

Digging out her keys from her lab coat pocket, Callie opened the door and stepped inside. She turned on one light and slowly closed the door. The sound echoed through the room. She stood there, in the doorway, and closed her eyes. She exhaled.

Finally.

Digging into her pocket again, she reached for a small remote. Taking it out, she pressed a small button. Music began to play quietly from a corner of the room. She sighed and smiled softly. She began to move with music. At first, she moved her body slowly, from side to side, as if stretching, loosening her muscles. As the beat sped up, so did she- moving through the room as graceful as a dancer, twisting here and there, bopping her body to the sounds coming from the speakers. She ripped off her lab coat and threw herself completely into the music, dancing without abandon, wantonly, recklessly, completely carefree. The music bubbled up inside her, and she couldn't contain herself anymore. She felt excited, happy, exhilarated.

She felt alive.

She grinned as she shimmied between desks and rolled her hips to the beat. "Yes!" she shouted. "Oh, yeah!" She grabbed her lab coat from the floor and swung it in the air over her head. "Whoo hooo!" She grinned, and swung the lab coat harder, moving her body in a circle. There was a small crash as the coat knocked various items off of the ground. She groaned.

Music still playing, she set lab coat down on a nearby chair. Walking from bench to bench, she trailed her hands over the products of her work- lying out on tabletops in organized chaos, as she made her way to the other side of the room. She passed vials, tubes and tweezers lying here and there, waiting to be used again. She ran her fingers over her favorite microscope and smiled at the box of gloves that sat in the corner. Boogieing to the music, she moved through the room until she reached the objects that had landed on the floor. Callie picked up a pile of extra tubes, some markers, and bunch of pipettes off of the floor and placed them onto a nearby table. She glanced toward the door. Ready to dance again, she turned back toward the lab and began to head for the other side of the room. A flash of white caught the corner of her eye. Moving toward it, she reached down to pick up a piece of paper. It had fallen out of her lab coat.

It was worn, as if it had been handled many times. There was a rip in the upper right corner, and a deep crease mark that almost bisected it in half. The paper was stressed in all the right places, as if it had been yanked out and read over and over again. She unfolded the paper and read it again. Her hands shook. After a moment, she slowly refolded the piece of paper and looked out over her lab. Her eyes land on her desk, on the tube of cartilage sitting there in a plastic tube.

Callie put her hands over her mouth and moved backward through the room, unseeing. Her back hit the wall. She gasped at the contact and looked back down at the paper. She shook her head again, as she had done before earlier, with Webber and with Owen, and this time she couldn't hold it back. She slid down to the floor, and cried.

The tears falling down her face are tears of release, an opening of an already overfilled dam. The water rushes out, looking for release.

The sobs that erupt from her are deep and gut wrenching. They are happy and sad, full of doubt, insecurity, anger, fear.

Exhilaration.

_She had just completed her first operation with Webber after having given it up for two months and things had been going well. As they had operated, the theater had begun to fill up with various doctors, nurses and other hospital personnel. She had turned to Webber, confused. "Why are all of these people here for a routine appendectomy/fracture repair?"_

_Webber shrugged his shoulders. "Beats me. Maybe they just want to see you back in action, superstar."_

_Callie snorted. "Ha ha."_

_As they had continued to operate, the room had continued to fill. After she had finished closing and the patient had been taken to recovery, she's ripped off her mask in exasperation. "What's with you guys? Haven't you ever seen a fracture repair before?"_

* * *

As the people who often meet others when they are at the scariest moments of their lives, medical professionals are in a peculiar position of being both healers and secret-keepers. They cannot talk about their patients without their consent, and often end up becoming the final resting place for the many things that people unload on them on their way out of this life. Some of them are scandalous, some of them are sad. Some are happy and others are ridiculous. Medical professionals have heard it all.

But they had nothing on the building that they worked in.

In the halls of Grey-Sloan Memorial, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a running hospital, a woman turned the corner and walked down the with a phone in her ear. Her voice was imploring. "Well, can you send me the latest scans? Yes, I'll get back to you as soon as I look at them. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye." She hung up and put the phone in her pocket. She tapped her fingers onto her lab jacket and looked around aimlessly.

The hospital knew a lot about this doctor. It knew about the days when she was a dedicated fellow, running here and there taking care of sick children and applying for prestigious grants. It had seen her get promoted to attending and take charge of her ward with a smile and spine, earning the respect of parents and nurses alike. The children loved her, everything about her, from her sunny smile to her silly and various stories, and she loved them right back. She put everything into caring for them- advocating and doing surgeries for them by day as she hid the tears from their tiny coffins at night. It watched her fall into love with another person, and saw all of the doubts and fears that went along with it. The hospital had seen her come and go, had seen her fight for love and ultimately win, had seen her happy and fulfilled.

It had also seen her destroyed.

She pushed her blonde hair out of her face and quickly bound it into a ponytail. She reached the end of the hallway and stopped. She stared at the door for a long time, ignoring the voices of the nurses talking excitedly nearby and the ecstatic tone on the P.A. system. An elevator bell dinged. She jumped as if startled and then straightened. Head nodding with some sort of newfound determination, she opened the doors of the stairs and trudged upward. Her progress was slow, but steady. At the top of the landing three floors up, she rested for a moment. Gathering up inner resolve, she opened the door and walked purposefully down the hall. She nodded confidently at the people who greeted her and rounded a corner. Her progress down the hallway continued until she stopped by a door on her left. She tapped the fingers that were in her lab coat pocket again and shifted her feet. After a moment, she moved away from the door shaking her head, and headed back down the hallway, irritated with herself.

She stopped halfway down the hallway and turned around. The door had not budged. She sighed. Taking measured steps, she approached the laboratory door again. She took a deep breath. Taking her hand out of her pocket, she reached for the door knob and-

"Robbins." A dark haired man in street clothes walked up to her. He approached her familiarly, but then stopped short, as if remembering something. The woman stepped nonchalantly into the middle of the hallway and began to walk down the hallway. She didn't glance back toward the door. He fell into step beside her as they headed for the elevator.

"What's up?" Her voice sounded cheerful but subdued, as if she had noticed the change in his demeanor but had decided to ignore it. They stepped into the elevator and he pushed the button for the Pediatrics floor.

"I finished the post ops from today's surgeries. They all look good for now, but you can check them out again on evening rounds."

"Okay great, Alex." Robbins smiled. "Thanks."

Alex nodded back at her, and the door opened. they continued to walk down the hallway silently. They turned the corner, and passed by the playroom.

"Dr. Karev! Dr. Karev!" A little boy with red hair ran up to the pair and smiled at the younger doctor. Alex bent down, smiling. "Hey, Ryan."

"Are you leaving already?"

He smiled gently. "Yup, it's time for me to go home, and go to sleep. I've got to get ready to beat you at Super Mario tomorrow." Alex looked up at his boss. "Every morning we play, and he totally creams me," he explained. "Kid's a cheater."

The woman smiled down at the pair. "I don't know about that. Maybe you're just really bad at Super Mario."

Ryan beamed at her. "Dr. Karev _totally_ sucks at Super Mario, Dr. Robbins. I bet even you could take him."

She raised an eyebrow, amused. "Even me?" She bent forward slowly and placed her hands on her right knee. "I bet that I can take you."

"She's tough." Alex put in. He shot a brief smile her way. She smiled at Ryan, unseeing.

"Oh, yeah?" the little boy asked. "I think that I can take you."

Alex straightened up. "Well, speaking of taking, let's take you back to the playroom before everyone else wonders where you are." The trio walked into the colorful room and greeted the other children there, who brightened up at the sight of their favorite doctors.

Alex walked Ryan back to his friends and helped him sit down. "You have fun, and we'll play tomorrow, okay, buddy?" He turned to walk away.

Ryan looked up. "Dr. Karev?"

"What's up?"

"Do you think that you could tell us a story?" Alex looked down at the child and paused. He looked over at his mentor. "You know what Ryan? All of my best stories come from Dr. Robbins. You should ask her to tell you a story."

Robbins looked up at her mentee, surprised. He kept his eyes focused on the boy. "Really. She's the best storyteller in this hospital."

A flicker of emotions crossed over her face. She glanced around the room at the children sitting there. She nodded her head slightly, as if steeling herself for something and turned back to the little boy. She smiled. "Well, with a glowing recommendation like that, how could I refuse?" The kids cheered as she moved to sit down.

"What are we refusing?" Another doctor, dressed for home, entered the room with a little girl in tow. She shot a brief smile at her boyfriend before turning to Robbins. "The daycare closed, and Dr. Torres is running late, so I told her that Sofia would be down here with you when she was ready to leave."

Robbins nodded. "That's fine." She turned to her daughter. "Hey, Sof. I was just getting ready to tell a story. Want to grab a seat?"

She surveyed the children in front of her. "Okay. What kind of story am I telling?"

A bunch of voices jumped out at her.

"Dragons!"

"Car!"

"Princess!"

"Okay. Okay." She laughed. "How about the story of the warrior?"

"Ooohhhhh."

She glanced around the room. "Someone want to start it off?"

Myra, a cute little blonde with a button nose and a need for a new liver started off.

"Once upon a time..."

She continued. "Once upon a time, there lived a very fierce warrior that lived in a beautiful town, where the trees were beautiful and green and the sky was sometimes a beautiful blue. "

Max, a little boy of 5 with unruly brown hair, interrupted. "What did he look like?"

Robbins smiled. "Well, the warrior had long black hair and beautiful brown eyes."

"Like Tommy the Power Ranger?"

"-Or Hercules!"

"Or Tarzan!"

"Like me," shouted Sofia.

"Right, kind of like those people." She nodded. "And you," she flicked her daughter's nose. She giggled. "Anyway, this warrior was very beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. And very kind hearted."

Vincent, a cynical 9 year old, wrinkled his nose in disgust. "A kind warrior?"

"Yes. And very strong. Honorable. You see, this warrior was a very special kind of warrior. Instead of fighting other people to protect the town, this warrior protected the people from things that sometimes they could not see. The warrior saved them from themselves, from the things that was making them sick and taking them away from their families."

"Like a doctor!" Myra yelled. "She's a doctor!"

"She's a he!" Vincent yelled back. "And doctors aren't warriors!"

"Let her finish!" Max said. The kids quieted down and turned back toward their storyteller.

"You see, having these kind of warriors in town was very important. And this warrior was very good at helping people. But, in addition to helping people, this particular warrior had one other great quality."

"What is it?" Marie, a shy 10 year old, asked. She clutched her teddy bear closer to her chest. Marie was a patient with VHL. She'd already had over 17 surgeries, and her prognosis for the next 4 months was very bleak. They'd found a tumor in her brain that was impossible to operate on.

Robbins smiled at the brave girl. "This warrior was very resilient. That means never gives up. Kind of like you guys."

"Even me?" Myra asked.

"Yes, even you." she replied. "You see, this warrior did not start out as a warrior. They grew up in a beautiful home with parents that cared very much. But, they cared so much that they smothered our warrior. They couldn't accept who she was. So she left home. "

The kids gasped.

"She was all alone in the world, and no one wanted to hang out with her. They even tried to make fun of her."

They gasped again.

"But she got up, and kept going. And then she finally made it as a warrior. And then she had friends, wonderful friends that she could count on and tell everything to. She was helping everyone that she could see, and the town was very grateful. But then, there was a tragic accident and she lost her friends."

The gasped again, heartbroken.

"And even though she didn't want to, she had to get up. She got up to help more people."

You see, the true sign of a warrior of a fighter is not how many people they fight. It's how they keep getting up even when it was hard.

Even when they couldn't be accepted. Even when people thought they were different and didn't like them.

"Even when bad things kept happening to them-" She paused and exhaled quietly. Alex turned away from the group and glanced out of the window. She glanced toward him and continued.

"-The warrior just kept getting up and kept going." She turned back toward the small group. "This warrior did that, was that, and inspired many others in the town to do the same."

Ryan raised his hand. "What happened to the warrior?"

Robbins smiled. "Oh, the warrior is still around, looking out for the people. For all of her hard work, the town decided to give her an award for the work they do saving people. It was one of most important warrior awards in all of the world. "

Max nodded. "Cool."

"Yeah, awesome" Ryan agreed.

"Mama, what was the warrior's name?" Sofia asked.

She paused. "Well-"

A doctor with curly hair poked her head into the room. "Dr. Robbins, you have a phone call. It's Idaho."

Robbins nodded. "Sorry guys, I guess that's it for Story Time." The kids groaned. "But, we'll do it again soon, okay?" Arizona leaned over and kissed Sofia. "I have to go but, stay with Alex and Jo until Mami comes for you, okay?" Sofia nodded. Arizona smiled at her daughter. "I'll see you tomorrow, sweet girl."

* * *

Callie slung her bag over her shoulder and turned off the lights to her lab. She surveyed the room silently, and closed the door. As she turned to walk down the hallway, her fingers ghosted over her jacket pocket.

"Mami!" a familiar voice shouted. Callie looked up to see her daughter running toward her. Callie picked her up and hugged her. "Hi, baby."

"Hi Mami." Sofia eased back to look into her mother's face. "Are you okay?"

Callie smiled gently at her daughter as her heart melted. "I'm fine, mija."

Sofia examined her face again. Satisfied with what she saw, she changed the subject. "Mami, did you ever hear the story about the warrior?"

Callie shook her head. "I missed it. You have to tell it to me sometime, " She approached the two surgeons that were standing further down the hallway, and smiled. "Hey, guys." Sofia tugged on her mother's shirt to be let down.

Jo smiled at the other brunette. "I just want to say congratulation, Dr. Torres. This must be so exciting for you."

Callie smiled bashfully. "Thank you."

"I mean," Jo continued. "It isn't every day that-"

"I forgot Mr. Snuggles in the playroom!" Sofia exclaimed. She turned toward her mother. "Can I get him?"

"I'll go with her," Jo volunteered. They headed down the hallway and turned the corner. Callie stared after them, shaking her head. "For as much as she loves that bear, one day she is going to lose it. And the world will end."

Alex stuck his hands in his pockets and snorted. Callie smiled at him. "I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?"

Alex shrugged. "Good."

She stepped closer, and examined his face. "Really? Because you don't look so good." His face was smaller than it used to be and dark circles were apparent under his eyes. "Have you been sleeping lately?"

Alex shook his head. "Callie-"

She took another step forward, concerned. "No, really Alex. What's wrong? You haven't been yourself in a while. Ever since that day in the supply closet-"

"Stop." Alex said. "Just...stop." He brought his hands up and sighed. "I just...I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

She nodded. He nodded back at her and started to back down the hallway. "Tell Jo that I'm waiting for her downstairs?"

She nodded again. He turned around and started to walk down the hallway. At the corner he stopped and turned back.

"Callie?"

She looked back at him. "Hmm?"

Alex took his hands out of his pockets. "Just-". He looked at his friend. "Congratulations. No one deserves the Harper Avery more than you. I mean that."

_She turned around to see Webber smiling at her. Owen Hunt stepped forward and handed her a piece of paper._

_"For you, Torres."_

She smiled, her face illuminated by the moon outside. "Thank you."


	32. Uncomfortable

"Shane, move your head."

Shane scoffed. "How can I move my head?"

"I don't know. Make it smaller. I can't see."

He sighed. "Stephanie, I'm almost done. Just give me a minute."

Stephanie, Leah, and Shane huddled around a computer in the nurses' station, intently staring at the screen in front of them. Leah scrolled down. "I can't find my name!"

"Are you kidding?" Shane asked. "You helped her with her research. Of course you're going to get to go to the gala. Jo's going with Karev. It's us who need to worry." He squinted. "Especially Stephanie. She was the one who dumped an Avery. Bet you're regretting that one right now."

"Shut up, Shane." Stephanie glanced around the hallway. "Leah, hurry up. My break is almost over and I'm on Medusa's service. I don't want her to find me here slacking off-"

Leah clicked on a link. "I'm going as fast as I can here. Just give me a few more seconds-"

"A few more seconds for what?" The interns jumped away from the computer. Meredith regarded the residents in front of her suspiciously. "Someone, speak."

"Um, well." Shane stammered. "We were just taking some time-

"-On our breaks-" Stephanie added.

"-Right." Shane nodded. "On our breaks to look and see if we were some of the residents chosen in the random lottery to get tickets to the Harper Avery Gala next month."

Meredith looked at them. They looked back.

"Well?"

Stephanie looked at her confused. "Well, what?"

Meredith shook her head impatiently. "Did you get in?"

"We didn't have time to check-"

Meredith sighed exasperatedly. "Well then check!" She shook her head. "What is wrong with you guys?"

"Sorry, ma'a- um.. Medu- Dr. Grey." Shane replied quickly. He turned toward the monitor. "Checking right now." He clicked on a link and scrolled downward. Meredith tapped her foot.

"Well?"

Shane turned toward the group. "We're all on here. We get to go."

"Well, good." Meredith moved toward the desk and placed her charts on the table top. She took out her pen and looked down at the first chart. Freezing, she turned to the younger doctors. "Go!"

They ran.

Meredith rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee. Interns.

"Nicely done." Cristina sidled down the hallway and took a seat at the computer.

Meredith opened the chart in front of her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Cristina snorted. "Yeah, right, Medusa."

She chuckled. "You're right. That was way too much fun."

"I still can't believe that you're the scary one around here." Cristina scrolled through the list Shane left up on the monitor. "This isn't the same list that we had yesterday."

Meredith flipped a page. "It isn't?"

"Ross wasn't on the other list." She slapped the side of the monitor. "Why is this computer so slow?"

"Well, I guess he is now. And ask Jackson. He's the one that was pushing for them."

"Ask me what?" Jackson approached the pair clutching a pile of folders.

"What's with these computers?" Cristina asked.

"Why are you asking me? You two agreed to order them. I know because I was there when you raised you hands to my proposal."

"I wasn't paying attention, I want a re-vote." Cristina replied. "These are too slow."

"They work just fine." Jackson shot back. "Maybe if you paid more attention

at the board meetings instead of planning surgeries-"

"Someone is a little on edge here." Meredith remarked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Jackson sighed. "It's just this gala thing. My mother is driving me crazy-"

"Jackson!" Richard walked up to the younger man. "I'm so glad that I caught you. I was with your mother last night, and she wanted me to remind you about submitting an official number of Grey-Sloan personnel for the gala."

Jackson rolled his eyes. "You mean, she would like to know who I'm bringing next month."

"Oh, don't pout." Cristina said. "That doctor still turning you down?"

"Whose turning who down?" Callie approached the group with her eyes glued to her phone.

"Hey, there's the woman of the year," Cristina said. She leaned over the monitor. "Hey, listen. Would you mind giving me a picture from back when we were roommates? So that I could say that I knew you back when? "

Callie lifted an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Cristina stared back at her, unrepentant.

Callie sighed. "I'll see what I can dig up."

Meredith closed one chart and reached for another. "How are you feeling so close to the big day?"

Callie shrugged. "I don't know. Excited. And nervous too, I guess. I haven't really been thinking much about it."

"Are you serious?" Cristina asked.

Callie raised a shoulder. "Yeah. I mean-"

A bunch of pagers rang, invading the conversation. Meredith looked down at her pants, and closed her chart. "That's me. 911 in the pit."

"Me too." Cristina added. "Gotta go." They rushed down the hallway.

"I've got a 911 from Boston. It's probably my grandfather." Jackson sighed deeply and trudged off in search of a phone. "I can't wait for this night to be over."

"I know how he feels," Callie muttered. Webber chuckled softly.

"Your speech have you all tied up?"

"No." Callie answered. Webber raised an eyebrow. "Yes." She sighed. "It's not that actual speech it's..." she lifted her hands helplessly.

"Everything else?"

"Yes!" Callie sat down in the chair that Cristina vacated and sighed. "I'm so happy. Really. It's just...I've never really been good at public speaking. I mean, you were there when I was doing the TED speech."

Webber sat down next to her. "That wasn't so bad-"

"Yeah, well, what about the Lecture Days from a couple of years ago? I know you remember that speech-"

Richard winced. "Well-"

"Webber."

He sighed. "I remember. But if you want to talk about those speeches, then you should remember that both ended up turning out really well." He patted her on the arm. "Just speak from the heart."

Webber lifted himself out of his chair and started down the hallway. His voice drifted back toward her as he turned the corner.

"And don't forget to bring a backup copy with you when you get onstage."

* * *

Arizona walked down the hallway, nodding at the nurses. She needed to get started on night rounds soon. Tomorrow, was her day with Sofia, and they were going to check out an art gallery after shift. She'd been really interested in art lately, drawing pictures in daycare more frequently, asking about colors and shapes. She was going through crayons like they were water. Figures that Mark would be right about Sofia having great hands.

Pictures of the three of them, herself and her mothers showed up a lot in Sofia's drawings. The three of them hadn't really spent a lot of time together as a unit since the cheating, and it was affecting Sofia. Maybe they could do a thing-all three of them- all together soon. If it wasn't pushing it.

_Two Months Ago_

_OR 2 was busy, filled with the sounds of beeps and machines. "Clamp," Arizona ordered, not taking her eyes off of the site in front of her. She grabbed the clamp slapped into her palm and clamped down the bleeder that had thrown their six-year old into cardiac arrest. After a few seconds, the beeping stopped, and Arizona took a deep breath. "Got it." She looked up at the surgeon who was working steadily down the table. "How are you holding up, Dr. Upson?"_

_Dr. Upson, a small wiry young man with dark curly hair, nodded underneath the harsh lights of the room. "Good. I'm almost done setting the leg."_

_"Great. That means that we can get this little guy into recovery before lunch. Save his parents some anxiety." She turned her head toward Jo, her resident for the week. "I'm almost done here. How about you close up?"_

_..._

_Arizona turned on the water in front of her and began to wash her arms. The surgery had been a success. Jo had gone to inform the Fray's , and it looked like Cory was going to be just fine. She scrubbed her left arm. Upson had done a great job with the leg._

_She sighed. Callie wasn't operating, and that had forced some of the higher Ortho residents to step up in the operating room. And, for the most part, they were acquitting themselves very well-_

_"Hey, Phil?" She turned to see Callie open the door. She looked around the room and stopped short at the sight of Arizona. "I'm sorry. I thought that Phil was still in here."_

_Arizona switched arms. "You just missed him." She turned off the water and reached for a towel and turned to lean against the sink. She looked at the woman in front of her. Callie had been spending a lot of time at the hospital either in the lab or doing consults, and they really hadn't had a chance to talk since she'd announced that she wouldn't be performing any surgeries in the near future. Her face was drawn, smaller than it used to be, and there were dark circles under her eyes._

_She couldn't stop looking at her._

_Callie shifted uneasily. "Oh. I was observing the surgery from observation, and I just wanted to talk to him about a couple of things."_

_Arizona nodded. "He did a good job."_

_"He did."_

_"Well," she finished drying and started to play with the towel in her hands. "He had a great teacher."_

_Callie didn't reply, instead shifted again. Arizona watched her silently. She cleared her throat._

_"Um, how are- how are you?"_

_Callie crossed her arms in front of herself. She sighed. "Well, I'm not happy, not being able to cut. I miss it. But Webber was right, I'm no good to anyone in an operating room right now."_

_Silence fell upon the room again. Arizona set the towel aside, and pushed off from the sink. She sighed. "Callie, about what I said before. I never meant to hurt you-"_

_"But you did." Callie replied simply. " And I'm not saying that with hate. It's just... the truth." She sighed._

_"Look, I get it. I get it. I understand that you had to say what you needed to say. I asked to hear it. I- I just need space. And time."_

_Arizona nodded._

_"Okay."_

* * *

They were civil and friendly toward each other, but it was different.

The time that she had spent in the hospital was mostly spent on consults and in her laboratory. Even with Sofia between them, they had barely seen each other.

Arizona reached Peds and started for her office. She bypassed the nurses' station, throwing a smile in the direction of the nurse there. A few seconds later, she stopped walking and turned around. She did a double take. "Where's Marjorie?"

NR didn't look up from the computer monitor. "Sick. I'm here for the week." She clicked on a file and scrolled down. "Don't sound too excited."

"No, no." She shook her head. "It's fine." She paused. "You know, it's just, the last time that we were together-"

"You were my patient and I had to drag you back from all over this hospital?"

Arizona nodded. "Right. But now-"

"-Now, we're in your territory. I understand. " She flipped a page. Still doesn't mean that I won't call you out on your craziness."

Arizona nodded slowly. "Okay." She grabbed a clipboard. "Well, I'm going to be on rounds."

NR nodded, clicking on a another chart. "And I'll still be here."

Right. "Okay." She started down the hallway. Why was that so weird? She and NR were good together. They had a good working relationship.

So why was this so uncomfortable?


	33. Night Rounds

Hi,

So I usually don't make any comments about viewings, but I just wanted to take the time to point something out. I posted two chapters recently, and it seems like more people have viewed the second chapter (ch. 32) than the first (ch. 31). There are two reasons why I'm making light of this:

1. Ch. 31 is a _very_ important chapter moving sets up a lot of things that come up in later chapters. So if you haven't read it (it's entitled "Story Time"), please go back and check it out.

2. I am probably going to be posting more chapters in bunches (about 7 more chapters in the next 48 hours) and I want to make sure that everyone has had a chance to see them all.

This chapter is a little different than the others. It contains some flashbacks that do not happen in order. Hopefully it isn't too jarring to read.

Cheers!

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Parker, I have the scans back from Marie's most recent MRI."

Arizona regarded the parents in front of her and tried not to think about how this news was going to shake them. The Parkers had been coming here for years now, as their daughter's VHL had resulted in the emergence of many tumors over the course of her short life. The latest tumor that they had detected in her brain was inoperable. The oncologist had given her a couple more months to live.

She clasped her hands in front of her. "While we haven't detected any noticeable growth on the brain tumor since the last time that we ran a scan-"

"Oh, Thank God," Mr. Parker breathed. His wife clutched his arm, and wiped her nose. Arizona continued, "We have noticed the Marie's brain is swelling up. And we're going to have to operate to reduce the pressure."

"Another surgery?"

Arizona nodded. "If we don't reduce the pressure, Marie 's brain cells will begin to die. What's going to happen is that Dr. Shepherd will perform a procedure called a decompressive craniectomy. During the procedure, he will remove a portion of Marie's skull so that the brain can swell without crushing the skull."

Arizona shook her head. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. All we know now is that Marie's intracranial pressure is too high, and that we need to fix it. Dr. Shepherd is the best in the world a what he does. He can do this. And I will be there assisting, the whole time."

The Parkers looked at each other. Bill turned toward her nodding, "Let's do the surgery."

Arizona nodded. "Okay. We'll set it up for some time tomorrow."

* * *

"That's no fair. You cheated!" Arizona looked over at the little boy, laughing. "I cheated? Four times in a row?"

Ryan furrowed his brow. "One more match."

"Oh, no. It's time for your bedtime. Your mom would kill me if I let you play games all night." Arizona turned off the game console and patted Ryan's bed. "Up you go." Ryan clambered onto the bed and snuggled under the sheets.

Arizona glanced over at him. "All set? Okay, good night, Ryan."

"Dr. Robbins?" She turned around. "Yes?"

"Do you have any friends?" Arizona blinked. She stepped closer to the bed.

"What?"

Ryan fidgeted with his blanket. " I mean, like close friends, that you tell things to?"

Arizona moved to sit down in the chair next to the bed. "Is this about you and Vincent? Are you guys still fighting?"

Ryan shrugged. Arizona sighed.

"Friends fight. Sometimes the fights are really simple and things go back to the way they were in a few hours. And other times, we stay mad at each other longer. "

"It's been two days." Ryan said quietly. "What if he doesn't want to be friends anymore?"

Arizona smiled gently. "He's still very upset about what happened between you two. And he's allowed to be. The reason why he is upset is because he cares so much. Just give him some time."

"What if we never become friends again?"

"Then you guys never become friends again. Sometimes the relationships that we have with other people don't last forever. Sometimes they change in ways that we'd never expect. What's important is what you learn from being in that relationship."

Ryan nodded. "Like what?"

Arizona cleared her throat. "Well, a while ago, I was really close with this one person. They were my best friend. I told them everything, my hopes my fears, my dreams, and they told me theirs. And I hurt them, and we weren't close anymore. Now that I can see past all of my hurt and my anger, I'm starting to understand why she did what she did."

"Did you guys become friends again? "

...

_One Month Ago_

_She pushed the button for Peds and leaned against the wall. Her leg was killing her. She'd over done it today, standing for two back to back 7 hour plus surgeries. She couldn't wait to go home and just sit. Sit and do nothing and massage her leg. She was just going to sit for hours. Dinner could wait. She'd eat some crackers or something. As long as she got to sit down and do-_

_The doors opened. She moved to straighten up. Callie entered the elevator and moved to press the floor for Peds. She stopped short."Oh, you've got it already."_

_"Yup." The doors closed. Callie turned her head toward the blonde woman in the elevator. She looked tired, and all of her weight was shifted to the right._

_"Long day?"_

_Arizona huffed out a breath. "The longest. I've been dreaming about a nap for the last two hours."_

_Callie nodded. "How's the leg?"_

_Arizona looked down at her stance and laughed wryly. "I look that bad, huh?"_

_Callie shrugged. "Only to the world."_

_Arizona laughed. After a moment, Callie joined in. It was good to hear her laugh. She'd almost forgotten how beautiful it was. She smiled at her as the elevator reached their floor. She looked better than she had before. Her face seemed less tense, and her eyes were clearer. She smiled more, and that was good._

_She needed to smile more._

_..._

_..._

_The consult was nice and easy. They'd fallen into the familiar rhythm of working together-explaining the issues and the procedure, jumping in for each other, easing the parents' fears, listening the child._

_It was nice._

_'If you have any questions, you can always page Dr. Robbins or myself, we'll be happy to answer anything." Callie smiled as they exited the room._

_Arizona started down the hallway. "That went well. I don't think that the surgery is going to be a problem, do you?"_

_Callie shook her head. "Seems like it should be fine." She took out her phone and started to scroll through her contacts. "I'll get the chart to Phil and fill him in, but I'll also scrub in and observe, just in case.."_

_"Cool." Arizona reached the nurses' station and stopped hesitantly. She gestured toward her office. "I guess I'm going to go. I'll see you later." She started down the hallway._

_"Hey." She turned around. "Hmm?"_

_Callie played with the phone in her hands. "I want to try to be friends."_

_Arizona blinked. "What?"_

_Callie out the phone down on the desk. " I know that I said I needed some time, and I've taken some. It's just...I don't know if we can ever be the way that we were before, and I don't know if I can forgive you but...I want to try being friends."_

_Arizona nodded slowly. She smiled at the brunette._

_"I would like that."_

_..._

"We did. But it's different now."

Ryan nodded. "Maybe when Vincent and I become friends again, it will be different too. It will be better."

She laughed. "I hope so." She stood up. "Get some sleep, okay? Good night."

"Good night, Dr. Robbins."

* * *

The moon was high in the sky when she looked in on her last patient. Marie lay on her side, facing the door, with a breathing tube in her nose. She looked at the monitors near her bed. No change in ICP, but she was going to have to keep a close eye on her tonight, make sure that she made it to tomorrow's surgery. She noted a couple of things in her chart and turned to leave.

"Mom?" A small voice called out. She turned around to see the little girl blink blearily at her. She moved toward the bed and sat down.

"Hi, Marie. It's Dr. Robbins. Your mom and dad left for the night to see your brother and sister, but they'll be back very early in the morning."

The ten year old nodded weakly. She coughed. "My head hurts."

Arizona smiled gently. "I know. Remember the picture of your brain that we too today? Well, it showed that your brain is a little swollen. We're going to try and make that feel better soon. Tonight, we're going to give you some fluids, and tomorrow, we're going to give you brain a little space, so that your head doesn't hurt anymore."

Marie yawned and nodded again. "Okay, " she said simply. "Will you be there when they take me to surgery?"

Arizona brushed the hair from her face. "Of course. I'll be there the whole time."

Marie closed her eyes again. Arizona watched her face for a moment, taking in her small features. She was such a shy little girl, so young to have to deal with something so brutal. She sighed softly and moved to stand.

"Dr. Robbins?"

She turned toward the bed again. "Yes, Marie?"

The little girl regarded her solemnly. "Am I going to die tomorrow?"

Arizona smiled at the little girl reassuringly. "No one is saying that you're going to die, okay?"

Marie nodded, unconvinced. Arizona leaned forward. " Remember the warrior from my story? The one who was a doctor?"

She nodded. " Why was she so special?"

Marie coughed again. "Because she kept getting up?"

"Right. She kept getting up. When you think about giving up, just think of her , okay? "

Marie sat in bed quietly, thinking about that. "I want to be the warrior," she said.

"You are. You are a warrior just like her. And warriors need their sleep." She pulled the covers of the little girl and tucked her in. "What happened to your teddy bear?"

She shrugged. "I lost him."

"Awww." Arizona reached in her pocket for the stuffed animal that she always carried on rounds. She handed it to the little girl. "This my teddy, and I know for a fact that he seen the warrior."

Marie looked up at her in awe. "Really?"

Arizona smiled back at her. "Really. And I bet that he'd love to spend some time with you tonight. So that you guys can fight together. Is it okay if he stays with you for a little while?"

Marie nodded. "Okay." She held the stuffed elephant in her hands. "What's his name?"

Arizona stared at the animal for a moment. "Cal," she answered. "His name is Cal."

* * *

Arizona walked toward the nurses' station with her clipboard in hand. She reached the desk and sighed. It never gets easier, comforting kids who were about to die, but this one was hard.

Why was this one so hard?

She sighed. Maybe it was because Marie was small and blonde too. And she was just projecting.

As she put the clipboard back in its rightful space, her eyes landed on a colorful flyer. She picked it up. It was for the Harper Avery Award gala next month.

"Did you ever congratulate her?" She turned around to see Nurse Rodheaver looking at the flyer in her hand. "I heard about the story that you told in Peds, but did you ever congratulate her, face to face?"

Arizona nodded. "I did. A little bit after-"

A beeping sounded from the desk. NR moved toward the sound and flipped a switch. She grabbed a chart. "I'll be right back."

She followed the nurses' progress down the hall. Her rubber shoes smacked against the linoleum floor. When the older woman was out if sight, her eyes drifted back toward the flyer in her hands.

...

_One Week Ago_

_Arizona approached the brunette woman from behind. "Still walking and texting, I see."_

_Callie looked up, startled. She chuckled. "Yeah. Happens when all I've had to do all day is splint a pinkie."_

_Arizona laughed. "I bet." She glanced out of the window. "Today is a nice day. It's been a nice week, actually. It's as if the weather knows that there's something big happening here soon." She looked back toward the brunette. "Even with Sofia between us, we haven't seen much of each other since the announcement. I never got to properly congratulate you." She cleared her throat. "Congratulations."_

_Callie nodded. "Thank you."_

_Arizona stuck a hand into her pocket, and began to walk down the hallway. "How are you feeling about the whole speech thing?"_

_Callie fell into step with her. "Not great."_

_Arizona shook her head. "Do you know what you want to say?"_

_"Besides thank you?" Callie shrugged. "Not yet."_

_"Callie."_

_"What? It's a pretty big deal. And there's going to be a lot of people there."_

_"It doesn't matter who's going to be there. Just say what you need to say. Be who you are."_

_"Right." Callie nodded. "I can do that." They turned the corner._

_"Yes, you can," Arizona replied. They walked in silence toward the emergency room. Arizona looked at the other woman through the corner of her eye. Her face looked calm, but she could see the underlying tension in her eyes. She looked so worried. She wanted to ask her what was wrong. Was that a good idea? Was that pressing for too much too soon? She should talk to someone, right? And anyone was better than no one, right? She opened her mouth to speak-_

_"Dr. Torres!" They turned around. Leah Murphy ran up to the pair out of breath. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but Harper Avery and the voting board are on the phone for you. I put them on hold."_

_She thought that she could hear a small sigh come from the woman next to her. "I'll be right up, Leah. Thanks." As the younger doctor raced away, she turned to the blonde and smiled. "I guess I'll see you later."_

_Arizona nodded at her back as she walked away._

_"Right. Later."_

_..._

"It was just a false alarm." Arizona jumped. She stared around at NR. "What?"

Nr placed the chart back into its proper spot and sat down. "The call-button. It was just a false alarm. Vincent Rizzo pushed it while he was asleep."

Arizona blinked. "Oh. Right." She put down the flyer that was in her hand, and took the seat next to the stalwart nurse.

"You know, I stopped by Marie Parker's room on my way back. She's doing fine." NR glanced sideways at her attending. "I saw the bear that you usually carry in her arms tonight."

Arizona shrugged. "She needed it more than I did tonight."

Rodheaver shook her head, and began to order the pens that she had scattered in her haste to leave earlier. "That poor little girl. She's been so strong for so long. I don't know if it's healthy."

Arizona shook her head, not even questioning why the nurse knew so much about her patients. How did she ever know these kinds of things? "People react to things differently." She grabbed a pen from the pile. "And kids are very resilient."

The nurse tapped a blue pen onto her left finger. "I think that people as a whole are very resilient. And yet, they still have a hard time when dealt with the impossible. She's had to be so strong, that Parker girl. For her parents, her siblings. She's been comforting them. She hasn't dealt with the reality in front of her. Maybe you should watch out for her."

"She's ten, she seems to be doing okay. She's afraid to die,- most kids are." She turned toward the nurse. "Do you think that she's putting on a front?"

Rodheaver shrugged. "I don't know, you tell me: Did you?"

She shook her head, wordless.

That was what made it uncomfortable to be with Nancy. She'd seen her at her absolute worst. She knew about the demons and the nightmares that she'd had to deal with at night after the fire. She'd been the one who had hauled her into bed in the middle of the night when she had found herself on the floor. When she'd cried and screamed about her pain and her loss. Was that the kind of thing that she also saw in Marie?

No...

Marie was ten years old. She was a sweet, shy kid who loved to make people laugh. She was the peacemaker of the ward.

But was that why this was hitting her so hard? Because she recognized a part of herself in Marie? The part of her that tried to take everything as it came, and then failed so miserably at being okay?

Nancy was right. She needed to keep an eye on her.

"I'll look out for her." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nancy nod. She took a deep breath. It was getting easier and easier to get up in the morning and not be angry at the world. It was easier to be okay with what she saw in the mirror.

And then there were just tough days like this that just...

"I think that I like you better now."

Arizona looked at the nurse, shocked. "What?"

"Back then, You were cute and a little perky. Maybe a little too perky, a little too selfish for my tastes. I don't know, I didn't really have an opinion on you. What you do, you've always had my respect." She rubbed a spot over her chest. " I lost a child at a young age due to an incompetent doctor. It was part of the reason why I became a nurse." She straightened up. "Anyway, I didn't have an opinion on you. I don't need to, really. But...I like you now."

Arizona smiled gently. "Thank you."

They sat in the nurses' station in the night, listening to the sounds of the beeps and whirs as the children slept soundly in their beds.

It was all about taking these days one day at a time. And taking everything one day at a time.

...

_Two Weeks Ago_

_She passed an exit sign and sighed. Maybe what she need was a sign. Something that would say whether she was ready to take on the next phase of recovery. She couldn't go back again. Not after everything that had been done and said and..._

_Maybe the sign would be something awesome like a thumbs up in her yogurt. She snorted. Like that would happen. She turned another corner and stopped short. There were a bunch of people gathered around one of the computers. She walked toward the crowd and tapped a familiar figure on the shoulder. "April? What's going on?"_

_"Dr. Robbins!" April hugged her, ecstatic. "She did it!"_

_She furrowed her brow. "Who did what?"_

_"Dr. Torres. She won. She won the Harper Avery Award!"_

_..._

_..._

_Ryan looked up. "Dr. Karev?"_

_"What's up?"_

_"Do you think that you could tell us a story?" Alex looked down at the child and paused. He looked over at his mentor. "You know what Ryan? All of my best stories come from Dr. Robbins. You should ask her to tell you a story."_

_"Really?"_

_Arizona looked up at her mentee, surprised. That was the first nice things that Alex had said about her in weeks. He smiled at her, a real smile. "Really. She's the best storyteller in this hospital. Dr. Robbins, do you think that you could tell everyone here a story?"_

_She paused. After a moment, she turned back to the little boy and smiled._

_Why not?_


	34. Forward

Sorry about the delay. I know that these were supposed to come out last week, but life got in the way. Hopefully these couple of chapters will make up for it. It's not as many as I wanted to post, but I hope you enjoy them nonetheless. In any event, I can see the end of this approaching in about another ten chapters or so. I'm shooting to finish at some point before the end of the month. There is a good chunk of stuff that has already been written, and I think that I'm going to make it. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself.

Cheers!

* * *

Callie looked down at her phone as she walked down the hallway, Dad said that he would inform of her of his travel plans by sometime today. His travel and hotel plans. For the trip here. For the gala. The Harper Avery Gala. The biggest night of her life. If any day were the day that things got better...she checked her phone again.

No messages.

She sighed and put the phone back in her pocket. Watching it wasn't going to make him reply any faster. Or would it?

Her lab coat vibrated softly. She snatched her phone out it's pocket and checked the display. A new email, from Jackson. She rolled her eyes. Figures. She scrolled through the message. He wanted to go over staffing procedure for the hospital for next month. Since a lot of personnel were going to be at the gala, there were going to need to be measures put in place so that the hospital could still run effectively.

Because of her.

There was going to be a whole new staffing procedure because of her. There was going to be a whole night dedicated to her. An award. A plaque. A blurb in history. She'd made history. People were going to remember her name next to people like Ellis Grey, Margaret Goodwin, and Preston Burke. Her. Callie Torres.

She still couldn't get over it. Maybe she never would.

She walked through the surgical hallway and stopped in front of the board. Phil was going to be in surgery later on today, and she wanted to be there to observe in case anything went wrong. It wasn't like Phil was a bad surgeon. He was good- great actually. He had good instincts and great hands. His bedside manner was decent. Plus, he'd held up well when he'd been in surgery with Arizona a couple of months ago. And if you could hold up with Arizona-

She shook her head. Arizona was a brilliant surgeon and a great doctor. She was a great teacher, and a good leader. But sometimes when it came to surgery, she was...

Crazy.

Hadn't than been part of the reason why she'd fallen for her in the first place? Because she'd been kind of crazy and perky and just... Arizona? With the adorable dimples and the smiling blue eyes? With the woman who could dictate an OR, run a department, and still cry when she faced the chief?

She looked on the board and noted the OR that Phil would be operating in. She glanced at her phone. She had time to take a nap before she coming back down here. Sleeping had gotten better since two months ago, but not by much. She needed to grab some while she could. She glanced at her phone again. Or do something with her hands.

"Hey." She turned from the board to see a familiar figure.

She nodded at Arizona. "Hey."

The blonde was dressed in her scrubs, and she had her scrub cap in her hands. Callie turned back toward the board. "I didn't know that you were scheduled for surgery right now."

Arizona placed the cap over her pinned hair. "I'm not. Karev is doing a tumor resection in OR 3. Meyers couldn't assist, so I'm stepping in for him." She began to tie the cap onto her head. "What about you?"

"Phil is in surgery later. I think that I'm going to observe."

"Cool. Phil's a good surgeon, he'll be fine." Arizona finished tying the cap and placed her hands on her hips. She tapped her fingers onto her torso. "So, listen. I was on my way here with Sofia this morning when she heard this commercial come on the radio-"

Callie held up a hand. "Don't tell me. The fair?"

Arizona nodded. "Yep. And she begged me to go. I'm off this weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with us." She shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, if you want to. I know that things haven't exactly been stellar between us, but I think that it would be really great for us to do this together with her."

Callie nodded. "It would." She put her hands in her pocket. "How about I let you know later on this week?"

Arizona nodded back. "Great." She gestured toward the double doors. "Well, I have to go. I guess I'll see you later."

"See you later." Callie watched her walk away.

She looked better. Her eyes were clearer. The pain and defensiveness that she'd gotten so used to seeing was still there, but it was hard to it see in her eyes unless you were really looking for it. The way that they acting around each other was different. Awkward at times, and unusual, but also easier. There were no pretenses anymore, about anything. Having the truth of things shoved in her face had been hard. Really hard. For the first few days after their talk in Arizona's hotel room, it was all she could do to keep things together. She'd needed time, time to herself, to step away from things and figure things out. She wasn't sure if she could forgive her, but she couldn't stay in a place where all she did was stay angry and be hurt. She needed to move forward. She _wanted_ to move forward. She glanced toward the board, lost in thought.

Maybe this fair wasn't such a bad idea.

Funny how not having pretenses between them felt weird. It said a lot about how far they had let things come between them. She sighed.

As friendly as they were toward each other, they weren't the way that they had been when they were married. And she missed it. Not Arizona per se, (though part of her did miss the way that things used to be), but...

She missed the intimacy. The familiarity and the understanding that came from being in a relationship. Telling someone about your day and having them listen to you, really listen to you. Having someone to come home to and lay down with. Someone who knew you, accepted you. Someone that you could bring anything to.

Like how apprehensive you were for this gala. How scared you were that you were going to ruin one of the biggest moments of your life. How much you wanted everyone to be there...

Her phone vibrated again. She looked at the display. Another email from Jackson. Apparently the entire board of directors from the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons were coming to the gala.

Great.

The phone buzzed again. Her father had texted to confirm that he would be there in a few weeks for the gala. By himself.

She sighed and tucked the phone into her pocket. She should have known better than to hope that this would have her mother reach out to her. All of the prizes in the world couldn't do that.

Now she really needed something to do. Anything.

"Torres!" Derek Shepherd rushed toward her. He stopped in front of her, out of breath. "Just the person I needed to see. You've got to see this."

His face was flushed and his eyes were excited. That could only mean one thing.

Surgery. Nasty complicated surgery.

She put her phone in her pocket and grinned. Now we were talking.

"What do you got?"

* * *

"Great job on the tumor removal." Arizona watched her protégé from the side of her eye as she washed her hands.

"Yeah, yeah. " Alex replied. He scrubbed his hands. "It was all him." He turned off the water. "That's a strong kid."

"Yeah." Arizona agreed. She dried her hands and opened the door. They stepped through it and began to walk down the hall. "Do you want to tell the parents?"

"Me?" Alex asked. Arizona looked at him. "Yeah, you. Ryan likes you a lot, his parents trust you. You were the one that convinced them to do the surgery. It's all yours."

They stopped at the nurses' station. Arizona flipped open the chart. Alex glanced over at her.

"Thanks."

"No problem." She flipped a page. "So, are you ever going to tell me about what's really bothering you?"

The phone near the desk rang. Alex sighed."I thought you said to leave the personal at home."

Arizona shrugged. "That's because you were acting like an ass. Are you ready to talk about it, or you going to continue to glare for the rest of the day?"

Alex shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

Arizona sighed wearily. "Alex, I don't want it to be like this anymore. You are my fellow. You are my friend, and I miss you. What's wrong? Can we fix this is any way or-"

"Robbins-"

"Alex-"

"Seriously. Just drop it, okay?" Arizona glanced over at him. She took in his set jaw. She turned back to her chart. "Okay. Fine." She signed the chart and flipped it closed. "But, just know that keeping these things inside never ended well for anyone."

Alex sighed. "I'm fine. Just-" he trailed off.

Arizona put the chart down and moved closer to him. "I used to feel angry. All of the time. But I wouldn't admit it, and the anger would just pop out at all of these really unfortunate times. At work. At home. When I was with Sofia. And I thought that that was fine. But it wasn't." She took another step forward. "Now I'm not saying that you need to talk to me about it. But you obviously need to get something off of your chest. I did. And you know what?" She shrugged. "I'm not angry anymore. It's getting harder and harder to stay mad, and that's a good thing. I'm not holding onto it anymore. And neither should you."

"I was the one who cut off your leg."

Arizona blinked. "What?"

Alex looked into her eyes. " Your leg. It was me. I performed the amputation."

Arizona looked at Alex. He stared back at her. She opened her mouth to speak-

"Dr. Robbins?" A nurse held out the phone. "You're being paged. Room 3258."

Arizona grabbed the phone. Alex turned around and walked away. She watched him walk turn the corner before finally speaking into the phone.

"Hello?"

* * *

These x-ray scans were not pretty. Callie tilted her head.

"You know, there are times when you look at something and you think, "this is the worst thing that I have ever seen'' and then you think that you can never find another case as bad. And then you do. But this?" She tilted her head in the other direction. "I don't think that anything can get as bad as this."

Derek nodded. "I know. I have no idea how she's been walking for so long."

"Me either."

Derek looked at Callie. "Excited?"

Callie laughed. "Definitely. If we can pull this off, her pain level should go down to almost zero." She looked at another scan. "We're going to need General. And Trauma wouldn't hurt either. This might get really messy."

Derek nodded. "I agree." He glanced back toward the scans. "What about Kepner for Trauma? I think that she can handle it."

" I do too. She needs the shot of confidence. Plus, it'll look good for her boards." She clucked her teeth. "And what about General?"

"Webber's got a Whipple going on, but Meredith's free."

'What about Bailey?"

"What's what about Bailey?" They turned around to see Bailey leaning against the doorway. "Are you two almost through?" She moved past them. "Because there are other people who need the- "she froze at the sight of the images in front of her. "-room." She tilted her head."Is this real?"

Derek laughed. 'Yup. And we're going to operate."

Bailey glanced at the two of them. "Really?" She examined the scans again. "You're going to need General and maybe Trauma."

Callie nodded. "That's what we were thinking too. Is Grey free?"

Bailey whipped her head toward Callie. "Grey? Are you crazy? You think that Meredith Grey can handle something as complicated as this-"

"Bailey-"

Bailey bristled. "I am excellent. I am more than excellent. I'm pretty damn incredible. I can do this surgery." She placed her hands on her hips. "When were you planning on doing this?"

Callie shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, day after next?"

Bailey turned from the room. "I'll be there. Send me the file." She walked to the door muttering. 'Meredith Grey, my ass."

As the door clanged shut, Derek turned to Callie. "So, I guess Bailey will be doing the surgery with us."

Callie chuckled. "Good luck explaining that one to your wife when she finds out."

Derek winced. "Thanks."


	35. Let Go

Arizona rushed down the hallway. When she reached 3258, she turned toward Marjorie, the nurse on call. "What do you have for me?"

The redhead handed her a folder. "These are the newest set of scans." She exhaled softly. "It's not good. She's maxed out on pain medication, and it's still not helping."

Arizona's heart sunk as she looked at the scans. The tumor had gotten larger. There was nothing that they could do. "Call Mr. and Mrs. Parker. Tell them that it's serious. That it's time." She turned her head toward the door. "Is that her-"

Marjorie nodded. The wailing on the other side of the door got louder. "She been doing that off and on for about a half hour. She just started again a couple of minutes ago when I got on shift. That's when I told them to page you."

Arizona nodded and handed the nurse back the folder. "Okay. Page the Parkers, and let me know when they get here. I'll be inside if you need me." She took a deep breath and eased open the door. She smiled. "Well, what's going on in here?"

The little girl on the bed was a different one than the one that she had put to sleep weeks ago. Gone was the sweet faced ten year old. An angry ten year old took her place. Her were flushed a deep red as angry tears streamed down her face. Sally, another nurse, tried to soothe her as she bent over the floor to pick up the strewn water pitcher. Jim, maintenance worker, mopped the floor as he steadily ignored the yelling that was aimed in his direction. At the sound of her voice, Marie turned angrily toward the blonde doctor. Her eyes narrowed.

"It's your fault! It's your fault!" She pointed her finger angrily, her hair in disarray.

Arizona looked back at the screaming girl, puzzled. "What is my fault?"She nodded toward Sally and Jim, as she approached the bed. At the sound of the door closing silently behind the pair, she held her hands out in front of her and stopped near the railing of the bed. "Marie, what is my fault?" She leaned in closer. "Tell me what's wrong."

The girl looked at her accusingly. "I don't feel better. I feel worse. Why haven't you helped me?"

Arizona held on to the bed rail. "I-I'm trying-"

"Why don't I feel better?" The anger from the little girl struck her like a fist. She shrunk back. "This is your fault! You said that you would help me. When we first came here, you promised that you would help me-"

"Marie, I promised that I would do my best, and I-I have-"

"I don't want to be like this anymore!" Marie began to cry in earnest, tears of exhaustion and frustration streaming down her face.

Her heart broke. She lowered the guardrail and held the child in her arms. "I know. I know. Sometimes life hands you something, and it's horrible. It's so horrible that you don't think that you can survive it." She rocked the little girl slowly. "A while ago, something like that happened to me, and I was scared. I was so scared, and I lashed out everyone that I could because I couldn't deal with being scared.

It's okay. It's okay to be scared. I'm here. I've got you. I've got you. " She cradled the girl in her arms. "Let it go."

* * *

Bailey marched down the hallway, indignant. Picking Meredith Grey for a surgery that was likely going to take more than a day? Were they kidding? She snorted. With the way that things happened to that girl, she'd probably end up needing surgery too. She shook her head. These board members and their nepotism. Well excuse her if she didn't happen to have fifteen million dollars lying around to invest in the hospital. Bailey turned the corner. She was doing just fine with her Genome Lab, thank you very much. And Meredith Grey could take her bony butt and-

Bailey slowed down. What was that noise? She stopped walking and listened carefully. The bang sounded again. Bailey jumped. Where was that coming from. She walked down the hallway carefully. It was getting louder. Bailey stopped outside of a small supply closet. What the hell. She slipped her hand into her pocket and closed her hand over her phone. She dialed 9-1-1 and placed her finger over the "call' button. She eased open the door.

The room was dark. She waited a moment for her eyes to adjust and then scanned the room. The bang sounded again. She jumped again. "Hello?"

The room was filled with shelves and shelves of medical equipment. There are carts containing I.V. bags and tubes. In the back of the room, near the wall, she spots a familiar figure, kicking a metal cabinet as hard as he could. She called out, in shock.

"Karev!"

Alex kicked the cabinet again, and started banging on metal with his fist. Bailey moved through the room and stopped next to the angry man. "Stop it. Stop it!"

He kept banging. She put a hand on his shoulder, he jumped and looked at her. Bailey spoke firmly. "Stop it."

Alex backed away from the cabinet.

Bailey looked at him. "I trained you, so I know that you have better sense than this. What's wrong with you?"

Alex's back hit the wall hard, and he slid down the ground. He rested his arms over his knee. A knuckle was bleeding.

"I told her." He said hoarsely. "I told her."

"Told who?" Bailey furrowed her brow. Told what?"

"About the leg."

"What leg?"

Alex rubbed his face with his hands. "I told Arizona that it was me. That I cut off her leg." He threw his hands into the air helplessly. "I just couldn't take it anymore. And now- I don't know. I've seen how bad things were between her and Callie- Callie barely sleeps enough as it is. Things are finally getting better for her, getting better for both of them. She's so much better than she was before and I- I just might have set her back."

He sighed. "I'm wondering if I'm going to drive her crazy. Like I drive everyone crazy. That her knowing is going to ruin things between us, ruin things for her. And so I've been trying to stay away from her, because I don't want to just blurt it out. She's..." he shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I owe a lot to her."

"Well," Bailey sighed. "What did she say?" Alex shook his head.

"She had to get the phone right afterward. And I just ran away."

Bailey looked around the room. She spotted a chair wedged between two carts. She grabbed it and placed it in front of her baby. Her only living male intern. She spoke quietly.

"When you all started here, I had five interns. Four initially, but then they just had to add you on. Lucky me. All of you were so green, but so eager. You were all so different. You and your surliness, Grey, with her dark and twisty self and her endless man problems, Yang and her drive, Stevens and her bleeding heart." Her eyes softened. "O'Malley and his kindness." She rubber a spot in her chest before continuing/ "You were all so different, and yet so similar. You were all doctors. You all wanted to be surgeons. You all wanted to be the best. And you all had compassion."

Alex snorted.

Bailey tugged his ear.

"Ow!"

"Don't be rude. I taught you better than that." Bailey leaned back into her chair. "It's true. As the years have gone by, I have watched you go above and beyond for your patients. All of you. More than once. I have seen you hold a sick baby in your arms when her mother was too sick to do it. I saw you take care of your wife when she was sick and dying from cancer. I saw you help a young intern through the death of her child. You care, Alex. You love and you care and it's one of the reasons why you are so good at what you do, why you are so good in Peds."

She leaned forward. "I know that you love Arizona. I know that she taught you a lot about being a wonderful doctor. But I am telling you that you did the right thing and that you should not feel guilty for that. You helped save her life. But you also took away a part of her too. I understand that too. But if you are going to be able to move on, you have to let it go."

She sighed. "I killed three people."

"Bailey-"

"Let me finish. Faulty gloves or not, my hands killed three people. And there isn't a day that I don't think about them. But sometimes, you have to understand that in the moment, under those circumstances, that you did all that you could. You made a choice, and she made one too. And sometimes, things happen. You have a right to feel how you feel. But you are not responsible for Arizona's choices. And it's not okay to let your feelings take over your life.

Use it, use it as the basis for more compassion. Use it to become a better doctor." Bailey stood up. "And stop using it to destroy this hospital."

She rolled her chair back to where she found it and moved to the door. "You're a good man, Alex Karev. Try not to forget that."

She closed the door and started back down the hall. She looked down at her watch. She still had some time before her surgery. Time to take a nap before-

"Dr. Bailey!" Meredith Grey stormed down the hall. "I heard that you stole my surgery."

-before she smacked someone in the mouth.

Miranda rolled her eyes. She turned to the other doctor.

"Excuse me?"

* * *

Through the blinds on the window, the sun began to set, dipping lower into the sky. The room glowed with the fading light. Arizona stroked the hair under her arm and looked out of the window.

Marie stirred beneath her. Arizona glanced down at her. "Did you sleep okay?"

The girl nodded weakly. She took in her pale face and half open eyes and smiled gently at her. A machine began to beep. She raised her eyes toward the monitor standing next to them and reached over to turn it off. It wouldn't be long now.

Marie spoke softly. "Dr. Robbins?"

"Yes?"

Marie looked into her eyes. "I don't want to see my mom cry anymore," she whispered. Arizona squeezed her gently. They lay down in the stark room, gazing out of the window at the waning light.. The young girl turned her head. "Doesn't everything seem so pretty?"

Arizona furrowed her brow. "Does what seem so pretty?" Marie murmured softly. "I don't see it." Arizona replied softly. She gazed down at the little girl and then back out the window. "Why don't you tell me what you see?"

Marie smiled serenely. "I see beautiful sunlight, streaming from the sky. And grass, beautiful green grass everywhere, as far as the eye can see. There are animals there too-elephants and lions and tigers. My dog Ace is there. We're playing catch... I see my family. My Mom and Dad, my brother and sister. Everyone seems so happy. It's such a happy day..." she sighed slowly, happily. "Life just seems so beautiful. Everything just seems so beautiful. " Marie coughed gently. "Can you see it?

"Yes." Arizona cleared her throat, and tried to speak. "Yes. Yes, I can see it." She sniffed. " And you're right. It's beautiful. Everything is so beautiful."

Marie nodded and closed her eyes. "See? I told you that it was beautiful. You just have to know how to look." She yawned. "Dr. Robbins?"

"Yes?"

"Could you tell me a story?" She sounded so much younger than her ten years. Arizona looked down at her. "Of course. Why don't you help me tell it?"

She nodded weakly. "Okay."

Arizona dashed a tear away from her eye. "Okay. You ready? Here we go:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. A beautiful little girl, inside and out. And her name was..."

"Marie."

Arizona nodded. "Right. Her name was Marie. And Marie just wasn't any little girl. She was special. You see, she was a -"

"-Warrior," Marie replied quietly.

"-Right. A warrior. Resilient."

"-That means never give up."

"-That's right, it does. And even though there were a lot of nasty things that tried to bring her down, she never gave up. She kept going. She fought for a very long time. And she won. When she won, and she didn't have to fight anymore, she travelled to a place where she could hang out and play with the people that she loved. What kind of games did she play when she got there?Hmm?"

Arizona looked down. Marie looked back at her unblinking, Cal the bear clutched under her arm. She brushed the girl's out of her face and moved out of the bed. She reached down and gently closed her eyes.

* * *

Dr. Perry looked at the woman sitting across from her.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. How are her parents taking it?"

Arizona rubbed her eyes and sighed wearily. "They were wondering if they could have done more. " She shook her head. "They'd done all that they could. They just didn't want to lose her."

She thought about the Parkers, and how distraught they had been. They had arrived in the hospital right after Marie had passed. Mr. Parker walked into his daughter's room and sobbed. Mrs. Parker had nodded numbly, out of tears.

"I'm going to waive her medical bills. I might get heat from the Foundation about it, but I don't care. What's the point in owning a hospital if you can't do things like this for families?"

Dr. Perry nodded at her, waiting. Arizona looked down, looking at the fingers in her lap. She glanced out of the window at the stars..

"Near the end, she was in so much pain. I wish that we could have done more for her. "

She sighed.

"She was so angry when I first came in. She wanted to know why I wasn't doing more for her. I tried to tell her that we had, and that I understood why she was so upset. I told her that it was okay to be scared." She shrugged helplessly. "She told me that life was beautiful."

Perry nodded. "She's given you a lot to think about."

Arizona nodded. She looked out of the window again, to where the moon was high in the sky. "She has."


	36. Fair

Callie tugged her pants over her hips and moved around her room, looking for her shirt. Where did she put it? She just had it two seconds ago. She glanced out of the window. The wind blew softly on a beautiful sunny Saturday in Seattle. The trees shone brilliantly under the light of the sun, creating a collection of jewels against the backdrop of the clear blue sky. She rubber her eyes tiredly. Sofia had woke her up entirely too early this morning, excited to seize the day.

_Callie shifted and bed and sighed contentedly. It was Saturday and she wasn't on call. Sofia was with Arizona for the day. Time to sleep and forget the world. She wasn't moving, even if they said that the building was on fire. She snuggled into a pillow. Okay, so maybe she would leave if the building were on fire. But definitely not for anything else._

_"Mami!" a distinctive voice yelled excitedly. Callie groaned and pulled a pillow over her head. She felt the bed dip slightly as her three year old clambered onto the bed. She groaned again. "I'm sleeping," she mumbled, muffled by the pillow._

_Sofia giggled. "It's Saturday!" She exclaimed, poking her mother's side. Callie squeezed her eyes closed. Maybe if she stayed quiet, Sofia would leave and she'd be left alone to sleep in peace. Something small poked her side. She inched to her left. "Sof," she said warningly. She heard a giggle erupt from somewhere above her. Callie adjusted the pillow above her head. The finger poked her again, drilling her side. She shifted again. "Sofia, stop it. I mean it." There was more giggling._

_Callie sighed, Maybe she should just get up now, and see Sofia and Arizona off before she left for the day. Do some cleaning up and some laundry. She yawned. Then she could go back to bed and not leave it all day..._

_She listened carefully under her pillow. There was no noise above her. Where was Sofia? Callie lifted the pillow."Sof?" There was no reply. She raised her head. Where are yo-"_

_"Wake up Mami!" Sofia's head popped up from the other side of the bed. She yelped in shock and inched backward again, falling off of the bed with a loud thud. "Oww!"_

_Sofia peered over the edge of the bed. The little girl was already dressed."Fair day! She squealed excitedly._

_Callie pushed the hair out her face. "Fair day?" She'd totally forgotten that the fair was today. She'd told Arizona that she would come to the fair with the two of them earlier this week and then had promptly forgotten about it. With Derek's crazy surgery and her speech...She looked up at her daughter. She'd put on her favorite sparkly purple dress- with no tights, she noted- and had attempted to put her hair in a braid. Pieces of raven hair hung outside of her elastic band, swinging as she gazed down at her mother. Her face was flushed with accomplishment and excitement. She was all ready to go._

_Callie looked up at her daughter and smiled. "It's Fair day!"_

After getting up and stretching her back, she had found some tights to put on Sofia and sent her down the hall for a hair do-over. Arizona and Sofia were going to come back down when they were ready, and then they were going to head off. Assuming of course, that she found her shirt. She opened a drawer. Where the hell did she put it? Spotting it on the bathroom counter, she snagged it and pulled it over her head.

Moving back toward her dresser, she moved in front of the mirror. She took in her appearance. The woman staring back at her was fit, curvy. The weight that she'd lost from the last couple of months was starting to come back, slowly, and she was starting to look healthier. She was starting to recognize the person that she saw in the mirror again. Though Mark would probably have been horrified at the bags under her eyes. Her eyes landed onto a picture of him. It was the one that he had taken of himself the day that they had brought Sofia home. Callie smiled wistfully. She missed him, so much. She wished that he was still here with her-there to talk to, there for support. There for Sofia. What would he have been like today? He probably would have been more excited than any of them about today. And twice as protective about the rides -worried that Sofia would fall. She laughed wryly. Just like she had this morning.

Her eyes fell onto the bed behind her.

_"Ah, I'm up!"She jolted awake after landing in the floor. "They're paging you." Arizona's sleepy voice drifted from the bed, smug that the page hadn't been for her. As she stood up to grab her clothes, Arizona grabbed the covers and snuggled back into bed. Sleep monster...Arizona's pager buzzed loudly, vibrating on the wooden dresser. "Ugh, I'm sleeping!"she moaned, flipping her pillow over her head. Callie grabbed it and grinned, pressing it into her sleeping girlfriend's hand. Looked like they'd be heading into work together._

She looked away from the bed and grabbed the brush next to the picture frame. She'd found herself thinking about Arizona a lot lately. About the way that they had been. Memories of things that they did together popped into her mind all of the time now. She started to brush her hair. They weren't memories of the big things- like the first time that they had said "I love you" to each other or Sofia being born, or their wedding- but of the little things. Going camping on Valentine's day. Finding time in their work schedules to spend time together. Dancing around the house. Taking care of a baby Sofia. Arguing over the groceries. The way Arizona's eyes glowed when she was happy. The way that they darkened when she was upset.

The way that she used to look at her.

Callie put the brush down and sighed. She moved into her closet to grab her shoes. Sofia and Arizona should be back any minute. She slipped them on and moved into the living room to grab her purse and her keys. Papers fell out of her bag and dropped to the floor. Setting the bag down onto the bag she grabbed the papers and sat down. She looked over her speech. She began to speak out loud:

"Cartilage regeneration is the future-"

_"And this is why cartilage regeneration is the future. Thank you for this incredible honor." Callie looked up at Bailey hesitantly. "How was that? Be honest." She clasped her fingers together."Did you like the end? I worked on it with Kepner and she said that she liked it." She bit her lip. "I don't know, what do you think?"_

_Bailey nodded encouragingly."It was...better." Callie sighed. "And by better, you mean still crap." She shook her head in frustration. "Maybe I should fix the beginning, make it stronger. So that it sucks you in-"_

_Leah poked her head into the break room. "Dr. Torres-"_

_"Not, now Murphy." Callie didn't look up. "Go check post-ops." The door closed. Bailey examined the woman in front of her. She was frantically shifting papers, looking for the beginning of her speech. She shook her head. "What you need to do is relax. You're already driving all of the nurses crazy. None of the interns want to work with you, you've been biting their heads off."_

_"I know, I know." Callie lowered the papers to the table. She rubbed her forehead. "I'm just...worked up. This speech has to be perfect, you know?" She lifted the papers up again, reinvigorated. "Maybe I should call Addison-"_

_"Again?" Bailey asked. " Leave that poor woman alone. And your father too."_

_"Bailey." Callie stood up. "It's fine, I just want to know what they think-"_

_"Torres-",_

_Callie started for the door. "You think I should ask Shepherd? He makes speeches all of the time. He was Chief of Surgery once."_

_"Callie-"_

_Callie paced at the door. "Ohh, and Hunt, I should ask him." She started down the hallway. Bailey hurried behind her to keep up. "And Webber. He hasn't left yet, has he?"_

"Callie."_ She grabbed the taller woman's arm and jerked her to a stop near the elevator "You're panicking- I can see that. And I understand that. This would be a big deal for anyone-"_

_"I can't mess this up." Bailey sighed. "I understand-"_

_"Do you?" Callie looked at her imploringly. "This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me professionally. It's the first thing in a long time that hasn't let me feel like someone's pity project, or let someone label me as "Poor Callie." I...I don't want to mess it up." The elevator dinged. The women stepped inside. Bailey shook her head. "At the very least, stop asking everyone about what you should say-" She broke off. A shadow crossed over her friend's face. Puzzled, she turned toward the closing doors in time to see a flash of blonde hair before they closed shut._

_Bailey blew out a breath and shook her head. "You look at her like you're expecting her to..."she trailed off. Callie turned toward her, her brow furrowed.."What?"_

_"I don't know." She said simply. "You tell me."_

There wasn't anything to tell.. She didn't want think about it anymore. She didn't want to think about anything anymore. There was a knock on the door. She picked up her things and walked toward it. Today, she wasn't going to think about anything but the fair.

And sleep.

* * *

"Hey, Sofia!"

"Hi sweetie!"

Callie and Arizona waved at their daughter as she spun past them again. She giggled and waved back, seated in the back of a little carriage of the tiny carousel in the middle of the fair. Bright lights shone and the smell of popcorn, candy, and fried food filled the air as people milled around with their friends and family, taking in the sights of the park. Vendors walked back and forth enticing customers with the smells of their food. A clown was putting on a show for a small group near the arcade games. Teenage boys laughed and whopped as they tried to compete with each other for a prize inside of a game booth. The rides whirled and twirled into the air, carrying the delighted shouts and terrified screams of their riders.

Arizona sighed contentedly from the bench that she and Callie were sitting on.. "This was such a good idea. Thanks for coming."

Callie waved at Sofia again as the carousel spun. "No problem. Sofia's having so much fun." She closed her eyes. "Plus, this week felt so long." Arizona glanced sideways at the brunette. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest as reclined on the bench. She was tense. Pre-occupied. She wanted to move closer, close the foot long gap between them and rub her shoulders. Or hold her hand. Something, to ease the tension out her eyes. She turned back toward their daughter and nodded. "I know what you mean." She eyed a young redhead carrying sticks of cotton candy and glanced back toward the ride. Was there enough time? Should she risk it?

"Don't even think about it."

Arizona looked over at Callie. "Think about what?"

Callie let out a long suffering sigh. "Arizona. I can hear you thinking about it from here."

"Thinking about what?" She gestured toward the young man. "I'll be done before Sofia gets off, I promise." She handed over the money, and grabbed a large fluffy pink one. She bit in. "Good, that's good." She extended the stick toward the brunette. "Want some?"

Callie opened her eyes and looked at the blonde. She scooted over, and grabbed a fistful. One foot became eight inches. Progress. They turned back toward the carousel, munching quietly. "So," Arizona swallowed. "How have things been going? We didn't really get a chance to talk this week after I ran into you in the surgical wing."

"It was good." Callie answered. She grabbed another fistful of fluffy candy. "Shepherd and I scrubbed in with Bailey and Kepner on that 36 hour surgery on Wednesday. It was incredible. I think that Kepner really rocked it. "

"That's great." Arizona took another bite. "Do you think that she's going to be fine for the boards?"

Callie nodded. "I do. I'm going to start mentoring her after the gala. The Torres Method hasn't failed yet." She wiped her hands with a napkin and leaned back into her bench. "How have things been in Peds lately?" Her posture was loosening.

"It's been better." Arizona sighed. "Alex is avoiding me."

"Still?" She nodded. "You guys haven't fully made up since that Harper Avery benefit a while back."

"Nope."

"Aww." Callie straightened her jacket. "You guys will figure it out. You love him and I know that he loves you."

"Yeah." Arizona straightened. "Oh, crap."

Sofia bounded up to them. "Cotton Candy!"

Callie glared at Arizona. Arizona mouthed "I'm sorry" before turning to their daughter. "You can have one piece, and then it's going into the garbage, okay? I don't want you to ruin your dinner."

...

"Look, Mami! Another llama!" Sofia swung in between her mothers as they ambled through the fair. She began to sing. "Llamas and Pajamas! Llamas and Pajamas! Llamas and Pajamas!"

"I see it sweetie." Callie glared at Arizona. "That was what you call a "little piece? She's bouncing off the walls now."

Arizona shrugged. "How was I supposed to know that she'd stuffed some in her pocket? And where you when all of this was happening, Cotton Candy Cop? I was in the bathroom!"

Callie bristled. "I took her to get some water because she said that she was thirsty. I told you not to buy it. How's it my fault that she had sticky fingers?"

They looked at each other and began to laugh. Arizona smiled. Whatever had been hanging over Callie's head seemed to be gone for the moment. She laughed again, and this Sofia laughed along with them, happy that they were all having a great time. She tugged on her mothers' hands. "Can we play a game for a llama?"

Arizona smiled down at her daughter. "Sure. Which game do you want to play?"

Sofia concentrated, taking in all of the booths around them. She pointed. "That one."

Callie turned to see a booth that consisted of balloons and darts. "Okay." They ambled over. The worker of the booth, a middle aged man smiled at them. "Hello, I'm Bo."

"Hello" Sofia smiled shyly. "My name is Sofia." She glanced at the huge stuffed llama hanging on the ceiling. "I like your Llama."

Bo laughed. "Nice to meet you Sofia." He pointed at the llamas on her tights. "I like your llamas too."

Arizona smiled. "So what do we have to do in order to win the llama?"

Bo leaned against the counter. "I give you 6 darts." He gestured toward the collection of balloons hanging off of a pegged board. "All you have to do is hit five balloons in 30 seconds." He tossed a dart over his head. It popped the balloon in the center of the display. "Nothing to it."

"Nothing to it, huh?" Callie asked. She rolled up her sleeves, and slapped some money onto the counter. "Let's do this."

"Wait." Arizona stepped forward and shook her hair out of her face. "I can do it."

Callie turned to her. "Are you saying that I can't?"

Arizona paused for a moment, eyeing the brunette before shaking her head. "No, I'm not, I'm just saying that I have good aim. Great aim, in fact-"

"And I don't? Did I not repair Derek Shepherd's million dollar hand?"

"Didn't that take you two tries?"

Callie blinked, in shock. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry." Arizona smiled at an amused Bo. "My wi- Callie and I, we're both surgeons, and we get really competitive about things."

"And I always win." Callie put in. Arizona gasped indignantly. "You do not!"

"Of course I do-"

"Ladies, ladies" Bo interrupted. He winked at a scandalized Sofia. "How about we do this instead? I'll give you each ten darts and 90 seconds. Whoever hits the most balloons at the end win the llama." He handed a bunch of darts to each woman. "Sound fair?"

They turned to each other. Callie cocked an eyebrow. "Bring it on."

...

"I mean it. You cheated." Arizona huffed as they waited on line for the Ferris Wheel. She shifted the huge llama to her other arm.

Callie snorted as she shifted a sleeping Sofia in her arms. "Yeah, right. That's what you always say." They stepped forward. "Besides, you were the one who nudged me while I was throwing that one dart."

Arizona glared at her. "That's because you coughed as I threw mine."

"Because you cleared your throat as I threw mine."

"Agree to disagree" Arizona said breezily. Callie looked back at her, and took note of the men standing a couple of people behind them. They had been leering at them and making snide comments about "dykes" all day. "You don't play fair" she said, instead.

Arizona caught her glance and nodded. "You're right." She led the way onto the Ferris wheel car. "The best woman won."

Callie shifted the snoring Sofia onto her lap, and Arizona struggled to put the llama on hers.

"Need some help?" She asked. Arizona jostled the llama some more. "I think that I've got it." She smiled over at her. "Thank you." She glanced at Sofia. "Wow, she is really out for the count, huh?"

"Sugar crash." The Ferris Wheel launched into motion.

Arizona rolled her eyes. "I'm never going to here the end of this one."

"Probably not." Callie agreed. They chuckled quietly. Callie gazed out at the Seattle evening and brushed Sofia's hair away from her face. "She had a really good day, though. I think that it did her good to see us all do something together."

Arizona sighed softly. "Yeah." The Ferris Wheel stopped, and they smiled at their luck. They were at the top. She turned to Callie. "Should we wake her up?"

"No, let her sleep. She was never into heights anyway." She brushed her hair again. " And she's already had a big enough day."

Arizona glanced at Callie. "You just don't want to have to put her back to sleep later."

"Are you kidding?" Callie laughed. "Not if I can help it."

Arizona looked over at her. Under the lights of the park and the waning sign, she can see still see the bags under her eyes. "Still not sleeping well?"

Callie raised an eyebrow. "With this kid? She may be mine biologically but that perkiness is all you."

Arizona chuckled. She glanced out toward the setting sun. The day had been great. And the skyline was so beautiful.

"I heard about your patient." Arizona looked toward Callie. Callie met her gaze. "The little girl. I heard about what happened to her."

Arizona nodded and looked back toward the fresh air.

"I'm sorry."

They sat in silence for a bit, watching the setting sun. Arizona looked out over at the trees and thought about the beautiful, brave young girl. She spoke softly. "Me too. We did all that we could." She looked out at the sun again. "This was a beautiful day."

Callie nodded. "I know."

Arizona shook her head. "No. I mean, this was a beautiful day." She gestured in the air. "I mean, look where we are. The day was beautiful. The sky is beautiful. The sunset is beautiful. Sofia is beautiful " She looked at Callie. "You're beautiful." She took a deep breath. " Sorry about that, I…I don't know. I'm just...I'm just grateful to be here." Suddenly, she gripped the bar in front of them, exhilarated.

Callie leaned over, concerned. "Don't touch that. That's dirty."

Arizona shook her head. "Really. I mean it. This is incredible."

"Really, though. Sit back."

"You know what? You know those people down there? Those guys? Forget them. They suck."

"They do suck." Callie answered. "Now, sit back, before you fall and die."

"I want you to be happy," she blurted.

Callie froze. "What?" Arizona turned to her. Her face was illuminated by the waning light. "I'm serious. I want you to be happy, Callie. You deserve to be happy, and I hope that it happens for you."

Callie smiled. "Thanks." They stared at each other, as the last rays of sunlight disappeared from the sky. The Ferris Wheel jerked back into motion. Callie blinked and looked away. She glanced down at their sleeping daughter.

"I think that our day at the fair is over. How about you?"

Arizona nodded. "Definitely. She's pooped." They got off of the ride and walked slowly to the parking lot, to where reality was waiting.


	37. Forgiven

Callie strapped Sofia into the car seat and they slipped into the car. The streets of Seattle were quiet, as they drove through the streets back to their hotel. Arizona glanced over to the driver's seat, and then glanced out of the window, out at the passing lights, the passing cars. "Remember that time when you decided that we were going to go camping?"

Callie glanced into the rearview mirror to check on Sofia. She chuckled. "How could I forget it? You were convinced that I was taking you to sleep on the cold hard ground."

Arizona chuckled back. "That was also a great night." She leaned her head against the window. "Even though I had to fight for it."

Callie coughed. "Excuse me?"

Arizona looked over at Callie in surprise. "You never heard about it? Mark and I had an epic battle of rock-paper-scissors that night in order to figure out who was going to stay in with Sofia." She settled back into her seat. "Of course I won."

Callie smirked. "I bet you went rock all the way."

Arizona cleared her throat. "So? It worked."

"Uh huh." She stopped at a red light.

Arizona glanced toward the backseat. "I was going to leave you on the side of mountain."

"What?" She glanced over at Arizona. She looked back, unrepentant. "I'm serious. That was going to be my surprise to you."

Callie laughed. "Good thing we didn't go camping then. Or at least, the kind of camping that you hate so much."

Arizona nodded. "Good thing." They sat in silence as they waited for the light to change. Arizona glanced out of the window again. There was a couple clearly in love walking down the street. Their hands were intertwined under the moonlight. They stopped to kiss at the crosswalk. Arizona turned away to face the front of the car.

"I meant what I said. Before." She turned her head toward Callie. "About you being happy." She turned toward the light again. "You deserve it. You deserve to find someone wonderful, someone that will love you and respect you the way that you should be loved and respected."

"Thank you. I mean it." She glanced back at the light briefly. The red illuminated her face. "So do you," she murmured quietly. They looked at each other in the car, illuminated under the glow of the moonlight.

The cars behind them began honk. Callie glanced out into the intersection. The light had turned green. She took her foot off of the brake, and the car sped off into the night.

...

The journey to the hotel room was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Arizona carried Sofia to her room and placed her in her bed. She gently tugged off her shoes and pulled the covers over the sleeping girl. "Good night, Sof," she whispered. she left the door open ajar and moved back into the living area. Callie stepped out of the bathroom and leaned against the couch. "Sofia still asleep?"

Arizona nodded. "I guess it's your lucky night."

Callie chuckled softly. "I guess so."

Arizona looked around the room. Her eyes caught on a pamphlet with the familiar Avery foundation logo on it. "Are you ready for next week?"

Callie groaned. "Don't even remind me. "

Arizona laughed quietly. "I'm sure that it will be fine. I have faith in you."

Callie looked unsure for a moment, as if she wanted to say something. Instead, she nodded. "Thank you." An owl hooted in the distance, the sound echoing through the night. The hoot was low and sweet, a lover calling out to its mate. An answering hoot soon replied, and the pair filled the night with their music.

Arizona gestured toward the door. "Well, I should get going. I'm on shift early tomorrow." She walked toward the door. "Thanks again for today."

Callie followed her to the door and held it open. "We should do something like that again, for Sofia."

"We should," Arizona agreed. She lingered in the doorway. "Good night, Callie."

"Good night, Arizona." The door closed with a quiet click. Callie leaned against it and sighed. Straightening up the room as she went, she walked toward Sofia's door and peeked in. The little girl was snoring lightly on her back, her tiny foot already hanging off of the bed. Callie chuckled softly and tucked her back into her bed. Standing up straight, she turned to leave. Her eyes fell on the llama that Arizona had set to lean against the bureau. She thought about their argument about aim earlier in the afternoon and shook her head. It was so familiar, like falling back into a long forgotten habit. The way they fed off of each other, teased each other. She left the door ajar and headed for her own room. She glanced at the mirror and stopped. They were familiar with each other but they also weren't.

She stood there for a moment, contemplating. She reached for the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, Bailey. It's me. Can we go over it again?"

* * *

Arizona stopped at another stoplight and breathed in the night air. She rested against light post and looked at the time on a big storefront display across the street. She was too keyed up to go back to her room just yet.

The day had been great. Sofia had had a blast at the fair, and despite her reservations in the beginning, Callie had too. And things seemed to be getting easier between them. Her blurted admission notwithstanding. She groaned softly. What had she been thinking?

She'd been thinking about Marie. The light turned green and she started to cross the street. She'd been thinking about her, and about beauty. About finding life beautiful. And on the Ferris Wheel, this feeling of..._awe _had just come over her. There, in that moment, in the sunset, she had understood what the little girl had meant. And she was right. It all was beautiful.. Arizona continued down the street toward the hotel. A couple of blocks from home, she spotted a familiar face exiting a store. She called out.

"Alex!" Alex turned to the sound of her voice and stopped short. He shifted uncomfortably as she approached.

"Hey."

"Hey." She gestured down the street. "You going this way?"

"Uh-"

"Me too. Walk with me for a little bit-"

Alex shook his head. "Look, Robbins-"

"Alex. It's just a walk." She tilted hear head at him. "Just- walk with me."

After a moment he nodded. They began to walk down the street. Arizona smiled cheerfully.

"So. I was just heading home. Went for a walk to clear my head. You?"

"Uh, just grabbing some food. Jo and Cristina are both working late, so it's just me." They walked in silence. Arizona glanced sideways at Alex, who seemed to be battling himself over something. She faced her eyes forward.

"So, are you looking forward to doing anything this week? I hear that the weather is going to be really nice-" She walked ten steps before she realized that Alex was no longer next to her. She turned back.

"You okay?"

He stared at her. "Are you serious right now?"

Arizona looked back at him, unconcerned. "What? Do I have something in my teeth or something?"

"Did you not hear what I said to you the other day?"

She rolled her eyes. "Alex, do you know how many things you say to me on a daily basis? What, are we talking about the Wang case?"

Alex stomped forward. "No. Not about the freaking Wang surgery. What is wrong with you?"

Arizona bristled. "With me? You're the one who's been acting all funny!"

"Funny?" Alex asked. "Funny? Because I told you that I was the one who cut off your freaking leg!"

A group of women walking down the street exclaimed in shock. One of the woman, an old woman in a flowered dress and matching hat, slowed down . Her twin sister, in matching florals, rolled eyes and grasped her sister's arm, coaxing the incorrigible gossip down the street.

Arizona grasped Alex's arm and pulled him in front of a closed storefront.

"Is this why you've been avoiding me? Why you've been acting so weird?"

He avoided her eyes.

"Alex-" She rested hand on his shoulder. "You don't think that I knew? I knew. I know that you were the one who performed the amputation. I saw the chart."

Alex shook his head." Wait, you knew? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why would I? It was something that you had to do, and that was it." She sighed. "I'm tired of being angry. I told you that I was done with it, that I'm done with it, and I am. I'm okay. I'm an amputee. And I'm so happy to be alive, you have no idea. And even if I weren't, my crazy is not on you." She squeezed his shoulder. "I've made my peace with it. You need to make yours."

"Arizona, I-"

"There's nothing to forgive." She squeezed his shoulder again. "This wasn't on you."

Alex sighed. "That night- If I hadn't acted like an ass-"

"So what else is new? You were an ass. " Arizona shrugged. "Here's the funny thing: so was I. I was mad that you were leaving. So we're square." She glanced at his face. "I'm serious. We're good. You think that you owe me something? If you want to be even, stop being so much of a jerk to the interns. I'm tired of hearing them complain about you."

Alex stared at her. She smiled at him, and she thought that she saw a ghost of a smile back. He nodded. After a moment he cleared his throat and snorted. "It's not my fault that they're so stupid. Did you see what Jacobson gave me yesterday when I asked for a clamp?"

Arizona laughed. "I saw." Alex laughed back. They continued to walk down the street. She nudged his shoulder.

"For the record? It was a pretty great amputation. I would have been pissed if you'd done it and completely mangled it." They passed by the group of old women. Arizona smiled at them. "So pissed."

* * *

Things are moving and shaking. Hope you enjoyed the 4 chapter post. Thanks for reading!


	38. Gala

This is the beginning of a seven (7) chapter update. Enjoy!

* * *

"Okay, I can't do this." Callie muttered as they entered the lobby. "Take me back."

The day was here and she wasn't ready.

She wanted to take a moment, she thought that she'd have time to take a moment, to take a beat and take this all in. But time had gone by so quickly. One moment she was in her lab, celebrating, and the next everyone was everywhere, talking, shouting, celebrating with her, for her. Everyone wanted a piece of her- come talk here, come observe there, do this do that. And in the excitement of it all, she'd never gotten a chance to think this through, talk it over. Her speech was as ready as it would ever be, but there was no way that she could keep bothering Bailey about it, or Webber, or Addison and her father from over the phone. She wanted to turn back time, back to when she first won, to experience that moment all over again. She wanted to fast forward to tomorrow, to when this night would be over. She wanted to jump up and down. She wanted to run around naked through the hospital. She wanted to call her mother. She wanted to talk to _someone_, anyone, about what this means. About her happiness, her doubt, her fear.

_Callie sat in the chapel and stared at the altar. She needed to get ready for tonight, but she just couldn't make herself move yet. Everything was a mess. There had been nothing to do at work today. On the day that she needed to be distracted, there had been no Ortho surgeries. Not even a broken nose. Sofia was cranky because she had to stay with the babysitter for the night. It had been all that she could do to get her to say goodbye at the daycare this morning. Plus, her speech was in shambles. She'd asked everyone about it, from Webber and Hunt, to Jim the maintenance guy. She'd even asked Bokey. Everyone had something different to say-Shepherd had hated her intro. Kepner didn't like the ending. Alex thought that it was too long. And now, she was nowhere. And it still wasn't ready. Bailey had snapped the last time that she called her for help:_

_"Torres. You've been calling me every five minutes because you've made some change to your speech., and I'm tired of it. Every change is supposedly supposed to be better than the last. They aren't even that great-they're just things that everyone else thinks that you should say, not what you really should be saying. Get a grip. Act like the person that they're honoring tonight."_

"Dad, I'm serious. You know how bad I am at this." She clutched him harder. "Seriously, We still have time to go back."

"Calliope." Carlos squeezed his daughter's arm. They walked through the elegant hallway down the hall to a staircase. They began to descend the stairs. Callie whimpered. They walked down another hallway and stopped at a wide pair of wooden double doors. A doorman stood beside them at attention. Callie glanced at the doors and sighed.

"Daddy..."

Carlos turned to his daughter. "This is your night," he said quietly. "A night celebrating you and your achievements." He cupped her cheek. "You earned this. You can do it."

Callie exhaled softly. "Yeah?"

_"Hey." Meredith walked through the chapel toward her. "There's a guy downstairs saying that he broke his toe. I figured that you'd want to set it if you were still here."_

_Callie shrugged. "Phil can do it." Meredith nodded and turned to leave._

_"You know," Callie shook her head and laid down on the pew. "This thing was supposed to be my moment. And I feel like I've wasted it, worrying about everything except the award." She laughed wryly. "Lame, huh? Now I don't even see a point in going. "_

_Meredith turned back and leaned against a pew. She rested a hand on her hip. "My mother and I? We didn't agree on much, and she was terrible mother. But she was a brilliant surgeon. And she worked hard at it. Winning the Harper Avery was one of the happiest moments of my life growing up. It was only times that I saw her and she was truly happy. Like she had it all."_

_Meredith shrugged. "You're a badass and the whole world knows it. Let yourself be happy about it. Stop thinking about everything else."_

_"I couldn't agree more." Her father stood at the back of the chapel, already dressed in his tuxedo.__ He held out his hand, eyes twinkling. "Come on mija. I've got you. Let's go show them what we're made of."_

Carlos nodded. "Yeah." He turned back toward the door. "Let's do this thing."

Callie snorted. She grabbed his hand and kissed it before returning it around her own. She stood up tall.

"Let's."

At her nod, a doorman pushed the doors open.

…

The room was beautiful. Crystal hung from the ceiling and glinted in hands as champagne was served to guests. Roving waiters bobbed and weaves between elegantly dressed guests, serving canapés and other snacks. A stage was set up near one end of the room, with decorated plastic chairs lining the floor. Callie frowned slightly at the sight. There was something familiar about it all-

"Torres! You made it!" A more than slightly buzzed Alex Karev rushed up to the pair. Jo approached behind him, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. "I told Jackson that you would show up."

"Really?"

Alex shrugged. "Sure." He snagged a canapé from a nearby waiter and popped it into his mouth. "It's how early you'll leave that I took bets on."

Jo pinched him. "Alex." She smiled at Carlos. "Excuse him. He's been working very long shifts lately and it's been getting to his brain."

Carlos chuckled. "I see." He leaned toward Alex. "Any chance you're still taking bets?"

"Dad!"

Carlos held his hands up. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm just going to run to the gentleman's and freshen up." He nodded toward Jo and moved graciously through the crowd. Jo looked after him, thoughtfully.

"He seems great."

Callie nodded. "He's the best. Nice dress by the way."

"Really? Thanks. " The willowy brunette was dressed in a floor length red gown and had her hair draped over one shoulder. Jo looked over at Callie. "You look great, too."

"Thanks." Callie looked around the room, searching for familiar faces. There was April, decked in blue, talking animatedly to Ross and a couple of other people. Webber and Catherine Avery were talking to a man that she recognized as the Chief of Surgery at New York-Presbyterian. Harper Avery was chatting with Derek and Meredith, and Cristina was at the bar.

"There's Stephanie and Leah." Jo said. "I'll be right back." Callie nodded and looked back through the crowd.

Alex grabbed a flute of champagne. He glanced at her though the corner of his eye. Alex grabbed a flute of champagne. He glanced at her though the corner of his eye. "She isn't here yet," he said quietly. Callie followed his back as he walked away. She shook her head slightly. Was she that transparent?

She hadn't been looking for Arizona, she'd just been looking around to see who was here and who wasn't here and-

She'd totally been looking for Arizona.

She walked through the crowd, smiling and nodding at various well-wishers, lost in thought.

This was...a lot different then she had ever imagined it would be. Ever since she'd decided to go into medicine, she'd had dreams of what this day would be like. Of what this night would be like.

And today...

She looked around again. They invited a lot of people just to hear her speak. Oh God. _Oh, God._

She sighed and looked toward the stage.

Why did this place seem so _familiar?_ A voice in her ear replied: _Well if the place is so familiar, then where is the exit?_

"You're not planning on running are you? Because I just got here."

Callie turned around, in shock. "Addison!" She hugged the redhead, overcome. "I thought the flight out was delayed. I tried to call you, but I couldn't reach-"

Addison squeezed her back. "You didn't think that I would miss this, did you?"

Callie looked around. "What about Henry? And Jake-?"

"Jake and Henry are back in LA, having Guy's Night. They practically kicked me out of the house. I had to come here, I had nowhere else to stay."

Callie laughed, a little hysterically. Addison pulled her closer. "Hey, are you okay?" She examined her face. "Let's get some air."

* * *

"Owen, how old is your pickup truck?"

Owen turned his head away from the lobby to glance down at his date.

"Not very. Why?"

"What do you mean by "not very"?"

They descended down the staircase carefully. "Arizona."

"What?" Arizona smoothed her dress down on the landing. "I was just asking. We took that turn into the hotel and I almost thought we were going to end up back at the hospital." They stopped at the doors. "As patients."

Owen snorted. "Oh come on-"

"Still driving that rusty pickup truck?" Teddy approached the pair and winked at Owen. "Last time I was in there, I swear my life flashed between my eyes."

"Oh yeah?" Owen asked. "No wonder you left Seattle so fast."

"I left?" Teddy tilted her head. "Last I remember, you fired me. Or is your memory as spotty as your truck?" She stopped in front of him and gave him a hug. "Hey Hunt."

Owen hugged her back. "Hey Teddy." He let her go and cleared his throat. "MEDCOM looks good on you."

"Thanks." Teddy looked toward Arizona and opened her arms. Both women sighed.

"I missed you." Teddy murmured into her ear."

Arizona breathed deeply. "I missed you too." They broke apart. Arizona nodded. "Owen is right. MEDCOM does look good on you."

"Thank you." Teddy smiled. "You look great too." She gestured toward the doors. "Shall we?" They all linked arms and walked into the room together.

Teddy nodded appreciatively. "Wow, the Avery's sure know how to throw a party, don't they?"

"Hey, guys." Jackson Avery approached the group looking very dapper in his tuxedo.

Owen nodded. "Hey Avery. Looking good."

Arizona took in the parking slip in his hand. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah. I ran a little late." He straightened his jacket and smiled at teddy. "Hi, Dr. Altman."

"Hey, Avery. You're wearing a lot more hats then the last time I saw you. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"Teddy Altman?" A man with a pencil thin mustache approached he group. "Is that you? It's me, Ian. From the GWU residency program?"

Teddy grinned. "Ian? How are you? You look great!"

"So do you!" As the two old classmates continued their conversation, Owen turned back to Jackson. "So, where's your da-"

"Don't say it," Jackson cut him off. "My mother is going to hang me when she sees me."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you going to ask that same woman who-"

"It didn't work out." Jackson sighed. "I need to find someone here to get her off my back" Jackson glanced around the room frantically. "Dr. Altman, I know that you just got here, but I need a favor."

Teddy turned back toward the group. "I'm sorry, what?"

Arizona coughed.

* * *

"Callie, you need to relax." They walked through a narrow hallway and stopped at a small door. Addison opened the door the small dressing room.

Callie nodded. 'I am relaxed. I've got this." She lowered herself into a plush red chair. Addison raised an eyebrow.

Callie sighed. "Okay, so I don't have this. But I will. I just need to breathe and-and remember that this is a good thing, and that I can do this."

"Yes, you can."

She sighed again. "I wish that Mark were here. He always knew what to say." A knock sounded at the door, and Harper Avery poked his head in.

"May I come in?"

Callie straightened in her chair. Addison smiled. "Of course."

The door opened wider and Harper walked into the room, with Carlos not far behind. Addison smiled at her friend and kissed her on the cheek. "We'll talk more later. You'll be fine." She slipped out of the room.

Harper glanced at her. "We're almost ready to start. Just wait for your cue in the wings when you are ready to come out." He shook her hand. "Congratulations, Dr. Torres."

Callie smiled. "Thank you." He closed the door softly on his way out. She stood up and approached the mirror that lined one wall. Her father was behind her.

" I was looking for her earlier. Arizona. I didn't even know that I was doing it until Alex pointed it out. How pathetic is that?"She shook her head.

"I told Addison that I wanted Mark here. And I do. I miss him, so much. But now I think I know that I was looking for someone to hold on to. I've been sabotaging myself ever since I won this award. I've been looking for someone to tell me how to feel. To hold my hand. And tonight is not about that. This about me. And I can't hold on to Arizona or to you or to Mark out there tonight. I've got to do this. "

Carlos smiled. He rubbed her arms and kissed her on the forehead. "I have faith in you. You'll be fine." He handed her a rectangle. "This something that I bought for you. It's for your speech."

She turned the folder over in her hands and nodded at her father. "Thanks."

Carlos smiled softly. "I'll see you out there."


	39. Phoenix

This is the 2nd of a 7 chapter update. to start at the beginning of the update, please refer to ch. 38.

* * *

Cristina raised an eyebrow as Addison moved past her to search for a seat. "You left her in there by herself?"

"No, I didn't. Her father is with her." Addison sat down.

"No, he isn't" Derek pointed to a corner of the room. "He just took his seat."

"She's not going to run," Addison replied. "I hope," she muttered under her breath to Bailey.

"What if she runs?" Jo whispered to Alex.

"She better not. I need her to stick around 10 more minutes so that I can win this bet."

"Alex." Alex turned around to shrug at Addison. "What?"

Bailey nodded her head confidently." Don't worry about her. She's coming. I can feel it." She reached for Ben's hand.

Harper Avery approached the podium and smiled. "Welcome to the annual Harper Avery Award Gala!" The room broke into applause.

"As you know, every year, the Harper Avery Foundation chooses to highlight an outstanding doctor each year for their contributions to medicine. This can be achieved through the publication that a doctor publishes, through surgeries that they have performed, and through the research that they have conducted. Tonight's honoree has made contributions to the field of medicine in all three of these areas. Here to introduce her, I present to you, Dr. Richard Webber."

Richard stepped onto the stage from the crowd. He nodded at Harper Avery approached the podium and looked out at the people before him. He looked toward the wings at the terrified woman that he first hired and gave her a small smile. He turned back to the crowd.

"Ladies and Gentleman, Good Evening." He surveyed the room. "Tonight, I have the honor of introducing to you tonight's guest of honor, and I couldn't be more excited to do so. The person that I am going to introduce to you today has won something that most of us in this room have yet to earn: the respect of Harper Avery."

Light laughter sounded through the room. Richard smiled gently and continued:

"By the very nature of our presence here tonight, this doctor has also achieved something that can simply be described as incredible: she has changed the course of medicine. Through her work with cartilage regeneration, Calliope Torres has changed the landscape of orthopedic surgery and the face of modern cartilage treatment. Years from now, when all of us have gone, her work will remain, in the lives of the countless generations of people that she will have touched with the magnitude of her work. From that alone, I think that we can all agree on one word to describe her: Brilliant. But, when I first met her, "brilliant" was not the word that came to mind. "Arrogant", "cocky", and "privileged" came to mind, but not brilliant. But now, more than ten years later, I can now say that is truly a privilege to work with her every day in the OR. But for the benefit of you who haven't the honor of meeting her in person, I'll add a couple of more adjectives for you: Dedicated. Hard-working. Kind-hearted. Genuine. Warm. An outstanding surgeon and an even more amazing woman. She's a wonderful mother and a beloved daughter. In addition to that, I have the wonderful honor of calling her my friend.

Ladies and Gentleman, without further ado, I am truly proud to introduce to you, a Rockstar with a scalpel, an Ortho Queen, and a truly remarkable woman. This year's Harper Avery Award Winner: Dr. Callie Torres."

At the sound of the thunderous applause, Richard moved away from the podium and walked toward the wings. He held out his hand. Callie placed her hand in his and they walked to the stage together. She set the folder with her speech on it onto the podium. The applause slowly faded away. She looked out into the crowd.

Callie took a deep breath. "Excuse me," she said into the microphone. There was a large squawk as feedback echoed through the room. Callie flinched. A couple of laughs erupted from the back of the room. Carlos closed his eyes briefly.

Desperate for something to do with her hands, she reached for the pitcher of water next to her and shakily poured herself a glass of water. She swallowed some desperately and placed the pitcher back down. Her folder fell to the floor. More snickers erupted. She quickly picked up the folder and opened it. She looked out into the crowd. The people were getting restless. Bailey was mouthing something. "Relax."

She poured herself some more water, and it reminds her of the rain...

_Now that there was no crowd booing, she can hear everything that was going on. It was raining outside. The raindrops were making harsh noises as they pitter pattered against the building. The wind was blowing fiercely, so fiercely that it felt like it was going to take the roof off of the place. She could feel the boom of the thunder in the distance._

Rain is pouring outside, thunder is clapping. In her mind's eye, she can see the crowd the way the way in her dream. She can see them booing her, can see the way that they threw things at her. She can feel herself start to panic. A murmur starts through the crowd. In the back of her mind, she hears Mark's voice.

_Walk tall Torres._

She squared her shoulders and pulled herself into the present. Instinctively her eyes move toward that seat, toward the seat that he'd been sitting in, in a dreamscape so long ago. And she looks into familiar blue eyes.

She looked away.

Who she is is _badass. _Awesome. Hardcore. This is _her_ night. Own it. Ignoring the prepared remarks in front of her, she leaned in toward the microphone.

"A couple of months ago, I made speech for TED about cartilage generation. And I talked about the things that keep us together when we fall apart." She chuckled wryly. "And then my life fell apart -again." She held up her glass of water. "And now… I'm up here. I can't even believe this. Look at this- I can't even keep my hand from shaking."

Gentle laughter erupted from the crowd. She placed the glass down.

"When I was a little girl, I was called a lot of things. And that didn't really change when I became a doctor. I heard the whispers. Strange. Crazy. Intense. There was a time that I used to be really adventurous. I climbed glaciers for fun. They labeled me a loser. I was a loner. People didn't like me. They thought that I was weird. They didn't respect me, or think that I was a capable surgeon. They were shocked when I made Chief Resident, shocked when I started publishing my research. They were the ones who whispered behind my back about how I was going to crash and burn, going to ruin my career.

A couple of nights ago, I was tucking my daughter into bed. Usually, it's a trial to get her to bed because she always has so much energy. She always wants to hear a story or a song before she falls asleep. But that night, she wanted to tell me a bed time story. It was about a warrior who left everything to be who she was-her family, her home, her friends. And despite it all, despite all that she went through, she kept going, and eventually, she came out on the other side victorious.

After I tucked her in and she was in bed, Sofia looked at me and asked me whether or not it was worth it to leave everything behind to be who you were. I asked her what she thought. She said that it must have been lonely to have to do all of those things by yourself. " Callie stopped and looked out over the crowd.

"Today, I'm standing before you by myself. I'm alone. There's no one else up here with me. There was a time in my life where I was hardly ever alone. I was always in a relationship, or always coming out of a relationship, or starting a relationship, but I was never alone. These past few months, I've found myself alone a lot." She smiled. "It's partly why I was able to do so much research."

More laughter.

"When I was by myself again, I re-learned a lot about who I was. Some of it hadn't changed in the time since I was last by myself. I was still adventurous, still loved surgery. I was still in love with medicine, in love with bones. I still get crazy and neurotic when it comes to things. I want when I'm nervous. Dancing was still my favorite go to activity to relieve stress. But, some things were different. I'm more patient. I'm more confident in my skin, in who I am, and I make no apologies for how I've lived my life.

I've lost. I've lost a lot. But I'm also the luckiest person in the world. I have great friends and a beautiful family. I was the hospital freak- that girl that sits at the back of the class eating her own hair, the one that lived in the hospital basement because she wanted a leg up on surgeries. I'm proud to say that I am all of those things. I am proud to say that I am none of those things. That I am a product of who my parents have raised me to be, of where my experiences have led me. I am proud to stand up here today to accept this honor." She smiled. "And I am so happy that all of you are here to celebrate this with me."

* * *

"That was a great speech. How do you feel?" Callie smiled at her father, exhilarated. "I feel good. Great." She grabbed a flute of champagne from a roving waiter and downed it. "I'm owning it. I'm owning it, and it feels good."

He kissed her forehead. "I'm so proud of you."

She felt keyed up. As they moved through the crowd, accepting congratulations from well-wishers, she couldn't help but feel excited. Not excited. Ecstatic. Even ecstatic wasn't the right word for it. She laughed with a beaming Addison, and exchanged smiles with a proud Bailey. She and Teddy had hugged forever, and Teddy had sniffled afterward, telling her how much her speech had made her cry. Cristina had nodded acceptingly, rolling her eyes at the still crying Kepner, who was still snapping pictures through a fount of tears. The support was incredible. She was more than excited. more than ecstatic or happy. She felt empowered.

Champagne swimming happily in her head, she laughed with Addison and Teddy (who had been walking around with Jackson, much to Catherine's surprise), talking about this and that, in a dark corner of the room. As she glanced around at (most) of the most important people in her life, she smiled. This was where she was supposed to be. She had been about to suggest that they order more champagne when she sees the flash of blonde from across the room. She spotted Arizona across the room, deep in conversation with a sharply dressed couple. She looked different. How she stood, how she interacted with the people in front of her was different than the way she remembered her. It's not the same. Not familiar in any way. She's different. A different woman. She's magnificent. Arizona smiled at the couple, smiled that super-magic smile, and she felt it zip straight through her and the four flutes of champagne that she's already downed. In the middle of conversation, Arizona looks up at her, blue eyes staring into brown. And the look in them, the tenderness, the pride, the love, the heat- it's all there, it's all so familiar, and for a moment it's like there's no one else there in the room. It's just the two of them, looking at each other, and it burns.

Arizona turns back toward her conversation and the moment is over.

* * *

Arizona headed down the hallway and took a deep breath. What was that? That look? It had only been a second, but it had been-

She exhaled. Going down this road wasn't going to help anyone. She spotted a button to her right and pressed. She stepped into the dimly lit elevator and closed her eyes. She just needed to get herself back under control before she went back out there and faced-

A hand clamped her shoulder and spun her around. She stumbled, but before she can say anything, a pair of hands pushes her against the wall and lips are on hers. She's not sure who moans, it might have been both of them, but all she wants to do is get closer. They kiss frantically, desperately, as if they haven't done this in a while, because they haven't. They kiss like they aren't sure if it's going to happen again because it won't.

Plump lips brush against hers, brushing them, caressing them with their fullness. Hands are on her face, anchoring her to them, not letting her go. She brushes her tongue against her bottom lip and automatically her mouth opens and they both whimper. This kiss is a kaleidoscope of passion. Anger, desire, frustration. It feels like she is burning her alive with her emotions, and she can only go along for the ride. She can't help herself, she's never ever been able to help herself around Callie and tonight is no different.

Through everything, through injuries and break ups and separations, this isn't different. It's familiar. It's achingly similar.

It's still breathing.

The kiss slows down, as it becomes an expression of deeper emotions. Pride. Support. Comfort.

Longing.

Love.

As if by spoken agreement they both ease back and open their eyes. Instinctively, Arizona leans forward and nuzzles Callie's nose with her own. She closes her eyes. Callie feels her throat constrict at feeling, at the familiarity of it, of _Arizona_ and she grabs her face again, unable to help herself. The force of her motion pushed her into the wall. There was a distant clang. The sound causes her to freeze and pull away. Arizona opened her eyes. They were both breathing heavily. Callie looked back at her, her hands are still on her face.

"Did I-?"

Arizona shook her head softly. "You didn't. I'm okay."

They stand in silence for a while, breathing each other's air. After a moment, Callie slowly shook her head. She whispered:

"I can't."

Arizona nodded.

Callie moved her hands down, and clasped them together. She looked back at her, hesitant.

Arizona smiled gently. She nodded again. "We're okay."

Callie nodded back. And this time, when they separate, she is the one who walks away from the elevator and doesn't turn back.


	40. Wanting

This is the 3rd of a 7 chapter update. To start at the beginning of the update, please refer to ch. 38.

* * *

"Sofia, sweetie, I need you to put on the tights."

"No."

It was nine fifteen and they needed to be at the hospital in an hour. And she still needed to feed Sofia and find another shirt and brush her hair. What was with it with this girl and tights? Arizona sighed exasperatedly. "Sofia. We're going to be late for daycare. You don't want to be late to daycare. Then you'll miss today's activity with your friends. You don't want to miss that, right? So, let's just put on the tights, or we're just going to find a new outfit." She huffed out a breath. "With pants." There wasn't enough coffee in the world for this.

She was frustrated, but it wasn't all Sofia's fault It's been two weeks since the gala, and they haven't talked about it. Their conversations have centered around Sofia and work, board meetings and _llamas_, but not about the gala or what had happened there. Callie had been incredible. So take charge, so full of life. Independent. She had always loved her will, her ability to put herself out there, her strength, but that night?

She had been magnificent. And then she had kissed her.

She couldn't stop thinking about it. Up to this point, she had tried not to think that there could still be something between them. Everything had been about giving Callie space, about trying to become her friend again and earning back her trust. But then…

They kissed. And she couldn't forget about it. Now it's hard not to imagine them trying to work things out. It's hard not to imagine her with Callie, _being _with Callie.

She wanted her back. Wanted to love her. Wanted to come home to her. Wanted to not be a fractured three person family anymore. She wanted to laugh and argue, to put Sofia to bed together. Deal with her craziness together.

Speaking of which...

Sofia shook her head vehemently. "No Mama." She twirled around in her pretty purple dress." I like my dress."

Arizona held the tights in her hand and tried not to yell. Yelling did no good. She just needed to reason with her. Reason with her, using words and a nice tone and logic. Arizona sat down on a chair to level with her daughter. Reason. She needed to reason. "Sofia, I know that you like the dress. It's a very pretty dress. But, if you don't wear the tights, then everyone is going to see your tushy. And you don't everyone to see your tushy, right?"

"No, Mama."

She looked hopefully at her daughter. "Then you're going to put on the pretty tights, right?"

"No, Mama."

Arizona sighed. What else could she try? " Look, if we don't do this. Mama is going to be late. Very late. I have to pull an icky tumor out of a little boy. So that he can run and play and be with his friends . You want Mama to do that, right?"

"Yes, Mama."

Arizona smiled. Now they were getting somewhere. "But Mama can't do it if she's late. So you're going to help Mama out right?"

"Yes, Mama."

Arizona grinned. This wasn't so bad. She held up the tights. "So you're going to help Mama and put on the tights?"

Sofia shook her head. "No. No tights."

No? Okay. Okay. Forget this. Arizona took a deep breath.

"Sofia Robbin Sloan, I've had enough of this. Now you either have two choices. You can either have the dress that you are wearing, with tights. Or you can wear pants. And I want your decision by the time I count to three." She held out a finger,

"One." Two fingers.

"Two." The third finger joined the first two. "Three…"

Sofia's eyes grew round. Her lip trembled. She shuddered.. Arizona's heart broke. She sighed. So much for being authoritative. She looked just like Callie when she cried. "Sof, come on."

Sofia whimpered. "No tights." Tears streamed down her face.

Arizona shook her head, and reached for a tissue. Her baby girl. She looked so pitiful… But there was no way that she could let her walk out of the house like this.

She sniffled again. She looked just like her. Just like her. Speaking of Callie-

Wait a second.

Arizona raised the tissue to her daughter's face and raised her eyebrow.

"Don't make me pull out the Mami card."

* * *

Callie sat on her couch and gravely nodded her head. She stared at the young woman standing in front of her.

"Okay, Kepner. You found a 7.5 centimeter triple A on your 85 year old patient. Go."

April paced back and forth. "Um, okay. I would get an angiography and then-" she grabbed her hair. "I would assess pulmonary and cardiac injuries and see if- see if he's a candidate for an endovasculature repair!" She finished excitedly.

Callie nodded her head slowly. "No."

April deflated. "What? No? Why?" She starts to pace faster. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm never going to pass these boards. I'm going to fail again. I'm going to fail again and be April Kepner, the girls so bad they had to fire three times! I'm going to have to go home again and feed the animals and do nothing but stare up at my picture of Jesus that looks just like Justin Timberlake! "

Callie raised an eyebrow. Okay. She stood up. "April, relax. It's not that you don't know what you're doing. Because you do. You really do." She patted the younger woman on the shoulder. You're just freaking yourself out."

April looked up. "You mean-?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah. You had it exactly right. You just let me psych you out."

April sighed and flopped on the couch. "I'm toast."

"No, you're not. You just need to have enough confidence in what you're saying to the reviewers." Callie sat down next to her. "We've all seen what you can do, and you're a great doctor. Just believe in that."

The door opened, and a ball of energy rushed into the room.

"Mami! Mami!" Sofia ran to her mother. Arizona walked in and closed the door.

"Hey, mija." She hugged her daughter and looked up at the blonde woman. " Wow, I'm impressed. You got the tights on her." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "In record time, too. What'd you do?"

Arizona smiled. "It's my little secret." She turned to April. "How is the studying going?"

April pulled a pillow over her head. She groaned. Sofia giggled.

"She's psyching herself out," Callie answered.

Arizona lifted the pillow off of April's head. "Stop worrying so much, and relax. You know everything. Just...relax. Chill out."

April sighed. "Thanks."

Callie turned back to her daughter. "Sofia, go grab you backpack for daycare." Sofia grabbed April's hands. "Come see my pictures!" April laughed. "Sure." She turned to the two women. "This won't take long. I'll make sure that she's back out soon." They headed down the hall.

Callie shook her head and turned to Arizona. She stood up to stretch her arms. "So. Ready for your surgery?"

"Yup." Arizona nodded. "Alex's got him in pro-op. We just need to get going." She glanced at one of the study materials on the table. Something glinted off of her face. "So, are we set for this weekend?"

"For the zoo? Yeah, I cleared out the day." Callie furrowed her brow. She took a step forward. And another. "Should we tell her now or surprise her with it on Saturday?"

Arizona grinned. "I think that she'll appreciate the surprise."

Callie nodded back. "Okay, cool." She took another step forward.

"Cool." Arizona echoed. She put down the flashcard that she was holding and looked up. Callie was right in front of her. She blinked.

They were right in front of each other. Callie smiled gently and raised her hand. She touched Arizona's lip and brushed at it gently. "Sorry," she said quietly. "You just had- " she showed her the glitter on her finger. "I just wanted to take it off before you got to work."

Arizona laughed quietly. "Oh. wow. That's from her tights. I have no idea how that got there."

Callie chuckled. "It was probably from when you were swinging them around , trying to get her to put them on. " She tilted her head. "What did you do, really? That was really fast, even for me. What did you do, cajole her? Blackmail her? Promise her cookies?"

Arizona shrugged. "We came to an agreement. That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

Callie nodded slowly. "Right…"

Their eyes met. Callie took a breath.

"We haven't talked. About before. At the gala, when I-"

Arizona shifted slightly. "Yeah," she answered quietly. "I figured that you just didn't-"

"Right." Callie answered. "I just…" She ran a hand through her hair. "I just-I don't know. I wanted to apologize for that. I was just feeling...I don't even know what I was feeling, to be honest, and-"

"Callie." Arizona smiled gently. "I told you then that we were okay and we are. It was just...a moment."

"Right." Callie nodded. "And, I mean, it's not like it's going to happen again or anything." She exhaled sharply. "Not that-"

"Callie."

She exhaled again. "Sorry."

"It's okay." They stood in front of each other, unsure of what to say. Arizona turned away. "Sof, we've got to go."

Sofia came running down the hallway. She ran to Callie. "Bye Mami."

"Bye, sweetie. I'll see you in daycare later." April entered the room and waved at Sofia. "Bye Sofia. Thank you for showing me your pictures."

Sofia smiled shyly. "You're welcome." She grabbed her mother's hand. Arizona smiled at April. "Good luck with the studying."

April smiled back. 'Thanks."

The door closed.

Callie turned to April.

"So, you have a 55 year old patient complaining of acute chest pain. Collapsed in the ER. Go."

* * *

"I know that you have to be at a meeting soon, so we'll keep this brief and talk more next week." Dr. Perry took off her reading glasses and tossed them onto her desk. "How are you doing?"

"I feel pretty good." Arizona shrugged.

"And how is the Idaho patient?"

"Things are getting worse. We haven't wanted to fly her here because it might be too risky for her spine, but it looks like we might have to risk it. I'm waiting for a new set of scans."

"And Sofia?" She opened up her desk and took out her bag. She started to rummage through it.

"She's...fine." Arizona eyed her across the room. "Am I boring you?"

Dr. Perry looked up. 'What?"

Arizona gestured to the desk.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." She put the bag down. "I think that I misplaced my car keys this morning. And I need to be somewhere later. But this is not the best time to be looking for them." She cleared her throat. "How was the trip that you took last weekend?"

"Good, it was really good. Sofia had a blast, and things with Callie and I were..."

"Good?" Dr. Perry finished. "Arizona."

'I know, I know." She sighed. "At the gala, she gave a speech and everything was… there was a moment." Arizona shook her head. "And- I don't know-"

"You thought that you guys were moving somewhere."

"No." Arizona paused. "Yes." She stood up. "Things have been really good between us, and maybe I thought-" she shook her head. "I need to stop doing this. Callie deserves to move on."

"Arizona-"

"No, it's true. I need to let her go."

"You need to be honest with yourself and with her. Tell her how you really feel."

"And say what?" Her pager beeped. "I'm due in surgery." She headed for the door. "I'll see you next week!"

"I think that you should be honest with her!" The door closed. Yasmin sighed. Stubborn woman. She looked back toward her bag. Where the hell did she put those keys?


	41. Tell Her

This is the 4th of a 7 chapter update. To start at the beginning of the update, please refer to ch. 38.

* * *

Callie checked her phone and sighed. At the rate this line was moving, she was going to be late to this board meeting. She texted Cristina that she was stuck in a coffee shop and stuck her phone into her coat pocket. The phone buzzed. She glanced at the display and rolled her eyes. Of course she wanted her to bring her a donut. She reached the front of the line and put in her order. After grabbing the box of donuts that she'd bought, she moved to wait for her coffee. Arizona was taking Sofia into daycare and meeting her at the meeting. She was a pro at getting Sofia dressed in the morning these days. And she still wasn't divulging her secret. Her phone rang She smiled as she put down the box to dig her phone out again. She'd get it out of one of them, sooner or later. "Hello? Oh, hi Mr. DeMonte. How are you? I'm doing great, thank you. What's up?"

A barista with a handlebar mustache called out her name. She lurched forward. "What? They are? Okay, thank you so much. I'll back to you as soon as possible. Okay, thank you. Bye." She hung up the phone and grabbed her coffee.

She popped a top onto her coffee and grabbed the box.

"Oh!"

"I'm sorry!" A woman with brown hair and sunglasses reached put to help her straighten up. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." Callie replied. She smiled sheepishly. "That was my fault, I didn't look where I was going."

"No, that was all me," the woman replied. "I just see a beautiful woman, and my common sense turns to mush." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Eve Callahan."

Callie shifted the box to one hand to shake hers. "Callie Torres."

Eve smiled. Callie blinked. Wow, that smile was lethal. "Nice to meet you Callie...Torres?" She whipped off her glasses. "As in Dr. Callie Torres?"

Callie nodded. "That's me."

"Oh, my god. You won the Harper Avery. Your work with cartilage regeneration is incredible." She beamed. "I have a general practice in the area, and I've read all of your work. It's phenomenal. Really, well deserved."

"Oh, thank you." Callie blushed. "It's so great to hear you say that."

"Well, you deserve it. Just as you deserve to hear that you are a very beautiful woman."

Callie stammered. "Um, wow." Say something Torres. "You're not so ugly yourself."

Really?

Eve laughed. "Why, thank you." She shouldered her bag. Well listen, I have patients coming in a half an hour or I would convince you to stay here and talk with me about your amazing work and anything else that we could think of. And I'm sure that you have somewhere to be as well."

Callie nodded. "I do." She held up the box. "Board meeting."

Eve's eyes widened. "And you're also part of the Grey-Sloan seven, aren't you? You do it all." Eve grabbed a pen. "If you're ever busy between helping patients, world class research, running a hospital, and going on massive donut runs, give me a call." She slipped the napkin into the box and backed toward the door. "It was great meeting you."

"It was nice meeting you too." Callie glanced down at the box and stared at the closed door.

What the hell had just happened?

* * *

"Okay, okay what's happening?" Arizona walked into the room and looked for Alex. "You paged?"

Alex handed her a large folder. "These scans just came in. I copied and faxed them to Altman."She's on the phone for you on line 2. "

Arizona put the scans down on the table. She turned toward her fellow. "Hey, thanks". He nodded at her as he left the room. She flipped open the folder and picked up the phone.

"Teddy? Did you get the copies Alex just sent?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm looking at them right now. You were right. It's definitely a myocardial infection. Surgery is going to be pretty tricky. You're going to have to operate right away. Cristina can do it."

"Okay, I'll start working on getting her transferred here." She sighed. "Thanks. So, how are you doing?"

"Good. " A bell rang in the background.

"Are you okay?" Arizona asked.

"Yeah- hold on". Teddy shouted orders to group of people on the other end. "Sorry about that. So, how are things between you and Callie?"

"They're good."

"Arizona."

"What? You sound just like my shrink."

"Well, then I'm doing something right. How is it?"

Arizona flipped the folder closed. "They're fine. Things are pretty okay between us now."

"Is there any hope of reconciliation in the picture?"

"Teddy…"

"What?" Teddy asked. "There has to be some hope left for my inspirational couple. Just…promise that you'll try, okay?"

"Ah-"

"Arizona."

"Okay." She gripped the phone. "I'll talk to her about it." An alarm sounded in the background.

Teddy shouted something in the background, and then came back onto the phone. "Hey, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to go. Email about how the surgery went. I'll see you in a couple of months, okay?"

"Okay." Arizona sighed. "Be safe."

"You too. Give Sofia a hug for me."

"I will. Bye."

* * *

Callie walked into the conference room and bumped into Jackson. "Avery!"

"Sorry!" Jackson helped her up. "Let me grab these for you." He picked up the box and set it on the table. Callie rubbed her thigh. "What the hell is that jangling in your pocket? It almost stabbed me."

Jackson winced. "Sorry about that." He opened the box. "Donuts. Nice."

Callie rubbed her thigh again and grabbed a seat. "Yeah, nice." She looked around the room. "Where is everyone else?"

"Yang should be on her way, and Robbins had an emergency phone call. " Jackson opened the box and examined its contents. "Shepherd is here, he just went to check in on Grey. She got pulled into emergency surgery a little while ago."

"She's not going to make it." Derek announced as he walked through the door. He stopped at the foot of the table. "Donuts." He grabbed a napkin and a chocolate flavored one before sitting down next to Callie.

"Can we have a board meeting with only three of us here? Maybe we should push the meeting to next week. What was on the agenda?"

Jackson bit into his cream filled doughnut and shook his head. "Nothing that can't be pushed."

Derek nodded. "Then we'll postpone the meeting." He bit into his donut and stood up. "I'm just going to stop by the daycare. See you guys."

Jackson finished his doughnut and reached for another. A piece of paper fell from the box to the floor. "What's this?" He picked it up. "Someone's getting lucky."

Callie grabbed the piece of paper from his hand and tossed it onto the table. "It's nothing."

Jackson bit into another doughnut. "Sure doesn't look like nothing."

"Jackson!"

"Okay. Stopping." He turned back to his food.

Callie looked over at him. Her pager rang. She glanced down at it. "ER. I have to go." As she rounded the corner, she called out.

"Don't eat all of the donuts!"

* * *

Arizona rushed down the hallway. She wasn't that late, was she? She glanced at her watch and groaned. This was not good, this was totally not good. She grabbed the doorknob.

"I'm so sorry that I'm late-" Arizona paused in the doorway. She looked around. "Did I miss it or something?"

"Nope." Cristina popped the last of a donut into her mouth and shook her head. She swallowed. "Everyone was swamped so they voted to move the meeting to sometime next week." She gestured toward the box. "Donut?"

Arizona stepped into the room and eyed the box. "And where did the donuts come from?"

Jackson reclined in his chair. "Torres brought them in."

"Wow." Arizona approached the box. "That was nice of her."

Cristina rolled her napkin in a ball. "What's up? Someone take your favorite flavor?"

Arizona shook her head. "I'm not hungry. I need to talk to you actually. I've got a fourteen year old with a serious spinal injury who has also a developed myocardial infection. Teddy recommended you to operate."

Cristina tilted her head. "Really?"

"Yeah. Charlotte-the girl- is actually in Idaho right now. I'm working on getting her here stat so that we can perform the procedure. Are you interested?"

Cristina wiped her mouth. "Sure. I'll get some interns to help out with some lab stuff, but yeah, I'm game."

Arizona smiled. "Awesome." She turned to the door. "I'll send you the file and the scans. Come by tomorrow and we'll work out a plan for surgery. See you guys later."

Arizona exited the room and started down the hallway.

"Hey, Arizona!"

She turned around to see Callie approaching her. "Hey."

Callie smiled back as she fell into step with her. "Hey. Did you grab a donut? I brought a box for everyone in the conference room."

Arizona shook her head. "Yeah, I saw them, but I wasn't really hungry so-"she trailed off. She nodded at her favorite scrub nurse as she walked by. "It was nice of you to do though."

"Thanks." Callie lowered her voice. "So, listen. Sofia is all excited about this weekend. She wanted to know if we could do dinner."

Arizona looked up at her. "Dinner?" Realization dawned on her. "Oh, right." They turned the corner. "We were going to do an art project with her Friday night." She shook her head. "Sorry, I'm a little...distracted."

Callie nodded. "No, problem.'" They stopped walking by the elevators. "Are we still on?"

Arizona is distracted by the Wang case. "What? yes. Yes." The elevator dinged, and she stepped inside. She pressed the number for Peds. "I'll see you Friday."

"Yeah. See you Friday." The elevator doors closed.


	42. Friday

This is the 5th of a 7 chapter update. To start at the beginning of the update, please refer to ch. 38.

* * *

Callie sighed and she ran her hands through her hair. She'd just gotten home from the hospital to find the new babysitter asleep on the sofa, and Sofia in her room. With three rolls of toilet paper. After firing the babysitter and taking a shower, she'd had to sit Sofia down and explain to her that she couldn't make a castle out of toilet paper, and had to put the screaming girl on time out. Then she'd had to call the lobby to help her get rid of miles of 2 ply that had been heavily stenciled with glitter.

And she still hasn't even eaten yet.

There was a knock on the door as she vacuumed the floor. "It's open!" She yelled. She finished the floor and unplugged the vacuum. They were never buying glitter ever again. _Ever._

"Hey," Arizona called out. "I ran into Cristina on my way out of the hospital and she told me that you hadn't eaten yet, so I figured that I'd grab a pizza and some beer for later, when Sofia's asleep." She stopped short. "What's wrong? Why do you look so upset?"

Callie blew a piece of hair out of her face. "Your daughter happened."

Arizona set the pizza and beer down on the dining table. "'My daughter?' Uh-oh." She looked around the room. "What happened?"

"She decided to make a castle out of toilet paper and glitter." Callie glared across the room. "Don't laugh."

Arizona held up her hands. "I'm not laughing." She coughed. "So, where was the babysitter when all of this art was going down?"

"Asleep."

"Ah."

"With her feet on the table."

Arizona winced. "I hope you gave her a strong talking to before you let her go."

Callie rolled the vacuum cleaner to the closet. "I was too mad and too tired to say anything but, "please leave" and 'we won't be calling you back'. " She moved back toward the living room and flopped onto the couch. She closed her eyes. "I'm so tired."

Arizona glanced at her face. "You look tired. Still not sleeping properly?"

Callie shrugged. "It's better than it used to be, which is better than nothing at all." She sighed. "Sofia's mad at me."

Arizona joined her on the couch. "Really?"

Callie nodded. "Mm-hmm. I put her on time-out."

"Oohhh. That's like prison for her."

"I know. I feel so bad."

Arizona patted her leg. "You shouldn't. This is how she learns. "

"Says the woman who threatens our daughter in order to get into her tights in the morning."

Arizona gasped. "She told you? That was our little secret."

Callie chuckled. "No, she didn't tell me. But you just did."

Arizona shook her head. 'Well played. " They both sighed. Arizona nodded her head toward the closed bedroom door. "I guess I should get up, go see how our prisoner is doing."

Callie snorted. "Have fun."

* * *

Things settled down after Sofia was removed from timeout. They had carefully explained to her why it was not a good idea to play with toilet paper and glitter, and after she had tearfully apologized, dinner was served on plastic plates and Dora the Explorer plastic cups.

, instead of drawing pictures as they had planned, Callie had suggested that they watch a movie. The trio snuggled onto the couch, with Sofia on either side of her parents, the Lady and the Tramp, playing softly on the television. A quarter of the way through the movie, Sofia had fallen asleep, leaning softly on her Mama.

Arizona covered the little girl with a blanket as she got up to go to the kitchen. She returned with two beers.

"What do we say we put Little Miss to sleep?"

Callie nodded. Arizona picked her up and carried her to her room. Tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead three times. "Night Sof."

She left the door cracked and made her way back into the living room. She sat down on the couch and reached for her beer. It was already opened. She glanced at Callie. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." They continued to watch the movie. The Lady and the Tramp tricked the beaver into taking the net off of their faces.

"This is sort of awkward," Callie said.

Arizona laughed. "You noticed that too?"

Callie laughed back. "I did. It's about as awkward as that time I came up to you and interrupted your date with- what was her name? Jackie?"

"Julie," Arizona answered. "That was pretty awkward." She chuckled. "Or as awkward when you came up to me, asking me out on a date, after I first kissed you-"

"Oh, God."

"- And I turned you down."

"How could I forget that?" Callie smiled. "Or when you tried to ask me out in the elevator."

"Oh yeah." They both sighed reminiscently. Callie nodded her head. "Yeah, We had a lot of moments in that elevator."

Arizona nodded back. They had. The elevator had been where she had asked Calliope out on their first date. Where they had kissed when being apart had been too much. When she 'd first found out about Sofia. "We had a lot of moments in the hospital. It's where you got the chicken pox ."

"It's where we made up, the first time."

"Where Sofia was born."

"Yeah." Callie nodded. Arizona nodded briefly at her and turned back toward the movie. She smiled. "I forgot how cute this movie was."

"Me too. Most of the time, all of the girls in the ward like to talk about Ariel or Jasmine. Lady never gets any love."

"Well, I guess that makes sense." Callie mused. "She's not a princess."

"True." Arizona sipped her beer. "She was so cute. All of the other dogs wanted her."

They watched the movie. A chef set up a romantic dinner for two while the two dogs dined over spaghetti. Soft romantic music played in the background as they ate. The Lady and the Tramp slurped the same noodle, unknowingly moving closer and closer to each other. Their lips met. Lady ducked away bashfully. The Tramp rolled the last meatball toward her. They looked into each other's eyes, under the cover of the shining moon.

"I got a call earlier this week." Callie started quietly. She tapped her fingers together. "From my lawyer."

Arizona played with the bottle on her hands. "Mr. DeMonte?"

"Yeah." Callie answered quietly. "He asked me about papers."

Arizona nodded. She peeled the label off of the bottle. "What did you say?"

Callie sighed. "I told him that I would get back to him."

They looked at each other. Arizona took a deep breath. "Callie-"

She shrugged. "There isn't much left to talk about is there? I mean, we have separate lives. This what we're supposed to do, right?" Arizona looked at her for a moment, hesitating. She opened her mouth to speak-

"I got asked out on a date," Callie blurted.

Arizona's heart clenched. She swallowed her beer and looked over calmly . "Did you?" She took another sip of beer. " I'm not surprised. Someone would have to be blind to not see how amazing you are." They sat in silence for a while. "Are you going to go?

"I don't know. " She looked back toward the movie. "I want to" she admitted quietly. Arizona nodded slowly. Callie sat up. "It felt kind of weird to be asked."

"I can imagine." Arizona brushed her hair out her face. She exhaled gently. "I think that you should go."

Callie looked over at her, surprised. "You do?"

"I do." Arizona looked back at her. "You deserve to have someone make you happy. And the only way to do that is to put yourself back out there."

Callie nodded slowly. She set her beer on the table in front of them. "What about you? You're hot. Aren't there women lining up for you?"

Arizona laughed quietly. "I don't know about that." They looked at each other. Somehow over the course of their conversation, they had moved closer to each other. Callie could see the brilliant specks of blue in Arizona's eyes. Arizona looked back at her, unable to breath. "Callie," She whispered again. They leaned closer to each other. The cartoon on the screen flickered across the room, throwing the walls into a kaleidoscope of light.

A shrill noise pierced the air. They jumped. Arizona smiled apologetically and glanced down at her pager. She sighed.

"Mami?" From the doorway, a groggy Sofia rubbed her eyes. Still looking at Arizona, Callie answered.

"Yes sweetie?"

"I can't fall back to sleep. Can you sing me a song?"

Callie smiled gently." Sure. I'll be right in."

As the little girl shuffled sleepily back into her room, Arizona backed away and stood up. "I'll clean up before I head out." she said. "Give her a kiss for me." She grabbed the beer bottles.

Callie watched her for a moment before getting up. She moved toward the bedroom and looked back. She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it. She followed Sofia into the room. Arizona dumped the plastic plates into the garbage and turned around to reach for the beer bottles. At the click of the bedroom door , she braced her arms against the counter. She closed her eyes. _Tell her._ Teddy's voice insists. She shook her head. Tell her what? She let out a deep breath. Callie was moving on, and she needed to do the same. Arizona opened her eyes. Moving across the room, she grabbed her pager and her bag. The door closed softly on her way out.


	43. Date

This is the 6th of a 7 chapter update. To start at the beginning of the update, please refer to ch. 38.

* * *

Callie walked down the street quickly. She was late. She glanced at the names of the storefronts as she walked past. Just how many restaurants were there on this street. Maybe she should have texted her, told her that she was running a little late. It never looked good to be late on a date. Especially the first date. Oh, God why was this so hard? Where was the restaurant? Oh crap-

"Callie! I'm over here." She turned to her left and found a familiar face smiling at her. Wow, that smile was still lethal. She was in trouble.

"Hey, Eve." She smiled apologetically. "Sorry that I'm late, the babysitter took some time getting here and then I couldn't find parking and-"

"It's fine." Eve laughed. "I've only just gotten here myself. Relax. I know how crazy things can get." She gestured toward the door. "Shall we go in?"

Callie nodded . "We shall."

The restaurant was quiet and understated, decorated in warm colors, with red and browns. A sleek bar dominated the right side of the room, as cozy booths filled the left. The booths were spaced apart in a way that wasn't overcrowded, but ensured privacy between tables. A smiling man named Ian took their coats and escorted them to a boot near the rear of the restaurant. They sat down, Callie glanced at the menu over her plate and tried not to wring her fingers. Why was she so nervous. She'd been on a date before. She'd been on dozens of them. And eaten dinner at them too. There was nothing to worry about, right? She picked up her menu and tried not fidget.

The waiter arrived and introduced himself. After picking out a wine for the evening, he soon left with their orders. Eve rubbed the tip of her wineglass. "So this is a first for me." She smiled from across the table. It really was an infectious smile. Callie smiled back in spite of herself. She coughed and took a sip of her water. "Uh, what is?" She put down her glass. "Dating women?" She started to stammer. "It didn't seem like you were, but if you are, then that's totally fine. It's totally fine, I know what that was like once upon a time and-"

"Callie." There was that smile again. "Eve reached out to hold her hand. "Relax. I'm not a newborn. I just meant that it's a first for me, going out on a date a world-famous award winner."

Callie sat back, embarrassed. She blushed. "Oh. Stop it."

Eve leaned forward. "I'm serious. I'm a little star struck right now."

"Oh, please."

"No, really. Just poke me if my mouth stays open for too long or if I ask for an autograph." She paused. "Especially if I ask for an autograph."

Callie smiled. "Thank you. I appreciate it." She looked down at the menu, a bit more relaxed. So far, so good "So, have you been here before? "

"I have. And I can tell you that everything tastes good here." She winked.

Callie let out a breath and reached for her water. Wow, was she coming on strong. This might be a little harder than she thought it'd be.

* * *

Arizona walked into the store and looked around. She had to get home to relieve Claudia soon, but there were a couple of things that she needed to pick up for her room first before finally heading home. She grabbed a basket and started to walk through the aisles. She grabbed shampoo, conditioner, and a hairbrush before turning into the next aisle. School and art supplies. She started to back away into the next aisle, and stopped. Sofia was almost out of crayons. She grabbed a Crayola 64 pack and tossed it into the basket. She eyed some paints. Should she? Sofia would make a mess.

What the hell. So she made a mess. She tossed them in. Arizona glanced at her watch. Time to go. She headed toward the line at the register and bumped into the man in front of her. Her basket jostled. She straightened it, then turned to the man in front of her. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Did I hurt you?"

A man with twinkling brown eyes and a salt and pepper beard shook his head. "You did not." He glanced into her basket. "Going to paint the town red?"

Arizona laughed. "Not quite. They're for my daughter. She loves to draw."

"She must be lucky to have a mother like you to encourage her." He smiled. "My daughter loved to draw too when she was a child. She still sends me new paintings every year for Christmas, though we live on separate coasts. I travel a lot so, I try to send her some things that I find on my travels. She's very fond of watercolors."

"It sounds like you have a great relationship."

"We do. Though her relationship with her mother leaves a lot to be desired." He sighed. "Two headstrong women certainly made for an interesting household."

"Especially, if one of the women always belittled the other." Dr. Perry cut in. She grabbed the man's hand and kissed his cheek. "Dad."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. "This is your father?"

Yasmin smiled. "Dad, this is Arizona Robbins, a friend of mine from work. Arizona, this is my father, Ali Perry."

Arizona shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too. So you work in the hospital with Yasmin?"

She nodded. "Yes, though in different departments. Your daughter is a wonderful doctor."

Ali smiled. "Thank you." They moved up the line. "So, Arizona, what can you tell me about Jackson Avery?"

"Dad!"

"What?" Ali shrugged. "I can't ask about a fellow co-worker? He is your boss, is he not?"

"Arizona is a co-worker, and my boss too. I don't see you asking about her."

"Well, did Arizona take you out?"

Arizona blinked. "What?"

"Dad!" Yasmin sighed exasperatedly as she paid for their goods. She stepped aside to let Arizona approach the cashier. "I don't want to talk about Jackson, okay?

"Why not?" Ali replied. He grabbed the bags that cashier handed Arizona and steered them to the door. Arizona smiled at him gratefully and grabbed her bags as they walked down the street. They stopped at the stoplight. Yasmin rolled her eyes.

"Because! He isn't- We aren't-I don't want-" She sighed. "It wouldn't work, okay? So can we drop this?"

Ali examined his daughter's face. It was set, the way it was when she was not budging on a subject. "Fine." He sighed. "It was wonderful to meet you Arizona. Now, if you ladies don't mind, I'm going to grab an ice cream from this shop right here. Would either of you like one?"

"No, thank you."

"I'm good, Dad."

Ali grasped Arizona's shoulder. "It was wonderful to meet you."

Arizona smiled. "You too." She shook her head as he walked away. "Your dad is quite a character."

Yasmin sighed. "Tell me about it." She turned. "How is everything?"

"Everything is good. Great. I think I'm finally getting to where I need to be."

Yasmin nodded "Good."

"Do you want to talk about what he was trying to get you to tell him?"

She shook her head. "No, not really."

Arizona laughed. "Okay. But, someone once told me that I should be honest about my feelings. And that it's not good to let things bottle up." She shifted the bags in her arms. "They're going to come out, sooner or later."

"Yeah, yeah." She started to cross the street. "Arizona?"

"Hmmm?"

"I don't know if it's just me, but I think that there's something rattling around in your brain that you haven't admitted to yourself either. Besides the fact that you're still in love with your soon to be ex-wife. Something else. Something good. And I think that you're going to be okay. You should let it out." She turned back to join her father.

Arizona stared after her for a moment. She looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful night. She breathed deeply and kept walking.

* * *

"No. You're lying!"

"I kid you not" Eve exclaimed. "The toy was in his colon. He didn't know what to tell his wife. Or her sister."

Callie laughed. "Wow, that's just crazy." She shook her head. "Patients."

Eve laughed. "Patients." She raised her glass. "Without them, we would be lost." They clinked glasses. The waiter came by to take the rest of their plates.

"Thank you," Callie said to the departing man. She leaned forward. "So how else have things been for you, weird cases notwithstanding?"

"Things have been great." Eve leaned back. "My practice is booming. We're actually thinking about expanding."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The space is starting to feel a little cramped." She shook her head. "It's crazy, when we started out, we thought that we'd barely have patients coming in, and now-"

"Now, all of your dreams are coming true" Callie finished. "I know what you mean."

There was a lull in the conversation as they polished of the bottle of wine. Eve glanced at her and looked away. She glanced up again. "Can I ask you a question?"

Callie set down her empty glass. "Sure."

She leaned forward. "What was it like?"

"Excuse me?"

"What was it like? When you found out that you'd won the Harper Avery. How did you feel?"

"Oh." Callie blinked. "Wow. That's a good question." The waiter returned with more wine and poured it into their glasses. Callie took a sip of the red wine and tried to think.

"It was exciting. Exhilarating. And also, very scary. I mean, this was the moment that I had been waiting for my entire life. The moment that I had been dreaming of. And to get it, to hear that I had won, it was-" Callie sighed. "Incredible. It felt like everything that I had worked for, like everything that I had been through professionally- all the ridiculing and the shortchanging and everything else had been worth it. I felt validated and just so happy. It was just hard to think about the people that I wanted to share it with.'

Eve nodded gently. "Like Mark Sloan. I know that you too were close."

"Yeah." Callie smiled wistfully. "He would've been so happy. My mom. I wish that she could have come to the gala but- she doesn't really approve of the way that I live my life."

Eve reached across the table to touch her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if this is bringing up bad feelings for you. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's fine." Callie dashed away a tear at the corner of her eye. "You just forget how much things hurt sometimes." She laughed wryly. "Look at me. Crying on a first date. You must think that I'm bad news now."

Eve shook her head. "I don't. In fact, this is really nice. And it will be even better once we order dessert."

...

...

"That dessert was divine." Eve shoved her hands into her coat pocket as the walked down the street. "I feel like such a pig."

"I know what you mean" Callie chuckled. "We have a nurse at the hospital, Nancy?" Callie sighed lustfully. "She makes the most insane cookies."

Eve kicked a stray rock. "Nancy Rodheaver?"

"You know her?"

"Are you kidding? I think everyone does. There are some times that I think about getting a job at the hospital, just so I could have to opportunity to charm her out of some." She laughed. "I sound like a fat-ass, I know."

"No, having tasted the cookies, I totally get it."

"Oh my God, you've tasted them? Now, I'm even more jealous of you."

Callie laughed. "She made a box for my daughter when I got out of the hospital. I had to give some away."

"Oh, now, you're just teasing me."

They continued to walk down the street. Across the street, a couple was also walking down the street, hand in hand. The sight reminded her of another time, when she'd been happy to hold someone's hand as they walked down the street. When they'd been together and in love and happy. It had been around the time that Arizona had won the Carter Madison, for her project in Africa... Callie turned back toward her date.

"Sorry, I missed that." She smiled sheepishly.

"That's okay." Eve replied. "I was just asking if you were still living out of the Archfield?"

"I am."

"Are you going to find anywhere else anytime soon?"

"I don't know." Callie sighed. "I mean, it's been easy to stay there so far. Someone comes in to clean. I don't have to launder my own sheets. But, I don't want Sofia to grow up in a hotel, however nice it is. "

"Do you have a place in mind?"

"I did. I mean, we did." Callie looked out over the street at the passing cars. "After we bought the hospital, we set aside some money for a house. And we found one in the area, not too far from here. It was this beautiful house, with lots of space for Sofia to run around in. Space for some chickens. It was perfect."

"Chickens?"

"Yeah, that was Arizona's thing. She once told me that she wanted chickens, and when we got the place, I was going to surprise her with some but," she shrugged.

They turned the corner and approached the parking lot.

Eve glanced at Callie. "So what happened to the house? Can I ask?"

"Yeah, of course. Um, last I checked, the house was still up for sale, but, I don't know."

"You should go for it."

Callie laughed. "What?"

Eve turned toward her. "I'm serious. Just because you guys couldn't move into it together doesn't mean that you should let it go. I mean it's the perfect house, right? You said it yourself."

"It is, but-"

"I'm not saying you should call your realtor right now. But, I think that you should consider it, before someone else decides that it would be their perfect house too.."

Callie nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe." She gestured to her car. "This is me." She smiled gently. "Thanks you for tonight. I had a great time."

Eve smiled. " I was hoping that you'd say that. I had a great time too." She hesitated, and leaned forward. She kissed Callie softly and pulled back. Callie's eyes fluttered open. Eve smiled. "I guess that I'll see you later."

"Right." Callie answered. "Later." As she walked away, Callie unlocked her car and sat down. After a long moment, she turned on her car and drove away.


	44. Release

This is the last chapter of a seven chapter update. If you haven't already checked out the preceding 6 chapters, they start at ch. 38.

See you on the other side.

* * *

"Hey, sweetie, be careful." Callie called out. "We don't want to get paint all over the pretty couch right?"

It was Tuesday, and she had the morning off. The rain had canceled the plans that she'd had to take Sofia outside to the park, so they' decided to stay in. Sofia had been talking about making pictures, so today had been the perfect time to bust out the set of watercolors that Arizona had bought the week before. She'd come back from her date last week to find Sofia jumping up in down in her pajamas, excited over the paints that Mama had bought for her at the store. It had taken them an extra hour to put her to sleep, but it had been worth it to see the look on Sofia's face now as she painted, her tongue poking out of the side of her mouth as she mixed two colors together.

"I'll be right back, okay? Just going to get some water for your brush." Callie headed for the kitchen and grabbed a glass. She moved to the sink. Eve had called earlier, when she'd been getting Sofia dressed for the park. She hadn't had a chance to call her back yet. She sighed. The date had been nice. Really nice. But-

It was just weird. Getting asked out. It was going to take some time to get used to. Again. It was hard, a lot harder than she thought that it would be. Maybe it was because she and Arizona had been together for so long. Or because they'd had a child together. She filled the cup with water. Or because she still loved her.

She turned off the sink. She still loved her. It was as simple and as complicated as that. That wasn't to say that she didn't love George after they divorced, because she did, but...It was just different. They'd been different. She and George had realized in the end that they had never really been in this together, as a unit. She'd loved him more than he had her. It had been embarrassing to have to admit that to herself. She and Arizona had been all in. They'd loved each other wholly. Completely. And the love was still there. And despite how everything had fallen apart, it was still hard to let go of that kind of feeling, of having that kind of acceptance. It had been a gift.

She thought about the kiss they'd shared that night, at the gala. The love was still there. It was everything else that was the problem. There'd just been so much stuff for them to fight through. And they couldn't do it anymore. They had to move on. Right?

She rubbed her eyes. It was still taking her too long to fall asleep. And she was still having trouble staying asleep. Things had been better since the fire and gala and everything, but it was still hard.

Maybe it always would be.

* * *

Cristina moved into the scrub room and started to wash her hands. Maybe if they got out early, she'd have a chance to run up and see Karev about dinner tonight. Because it was totally not her day to cook, and she wanted a _feast_. Maybe they could get Jo to cook. She makes a really mean-

The door opened, and Arizona stepped in. "Hey," she said as she approached the sink.

"Hey," Cristina replied.

Arizona turned on the water and began scrubbing her hands. "So this should be pretty simple."

Cristina nodded her head. "Yeah, hopefully we open her up, and then-"

There was a slight grinding noise, and then the scrub room went dark. For a second, she sees it all again, the plane, the trees, the fires, Jerry. Lexie. Something is burning and there is no more water. They needed to get-

The lights flickered back on. The water in the sink was still running. Cristina closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. She opened them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Arizona's hand tighten against the basin of the sink. After a moment, she placed a hand on her shoulder. Arizona looked at her.

"You ok?"

Arizona nodded. Cristina nodded back. They both turned back to the sink. They started scrubbing again.

"You know," Arizona started casually, "we should really talk to someone about getting these lights fixed."

Cristina chuckled. "Finally." She dried her hands. " Something of substance that we could bring up at a board meeting."

* * *

The moon was full when she made her way home from the hospital. She nodded at the bellman and made her way to the elevator. She sighed. That family...

Charlotte had never forgiven her parents. She had told them that she hated them, that she never wanted to see them again, she'd destroyed them. They'd never be the same.

The elevator dinged and she moved into the hallway. As she reached the end if the hallway, she stopped in front of her door and took out her key. She took a deep breath.

And opened the door.

The lights were on low in the sitting area. She raised an eyebrow. Toys and books were everywhere. Blocks were stacked haphazardly in a pile in the corner and the paints were still uncovered on the dining table. And there, sprawled on the couch, fast asleep, was Callie. She smiled. Her clothes were spattered with paint, and she was still clutching a piece of paper in her hands. She moved into the room and gently set down her keys.

Callie stirred. "Oh," she said sleepily. She sat up. "I'm awake, I'm up." She jostled the crayons in her lap.

"Oh. Crap." She looked up. "Hey. Sorry about the mess." She started to pick up crayons. "It was a rainy day, and we couldn't go outside and Sofia got a little stir crazy, so we ended up doing a lot." She chuckled. "We played lots of games, and built buildings and did some finger painting- sorry about the table, by the way. And...we painted a picture!" She held up the paper. "Well, she did. I was her assistant and just passed her the paint. "Look, see?" She pointed to a row of stick figures at the bottom of the paper. "She drew us, from that day at the fair. She's holding the llama that I won her, and Mr. Snuggles- though he definitely wasn't there that day- and you can see a blobby Ferris Wheel in the background..." Callie trailed off. Arizona didn't reply. She squinted down at the paper and looked back up at her. "What? Can you not see it?" She pointed. "It's right there, over my right shoulder-"

"Thank you." Arizona said hoarsely.

Callie shook her head, puzzled. "Um, you're welcome? I didn't draw the picture, but-"

"Today there was a kid at the hospital." Arizona said quietly. "Her name was Charlotte- Charlie. Her parents called her Charlie. She was here with a myocardial infection. Cristina and I operated." She looked at the time over the mantle and blinked, disoriented. "I'm sorry that I came in so late. I just wanted to see Sofia before I head to sleep and- "

"Hey. You know that you don't need to explain about that." Callie said softly. "Slow down. Do you want to sit?" She shifted on the sofa. "Talk to me. Did she not make it? Are you okay?"

Arizona shook her head. "She made it. It's just-"

She took a deep breath and started again.

"A couple of months ago, Charlie had been in a really bad accident in Idaho. I've been consulting with it for a while. Her parents had been with her. Her back had been crushed and they made the decision to go for surgery she was still in a coma. The surgeons could only get her back up to 60% function. She's a gymnast. When she woke up, she couldn't handle it. She threw things, she screamed at them, she said all of these hateful things. And, then her mother- Mrs. Wang- died. She'd had a bad fall in the accident, no physical signs of trauma. She waved off treatment because she wanted to be there for Charlie. Mr. Wang didn't tell her at the time because she was still in between surgeries and still in a lot of pain. But Charlie thought that she was still alive. And she was still cursing her for taking that decision away from her."

Arizona sighed. "Today, her father was rushed into surgery for a brain aneurism. Out of the blue. She still wasn't talking to him. When Derek opened him up, there was already nothing that they could do."

She shook her head.

"It happened while we were still in surgery. And afterward, I had to tell her. When I was telling her, when I was looking at this young girl and telling her that her parents were dead, that the people that had chosen to save her life were dead, and all I could think about was you. About how after the plane crash, I never thanked you. Not once. I know that we've said a lot to each other, but I've never told you that. And I think that you really need to hear it. "

Callie froze. The light by the window illuminated her silhouette. Her body. Her face. Her eyes were dark, and her mouth shuddered open. Arizona stepped forward.

"I never thanked you for saving my life. For making that decision, so that I could live and see my friends, my family. So I could play with Sofia at a fair and watch her grow up. So I could see my kids everyday and make a difference in their lives. So I could talk to my parents. So I could cut. So that I could see...anything. See _everything_. So," she looked at her. "I'm saying it now, Calliope."

Arizona looked at Callie in the couch, sitting there in old paint splattered clothes. In her right hand was the picture that their daughter had made capturing a time that she may have never lived to see. Carousels and park benches, galas and speeches. She thought about the people that she may have never gotten to meet- Ryan with his sweet face and love for video games, Vincent with his tough guy-demeanor and great smile. Marie, with her inner beauty and strength. She thought about tights and dresses and pants and Alex and Owen and Teddy and kisses . She thought about happiness, about acceptance, about love. Arizona closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Opening them, she stared at her full on, blue eyes piercing brown.

"Thank you for saving my life."

* * *

Hotels were a curious place. Their walls were vaults, keepers of moments and secrets that have never been told. They stood, over the years, in the same places, as the times changed. Roaring Twenties, Depressing Thirties, Booming Fifties, Grungy Nineties-they've heard it all. Births, deaths, marriages, affairs, conversations, celebrations, mourning, arguments, If the walls could talk, they would be the ultimate gossipers. They'd talk of the happiness they'd seen within those walls and whisper about the scandalous things that they've seen take place within their walls. They'd shake their heads and pass judgment amongst themselves at the murders and crimes, tear up at the arguments and births and death.

They'd talk of the serious events and the violent ones, of disabilities and boring normalcy. Loneliness and excitement. The voices of the past echo in their structures just waiting to be shared.

But tonight?

Tonight, the walls stand silent. They don't whisper in gossip or judgment. They stand in silence as the woman within them silently closed her door. They listen as she carefully places down her phone and takes off her shirt. They hear when she walks to the bathroom and takes off the rest of her clothes. They listen to her crumple in the shower. They absorb the sound of her gut wrenching sobs.

And they hear no nightmares that night when she finally goes to sleep.


	45. A Note

Hello,

So this actually is not an update. I kind of wanted to take the opportunity to say a few things. There are are no spoilers in this post, but if you haven't read this story in a bit, then there was a 7 chapter update that you can check out if you like. It starts at ch. 38.

But moving on to the real reason for this note:

I really want to address the "Review" portion of this story. If you check out the reviews for ch. 44 (there aren't many) you'll notice that none of them are guest reviews. Guest reviews can be moderated (approved or deleted) for a 36 hour time period before just being posted to the story. I haven't been moderating any of the guest reviews to be posted because some of them are really mean spirited. Others have nothing to do with the story. And it makes me feel weird because I don't want to censor anyone or "cherry-pick" reviews. We all have a right to how we feel. But, I also don't think that it's okay for me to approve something that says "go kill urself" to the reviews section. And so, I haven't posted any guest reviews at all- good or bad.

I want to say a heart-felt thank you to all of the Guest reviewers out there who have reviewed and said something constructive- whether that it was about something that they liked, about something that they felt that they needed to dispute, or otherwise. I haven't decided what I'm going to do about Guest Reviews for later chapters, but I don't think that I'm going to post any for chapter 44. If you are a Guest Reviewer and you do want to say something about the chapter, you could still leave a review because I do read them all, but it won't be posted. It's just really sad. discouraging, and frankly, really disturbing that reading reviews has become something that I've come to dread.

In other, happier news, I am 93% certain that "Breathe" will come to an end this week. The next update will (most likely) be a multi-chapter one, and will probably come around at the end of this week/weekend. Thank you for your patience and for your support.

-forensics226


	46. Real Estate

So this is it. The last update. I'm really psyched to have finally finished this story. These last few chapters took longer than I expected to write. It was really difficult to try and give the ending proper justice. I think that I'm okay with how things ended. Hopefully you are too.

So, without further ado, I present to you: the conclusion of "Breathe."

This is the **1st chapter of a 4 chapter update.**

Enjoy!

* * *

It was an unusually sunny day in Seattle. A beautiful sunny day in Seattle. Callie bopped to the music in her car as she drove to work. She was feeling good today. Not even good, _great._ Sofia had been a dream this morning, and hadn't even made a fuss about putting on her tights. Her surgeries had been going well lately. There hadn't been a casualty in her OR in weeks . And she was sleeping like a baby at night. It's a wonder what eight hours of solid sleep could do for you. And you know what else?

It was an absolutely gorgeous day.

She parked the car in her usual spot and grabbed her stuff. Turning on her IPod, she bopped her way into the hospital, waving at the nurses and staff that she knew. She walked into the locker room and approached her locker. Humming, she twisted the dial and opened the door. As she placed her bag into her locker, her eyes fell onto a picture she'd posted on the wall. It was the picture that Sofia had painted of the three of them at the fair. She traced a finger over the Ferris Wheel that she had placed behind them.

_This was a beautiful day._

Arizona's words on the Ferris Wheel came back to her, unbidden. She traced a figure over the figure again. She had called life beautiful that day on the Ferris Wheel, had shown so much happiness and appreciation for it.

Now it felt like she could see what she meant. She was one of the luckiest people on Earth. She had a great career, a beautiful daughter, wonderful friends.

What more could she need?

Callie pulled on her scrub top and grabbed her phone and her pager before closing her locker. She wanted to check on a couple of things in the lab before she went out on her rotation. There were a couple of samples that she'd had her eye on that looked like they could be the start of something new. And then she had a full surgical schedule before Owen's staff meeting later. Everyone wanted to be operated on by Callie Torres. It was kind of awesome, and totally flattering. It was also a little tiring, but who cares? She was on top of the world.

Her phone vibrated in her hand, breaking her out of her thoughts. Callie looked at the display and picked up the call. "Hi Mr. Santi. How are you?"

"Ms. Torres, I'm so glad that I caught you." The stalwart real estate sounded harried. Callie walked slowly down the hallway. "Yeah, I just got into work." She furrowed her brow. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, but that is not the reason for this call. As you know, we've been keeping an eye on that property that you mentioned a couple of weeks ago. The one a few miles out of town. There hasn't been any movement on the property in months, but I just heard that someone put an offer on the house?"

Callie stopped walking. "What?"

"A big one. And someone else upped the bid. Things are heating up now, and I just wanted to call you and find out what you wanted to do."

Callie shook her head wordlessly. People wanted the house? Their house?

"Ms. Torres? Ms. Torres? What do you want to do?" Callie turned back toward the phone. "Mr. Santi-"

"Hey, Torres!" She jerked in surprise. Callie turned around to see Owen hurrying toward her. She turned back toward her phone. "I'm doing something really important right now. Ask me later at the staff meeting."

"Cristina has a case in the E.R.- enlarged heart. The patient also has an ankle fracture. I need you on it."

"No can do."

Owen sighed. "Torres, please. She paged Ortho and they sent Meyer, but you know how they are with each other."

Callie winced. The last time that Cristina and Brian had been in an OR, she had almost threatened to scalp him for his incompetence. He'd responded by calling her a she-devil with the sight of Stevie Wonder. But even then...She shook her head "Look- "

Owen glanced down at his pager and smiled apologetically. "It's urgent, I have to go." He ran down the hallway. "Exam room 1. Thank you Torres!"

"But-" Callie sighed. She looked down toward her phone. Meyer or no Meyer, this buy was not happening. "Mr. Santi? I'm here. " She turned the corner, her face set. "This is what I'm going to need you to do."

...

"Oh, Thank God." Cristina handed Callie the chart as they headed down the hallway. "I was two seconds away from taking his stethoscope and shoving it up his-"

Callie held up a hand. "Okay, please don't " She flipped open the chart. "Can we just do this please?"

"Seriously? you don't even like Meyers." she looked over at the Latina. "What's up with you?"

Callie glanced at her phone. They approached the exam room and stopped outside the door. Three interns were waiting for them. Callie groaned. "Seriously?"

"Hello, Dr. Torres." An eager woman with her hair tucked in a long braid stepped forward. "I'm Veronica Noel. I've heard so much about your work, and can I say that I am very excited to be working with you today?-"

"I'm Neal Taylor, and it's a pleasure to meet you-"

"Jenny Sharp, Dr. Torres. It's an honor to be in the same space-"

"Okay, okay. Let's not all suck up at once." Cristina headed into the room. Callie smiled briefly at the interns and followed.

A man lay in the bed, unconscious. A woman watched him silently as he breathed, seated in the chair next to the bed. She wiped her eyes with a tissue.

Cristina approached her. "Ms. Jacobs? This is Dr. Torres, the Orthopedic surgeon that I told you about."

Ms. Jacobs shook her dark her out of her eyes and turned to the taller woman. "It's great to meet you. Did Dr. Yang update you on Ian's case?"

Callie nodded. "She did. I saw the scans that were taken when he was first admitted, but I'd like to get a new set before we go into surgery tomorrow."

"And Dr. Yang will do the Lotus Valve Implantation while you set his ankle?"

"Yes." Cristina nodded. "If everything goes well, he should be home by the end of the week."

Ms. Jacobs smiled. "Great. Thank you so much." She turned toward the bed. "Will I be able to see him when he wakes up?"

Cristina nodded. "We will take you to see your husband as soon as everything is set after surgery."

"Ex."

Callie blinked. "Excuse me?"

"He's my ex husband. We got divorced over a year ago." She looked from one doctor to the other. "I know it seems sort of weird, but he's still my friend. My confidant. So yeah, I'm going to be here for him."

"Why did you get divorced?" A voice piped in from the back of the room. Callie raised an eyebrow at the interns. Neal Taylor lowered his head, chagrined. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay." She met his eyes levelly. "He slept with someone else."

"Okay." Callie shifted slightly. "Well, I'm going to look at the newest set of scans." She nodded toward the hospital bed. "I'll see you later for the surgery."

* * *

The conference room on the 7th floor was packed with doctors. Owen nodded at his attending as they filed into the room, with April beaming by his side.

"Are we on for tonight?" Cristina asked Meredith as they made their way to their seats. Callie trailed behind them with her eyes trained on her cell phone. "Yup." Meredith nodded. "Derek is babysitting tonight-hey!"

Callie didn't look up from her phone. "Sorry, Grey. This is important." Unseeing, she lowered herself into the nearest chair. Meredith raised an eyebrow at Cristina. She shrugged. They sat behind Callie and peeked over her shoulder.

Owen surveyed the doctors in the room and cleared his throat. "Okay, everyone. I think that we're going to start." April moved to sit down.

"Arizona isn't here. We should wait for her." Derek said. He shut his phone off. Alex turned to Owen. "I think she told me that she was going to be running a little late. She said to start without her."

Owen nodded.

"Okay." He cleared his throat. "Before I hand out the call schedules, I just wanted to go over a few things that we didn't have time to address before the MVA last week." He stood up and handed a stack of papers to the person sitting closest to him. Alex grabbed a sheet of paper and shoved it behind him. April caught the stack before it tumbled to the floor and glared at the back of his head. She rolled her eyes. Unseeing, Alex eyed the pile of food on the conference room table. He flipped open a box.

"That isn't for you yet." April hissed. Alex snorted. "It's here isn't it?" He grabbed a doughnut and bit in. April let out a long suffering sigh. Alex shook his head at the paper in his hand. "We have people coming to observe us?" he mumbled. "Again?"

Owen nodded his head. "_Time_ wants to do an article on the hospital and its doctors, and they are particularly interested in the surgical program. With Dr. Bailey's Genome laboratory, Dr. Shepherd's new research, and Dr. Torres' research and Harper Avery, Grey-Sloan Memorial is what's hot right now. And the board and I agree that this is something that we should definitely be taking advantage of."

"What's the matter, Karev?" Cristina munched on her doughnut. "Camera shy?"

"Bite me."

April raised her hand. "Are there just going to be cameras following us around or will there also be interviews?"

Webber took a sheet of paper from the pile and slipped on his glasses. "From my understanding, there will be two reporters that will circulating though the hospital, talking to the staff, conducting interviews. The cameras will be recording a couple of surgeries, and a board meeting or two. Nothing extensive like the documentary from a couple of years ago."

Jeff Russell raised his hand. "What surgeries will you be picking to be recorded for the piece?"

"Probably all of the board's." Alex sniffed.

"Excuse me?" Bailey interjected. "That better not be true-"

"That's not fair!" April jumped in. "How is that supposed to work for everyone else?"

Shadow Shepherd shook his head. "If this is how things are going to be-"

Owen held his hands up. "Everyone, everyone. Relax. Barring any emergent cases, every doctor will present a surgery that they would like to perform to me, and I will pick the surgeries out of a lot. That way, everyone has an equal chance about being selected."

"Good." Bailey sniffed. "Because I don't have a bad side on camera." She smoothed down her lab coat.

"If you have any questions on anything pertaining to the _Time _interview, then please don't hesitate to contact Dr. Webber or myself-we will be running point on it from here on out." Owen clasped his hands together. "Now, the next order of business-"

"Son of a bitch!"

The room turned toward Callie. She looked around sheepishly and coughed. "Um, I'm sorry. That was just..." she nodded toward Owen. "Carry on."

Owen cleared his throat. "As I was saying, the next order of business on today's agenda is the state of the attending's lounge on the fourth floor."

"Jackson using it as his personal condo again?" Meredith asked. She peered over Callie's shoulder and gestured toward the screen. "That's a nice one." Callie grinned. "I know, right?"

"Ever since he started dating that shrink, it's like he thinks he owns the place." Cristina said loudly.

Meredith turned back to the room. "Nepotism at its finest."

"Shut up." Jackson muttered. He slouched in his seat. Owen ignored them. "We all work here and have to share the same space. Let's try to be courteous of one another, okay?"

Bailey sniffed. "No home training," she muttered. Webber shrugged. "I don't know why. His mother taught him better."

Jackson cleared his throat. "Um, what's the next order of business?"

"Go higher" Cristina muttered to Callie. "Scare them off." Callie pushed the buttons on her phone frantically. "I'm trying. This other person just won't quit."

"Today is actually a very special day for one of our attendings." Owen smiled. "I just received word that April Kepner passed her board examination last week. So, congratulations to her." The room erupted into applause. April beamed. "Do you mind if I say a few words, Chief?" Owen stepped aside. "It's all yours."

April stood in front of the room. "I would just like to thank everyone for their support. It wasn't easy being the only attending here who wasn't board certified, but it's over now. I'd really like to thank Dr. Torres for all of her help in studying for the exam...Dr. Torres?'

The brunette doctor was bent over her phone, anxious. "Come on, come on," she muttered to herself. "Thirty seconds left- what?" she snapped at an abusive Cristina. She looked around the conference room. "Oh. Yeah, I was just-"she cleared her throat. "It was my pleasure to help you April, and um, I'm really glad that you passed."

April beamed again. "Again, without your support, I wouldn't have made it through. So as a token of appreciation, breakfast this morning is on me. I hope that you enjoy it-"

"Yes!" Callie jumped up from her seat. "I got it!" She high-fived Cristina and Meredith and began to shimmy around the room.

""Ugh!" Epstein, bent over the table with his hand around his throat. Bailey gasped. "He's choking!" The conference room jumped into motion. Jackson jumped up. "Bill!" Russell moved his chair out of the way. Shadow Shepherd ran for the door. Alex reached over and thumped Epstein on the back. A big piece of doughnut fell onto the table.

They all looked at it in silence. Epstein gagged and gasped for air.

Derek nodded his head. "On that note, I've got surgery."

"Me too," Bailey added.

"Research for me," Russell chimed in.

"You okay, dude?" At the older man's nod, Alex grabbed another doughnut and headed for the door. The other attendings followed suit, grabbing breakfast and napkins on their way out. Webber walked out with a sickly looking Epstein on his shoulder. "Can someone page a nurse? And call Epstein's wife?"

The door closed behind them. April looked at the mess on the table in dismay. Owen patted her on the shoulder."They're happy for you. Really." He cleared his throat. "See you in surgery."

* * *

_Get you motor runnin'_

_Head out on the highway_

_Lookin' for adventure_

_And whatever comes our way_

Callie sung loudly as she drove down the highway. Her excitement grew as she passed another mile marker. The say had started out so well, and here she was, about to cap it off with the greatest thing yet.

Her own house.

Ever since Eve had brought it up, she hadn't been able to let go of the thought of this house. Of living in it. Of having someone else live in it. So she had called Mr. Santi and asked him to keep an eye on the place, let her know if anyone else was looking to buy it. It had been on the market for so long, she hadn't thought that anyone else was interested.

Until today.

She shook her head. The bidding war to day had been crazy. Besides the person who had made the initial offer on the house, there had been another person who was very eager to to make the purchase. And they had been very relentless in upping their bid. She change lanes and indicated to get off on the next exit. It the end, it didn't really matter.

_Born to be wild_

She screamed out with the radio, exhilarated.

She was a homeowner now.

Callie glanced at her GPS. It wasn't too long now. She glanced toward her phone. She should call Eve later, thank her for encouraging her to go for the house. They had gone out a few times after that first date in the restaurant, but things hadn't really gone anywhere. She liked her, genuinely, and she was a good person, but it was just... bad timing.

She turned onto a gravel road and followed it upward. They had met right after the Harper Avery Gala, when things were still new and crazy. She had still been figuring out how to deal with her newfound celebrity and with the hospital and with...

Arizona.

She thought back to the picture that Sofia had made. To the night that she had painted it. When Arizona had come by after work, emotional. And she had talked about her patient. About other things.

_Thank you for saving my life._

She'd thought that she had been over the plane crash. That she had put her decision to amputate behind her. That she was over it. But it wasn't until Arizona had said those words to her that she'd realized how much a part of her had been holding on to it. And now, she could finally let it go. Finally move forward.

She pulled up to the house and just parked. The house was more beautiful in person than she had remembered. It sprawled under the cover of the surrounding trees . A porch swing swung gently on the wrap-around porch that covered the property. She could see the top of the chimney sticking out from the back of the house and imagined what the winters would be like here. She ran her eyes over the beautiful windows, the beautiful wood. This was hers. Was Sofia's. Was theirs.

It was going to need some work. New flooring, furniture, paint. There should be flowers and plants outside- she should get someone on that. She sucked with plants. She needed to sign the papers and talk to the bank. She needed to figure out how much longer they were going to be living at the hotel. She needed to tell her father, Addison, Bailey. She needed to tell Arizona. She needed to tell Sofia. She was going to be so psyched.

She grabbed her phone from the passenger seat and dialed a familiar number. "Hello, Claudia? Hey, it's Callie. I'm running a little later than usual, but I'll be back as soon as I can. Yeah, I just needed to go do something. You can? Thank you so much. I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone and looked back at the house. She smiled. She opened her door and took a deep breath. The cool air rushed into her lungs.

Callie walked around in the waning light, examining the property. She could already see Sofia here, running here and there, happy, excited. Could see herself out here after a long day of work. She glanced down at her watch . A twig cracked nearby, no doubt a squirrel or deer milling about nearby. She really needed to get back to relieve the babysitter, but she wanted to just soak it in. It was her first house. She was a homeowner. And it felt good.

She heard the twig crackled again. And again. That definitely wasn't a deer or squirrel.

What the hell? Callie looks looked into the dark toward the sound. There was nothing there. She heard the crunching again. She peered out into the darkness.

"Hello?"

* * *

For the reviewer who once asked me why Callie and Arizona's apartment had to go down in flames a bunch of chapters ago, this is the reason why. Part of it was because it was something else that pushed Arizona to rock bottom (and realizing that she was not okay), but this eventual result was always the reason why. Getting a new place is a lot like starting over. Turning a new leaf. It's going from a charged past to limbo to somewhere else. somewhere new. And that's a good thing.

It just took me a lot more (like 30) chapters than I thought it would to get to this point. : )


	47. Dreams

This is the **2nd chapter of a 4 chapter update.**

* * *

Callie glanced around in the dark. "Hello? Who's there?" The rustling stopped. Owls hooted softly Crickets chirped into the night. She shook her head, straining her ears to hear through the sounds of nature. Maybe it really was nothing, and she was just freaking herself out over nothing…

The rustling sounded again, closer. She held her breath. More rustling. Callie slipped her hand into her pocket for her phone. Her hand met the fabric of her jeans. She bit her lip, frustrated. The phone was in the car. Where she had just called Claudia. _Crap. _She hadn't said where she was. If she didn't come back, no one would know what had happened. It figures that she'd win a Harper Avery and finally be in a good place only to get murdered while trying to buy a house. She'd get chopped up by some sicko in the woods and they'd find her body years later and dogs would have to dig her up and her skeleton would be out there for everyone to see, and then Sofia would be left with one parent and-

Callie took a quiet breath and shook herself. _Get a grip,_she told herself. That was not going to happen. She was not going to die out here today. Callie crept behind the nearby brush. The noise was getting louder. Reaching down blindly, she searched for something, anything to grab. Louder now. Her hands closed over something rough, and she grasped it desperately. She stood up and wrapped her hands around the small branch.

The noise was getting closer. Closer now. She cocked the wood backward and held her breath. Just one more inch. Less than an inch. A little more and…"Ha!" Callie swung the branch with all her might. She felt something connect with the wood, and a dark shadow fell to the ground. She stood over the stranger and cocked the wood again. "Don't move! The police are on their way."

"Police?" A muffled voice asked. The person on the ground shook their head, disoriented. "What?"

At the sound if the familiar voice, Callie paused. "What?" She leaned in closer and squinted at the ground. "Arizona?"

Arizona blinked furiously with a hand over her mouth. "Callie?"

The brunette dropped the wood. "Oh, my God, did I get you?" She bent over to help the blonde up, wiping grass and dirt off of her clothes. "Are you okay?"

Arizona straightened up and rubbed her jaw. She opened and closed it a couple times. "I saw something flying out at me from the corner of my eye, so I tried to duck backward." She wiped a trickle of blood away from the corner of her lip. "It's just a nick."

Callie raised her hands to her face and studied the cut in the fading light. "It doesn't look too deep." She tilted her head to the side to examine it at a better angle. "How about we sit you down and put something on that? I have a first aid kit in the car."

Arizona shook her head quickly as Callie looked toward her car." It's just a scratch. I'll be fine."

Callie turned back to the blonde. "We don't know where that twig has been. The cut could be infected." She looked at her. "Just let me do this, please. I feel bad enough about this already."

Arizona looked at her for a moment. She nodded. Callie nodded back. She looked around again. "Let's find somewhere to sit." They moved toward the house and climbed onto the porch. The wood creaked softly with age as they walked across the floor. There was a swing at the end of the deck, facing the waning sun. They regarded the battered swing in silence. Callie raised an eyebrow. "How long do you think this has been here? Since the Gold Rush?"

"At least." Arizona agreed.

"Should we risk it?"

"Why not?" Arizona lowered herself onto the swing gingerly. It swung gently. "It's solid." She looked back toward the taller woman. Callie gestured toward her car. "I'm parked over there. I'll be right back."

Arizona watched her step off of the porch into the night. It had been shocking, to say the least, to see anyone up here, much less Callie. And when you factor in getting attacked with a thick twig-she chuckled. She gingerly lifted her hand to her face. The pain wasn't too bad. At least it hadn't hit her full in the face. Callie might have taken her head off. She thought about the way that Callie had fussed over her after she'd been hit. The look in her eyes as she had radiated concern. How soft her hands had felt on her face. She shook her head. Thinking things like that was a bad idea. No matter how she felt about Callie, they needed to keep this simple. Laidback. Easy.

She could do easy.

"Got it." Callie held up a small red box as she approached the swing. "Awesome," Arizona replied. She reached out with her foot to stop the motion of the swing. Callie set the kit down next to the blonde, and stood in front of her. She reached her hands toward her face and stopped. "May I?"

Arizona smiled softly. "Of course.'" Nice and easy. Callie nodded. Her hands gently landed on her face. Her eyes closed instinctively at their feel on her face. Callie froze. 'Does that hurt? Am I hurting you?"

"No," Arizona replied quickly, opening her eyes. "I just… it just…stings, a little."

Callie nodded in understanding. "It looks like it's going to bruise. I don't see any wood slivers though, so that's a good thing." She lowered her hand to her chin. "Can I?"

'Sure." Callie turned her head softly. She leaned in closer to examine the cut at the center of the bruise. Arizona inhaled softly at the feel of he breath on her face. She dragged her eyes to the sunset, willing herself not to close her eyes. "What?"

"I said that the cut doesn't look too deep." Callie murmured. "I can just disinfect it, and cover it, but you should get some ice for the bruising when we get home."

Arizona nodded. "Sounds good." Callie nodded back and removed her hands from her face. She reached for the kit on the swing and opened it. She grabbed a disinfectant pad and opened it. "So, what were you doing up here?"

"I was-" Arizona hissed as the pad made contact with her cut. "I was on a walk."

Callie raised her eyebrow. "A walk? All the way out here?"

"Yeah. I mean I took a cab up here, but...I figured that I'd get some exercise, and watch the sunset. It's beautiful up here." She watched Callie place the pad down and reach for a small Band-Aid. "What about you?"

"I was going for a drive." Callie examined her handiwork. "All done." She closed up the kit and set it near the floor. Arizona turned toward her. "Thank you."

Callie nodded. "No problem." She lowered herself onto the swing. It began to swing gently again, back and forth, back and forth. The sun was a brilliant orange in the sky as it made its leave of the day.

"This is a beautiful spot."

'"Yeah. Beautiful." Arizona agreed. She pushed the swing with her foot. "I remember when we talked about it. This place."

"Me too." Callie rubbed her hands together. "How it was a place that Sofia could grow up in. She could decorate her own room; have enough space to run around." She put her hands in her pockets. "And have a llama."

Arizona laughed. "Right. Her llama _and_ her puppy."

"And her puppy," Callie agreed. She stared out over the horizon. "Your chickens."

Arizona nodded silently. She turned away from the brilliant sky and looked out over the yard. "I was going to garden. It was going to be beautiful. I was going to plant a bunch of flowers for the summer- sunflowers and lilies and roses." She stretched her legs out in front of her. "We were going to paint."

Callie snorted. "Um, I was going to paint. If you had your way, everything would have been beige."

'"Hey! That is not true."

"Sure it isn't."

Arizona turned to the Latina, indignant. "Are you laughing at me?"

Callie covered her chuckle with her mouth. "That was a cough."

"Uh huh." Arizona shook her head and turned back toward the sunset. "Funny how things change," she said quietly. "We had such a plan."

Callie nodded. "Yeah, we did." She looked off into the distance. "We did."

The sun arced lower in the sky. They sat there companionably, in silence, watching the golden orb produce brilliant colors in the sky.

Arizona stirred.

"You know I was going to buy this place? I mean, it would be too lonely for me to live here by myself, but, I don't know..." She pushed the swing again, gently, rocking them into the night. "I guess I didn't like thinking of the place sitting here empty. I was going to work on it a little bit, fix it up, and I don't know." She broke off to look at the brunette next to her. "What?

"It's just...Callie shook her head and laughed. "I couldn't imagine anyone else living in it either."

Arizona looked at her, confused. "What?"

Callie chuckled." Today, I spent half of the staff meeting on the phone with my realtor. We were trying to buy this place. Someone put an offer on it this morning, but we outbid them. And then someone _else..."_

Arizona shook her head, blonde curls bouncing. "No-"

"-kept outbidding me."

Arizona sat in her seat, stunned. "Wow." The swing creaked rhythmically.

They began to laugh. A squirrel raced over the ground and scampered up a tree, startled. An owl hooted, annoyed. The crickets chirped happily into the night air.

The sun dipped lower in the sky.

…

Arizona looked over at the brunette driving. It hadn't been long after the sun set that Callie had suggested getting back home. Her hair was windblown from their time on the porch, and her cheeks were a rosy pink from the wind. She wanted to lean over and kiss that cheek, feel it's smoothness under her lips. She wanted to lean her head on Callie's shoulder and just be. Inhale the scent that was uniquely her, and kiss her neck absently when they stop at a red light. Callie bit her lip as she examined the intersection, swinging her head left, then right, before continuing down the road. Arizona turned toward the front of the car and tried not to fidget. Watching her drive wasn't going to make things easier.

"I mean it. I'm glad you bought it. The house, I mean." She glanced out of the window. "I'm glad that it's not going to waste."

"Thanks."

'When are you going to move out here?"

Callie signaled to make a turn. "I don't know. Maybe in a couple of weeks? It just happened so fast and so much has to get done before then. I was going to talk to you about it first, before I moved forward on anything " She turned. " I still have to tell Sofia."

"Well, I'm fine with it, and I don't think that you need to worry about Sofia." Arizona turned toward the brunette and smiled. "She's going to love it."

….

The door to room clicked open, and Arizona walked in, turning on the lights. Callie trailed her and closed the door. Her eyes followed the blonde as she took off her shoes and her jacket. The swelling on her face was getting larger. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Just need to grab some ice." Arizona turned toward the brunette and smiled gently. "Thanks for the ride, Calliope." She turned to head for the kitchen.

Callie's hand paused on the doorknob. She exhaled quietly. The distant footsteps behind her grew louder, as the other woman walked back into the room.

"Hey, did you forget something?" The footsteps kept moving for a moment and then stopped. Callie heard one foot move on front of the other, hesitantly. "Callie?"

She turned around. "You called me Calliope."

Arizona stopped short again. "What?"

"That night. In the hotel room." Thunder boomed in the distance. The drapes moved slightly, buffered by the wind. "With Charlotte. You came in, and-" the drapes billowed again, firmer. "You called me Calliope then too."

"I did." Arizona smiled slightly. She placed the ice in her hands on a nearby table. "Yeah, I guess it just-it just came out." She stuck her hands in her pocket. "I've been trying not to- I didn't think that...it made you uncomf-" She cleared her throat. "That you would want to hear it," she finished quietly. She looked up at the brunette.

A shadow crossed over Callie's face as she opened her mouth to respond. "It's just weird to hear again. Different."

Arizona blanched. _Nice going._"I can stop if you-"

Callie shook her head. "Um, no, no. It's good that we- that we can-" She broke off. "Um, it's fine."

Arizona nodded at her. "Okay."

Callie nodded back. "Okay." She looked around. "Well, I guess I should head back." She reached for the doorknob again. Arizona watched her go. _Tell her,_Teddy's voice insists. _Be honest with her_, Perry says.

_Be honest with her._

"I meant it." Arizona blurted out. Callie turned back. Arizona looked into her eyes. "That night I meant it, and I need you to know that." The thunder boomed again closer. Arizona took a step forward. "I was in such a bad place -

"Arizona-

She took another step forward. "And all of those things that I mentioned? All of those people my parents and Sofia and Alex and my kids and the hospital. I'm so grateful to have them in my life. But I'm also grateful for you. I'm so _unbelievably_grateful for you. Grateful for your compassion and your smile. Your stubbornness. Your love. I'm so grateful for the love that you gave me, showed me and I just-"

Arizona cupped her cheek. She felt Callie tremble slightly under her palm, but she didn't move away. She felt a flicker of hope start in her chest. Swallowing, Arizona tried to speak again. "I just-" She looked into her eyes searchingly, trying to show her what she wasn't able to say.

Her eyes fell onto her lips.

She moved slowly, her face moving closer and closer to the brunette's and touch gently. Arizona closed her eyes at the sensation. She kept the kiss light, so that only their lips were touching. She tried to convey everything that she felt in that touch, in that kiss. _Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. You are amazing. You are magnificent. Beautiful._

_Forgive me._

_I want you. I see you. I love you. I love you._

_I love you._

She opened her eyes slowly and gazed at the face in front of her. Her eyes were still closed, and her breath shuddered out softly. Arizona slowly removed her hands from her face. She watched the woman in front of her silently.

Callie opened her eyes. Her brown eyes burned into blue. Arizona couldn't recognize the emotions in her eyes. Her heart dropped. She shrugged helplessly. "Callie. I-" A finger touched her lips. She closed her eyes briefly at the contact and looked back toward the woman in front of her. Two other fingers joined the first and traced a path over her lips. They moved sideways to her tender cheek. She gasped slightly as those long lean fingers ghosted gently over the bruise on her face. The other hand followed suit to the other side, moving to frame her face. Callie dipped forward slowly, and their lips met again, softly, slowly, barely touching. Her eyes drifted shut.

Callie's touch was gentle and uncertain. Her lips moved questioningly over her own, over and over again, slowly, as if she were searching for answers. Callie kissed her softly, searchingly repeatedly, each kiss containing more pressure than the last. Soon, her lips are firmly over her own, and Callie is anchoring her closer, closer. Her back hits the wall hard and she doesn't care. She can feel teeth nibble at her bottom lip and her mouth shudders open in a moan. "Callie-" Callie's tongue takes advantage of the opening and darts inside. They both moan. Callie pushes her deeper into the wall- her hands are everywhere, and this, _this_ feels like everything. This was recognition, was understanding. It was passion, as it always was but it was different. They were different. She can taste her, taste Callie, and the sensation of it, the wonder of it floors her as much as it always did. But there was something else there. This feels like comfort and wanting. It feels like forgiveness, and it's all that she can do to catch her breath, to hold on, to experience and be grateful. Grateful that this woman, that this amazing, strong woman, was here with her, kissing her. She could barely breathe.

Arizona moves her lips toward Callie's neck, seeking the softness that was there. She feels the moan under her lips and groans in response, feeling the moan all the way down to her core. Her hands drift to her waist. hesitantly and move slowly upward. they ghost over hardened nipples and land at her shoulders. She feels soft hands dip below her back, to cup her behind.

The air feels cool across her face. Disoriented, she opens her eyes, panting. Callie's face is flushed. She runs her hands over her face and shakes her head. "I can't. I can't." She panted softly, trying to regain her breath. Callie looked up at the blonde. "We shouldn't."

The words hit her like a freight train. _We shouldn't. We couldn't._"Okay." Arizona closed her eyes. She brought her hand up to touch bruised lips. "Okay." She opened her eyes. "We won't."

Callie nodded back at her "Okay."

"Okay."

She watched as she moved across the room. Watched as the door closed quietly behind her.

She buried her face in her hands and slid to the floor.


	48. Crux

This is the **3rd chapter of a 4 chapter update.**

* * *

"Okay, take him up to C.T." Callie ripped off her gloves and tossed them into the trash. "I'll be right there." After receiving a nod from her interns, she ripped open the curtains and moved to the nurses' station. "There was a call for me?" Jen, the nurse on staff nodded toward a receiver. "For you on line two."

Callie grabbed the phone. "Thanks." She pressed a button. "Hello, this is Dr. Torres. Oh, hi Catherine. What? Tonight?" Shane approached and handed her a chart. She flipped it open and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I need to be there?" She looked up from the chart and looked at Shane quizzically. He shrugged. "What? Yes, I'm still here. Sorry, I'm in the ER and we're really swamped. Okay. Okay, I'll be there. Formal? Of course it's formal. Oh, nothing, nothing. I'll see you tonight. Bye." Callie hung up the phone and sighed. "What is going on here?"

"Well, from the looks of it, you have some sort of function to attend tonight."

"Not that, Ross." She gestured toward the chart. "I mean this. His blood pressure is way too high and it looks like there was some tenderness in the abdominal area." She closed the chart, and gave it to the younger man. "Page Bailey and hand this off to her. I've got to meet Murphy up in C.T." Callie moved away from the nurses' station and took out her phone. She needed to see if Arizona was going to be working late. If she was, then they were going to have to call Claudia and get her to watch Sofia for the night. And she still needed to find contractors for the move, and check up on the post-op vitals for the Jacobs' surgery from last week. The surgery had gone well, but everything else...

...

_One Week Ago_

The OR was packed with interns, all jostling to approach this surgery. They leaned forward excitedly, unable to help themselves. They fired out questions.

"So are you going to insert a rod into the ankle?"

Callie didn't look up from the ankle. "No. I'm going to use metal plates and screws."

"How do you know where to place the plates?"

"Is he going to need some of your cartilage?"

"What was it like winning the Harper Avery?"

Callie closed her eyes briefly. She hadn't gotten much sleep after she had left Arizona's room and now she was suffering for it. "Um-"

"Okay, you know what?" Cristina looked up, annoyed. "I think that we're good here. Go find something to do." The interns shuffled out of the room, dejected. As the door swung shut, Callie looked up at the Asian doctor. "Thanks. Usually I can, but today, I just..." She looked back down toward the leg. "I can't."

_She looked at Arizona, face flushed, trembling._

_"I can't I can't." She shook her head. "We shouldn't."_

_Arizona looked back at her, her eyes burning bright. "Okay." She nodded, slowly to herself, and then to Callie, her eyes resolute, accepting._

_"Okay._

_We won't."_

She and Arizona have been friendly since then. Been friends. Taking Sofia everywhere, laughing about things, being _friends_. Sofia is happier, and things are good. She shook her head.

That night, in her room. It had been...they had been... She thought about the way Arizona had approached her. Had laid her lips on hers. It had felt like... And then she'd just...

Kissed her. Again and again. She didn't even know what she was looking for. For traces of hate, or resentment? For gratitude? For love?

She had only found Arizona. And then she hadn't been able to help herself. She didn't want to help herself.

It wasn't a good idea. Them together. They'd already been down this road so many times. But then she looks at Arizona, feels her underneath her skin, and it feels like they could do it. It feels like they could make it, and she just wants to sink into her and forget everything else. She wanted to let her back in, but how could she?

How could she?

She screwed another plate in place.

Why was this so _hard_?

"I'm almost done with the implantation." Cristina moved the wire deeper in to Jacobs' chest. "How are you with the ankle?"

"Pretty much set." She screwed in another screw.

"Good. We'll get someone to update the ex-wife."

"Yeah." She put down a screw. "What is with that? How is that okay? How could she just forgive him and be here?" She shrugged her shoulders. "What, just like that?"

"Callie-"

She shook her head. "You know what, forget it. I'm done. Page Sharp, she can close."

She ripped off her gown and left the OR.

...

Callie blew out a breath. Figures the Avery Foundation would request her presence for a dinner on the busiest day of the week. Did she even have anything to wear? Everything was getting packed in boxes in preparation for the move, and she really didn't want to go digging for a dress when she got home. It might be easier to just go buy one on her way home from work, which hopefully would end on time for once. Hopefully, the C.T. will show a basic fracture repair that she could set quickly so she could get home.

Did she pack away all of her nice shoes yet? She might have to squeeze in a trip to the shoe store too-

"-Dr. Torres!"

"I have no time." Callie answered as she walked down the hall. She stabbed the button for the elevator. "Page Jacobson if it's urgent."

"I'm sorry?" She turned toward the voice and winced. "I'm sorry. I thought that you were looking for a consult." She smiled at the man in front of her. "Can I help you?"

"Actually, you can." The man, dressed in a suit and tie, smiled back. He reached into the briefcase he was carrying. "I have something for you." He produced an envelope and a clipboard. "If you could sign here, please."

Callie accepted the pen from the man and signed for the package. He handed it to her and inclined his head. The elevator doors opened, and she stepped in. "Thank you!" The doors shut.

By herself in the elevator, Callie put her phone back in her pocket and regarded the package in her hands. She opened it. A familiar letterhead greeted her. _DeMonte and Associates_.

The papers were here.

Flipping through the documents, she rubbed her forehead. Everything seemed like it was in order. All that was left for them to do was sign.

_Ding._

"Hey, Cal." Arizona stepped into the elevator. "Going up to Ortho?" Callie blinked, disoriented. "Um, no. Going to C.T. actually." She cleared her throat. "You?"

"I've got a consult with General. Meredith is meeting me up there." She looked over at the brunette. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Callie nodded. "Yeah, I was just- I heard from Catherine Avery just now. She wants me to come to some sort of function tonight." She shifted uncomfortably. "I was actually going to come look for you after I was done in C.T. I know it's my night with Sofia, but-"

"My shift ends at 5. I'll pick her up and take her home, no problem," Arizona answered.

"Oh. Good."

Arizona nodded. "Great." She glanced back toward Callie. "Are you sure that you're okay? You just seem a little...off."

"I just got the papers." Arizona stopped moving. Her eyes landed on the stack of papers in her hands. "Just now?"

Callie nodded. "It looks like everything is in order. All we really have left to do is...sign," she finished lamely.

"Oh." Arizona looked up at the ceiling. She blew out a breath. "Well. Um...do you want to do it a later today? I've got this consult now, but we can meet up a little later, during a break or something." She glanced at her watch. "I should be free in about three hours or so before I have to get to surgery."

"Right." Callie nodded again. "That should be perfect." The doors opened. Callie stuffed the papers back into the envelope. "I'll meet you down in one of the conference rooms on 4 around then." She backed out of the elevator. "See you then!"

The doors slid closed again. Arizona leaned against the wall and sighed. "See you then."

* * *

"You can come by next week? Great. I'll see you then." Callie hung up the phone. She had a contractor. At least one thing was looking up. She turned back to the chart in front of her and signed it. The Jacobs surgery had gone well last week, and post-ops vitals were good. Cristina had gone to discharge Mr. Jacobs and... She sighed.

Why was this case so hard for her?

A flash of blonde turned the corner. Her eyes followed it down the hallway and through another door.

"You look at her like…"

Cristina approached the desk and took a seat. She shrugged. "I don't know. You look at her the way I used to look at Owen."

"What?"

"Yeah. After the abortion. When he slept with someone else." She looked up at her friend. "Like she's the person that you knew, but she isn't. You look at her like you love her. Like you she ended your world. Like you want to kiss her."

She thought about that night, in Arizona's room. About the intimacy that they had shared. About the way that Arizona had kissed her. _I'm so grateful for the love that you gave me, showed me and I just-_

_Thank you for saving my life._

"You guys tried again," she said quietly. "How did you forgive him? Forgive him and not hate yourself for putting yourself in that position again? How did she do it? How did you do it?"

Cristina looked toward the hallway, to where the Chief of Surgery was giving orders to a nurse. "I don't know. Part of me wanted to hate him for what he did. Part of me hated him for what he did. But I understand it. There was no excuse for it, but I understand it. He was hurting, he couldn't deal with it, and he wanted to lash out." She sighed. "Afterward, I was leaving to go to Mayo, ditching Seattle for a fresh start, but..." she shrugged.

"He was still the person. He was still my person. And I never stopped loving him. After the plane crash, when I left, we were talking about the settlement and the hospital and _anything _but us. And then I came back, and I realized that I missed him. That I had forgiven him and wanted to try again. I had forgiven him." She looked away from the hallway to look at Callie. "Can you forgive her?"

She looked back at her friend. "I think that I can." She sighed. "That I have. And I'm afraid."

Cristina nodded slowly. "The thing about me and Owen is that there's something that we just can't get past. He wants children. And he deserves them. He would be a great father. The best. But, I don't want them. And I want to want them, for him, but doing that would change me, and I can't do that. I love him enough to know that he needs more, to know that we'll both be miserable. So I had to let him go." She put down her pen.

"You need to trust yourself. You know what you want to do, deep down." She stood up. "Just ask yourself: Are you ready to let go?"

* * *

Arizona walked down the hallway with her hands in her pockets. She scanned the doors around her for an empty room. Maybe there wouldn't be any, and they could just do this thing another day. _Stop._ She shook her head slightly. That was being selfish. Callie had made it clear that this was what she wanted, and she needed to respect that. No matter how she felt about it. Marriage was a two-way street. What kind of relationship would it be if there was one person who wanted to stay married and another who didn't? It wouldn't be one. It was just going to have to be enough to be Callie's friend. It was going to have to be enough being co-parents.

She spotted an empty conference room on her right, and opened the door. The room's silence greeted her as she closed the door. She moved toward the long table in the center of the room and took a seat. The consult earlier had taken much longer than she had expected. Her leg was killing her. She rubbed her face and glanced at the clock on the wall. Where was Callie?

The door opened and Callie stepped in. "Sorry I'm late." She walked into the room laden with bags.

Arizona shrugged. "It's fine. I just got here myself." She raised an eyebrow at the bags in her hand. "Shopping spree, Calliope?"

Callie sighed. "You have no idea. I had nothing to wear to thing tonight, so I had to go out on my lunch break and get this stuff." She moaned. "I should have told Catherine Avery that I was busy."

Arizona chuckled. "You just need to relax. I'm sure it will be fine."

Callie sighed. "I hope so." She tapped her fingers on the folder that she had placed on the desk. "I guess that we should get started." Opening up the folder, she handed Arizona a packet of paper. Arizona placed the papers on the table. They stared at them. The clock ticked overhead, _tick-tock, tick-tock_. Arizona picked up the first page and began to read. She flipped through the rest of the pages, reading as she went along. When she reached the end, she reached into her coat for a pen. She signed the papers and pushed them across the table. She stood up.

Callie shook her head as she headed for the door. "What, that's it?"

Arizona turned around. "What do you mean?"

"That's it? You just sign them?" She shrugged incredulously. "Like it's a chart? Just like that?"

Arizona furrowed her brow. "How else did you want me to sign them?"

"Don't make this a joke."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I don't understand. "Arizona shook her head. "What do you want from me?"

Callie stood up, angry. "I want you to act like this is a big deal. It _is_ a big deal. Is this not a big deal for you?"

"It _is_-"

"Then how are you just able to sign that? Like this piece of paper is all that we ever meant to each other?"

"Because I'm trying to do what you want here!" Arizona shouted. "Do you think that this is easy for me? Letting you go? It's not. It isn't. Every time that I see you, I want to tell you that I want another chance. Another chance to be with you, to go home with you, to be a family. Another chance to love you. I _love you_. I never stopped loving you, and that's never going to change." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "But I understand that you need to move on. You deserve to move on. So... I have to move on too. I have to let you go."

She looked at Callie, waiting for something. She didn't reply. Arizona glanced at her watch. "I'm due in surgery," she said quietly. "I'll see you later." The door closed silently behind her.

Callie stared after her. She looked back down at the papers in front of her.

_Are you ready to let go?_

She reached for a pen.


	49. Exhale

This is the **4th chapter of a 4 chapter update.**

* * *

"Good night, Sof." Arizona left the door open ajar as she left her daughter's room. She crept into the living room and collapsed onto the sofa. The surgery that she'd done with Alex this afternoon had been difficult. It had been all that they could do to get the little guy off of the table alive, and even now, the kid was going to have a tough road ahead of him. Assuming that he woke up from the coma. She sighed. In addition to almost being a disaster, the procedure had taken twice as long as it should have. And her leg was making its unhappiness known. She should really take the leg off and give her stump a good rubdown, but all of her stuff was across the hall. She glanced toward Sofia's door. She was out like a light. It wouldn't take that long to go over there, grab some stuff and come back. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen. She grabbed a monitor from an open box on the table and headed for the door.

There was a couple wrapped around each other at the end of the hallway. The woman was dressed in all white, her man in a tuxedo. They were newlyweds. She watched as he swept her into his arms, as they kissed under the light of the hallway. She watched them walk into their room as a couple. As a married couple. She thought back to her own day, how beautiful the day had been, despite the craziness that had surrounded it. She thought about their incredible wedding night. About being married. She took out her key card and opened the door to her room. She never thought that she would end up a divorcée. It was official. Or would be tomorrow. Or whenever the papers would be returned and filed. Soon, maybe.

Who knew?

She opened the door to her room and headed for her bedroom. She shook her head. _Her bedroom._ Speaking of being a divorcée, who would have thought that she would been one of those people living out of a hotel? Or that she'd be an amputee? Life was funny like that. She grabbed what she needed and turned off the light. She walked down the hall and closed the door again. She leaned against it and sighed.

Maybe if she had just told her sooner. It was easier, taking charge of what she was feeling, instead of burying them. She'd known that she was still in love with her, that she'd wanted her back, but she just hadn't wanted to push her too much. She looked around the room, at the boxes that were stacked everywhere. At the steps that Callie is making to move on with her life. She looked over at the pamphlets for apartments that she'd grabbed earlier this afternoon. She was moving on with her life too. They were moving on separately.

Maybe this was how things were meant to be.

She pushed off of the door and moved toward the couch. Unbuttoning her pants, she took them off, exposing the shorts that she wore underneath, and put them to rest on cushion next to her. She unfastened her leg and leaned it against the sofa. She tugged off her sock and leaned deep into the cushions. The cool air of the room brushed against her stump and she sighed. Finally.

The door burst open.

Arizona struggled to sit up. She looked over to the door.

Callie stood there, still dressed for formal. Her hair tumbled in waves over one shoulder, set off by the sparkling diamonds in her ears.

Wiggling to the end of the couch, she grabbed an end of the sofa and pushed herself upward. Her dress, a beautiful red dress that hugged very curve. Her heart catches in her throat because even though she didn't have a right to call her mine anymore, she still took her breath away. The air rushed out of her lungs.

"Calliope-"

"Shhh." Callie walked forward into the room and placed a sheaf of papers on the coffee table. Arizona turned to stare at them. Callie moved toward the window. She moved the drapes with her fingers, peering out into the street below.

"Do you remember what I said to you, the night I asked you about her? I was thinking about that today, after you left. I was looking at those papers and thinking about how angry you were. About how I thought that you hate me. About how I resented you, for what t you did to us, for what you did to me, to Sofia, to our family. I was looking at those papers and wondering how they could have defined a relationship, what we were to each other."

A car passed through the intersection and disappeared into the night.

"I had a case last week. This guy with a broken ankle. A woman was there with him. She was his ex-wife. He had cheated at her. I saw her and I didn't get it. How could she have forgiven him? I was wondering how I could forgive you for something that was so... And I wanted to hold on to that. I wanted to hold onto that, but even then..." she broke off, her last words hanging in the air.

"I couldn't sign it."

Callie turned around to face her.

"I couldn't sign it, because I think about us too. I think about being with you, going home with you, being a family with you . And I couldn't sign it, because I'm not ready to let you go."

Arizona turned to her, with hope in her heart. She spoke hoarsely. "What-what are you saying?"

Callie took a step forward. "I'm saying that I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or a day from now or next month or next week. I'm saying that I love you-

Arizona closed her eyes, tears slipping out from beneath her lids.

"And that I don't think that that's ever going to change. " She stood in front of Arizona and cupped her cheek. "I'm saying that I'm afraid. But I'm saying that I want to try." She nodded resolutely.

"I want to try again."

* * *

It's dark when you make your way back into the hospital. The ER has quieted down to a quiet murmur at four o clock in the morning and the residents there are playing cards. They nod at you in surprise and respect as you walk pass them and you nod back as you make your way to the elevator. _Ding_, it sings as you step into it. The machine whirs silently. The doors close and take you to your destination.

As the doors open, you slip the fancy shoes off of your feet and message your arches against. You slip them into your bag and walk calmly down the hallway in your stocking foot, looking from one door to another. Everything seems so clear, so in focus, and you walk with your head held high, dress bunched up in your hand, in confidence, in pride.

The notoriously abandoned on-call room on 5 is straight ahead and you approach it easily, with grace. The door twists easily under your hand, and you step just inside. The door clicks shut behind you. The room is dimly lit and nothing is at all the way you remember it, but then again, all that you remember of that day were feeling and sensations, were touches and gasps. Here, you remember not being able to catch your breath as the world crashed around you, as life had knocked you down _again_, as things no longer made any sense. Here, you remember hating and needing and wanting a minute for peace, a minute for space.

Today, you look around and you understand. You understand that the not breathing before was not just what had happened, was not just you or not just her, or you and her or your broken heart and shattered dreams. It was also your confidence, and your self-assurance,. It was your self-esteem and your strength. Now you have them back, and you can breathe easier because her or no her, they aren't going to go away again.

But_ her. _Being with her. It was hard to see her and not faintly see the woman who had literally picked her up from where she had fallen. See that smile, that super-magic smile that seemed like it was just for her and made her feel like, just once, just this time, she was worth it. It was also hard to not see the woman who had torn her life to shreds, had upended her world.

But you also see the woman that was trying. The woman that held dying children as they cried and was in love with life. You see the woman with the sadness lurking around her eyes. The woman with acceptance behind her eyes. A strength and a resolve that wasn't there before. This woman beautiful magical eyes, the amazing woman with the magic smile. And in her you see possibility, you see the possibility of a future and of a life. You see the possibility of love and happiness. You see hope.

Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn't.

There was no more pretending or ignoring or resenting. There was understanding and acceptance and strength. You take a deep breath and close your eyes.

It just felt good to just breathe.


	50. PS

**Mild spoiler alert** for the end of "Breathe." **If you haven't checked out the latest update, it is 4 chapters long and starts back at ch. 46 ("Real Estate")**. If you have finished the story, then this author note is for you:

So that's it. That's the whole shebang. Everyone is never really happy with the ending of a story, but that's okay. I know that things are not really resolved in a "they will definitely make it together" sort of way, but I feel like "Exhale" ties up this story well. Callie and Arizona are in a better place than they were before this whole thing. They've both started to heal from all has happened.

I think (hope) that I've developed them enough and have allowed them to move into better headspaces, and that hopefully they can make this work. In the end, that's all we can really hope for.

As always, I am grateful to the views, reviews, favorites and follows. Despite my major deletion 3/4ths of the way through, this was really a blast to write and I enjoyed sharing it with you. I really really want to give a big thank you to all of you out there who encouraged me to continue and ignore the people who were really cruel. It inspired me to finish, and having finished, I can say that I am truly better for it.

I am really proud of this fic and I stand by it.

Thanks again,

forensics226


	51. Update

Hi,

Someone brought to my attention that I skipped a chapter when I re-posted this story to this site. Because the chapter was more of an interlude than anything else (although the end hints at a theme that recurs through the rest of the story), I don't think that it took away too much from the fic as a whole if you happened to read the whole thing without it. However, I did put it back up, in it's proper place. The chapter is rated M and is called **Uneven.** It should be **chapter 19,** if you'd like to check it out.

Since posting the final chapter, I took a self-imposed exile from this site and the internet in general. I felt pretty drained after finishing, and I needed to take a break. Now, having logged back on, I'd just like to take the time to thank everyone who left a note or review about the story and shared their feelings about it. It's always cool to hear about what other people think, and I do like hearing what you think- what you liked, hated, what worked, what didn't- as long as it stays respectful. In answer to the messages about posting anything else, I'm not sure if I'll write anything else any time soon, but if I do, it'll definitely be up on A03, if not on here as well.

Things have been pretty busy lately, but I just caught up on what's been happening so far this season, and the whole Callie/Arizona story seems like it has the potential to be very rich and compelling. That's pretty exciting. Hopefully things turn out well for this couple, and if not, hopefully the conclusion that the writers reach will be satisfying.

I really want to see them work this out, though. :)

Thanks again for the views, reviews, favorites, and follows. I still can't believe that I finished this, and that anyone read it at all. Thank you so much!

Cheers!


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